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Michael Cole, Booker T and Jerry Lawler are on duty for commentary tonight. And they all look LOVELY.

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: THE MIZ & R-TRUTH VS. AIR BOOM (KOFI KINGSTON & EVAN BOURNE) (CHAMPIONS)
I do like The Miz and R-Truth as a team. If only for Truth getting his old music back, and replacing ‘wassup?’ with ‘YOU SUCK!’ which was rather amusing. The Miz could have had a bit more input though, but perhaps they’ve not been together long enough for him to have rehearsed the song yet. But what could their name be? ‘The Little Jimmies’ would be my favourite. Oh God, now we have Bourne and Kingston (which sounds like a brewery firm and probably why they chose Air Boom as a team name). They’ve even got nice matching tights – aww. I hope Miz and Truth kick their asses tonight – Kingston and Bourne are just a bit “nice”. Kingston and Miz kick us off; Kingston is forced into a corner early on, but tags Bourne in quickly for a nice double team move. A quick two-count for Bourne and the tags are racking up pretty quickly. Kingston and Bourne blatantly steal a Hardy Boyz move, before Miz tags Truth in, who gets hit with another double team move. Kingston and Bourne hit simultaneous cross body blocks off the top rope, and Bourne hauls Truth back in, but fails to pin him. Finally, Truth gets some kicks and punches in on Bourne before choking him on the ropes, with a nice kick to the face from Miz. If it takes cheap shots to get the tag team titles, then so be it. A two-count on Bourne from Miz, before Bourne reverses a reverse chin lock, but is put straight back down. Truth is tagged in again, and Bourne is floored by a double shoulder block. Truth and Miz are now settling into the match, and trying to wear down Bourne. Bourne gets a suplex out of nowhere, and both he and Truth are down, with Truth getting the tag first, and preventing Bourne from tagging Kingston in. Miz rains some kicks down on Bourne, before Bourne fights back and tags in Kingston, who opens up on Miz with some acrobatic offence. He hits the Boom Drop, and then takes Truth out, and hits the SOS on Miz, getting a very close fall. Miz reverses a suplex, and distracts the referee while Truth hangs Kingston on the top rope. Miz hits a hideous looking DDT type move, but he can’t get the fall on Kingston. Kingston crawls through Miz’s legs and Bourne bursts into the ring, apparently without a tag, which Miz complains to the referee about. Bourne takes advantage and tries to roll Miz up, and then mounts the turnbuckle to hit an Airbourne, which Miz avoids. Bourne kicks out of another DDT from Miz, after intervention from Kingston. Truth tries to get in the ring, and Miz finally hits the Skull Crushing Finale, but Truth appears to be distracting the referee by mistake, so there was no count. Miz once again confronts the referee, shouting at him about not making the count, before shoving him to the ground and earning Air Boom a disqualification victory!
WINNERS BY DISQUALIFICATION: AIR BOOM (TITLES RETAINED)

Miz is distraught and cannot believe it, and once again stalks the referee. He pushes him over again, and Truth tries to calm him down and get him to focus. Truth helps the referee to his feet before flooring him again. Both men then rant about the ‘conspiracy’. Not sure about you, but I can’t see these two lasting too long in a tag team.

Ooh goodness, a trailer for Paul Levesque’s new movie! I for one can’t wait, but am at the same time disappointed it’s not The Chaperone 2. Instead, it’s called ‘Inside Out’. Backstage, Miz and Truth are still complaining, and Matt Stryker tries to interview them – Truth tries explaining that he didn’t put his hands on a referee; it was a conspirator, apparently. They also say they’re not worried about what action Triple H might take against them, seeing as he ‘might not be COO by the end of the night’.

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: CODY RHODES (CHAMPION) VS. TED DIBIASE
Cody comes to the ring with his ‘bag men’. We get a recap from Smackdown of Ted kicking off against Rhodes from the crowd. Nice to see Rhodes’ face is still utterly unafflicted by his supposed injuries…Ted comes down looking like a man possessed, but perhaps he couldn’t find his Coco Pops backstage. You have to feel for DiBiase, he’s really not lived up to his dad, has he? In fact, has he won ANYTHING since he arrived in WWE? Well, this is his chance, so let’s see how he does. Both men lock up, with Rhodes berating the crowd. DiBiase is grounded, but holds his own against the champion. It’s a back-and-forth opening to the match, which sees Rhodes scurrying about to try and stop the flurry of attacks. DiBiase floors Rhodes with a nice clothesline, and gets a two count. Cole confirms that DiBiase has lost his way, which is what we’ve all thought. Saying that, he’s taken the advantage here, and is probably winning on points right now. Is Rhodes allowed to use his mask as a weapon? I’m sure he got a cheeky head-butt in there. Again, Rhodes tells us all to ‘put the bags on’. Rhodes is back in control now, landing some big kicks on his former team mate. He lands a nice inverted suplex, and is getting some more technical moves in now. Perhaps when he’s done with it, he can auction his protective mask off on eBay? It’s fair to say that the match hasn’t really sparked yet, although Rhodes now has DiBiase laid out on the ropes. Cole tells us that Rhodes’ mask is ‘WWE approved’, which I guess makes it OK for him to bash people with it. Nice backbreaker move from DiBiase, right before he misses a dropkick. Cody sounds a bit drunk as he slurs “I’m the intercontinental champion…not Ted!” which is rather amusing. He locks DiBiase up in a punishing looking submission, but I don’t think we’ll see the end just yet. Rhodes lands a nice dropkick, before he gets a two-count in a bid to retain the gold. Predictably, the “BOOORING!” shouts have begun, so the crowd are thinking the same as me, I think. DiBiase is gaining a little momentum now, hitting an atomic drop and slapping Rhodes round the face. Rhodes is hit with a wicked spinebuster, but it’s only another two count. There’s some commentary controversy as Cole berates Booker for thinking DiBiase’s spinebuster was a sidewalk slam, which Cole found unbelievable. DiBiase sets Rhodes up on the top rope, before he’s pulled off by his arm. DiBiase grabs at Rhodes’ mask, yanking it off, and threatening him with it. Rhodes ducks his attack though, and rolls DiBiase up with a handful of tights to retain his belt. Perhaps he’ll now ditch the mask? Although to be fair, he could have won this match just as well by letting DiBiase batter him with it.
WINNER BY PINFALL: CODY RHODES (TITLE RETAINED)

DiBiase looks all pissed off in the ring, probably at the WWE creative department who have made him lose AGAIN.
There’s an advert featuring Rey Mysterio on next, for some sort of Laser Quest style game you can play at home. Although I’d not want to play it with Mysterio, as he’d be leaping about all over the place trying to 619 me, which is surely against the rules of such a game. We get an outside view of the First Niagara Center, which to me looks a bit like a multi-storey car park. The Spanish commentators gabble on for a bit, before Christian’s music hits, and the whinging Canadian makes his way to the ring. He’s here to tell us what he’s been up to. He’s been chatting to Teddy Long and Triple H, and they’re too self-absorbed to do the right thing. Presumably, that means Christian will instead. He feels he deserves one more match to become the World Heavyweight Champion. Umm…right. He says whoever wins the Orton vs. Henry match, he should get to face them straight after the match. Um…OK. Perhaps he ought to get his ass to the back of the line and beat a few more people first? He leads the crowd on a chant of “one more match” before Sheamus comes out, having had enough. And top-of-the-mornin’ to ya, he’s not even dressed for the ring. Sheamus asks what the craic is, and that this is indeed Night of Champions, not one for such cry-babies as Christian. I think we’re getting a Sheamus vs. Christian feud brewing here, which Sheamus sets up by saying if he helps Christian get a rematch for the title; he has to promise Sheamus will be his first opponent. Christian agrees, and Sheamus begins chanting, before planting a massive boot into Christian’s face. “Maybe not” Sheamus says with a smirk, before leaving the ring.

Another advert, this time for Randy Orton’s documentary DVD. There seems to be more and more adverts on WWE pay-per-views recently, which is sort of annoying. Especially as the Orton DVD has been out for a while now. Anyway, gripe over.

WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP FATAL FOUR WAY MATCH: JOHN MORRISON VS. ALEX RILEY VS. JACK SWAGGER VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/ VICKIE GUERRERO) (CHAMPION)
This is Riley’s first title match in the WWE, so it will be interesting to see how he does. I’d like to think Swagger will have this one in the bag, but I doubt I’ll get my wish. The bell rings, and it’s a cagey start before Swagger and Morrison and Riley and Ziggler pair off. Morrison pummels Swagger on the turnbuckle, before Swagger and Riley are left in the ring. Swagger gets some shots in, keeping Riley grounded. Riley grabs an early pin opportunity, before Ziggler gets to his feet only to narrowly avoid a body block from Riley. Morrison sneaks in the ring and gets a near fall on Swagger. He levels Jack with a big kick to the face, and Ziggler is back in action only briefly before being sent to the outside again. Morrison and Swagger are now the only men in the ring, before Swagger hip-tosses Morrison over the ropes to the outside. Ziggler and Swagger face off, with Vickie yelling encouragement at Dolph. Swagger is left alone in the ring before Riley lands a massive move before Vickie pulls Swagger’s leg onto the ropes. Ziggler lands a dropkick to Riley’s back, before Morrison launches an attack and gets a two-count. Morrison and Ziggler face off, with Ziggler hitting a leg drop to the back of the head and getting a two-count. Ziggler gets floored by a European Uppercut from Morrison, before being placed on the top turnbuckle. He goes for a superplex, but Ziggler fights back and leaves Morrison hanging. Riley leaps onto the turnbuckle, but Morrison pulls Riley off the ropes, before Swagger runs and throws Ziggler off the top rope. Morrison’s knee looks to be affecting him, as the other three men are down as well. Swagger and Riley are trying to get to their feet in the ring. Morrison is back up however, and lands a sequence on Riley and Swagger. Morrison hits a big tornado DDT, then a bizarre back-flip move on Riley, but can’t get the three count. Morrison sets Riley up for Starship Pain, but Riley gets his knees up. Ziggler is back in the ring and plants a sleeper hold on Morrison, as Swagger applies the ankle lock on Riley – the referee has a huge job on trying to work out who might submit. Somehow, Ziggler and Morrison are sent out the ring and Riley nearly grabs an upset victory by pinning Swagger. Swagger reverses Riley’s move into the ankle lock and Swagger also lands his Powerbomb on Morrison. As he’s about to pin him, Ziggler explodes into the ring, shoves Swagger off Morrison and gets the pin-fall! Great sneaky victory! You have to feel for Swagger though, he had that match won.
WINNER BY PINFALL: DOLPH ZIGGLER (TITLE RETAINED)

PS: I think John Morrison has to be the natural heir to Shawn Michael’s ‘kip-up’ move, where he springs back to his feet after being on his back. Anyone disagree?

Nice to see Ziggler’s hair growing back, by the way. He can just about get away with doing that ‘sweat flick’ move he does so well. Work experience lad Josh Matthews is interviewing Mark Henry backstage – Mark is about nine times bigger than Josh – and what’s Josh’s first question? ‘Can Henry win the title or has his time gone?’ – yeah, nice one, Josh. Matt Stryker, meanwhile, gets lumbered with Wicked Witch of the WWE, Vickie Guerrero. Seriously, was she this annoying when Eddie was alive?

It’s Hell in a Cell in two weeks, folks! Get the Sky Plus box ready! A recap now of the Henry vs. Orton feud leading to tonight’s match. It’s nice that Henry is getting a push at this level now – being a loyal employee for so long obviously reaps its rewards, eh? Saying that, can you really see Orton dropping the belt to Henry? I mean, one has his own DVD documentary, and one used to be known as Sexual Chocolate… (it was a better name than Dairy Milk, I suppose)

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: MARK HENRY VS. RANDY ORTON (CHAMPION)
Henry made his debut in 1996, which is quite unbelievable, really. Henry has the sort of beard that Randy Orton can only dream of – seriously, Orton needs to adopt this man as his facial hair role model. Orton predictably comes out to a big reaction, meandering down the entrance ramp as leisurely as a snail. You know I mentioned John Morrison has inherited Shawn Michaels’ kip-up move? Well, Randy Orton has surely inherited The Undertaker’s penchant for taking about half-an-hour to reach the bloody ring. I just typed all of this paragraph, and Orton is still only just about to get in the ring. Speed it up, Randall, come on…he seems to have trimmed his beard as well, which can’t be a good omen. He’s also not taken his eyes off Mark Henry yet, and it takes a bit to stare that man out! Have they re-done the World Heavyweight belt? It seems to have red leather on the back now, which looks quite nice. The referee checks the boots, probably to check Henry doesn’t have any candy bars in them, and rings the bell. Measured build up to the match, and Henry shoves Orton into the turnbuckle. Orton comes back with some blows to the head, before attacking the knees. He gets Henry down, before concentrating on his legs and ankles, which is as good a plan as any. Henry gets straight back up though, and Orton uses Henry’s own momentum to throw him through the ropes. Henry, frustrated, attacks the announcer’s desk. Henry hoists Orton high into the air, but Orton reverses. Henry reverses an RKO attempt, and downs Orton with a big boot. Orton is now being flung into the turnbuckles like a rag doll, before trying for the World’s Strongest Slam. Orton leaps onto Henry’s back, and slaps a sleeper hold on him. He guides him back to the turnbuckle and hammers away, before Henry batters Orton in the face and knocks him to the outside. He needs to be careful he doesn’t get a count out, however – a point Cole reinforces about half a second after I typed it. I THOUGHT OF THAT FIRST, COLE! Orton is rammed into the ring apron, before being dumped unceremoniously into the ring. Henry is dominating now, and even has time for a breather, before stretching Orton out on the ring-post, which actually looks genuinely painful. Perhaps Orton’s best game plan now could be to run around the ring, wear Henry out, then bop him in the face and pin him. Henry lands a big splash and a two-count on Orton, who mounts a brief fight back, before getting put on his back again by the big man. I really wouldn’t like to be in the ring with him. Orton is staggering around like he’s about to have a heart attack, and Henry really isn’t having to rush in this match, as he kneels down and chokes Orton out as he mocks him. Orton lands some blows on Henry as he tries to get back into the match, but he can’t get Henry down. Orton avoids another big splash, and looks thankful he did. He pummels Henry in the corner, before the referee breaks it up. Orton hits a clothesline but it takes two of them and a dropkick to floor him again. Henry tries to roll out the ring, but gets caught in the DDT from the ropes move, but Orton is forced off him. Henry hits a huge World’s Strongest Slam, which the champ kicks out of on two. He’s looking like a frustrated man right now, and drags Orton into the corner before he mounts the turnbuckle. Orton gets his feet up and kicks him in the face, before hitting a DDT, before limbering up for the RKO by slamming the floor with his fists. Again though, Henry tries to roll out the ring, but now he has Henry in position for the Ropes DDT again and plants him. A cover gets a two, before the referee sees Henry holding the ropes. Orton backs off and tries to clear the cobwebs. Henry pulls Orton onto the ropes, buying him a bit more recovery time. Orton’s leg is causing him pain now after a big kick from Henry, who keeps up the punishment – all the while with a look on his face like someone has just farted on his balls. Orton’s RKO attempt is reversed with authority, before he drops Orton with a massive World’s Strongest Slam and gets the win! A first World Heavyweight title for Mark Henry – well done, that man!
WINNER BY PINFALL: MARK HENRY (NEW CHAMPION)

Booker T does a bit of sucking up to Henry by clapping him – and face it, wouldn’t you if you had him standing in your face? It was certainly a win he’s been waiting for. Josh Matthews, true to his word, comes to the ring to interview the new champion. Mark Henry says Josh didn’t believe he could do it, and shouts at the crowd for cheering him. He calls us all haters, and welcomes us all to ‘the hall of PAIN!’ and sounds a lot like Mr. T in the advert for Snickers. In fact, what a tag team that’d be – Henry and B.A. Barracus! They could be called The Crazy Fools and everything!

We’re backstage with Alberto Del Rio, Ricardo Rodriguez and John Laryngitis, who is saying something, but I can’t tell what the bloody hell he’s on about because of his husky voice. Seriously, is Laryngitis alright? CM Punk comes out of nowhere and has a go at him, to which Laryngitis says something like: “hurrrrr, aaaauurrrrr, haaaaaauggh” before Punk walks off.

WWE DIVA’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: KELLY KELLY (W/ EVE) (CHAMPION) VS. BETH PHOENIX (W/ NATALYA)
Bloody hell, its Jerry Lawler’s favourite part of the night. Why don’t they just let him jack off while the women’s match is on, he sounds like he’s about to anyway. At least Phoenix is in the match, and she’s a welcome relief from the girlie-girlie peroxide Barbie dolls who otherwise make up the Diva’s division. Here’s hoping she kicks Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly’s ass. She’s quite butch up close, isn’t she? I’m not sure who I’d rather annoy – her or Mark Henry. I’m not comparing Mark Henry to Beth Phoenix there by the way. Nice lighting in the arena tonight, and there’s a crowd chant of “Kelly sucks!” going on already. I really don’t know why I bother reporting on Diva’s matches. I’ve said it before – it’s not a sexist thing – the matches are just terrible. Really terrible. There’s at least a bit of spanking going on in this one. Another thing – why don’t they have women referees for Diva matches? I thought that might have been a way to make the WWE more of an equal opportunities employer. Lawler tells Phoenix not to catapult Kelly into the bottom rope, which I was surprised about, as that move would have given Lawler a cracking view of Kelly’s rack. It’s worth telling you at this point I am reporting this pay-per-view while wearing a skeleton design sleep suit I bought in Liverpool this past weekend; it’s very comfortable. I thought I’d share that as nothing really inspiring is happening in the match so far. Blows have been traded, and Kelly Kelly looks a bit like a magician’s assistant for some reason. A bad magician, obviously. Come on Beth, let’s get this match put to bed, then we can all go home that much quicker. The crowd appear to be chanting “let’s have waffles” but I’m sure that can’t be it. Beth Phoenix looks like she’s wearing leopard print knickers, which is nice. I must get some. Both women are laid out after a superplex from Beth on Kelly Kelly. I’m surprised Lawler hasn’t leaped into action and given them both mouth-to-mouth. Come on girls, seriously, get it over with already. Oh, Kelly Kelly has won by doing something – my attention was occupied by a piece of wood resting against a radiator that was slowly warping in real time.
WINNER BY PINFALL: KELLY KELLY (TITLE RETAINED)

What was the point of having Eve and Natalya at ringside for that match? Really? Jesus I hate Kelly Kelly. We get a ‘Do Not Try This At Home’ advert, presuming you have access to a full ring set up, a 14000 seater arena and a three-man commentary team. Time to see if Cena can weasel himself another weak WWE title reign by beating Alberto Del Rio as we get a nice nostalgic recap of the past holders of the belt. I do like Del Rio as champion, but I hate the way they wheel Cena out to ‘do the right thing’ and take the title away from the nasty bad-man. As I’m terribly sad will happen this evening. I’m not disputing Cena has been in some decent matches, but it’s the moral high-ground I hate, as he takes the side of the people.

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ALBERTO DEL RIO (W/ RICARDO RODRIGUEZ) VS. JOHN CENA
No flash car for Del Rio tonight, as he strides down to the ring looking like a man who forgot to bring his wallet out with him. He has a go at Rodriguez in Mexican, apparently telling him that rather than his wallet, he’s forgotten his car keys. However, it seems like it’s Cena who has Del Rio’s car, a rather sexy yellow Ferrari. Cena bursts in the ring, causing Del Rio to high-tail it to the outside and curse at him under his breath. It’s that smug smile Cena always has on his mug that annoys me so much. It was great last year when he was forced to be in The Nexus, and looked as miserable as a wet Wednesday in Hull. The ring announcer starts Del Rio’s intro, but Del Rio stops him and tells Rodriguez to introduce him ‘the right way, in Spanish’. He is rather good at ring introductions – WWE should hire Rodriguez as a permanent fixture. Imagine it – “JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENA!” It’d be amazing. Cena doesn’t endear himself to me at all by going all ‘moral’ on us again, telling Del Rio he’s basically a big bully and not all that, before introducing himself. Cena predictably gets the early push on Del Rio, who scurries back to Rodriguez in the corner. Cena laps up some ‘Cena sucks’ chants, before Del Rio takes another time out. Del Rio seems greatly amused by the ‘Cena sucks’ chants, and lays into the challenger with some kicks, but Cena just keeps coming back at him, hitting a bulldog, before Ricardo Rodriguez is sent backstage by the referee. Not sure why he’s done that, he wasn’t hurting anyone. Cena lands a flurry of punches, but gets caught in the corner with a kick to the ribs. A deafening ‘let’s go Cena…Cena sucks’ chant erupts as Del Rio grounds Cena with a double axe-handle to the head and a near fall. Del Rio has a chin-lock submission locked in, but Cena is looking to fight back again. He gets to his feet and unlocks Del Rio’s hold, turning it into a nice gut-wrench suplex. A suplex out the corner ends in a two-count, before he goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Del Rio hits an arm-breaker, before levelling Cena once more with some kicks. Del Rio is now working on the arm, doubtless buttering Cena up for the Cross Armbreaker. We’re back into the chin-lock submission, but Cena is back to his feet. Ooh – both men are down after a double clothesline, with the referee counting both men out. He gets to seven before both men get to their feet, and Del Rio tries to knock Cena to the outside of the ring. He fails, and Cena chokes Del Rio on the top rope. Del Rio retaliates with a thundering clothesline and gets a two-count. Del Rio tries to jump onto a prone Cena lying against the ropes, but misses and crashes rather untidily to the outside of the ring. Cena suplexes Del Rio back into the ring, but can’t follow up. Cena begins hitting his sequence of moves that leads up to the Attitude Adjustment, going for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, which connects. Del Rio fights out of the AA however, and lands two knees to Cena’s back. He can’t get a three-count from it however. Cena reverses the Cross Armbreaker and gets a close fall. Cena’s hip appears to be causing him some trouble, and Del Rio knocks Cena off the top rope with a head kick, and scores a two-count. Del Rio misses an Enziguri kick, and plants a backbreaker on Cena, who powers out of the pin. Del Rio is hammering Cena in the corner now, and has him hung up on the ropes. He moves out the way however, as Del Rio dives at him and connects shoulder first with the ring post. Cena is up on the top rope now, and hits a top rope leg drop, which earns him a two-count. Del Rio struggles out of another AA, and lands a belly to back suplex for a close fall. Del Rio drags Cena to the corner, and climbs the turnbuckle. This is not usual territory for Del Rio, and he lands a weird back-first move onto Cena, but can’t put him away. He locks the Cross Armbreaker in, and Cena fights to escape. He puts his weight onto Del Rio, but the move is still locked in. Cena lifts Del Rio and power-bombs him to release the hold. Cena then hits the AA, but Ricardo Rodriguez tries to interfere. Cena knocks him from the ring apron, and slaps the STF on Del Rio, who holds out as long as he can, but he’s not even moving near the ropes. He finally taps out, to give Cena his 10th WWE title win!
WINNER BY SUBMISSION: JOHN CENA (NEW CHAMPION)

Del Rio is being attended to on the outside of the ring by Rodriguez as Cena predictably laps up the love of the crowd, at least 60% of whom cannot stand the man, from the sound of the chants. I honestly cannot wait for the day Cena retires – him and bloody Mysterio. He can sod off as well. Nice one, John. Now go and find somewhere entertaining to put your title belt, like CM Punk did with his fridge. Perhaps he could keep it in the greenhouse, or maybe super-glued above his front door? Recap time again for tonight’s main event – where we see the whole rather contrived ‘text message’ set up between Trips, Kevin “Just For Men” Nash and CM Punk. Personally, I’d like to see a three way match between them, just let them get it all done with!
NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: CM PUNK VS. TRIPLE H
Nice to see Punk coming to the ring wearing his WWE ice-cream T-shirt, which is cool given his comments over the past few weeks. I want one! He’ll have his work cut out tonight however against the C.O.O – with the stipulation that if Punk wins, Triple H must resign his position. CM Punk is sat in the ring, beckoning HHH into the ring, and then interrupting his ring entrance and throwing him over the security barrier. HHH is back at him though, throwing Punk through the ropes and back out the ring. HHH whips Punk into the guard barrier and then over the announcer’s table, where he stomps on him relentlessly. There’s no commentary as the announcers are temporarily displaced, and HHH goes for a Pedigree on the announcer’s desk. Punk tries for a GTS, but neither man can land their move. HHH finally gets down from the table, and follows Punk back into the ring. Things have slowed down a tad now, each man having had a blast at the other early on. They trade blows, with Punk in corner, before trying again for an early Pedigree. Punk reverses however and chucks some shoulder charges at HHH in the corner. Punk tries his patented knee to the head in the corner, but HHH reverses, sending Punk out over the top. Punk is rolled back in the ring, and his leg smashed into the ring-post. I love how Punk’s slicked back hair gets incredibly messed up very quickly when he wrestles. Both men are still on the outside, throwing each other into the security barrier. Punk lands a big knee against the ring apron, but gets pushed into the crowd as he tries for a bulldog. HHH climbs the barrier, and lands a fist to the head of Punk. HHH drags Punk further into the crowd, sitting on him and pummelling him with punches right in front of a very small child. HHH sends him scurrying through the crowd, and Punk begins to fight back. Punk throws a trash can at HHH’s head, before throwing him shoulder first into some more barriers. They’re up near the entrance to the ramp now, with HHH crawling towards the video screens. Punk is catapulted however into the screen, and both men seem to be taking a breather. HHH is thrown over the video entrance screen by Punk, before he grounds HHH with an attack off the screen. Punk appears to be throwing some technician’s rucksacks at him now, before ramming his head into the screen. Punk grabs HHH’s hair and tries to run him back to the ring, hitting him with some big kicks. Finally, HHH is searching under the ring, but Punk has a chair, and uses it to great effect on HHH before giving him a sarcastic DX taunt. Punk wedges the chair into the turnbuckle, and subdues HHH with some knees to the head. HHH reverses with a spinebuster, and now both men are down. HHH rams Punk through the chair he wedged into the turnbuckle, and he seems to be in some pain. HHH rolls out to follow up on his attack, and takes Punks’ leg out with a chop-block move a la Ric Flair. Punk is rolled back in the ring, and assaults his leg on the ring post a few more times. HHH grabs the chair, and has a go at Punk’s knee. A lesson in anatomy as Booker T tries telling us that “the knee bone is connected to the ankle bone”…hmm, possibly. Punk sends HHH careering into the ring steps, but HHH recovers to drag the board and monitors off the Spanish announcer’s table. Punk puts HHH onto the desk with a kick to the head, then ascends the ropes ready to launch himself. Punk hits a perfect elbow drop on HHH lying on the table, but hurts himself in the process. It seems the sight of HHH lying in the wreckage of an announcer’s table is quite a common image when you look back at his past WWE career. “This is RIDICULOUS!!!” Booker enthuses, as both men crawl back into the ring. Out of nowhere, Miz and R-Truth come running to the ring and start taking their frustrations out on both men, beating them even further into the ground. Well, Miz and Truth did say HHH might not be the C.O.O at the end of tonight’s event, so perhaps this is what they meant. Not sure why Punk is getting a beating as well though. Oh, here we are – Punk is dragged onto HHH’s prone body and the referee forced to count the three. HHH kicks out, and Miz and Truth confront the referee about his slow counting. Miz starts manhandling this referee as well, before the referee fights back and is set upon by both Miz and Truth. Both HHH and Punk are still out of it as Miz and Truth vent their anger on their second referee of the night. Oh – now here comes Laryngitis, along with another referee. But Punk and HHH are back up and take care of Miz and Truth with relative ease. HHH hits a pretty much perfect Pedigree on Punk, but there’s no referee. Laryngitis seems to be preventing the second official from making the count, and instead gets him to tend to the injured ref. HHH is getting to his feet, but so is Punk. HHH wanders into a GTS, and Punk makes the cover. Laryngitis gets the referee to make the cover, until Truth breaks the count up and gets a GTS for his trouble. Christ, this is harder to follow than an episode of ‘Twin Peaks’…As we stand, Truth is down, HHH is down, the referee is down, but Punk is leaping at HHH – AND STRAIGHT INTO A PEDIGREE! But HHH can only get a two-count! As Laryngitis walks away, he seems to be making a call or text to someone; and that person is KEVIN NASH! He strides through the crowd and takes down Punk AND HHH, and all control has completely disappeared from this match. Nash goes for a powerbomb, but Punk assaults Nash, before he’s hit with a huge powerbomb before Nash exits and stalks HHH, who he knees in the face as he tries to get to his feet on the outside. Nash takes the main announcer’s desk apart, but HHH comes back straight at Nash with his trusty sledgehammer! Nash is out of it, and now HHH pulls himself towards the ring, where Punk is stirring, his hair comically askew. HHH lands another huge Pedigree, and this time the referee is on hand to count the three and the win for the C.O.O! Utter carnage at the end there, but HHH comes out on top!
WINNER BY PINFALL: TRIPLE H

HHH’s hand is raised in victory – not a bad match for a man who has not been involved in an actual match since April! We end with HHH looking rather knackered in the corner of the ring, as Punk continues to writhe about after his beating.

Source: wrestlingtruth.com