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RAW emanated from Richmond, Virginia, the former capital of the Confederate States of America. Michael Cole and Jerry “the King” Lawler were on commentary.

HIGHTLIGHTS

Stone Cold Stunned Tough Enough Winner Andy Levine and then stunned The Miz and Michael Cole while serving as special guest referee.

R-Truth delivered another EPIC controversial promo and held his own in the ring with Stone Cold and Mr. McMahon…and also in a press conference with President Obama.

Booker T made an in-ring return, scoring the count-out victory over Jack Swagger.

Next week will be the three-hour RAW All-Stars, with Stone Cold Steve Austin as special guest General Manager.

MATCH SUMMARY

Santino Marella defeated Michael McGillicutty by pinfall.

Beth Phoenix and Kelly Kelly defeated the Bella Twins by pinfall.

Rey Mysterio defeated CM Punk by pinfall.

Kofi Kingston defeated Zack Ryder by pinfall.

Booker T defeated Jack Swagger by count-out.

R-Truth and The Miz defeated John Cena and Alex Riley by disqualification.

OPENING SEGMENT

Action began with recently-declared Tough Enough winner Big Andy Levine lying on the ground after being smacked in the mouth by Vince McMahon, who was there, live. Standing also in the center of the ring, Stone Cold Steve Austin, at first, looked surprised at McMahon as he helped Andy to his feet. He shook Andy’s hand and spoke some words to Levine, not releasing his handshake…you know what that means….Stone Cold Stunner, and Welcome to the WWE, you dumb sunnova Bitch!!! Andy landed outside the ring, composed himself, took his belt, and left. Thus ended this Tough Enough segment, which was leftover from Tough Enough as Stone Cold’s music hit.

Not to waste an opportunity with Mr. McMahon and Stone Cold in the ring, R-Truth came out. R-Truth temporarily nixed his minimalist entrance and, instead, came marching out to a brilliantly-chosen song. It was the song from the middle of Die Hard III, the tune that Liverpool fans sang about striker Fernando Torres, and best-known as the childrens’ ditty “The Ants Go Marching.” However, the original name of the song is “When Johnny Comes Marching Home,” and it was a song from the Civil War period (Thanks, Wikipedia!)…which tied directly into Truth’s promo.

Truth marched in a straight line, waxing on something about marching down, lil’ Jimmy, and conspiracies. He sang about these to the tune as he descended the ramp. Truth was dressed in Confederate Grays. The camera cut to Stone Cold, who was just looking at Truth and trying not to laugh. Stone Cold was speechless, for the first time ever. Truth began by saying that he was told to apologize for the events of last week. McMahon cut him off and reset the reason for the apology and showed the video package. Truth facetiously thanked McMahon for reminding everyone. Truth said that he would be the “good R-Truth” from now on. Truth, in his best 1850s southern dialect, apologized to Big Jimmy, Lil Jimmy, and apologized to the soda that he wasted, which was very refreshing.

Stone Cold then advised Truth to apologize for dressing like a jack-ass. Truth said that he’s dressed this way because he knows where he is: Richmond, the capital of the Confederate States of America, which was started by Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee (the general…not Robert Emmet Lee, former Chairman of the FCC under Lyndon Johnson), and a bunch of rednecks…just like all of you. When the crowd erupted in boos, Truth delivered his weekly admonishment not to boo him, but “Boo yourself!” R-Truth then made the point that the Confederates did have a good idea…secession. Tonight Truth was seceding from WWE Universe. At ringside, Cole exclaimed that it was brilliant…because it was. Truth then said not to “get it twisted.” He would still keep his title shot at Capitol Punishment. Truth then claimed that the WWE wasn’t making any more money off him…no action figures, no video games, no nothing’. Diddly Squat!

McMahon then made some jibes about the letter “R” being Truth’s first name, welcomed Truth to come to his office hours, and quipped, “Conspiracy, huh?” Outdoing himself in being just hilariously awesome, Truth then confirmed, “Conspiracy. C-O-N….” Truth could not spell the word!!!!!

Then, after Truth’s lack of spelling prowess was confirmed, The Miz came out and waxed on about how he would still be WWE Champion if it weren’t for the ungrateful and incompetent A-Ri. Miz said he deserved one last championship match. A-Ri’s awesome entrance music hit, and he came down to the ring and said one line before Cena’s music hit. As Cena came down to the ring, Cole pointed out that Truth technically did apologize; so he still would get his title match.

While Cena descended, Cole pointed out that Truth did, in fact, apologize, and will still get his title match. After some one-liners, Cena pointed out that Miz didn’t just lose, Cena made him say, “I Quit,” numerous times, and he would not be getting a title match. About R-Truth, Cena sarcastically said that anyone dressed like Truth is completely sane and sharp as a tack.

The GM’s e-mail notification sounded, and McMahon screamed (as only he can do), “MICHAEL COLE….SHUUUTTTTTTT UUUPPPPP!!” McMahon then set the main event of the evening: a tag-team match of R-Truth and The Miz versus A-Ri and John Cena…with special guest referee Stone Cold Steve Austin. Stone Cold did not seem amused, and he seemed to be slowly hunting McMahon around the ring to stun him as the segment came to a close with McMahon exiting the ring unharmed.

Santino Marella versus Michael McGillicutty

McGillicutty and Santino traded taunts to the crowd. After some initial action, Santino hit an Atomic Drop and then clotheslined McGillicutty out of the ring. After some more moves, Santino signaled the Cobra and sent McGillicutty lunging backwards in fear. Arm-drag take-downs by Marella were followed by an exchange of drop-kicks and a near-fall by McGillicutty. Santino went back to his trusty jab-jab-jab-hip toss combo. Santino then signaled to “raise the roof.” McGillicutty slid outside, and Kozlov then clotheslined Otunga outside the ring. McGillicutty ran at Santino, but Santino artfully dodged him. Santino signaled the cobra, hit it on McGillicutty, and scored the pinfall. Winner: Santino Marella by pinfall.

Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix versus The Bella Twins

Kelly Kelly and one of the Bellas started the match. Kelly Kelly began with some Sin Cara-esque moves that were indicative of her growing in-ring talent. Shortly thereafter, though, the Bella Twins gained control over her. During the WWE Divas matches, Cole and the King always use the time to talk about things other than the match. Tonight, they talked about some of the Bella Twins’ tweets about Kharma and some of the comments that JR had made about her during her run on Tough Enough. The King commented to just leave JR out of all this business, and Cole concurred. Back to the action, Beth Phoenix came in off the hot tag and dominated with power moves including clotheslines and a slingshot suplex. Kelly Kelly dispatched one of the Bellas with her running bulldog. Beth Phoenix then hit the Glam Slam on the other Bella and earned the three-count. Winners: Beth Phoenix and Kelly Kelly by pinfall.

Backstage, Booker T and Trish Stratus were backstage talking. Booker T said he wanted to show her a new move on which he had been working….the Trisharooni. As they were getting into it, Jack Swagger came in and said that, if he was training, then all fourteen would have been winners…an idea that seems incongruous with a show based on weekly eliminations. Swagger then said that he doesn’t think Booker is “Tough Enough,” and why doesn’t he get in the ring with an All-American American, if he thinks he still has it. Booker responded with his classic line, “He didn’t just say that. TELL ME…YOU DID NOT…JUST…SAY THAT.” Booker then warned Swagger that, after this is all over, he wouldn’t be running around the ring like a fool doing a victory lap. He’d only be askin’ one question: “CAN YOU DIG IT SUCKA!?”

CM Punk v. Rey Mysterio

CM Punk came out and sat Indian-style on the entrance ramp, flanked by Mason Ryan. Punk reminded everyone that he has defeated Mysterio 600+ times, and Mysterio has never defeated him. Punk was going to defeat Rey Mysterio just to show the power of New Nexxus, and his message inspired Michael Cole, as usual. Once both competitors were in the ring, Punk told Rey not to worry about him (Mason Ryan), but to worry about him (Punk’s foot). The match began with the two measuring each other and then a Punk side headlock, reversed after some time by Mysterio into a hammer lock. Punk reversed it with a stand-up Switch and secured a hammer lock of his own. Then, after some imaginative choreography, Mysterio ended up earning a near-fall on Punk. Punk escaped to the floor. Rey went for a baseball slide, but Punk caught his legs. Rey, however, reversed the reversal and executed a hurricanrana on the outside. Back in the ring, more locks, punches, and
exchanges of knees to the mid-section. Punk had Mysterio on his shoulders for GTS, but Mysterio held onto the ropes. Punk bumped him off his shoulders to the apron, and Mysterio then jumped to the top rope, but Punk kicked his legs out from under him and secured a near-fall. Punk and Mysterio then took a well-deserved rest by Punk sort-of bear-hugging Rey. Rey battled out with elbows until Punk hit a side suplex and earned a near fall. Punk questioned the speed of the ref’s count as he held Mysterio in body scissors. From the body scissors, Punk then reached and secured Mysterio’s head, but Mysterio started to fight back. Punk then whipped Mysterio into the corner, underneath the turnbuckle and into the steel post “spine-first.” Punk then scored a near-fall. Mysterio battled back, and Rey and Punk traded knees to the mid-section yet again. Punk then attempted a superplex from the top rope, but Mysterio fought him off, knocking Punk off
by punching his hands that were desperately holding on. Mysterio then hit a flying shoulder block from the top ropes. Both men were down, but both made it to their feet before Charles Robinson’s ten-count. Action then picked up in its intensity as Rey bounced off the ropes and hit a beautiful cross-body press. Two count. Rey Hurricanrana. Then, Punk delivered a power slam and expressed his frustration at the two-count. Punk stumbled to the center ring, lowered his knee pad for a move that he never ended up having the chance to use. Punk attempted a suplex but was kicked into 619-recepti position. Mason Ryan jumped to the ring apron to prevent Mysterio from connecting the 619. Mysterio paused. Mysterio then hit a DDT on Punk, followed by his top-rope body press and the pinfall. Winner by pinfall: Rey Msyterio.

After the match, Rey Mysterio celebrated all the way up the entrance ramp, and a visibly frustrated CM Punk remained in the ring.

Lawler and Cole set up another dream-sequenced Obama press conference promo for Capitol Punishment pay-per view. Lawler said that it would be nice if, in a press conference, the President told the truth. What followed was an exchange between R-Truth in the audience with members of the press asking President Obama questions with the Coors-Lite-esque answers inserted. The conversation between Obama and R-Truth took a funny turn when Truth suggested that Obama thought he would get a title shot at John Cena before Truth did, and Obama’s answer included symbolism of a boat that Truth clearly did not understand. This Capitol Punishment promo was better than those of previous weeks.

Backstage, Cena warned A-Ri not to leave him hanging during their match.

Alberto Del Rio came out and claimed that he has been slandered by the WWE Universe who was calling him a hit-and-run cheap shot artist. Del Rio claimed that the collision was an accident. Del Rio asked the Big Show to come out to the ring right now so that he could apologize to him. When Big Show did not appear, Del Rio said in classic Spanglish, “You’re afraid of me, don’t you?” Big Show’s music hit, and Ricardo Rodriguez came out dressed pretty accurately like Big Show. Del Rio claimed that Big Show was feigning injury so that he could avoid paying for the damages to Del Rio’s Ferrari. Del Rio admonished him, Cosas malas passan a la gente mala. The Essence of Excellence delivered a stern warning to the Big Show: Don’t make Del Rio your enemy, because if you do, you’ll get hurt because bad things happen to bad people.

Heel announcer Michael Cole then introduced a great video package of face Kofi Kingston, describing him as the future of Monday Night Raw. The video package, which was well-done, highlighted what Michael Cole calls “controlled frenzy.” Michael Cole calls it that.

After the commercial break, the WWE promoted its anti-bullying efforts.

Kofi Kingston v. Zack Ryder

Dolph Ziggler, dressed in his suit, was in the ring with Zack Ryder prior to the match. Ziggler and Vickie then joined the announce team for commentary on the match. Ziggler, with jokes, commented that a kid designed Kingston’s trunks. In the match, Kingston hit a spinning elbow to Ryder. Ryder smushed Kingston in the face, but Kingston unleashed an assault on him after that. Kingston ran to the corner and mis-landed on the top rope when Ryder avoided the move. During the match, the commentators were focused more on the Z True Long Island Stories. Ziggler said that he wanted Kingston’s U.S. Title and would be champion if they had been in a title match last week. Ziggler wasn’t even watching the match when the camera showed him. Ziggler wasn’t even watching the match. He was tweeting the whole time because “it’s his life.” Cole, of course, was fascinated by Ziggler’s tweeting prowess. King said that Vickie was like Paris
Hilton without the talent and that “You can’t tweet yourself to victory.” The match ended when Kingston mounted offense with series of drop-kicks, hit the Boom Drop, connected with the Trouble in Paradise, and earned the three-count. Winner: Kofi Kingston by pinfall.

Backstage, Miz and R-Truth were strategizing.

Booker T versus Jack Swagger

The match started with a hammer lock by Booker. An elbow by Swagger knocked Booker T back. After Swagger delivered some punches, Booker delivered a series of knife-edge chops to Swagger against the ropes, measuring each one. Swagger then clotheslined Booker over the top ropes and delivered a shoulder into Booker’s midsection against the barricade. On commentary during the match, the King just would not get off the topic of Cole’s fascination with tweeting and social networking. It seems like Cole reallllllly wants to ask people to follow him on Twitter, but was prevented from doing so. Back to the action, Booker tried his scissors kick off the ropes but missed. He did connect with his high heel to Swagger’s face. Swagger was knocked out of the ring and acted as if he was going to leave the ring. Swagger said repeatedly that he didn’t need this. Swagger was counted out. Winner: Booker T by count-out.

After the match, Evan Bourne came down to the ring and hit Swagger from behind. When Bourne suckered Swagger into the ring, Swagger was greeted by a boot from Booker T, followed by the scissor kick. Bourne then hit the Air-Bourne from the top ropes, and it seemed to hurt him more than it hurt Swagger. Bourne and Booker T then executed a double spin-arooni when they were alone in the ring celebrating.

John Cena and Alex Riley versus The Miz and R-Truth

Cena started out against The Miz. After starting with some mat wrestling, Cena had an arm-bar on the Miz. Cena tagged A-Ri, who was asking for the tag. Miz immediately ran away and tagged R-Truth. A-Ri squared off against R Truth, who did a split-like “Old-R-Truth” dance move to avoid a clothesline and bounced back to his feet. Truth then hit a niiiice hip-toss . A-Ri then got some advantage and executed a nice hip toss of his own. When A-Ri tagged Cena, Truth ran away and tagged Miz. Cena got some advantage and then ran to tag A-Ri, but Miz sprinted to his corner to tag Truth and then slid out of the ring. A-Ri chased Miz out of the ring and around to the other side. When he chased Miz back into the ring, Truth was lying in wait, delivering a stiff clothesline. After the commercial break, the Miz had a headlock cinched in on A-Ri. Miz bullied him into the corner, but A-Ri fought out of it by elbowing Truth before Miz regained the
advantage again. Firmly in control, Miz glared over at Cena. Miz continued with boots to A-Ri’s midsection in the corner until Stone Cold pulled Miz off. Miz was furious. Miz then missed with a shoulder block and lunged into the steel post. A-RI did his best to stretch to Cena for the hot tag, but a fresh R-Truth headed-off A-Ri. Truth then locked in a headlock on A-Ri on the opposite side of the ring. Truth then rained punches down on A-Ri lying in the corner until just before Stone Cold reached his five-count. Truth, from the second rope, tried a double axe handle but was greeted by A-Ri’s feet. A-Ri reached Cena for the tag at the same time as Miz was tagged in. Cena started with his trademark two shoulder blocks, suplex, and five-knuckle shuffle. He lifted the Miz for the Attitude Adjustment, but Truth kicked him in the midsection. Cena then knocked Truth out of the ring. Cena locked in the STF on Miz, but Miz made it to the ropes,
forcing Cena to break the hold at the five-count. Truth brought in a chair, but Cena drop-kicked the chair into Truth. A-Ri then brought in the briefcase, looked like he was going to hit Cena, but he hit the Miz. It didn’t knock the Miz down; so Stone Cold stunned him. Miz bounced up from the stunner like all great-sellers, and Cena administered the AA to him, securing the pinfall.

Stone Cold brought in beers for Cena and A-Ri. Cena celebrated in the ring with his beer and his title, with A-Ri backing up the ramp with his beer. At this point, the Anonymous General Manager e-mail notification sounded. The GM declared that the referee overstepped his authority by interfering in the match. Cena and A-Ri had been disqualified. Winners: The Miz and R-Truth by disqualification.

Also, next week Stone Cold will be the special guest General Manager for next week’s three-hour RAW All-Stars. Stone Cold asked the crowd if they wanted him to be the GM, then give him a “Hell Yeah.” Of course, they responded “Hell Yeah!!” Stone Cold then dragged Cole from the podium, punched him, and threw him in the ring. Stone Cold signaled for more beers from his professional beer-thrower…who never misses. Stone Cold then cracked two beers open and dumped them down the gullet of Michael Cole. Stone Cold then helped him up, only to deliver a Stunner. Cole bounced up from it pretty decently to set up Cena’s move. Cena lifted Cole, beer in hand, for the Attitude Adjustment. After the Attitude Adjustment, the King exclaimed that it was the greatest RAW ever. And the credits began to roll.

Cheers, Wrestling Fans!
The Drew
Follow me on Twitter @VanillaMandarin

Source: wrestlingtruth.com