11 July 2011, WWE RAW results
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RAW emanated from Boston, Massachusetts. Jerry “the King” Lawler and Michael Cole, who seem to be getting along swimmingly nowadays, were on commentary.
Highlights:
CM Punk and Vince McMahon had a live contract negotiation.
Vince McMahon apologized to CM Punk several times.
CM Punk received a face reaction from Boston crowd…while Cena received a heel reaction.
Raw’s MITB participants battled it out.
Alberto Del Rio seemed to have hit The Miz’ elbow awkwardly with a ladder…twice.
Match Summaries:
John Cena defeated David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty by pinfall.
Kelly Kelly defeated Melina by pinfall.
Kofi Kingston, Alex Riley, and Evan Bourne defeated The Miz, Jack Swagger, and R-Truth by pinfall.
The Big Show versus Dolph Ziggler and Drew MacIntyre: Double Count-out, or no contest?
Opening Segment:
CM Punk, a non-”The Departed”-owning superstar, came out to the ring with a megaphone, probably to ensure that he could not be cut off mid-promo. Punk sat down and began to speak. Punk was booed, but the crowd also booed when he said he had been suspended by McMahon. Punk was cheered when he said that, ultimately, he was suspended because he had the balls to say the things that other people don’t have the balls to say. The crowd then began chanting “CM Punk! CM Punk!” and gave him a great pop. Punk then told the crowd that McMahon desperately wanted to resign Punk and that he finally saw Punk for what he was: the hottest commodity in the wrestling industry. Punk also is the first person that was able to make the WWE relevant. Punk talked about how ESPN wants to get Punk on their radio shows (umm, I thought Jim Rome’s radio show was a Premier Radio Network show). If McMahon had treated Punk better over the course of five years, then
Punk would not have had as much ammunition to spew forth. Punk then suggested that, for the first time ever, McMahon and Punk have a live in-ring contract negotiation. Punk also suggested that McMahon would become the first member of the CM Punk Kiss My Ass Club.
At this point, John Cena came out, to a chorus of Boos. Punk thanked Cena for getting Punk reinstated for a job that he didn’t really want in the first place. Punk said that when he beats Cena, he is going to change the way the title looks, because Cena’s title has been far too ugly for far too long. Punk also reminded Cena that he should not be worried about being fired because he had been fired several months ago, and being fired lasted about seven days. Cena reminded Punk that he is no pushover. Punk and then Cena argued over who is the best in the world. Cena reminded Punk that a lot of people thought they were the best wrestler, and Cena beat all of them. Cena said he didn’t care what happened in Chicago…he was going there to whip Punk’s ass. The crowd gave Cena a huge pop for this.
At this point, the anonymous GM made an announcement, stating that McMahon was on his way to the arena to negotiate. Also, since it might be Cena’s last night on RAW, Cena should be in action, and his match would be next.
John Cena versus David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty
The match began a bit slowly with Cena and Otunga in the ring. They traded some moves until Otunga tagged-in McGillicutty. The two of them traded moves until Cena executed a hip toss and a drop kick on McGillicutty, knocking him out of the ring. After returning from commercial, we found out that all the good stuff happened during the break. McGillicutty had control of Cena in the center of the ring with a headlock. Cena tried to cinch in the STF, but McGillicutty kicked him away and into the opposing corner. Otunga was tagged in and continued to control the action as the King and Cole engaged in a lively debate about whether McMahon should place his faith in Cena or not. By the time the two were done talking, Cena hit a suplex on Otunga then hit his two shoulder blocks, his suplex slam, and the five-knuckle shuffle on McGillicutty. Cena lifted McGillicutty for an AA, but Otunga intervened. Otunga hit an atomic drop (that Cena did not sell) as
McGillicutty followed with a drop-kick, earning a near-fall. McGillicutty sat Cena on the top turnbuckle and went for a superplex that Cena blocked. Cena delivered two head butts, knocking McGillicutty to the floor. Cena then hit a leg drop to the back of McGillicutty’s head from the top rope and cinched in the STF. Just before McGillicutty tapped out, Otunga interfered. Cena then delivered an AA to McGillicutty, threw Otunga over the top ropes, and pinned McGillicutty for the victory. Winner by pinfall: John Cena.
Cole and Lawler set up a video package highlighting the Mark Henry / Big Show feud. I loved it when Henry said, “If you saw me in the street, you wouldn’t look at me cross cuz you know I’d break yo’ face.”
Backstage, Vickie and Dolph practiced what Dolph would say to him when Vince arrived. Dolph said that he should fire Punk and also fire Cena, because Dolph is the U.S. Champion. Vickie then did her Vince imitation, as she continues to be misused in a comedic role. Dolph said that McMahon is no longer Mr. McMahon and is just a shell of his former self. Also, he had bad breath, as Dolph, Drew MacIntyre, and Vickie one-upped each other in describing McMahon’s breath. Vickie laughed maniacally as Drew tried to signal to her that McMahon was approaching. McMahon approached, and the three of them acted very apologetically. McMahon set a handicapped match for Ziggler and MacIntyre against the Big Show and then asked for a breath mint, because he wouldn’t want to have BADD BREATH.
Kelly Kelly versus Melina
The Bella Twins were on commentary with the King and Michael Cole during this match. Melina looked awful. Melina began by kicking Kelly in the back and trying to tie her up by wrapping her own arms around her. Kelly reversed the momentum by doing a somersault-into-elbow into the corner and following it up with a Stinkface, which the Bellas said does stink. Kelly drove a leg drop into the back of Melina’s head and secured the pinfall. Winner by pinfall: Kelly Kelly.
After the match, the Bellas came into the ring and told Kelly that she needs to eat. Apparently, Kelly only eats one meal per month. They also said that underneath Kelly’s clown makeup was a face desperately in need of Pro-Active. Kelly was a “malnurtured nightmare,” or did she mean a malnourished nightmare?? Kelly attacked one of them, and a two-on-one beating ensued until Eve Torres intervened. Torres grabbed a Bella by the hair and delivered a series of punches until both Bellas double-teamed her.
Tomorrow, available on DVD is “Rey Mysterio, The Life of Masked Man,” featuring his story plus twenty-nine matches spanning twenty years.
The Miz came out to the ring came out to the ring and climbed the top of the ladder beneath the briefcase to cut his Money-in-the-Bank promo. The Miz will win, because he knows what it is like to take the MITB path to winning a WWE Championship. His opponents have come close, but none of them have done it. The Miz will show them all that he still has what it takes to be a champion. The briefcase is where the future happens, and the Miz is still the future. At this point, Jack Swagger came out and mocked the notion that the Miz is the future. Swagger reminded the Miz that he too had won a MITB and cashed it in for a World Championship. Miz then asked “Really?” nine times and asked if it really counted, since no one remembered it. Evan Bourne then came out and reminded the world why he is never allowed to hold the microphone and cut promos. Kofi Kingston then came out and said that he appreciated everybody’s confidence and then patronized
everybody by re-explaining what MITB is and what risks the MITB match entails. R-Truth came out…to no music…and reminded the world that two weeks ago, Truth beat John Cena two weeks ago, and all you Little Jimmies saw it. How is Truth supposed to climb a ladder and grab a briefcase when he’s got… (pause)…acrophobia. Truth said the conspiracy knows that he’s afraid of heights…and there better not be any spiders around the base of the ladder. And, if he opens the briefcase and there are spiders in it, then the briefcase is gonna get got. Alex Riley then came out and ran out straight for the Miz. Immediately following, Alberto Del Rio then came out in a 2011 Mercedes. From his car, Del Rio reminded everyone that he won the #1 Contender’s Match last week and he shouldn’t have to climb the ladder. Del Rio said that John Cena feared Del Rio. On Sunday, Del Rio will show each and every one of them about Del Rio’s destiny.
At this point, the anonymous GM e-mailed Michael Cole, acknowledged that Del Rio had a point, and then set a six-man tag team match among the six MITB participants currently in the ring.
The Miz, Jack Swagger, and R-Truth versus Alex Riley, Kofi Kingston, and Evan Bourne
Swagger began against Bourne. Bourne had the upper hand, but Swagger tagged-in the Miz, who held the advantage over Bourne. R-Truth was tagged in and did a weird spin prior to dropping a high standing leg drop. Truth then held a chinlock on Bourne. Truth then dropped Bourne with a face buster, earning a near-fall. Truth then held a front facelock on Borne, preventing him from reaching his corner. Truth then dropped Bourne with his suplex-into-a-stunner, earning another near-fall. Truth then choked Bourne in the ropes. Bourne then hit Truth in the chin with a high knee, knocking him out. Kingston was then tagged in and delivered a series of dropkicks to Truth and a lariat. Kofi then hit the boom drop. Kofi then signaled for Trouble in Paradise but elbowed Swagger outside the ring instead. With Kofi in the corner, Truth charged at him, only to run into Kofi’s boot to the head. Kofi then hit a high cross body press and earned a near fall.
Truth then charged at Kofi, knocking him between the ropes and out of the ring. Back from commercial, The Miz went for a near-fall against Kofi Kingston. Miz and Truth then double-teamed Kofi, delivering a suplex and earning a near fall. Truth then put head scissors on Kofi, who struggled to get free. Truth then tagged in Swagger. Kofi then fought out of the corner with a series of kicks to both Truth and Swagger. Truth and Swagger went for a double suplex on Kofi, but Kofi turned this into a double-DDT. A-Ri was tagged-in, and he entered by spearing Swagger. Some moderate chaos ensued, clearing the ring. Swagger went for his stupid-looking Vader Bomb, but A-Ri blocked it by kicking Swagger in the face, earning the pinfall. Winners by pinfall: Kofi Kingston, Alex Riley, and Evan Bourne.
In the post-match, Miz hit the SKF on Riley. Kofi drop-kicked Miz out of the ring. Truth clotheslined Kofi over the top rope, and then Bourne kicked Truth square in the jaw. Bourne went to the top rope, but Alberto Del Rio knocked him off the turnbuckle and down to the floor. Del Rio then grabbed a ladder and slid it into the ring. He hit Swagger, Riley, Truth, Kingston, and the Miz with the ladder, and then he threw the ladder down to the floor, hitting the Miz in the elbow with it. Del Rio stood center-ring as his music played.
The McMahon-Punk-Cena controversy was reset.
Dolph Ziggler and Drew MacIntyre versus The Big Show
First-off, it’s nice to see “The Chosen One” back on prime-time TV. He belongs here. Ziggler was poised to begin the match, when he immediately tagged-in MacIntyre. Big Show dominated MacIntyre early with punches and clothes-lines. Drew always looked great taking a beating on Smackdown, selling the moves of his opponents. He continued this tonight. Big Show tossed MacIntyre into the barrier, as Ziggler hid behind the ring. Big Show tossed MacIntyre up the entrance as the bell sounded. Show then rammed Drew’s head into the WWE signage atop the ring entrance. Ziggler did nothing to help his partner. Show grabbed Drew by the hair, grabbed him by the neck, and lifted him for a choke slam. As he raised Drew up in the air, Mark Henry charged the Big Show and speared his back, knocking all three men off the entrance ramp and through something that was set up on the floor. After the impact, Big Show and Mark Henry cuddled with each other for
several minutes…almost spooning. Winner of the match: I assume it was a double count-out.
PLEEEAAASE let this event sow the seeds of a Dolph Ziggler v. Drew MacIntyre feud!!
Highlights from previous MITB matches were shown, and it was quite spectacular to see some of the crazy, high-risk maneuvers and high-impact ladder shots.
Mr. McMahon came out to the ring, carrying a folio with him. McMahon wanted a bigger pop from the crowd; so he made four re-entrances. The big pop never materialized, though. McMahon shook the hand of a little girl in the front row, but he ignored Michael Cole when Cole eagerly greeted the Boss as the Boss walked by the announce table. In the ring, Vince said, “I’m Vince McMahon, Damn it! Let’s hear it!!” Decent pop. McMahon said that he would never become a member of the CM Punk Kiss-my-ass club. McMahon said that contracts should not be negotiated in public, but McMahon invited Punk out to the ring, mumbling that they got the “punk” part of his name right. Punk came out and entered the ring, and he too had a folio in his hand. McMahon offered Punk his hand, but Punk did not take it. McMahon sat down in the chair and opened up the contract, stating that Punk’s lawyers have looked it over. The contract contains the provisions
requested by Punk, namely that he get his own commemorative cup. McMahon could not help but smirk at mentioning the commemorative cup. Punk was surprised by McMahon’s eagerness to sign him, since McMahon was such a supporter of Cena. Punk realized that McMahon had no faith in Cena. McMahon answered that he wanted Punk to sign the contract, but for the right reasons. It’s good business, and Punk will be, once again, a rich man. Also, McMahon did not want Punk winning the title and bringing it somewhere else. McMahon called Punk “Phil” and asked, “Can I call you Phil?” McMahon and Punk were both kind-of laughing and seemed to be enjoying themselves during this event. Punk said that his lawyers looked over the contract, have found it lacking, and have drawn up a new one. McMahon said not to push him. Punk then revealed that Provision #1 of the contract was that Punk was allowed to push McMahon. Next, Punk said that first-class
travel was not good enough. Next, Punk wanted his own jet…and not McMahon’s smelly jet. He wanted his own new private jet. Punk wanted his face on everything…the turnbuckle, spoons, forks, cups, everything. Next, Punk wanted McMahon to bring back the WWE Ice Cream bars. This got a HUGE pop from the crowd. Next, WWE Productions was to begin production on the CM Punk life story. Next, for the WrestleMania main event John Cena against The Rock, McMahon can still have that match, but Punk’s match will be the main event of WrestleMania. Finally, McMahon must apologize to Punk for suspending him…no…apologize to the people for being a hypocrite. Punk said that McMahon was a big bully, despite the WWE’s anti-bullying campaign. Punk said that McMahon owes Punk an apology on behalf of Colt Cabana and Luke Gallows and all the people that McMahon unceremoniously fired because McMahon does not understand what it takes to be a superstar in
2011. McMahon responded by trying to calm down Punk and saying that the two of them should be gentlemen. Punk put the question to the crowd. Gentlemen, or apologize? Vince then once again tried to calm Punk down, but Punk flipped over the table. Vince stood up and addressed some people chanting in the crowd by saying he didn’t give a damn what the people thought. Punk said that that’s the problem…that Vince is out of touch with what the people want. Punk may not be liked, but he is in touch with what the people want. McMahon then apologized numerous times, as the crowd pleased Punk by chanting “Colt Cabana!” As McMahon signed the contract, John Cena came out and grabbed the microphone. Cena looked at McMahon, and addressed Punk. Cena then told McMahon that he can sign Punk if he wanted to give in to a terrorist. (Really, Cena? A Terrorist??) Cena then agreed that he hated McMahon too, but he still showed up for work. Punk was
the biggest hypocrite of them all because he asked the crowd to get him a contract…and then he will leave. The Rock did the same thing. The Rock said that finally he was home and that he would never leave…and then he left again. Cena said that Punk is making McMahon agree to things that he can’t deliver because the only thing Punk is interested in is taking the WWE Title and leaving with it.
Punk then interrupted and said that Cena is the one who has lost sight of what he was. Cena always valued being the underdog…but Cena is no longer the underdog. Cena is the ten-time champion. Cena has become the thing that he hates most. Cena is the proverbial “Man.” Punk compared Cena to the City of Boston. All of Boston’s sports teams have always claimed to be the underdog…The Red Sox, the Bruins, the Patriots, and even the Celtics…yet all four of them have won championships in the 2000s. Punk declared that those teams have become the Yankees, and Cena is Steinbrenner or Derek Jeter. Cena then hit Punk, and Punk left the ring.
Cena’s music hit, and Punk sat down at the entrance and had Cena’s music cut. Punk said that he realized why he wanted to leave. He was tired of Cena, tired of everything. Punk told Cena to say goodbye to the WWE Championship, told the fans to say goodbye to John Cena, and told them to say goodbye to CM Punk, as he ripped up the contract. Punk said that he will be the best in the world somewhere else. Cena was left standing in the middle of the ring. And the credits began to roll.
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