5. September 2011, WWE RAW results
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RAW emanated from Columbus, Ohio. Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, and Michael Cole were on commentary. For this week’s dedication, let’s shout out to someone I know from Ohio…John Charles Meyer, a fraternity brother of mine who has a starring role in The Millennium Bug, which just won “Best Feature” at the DragonCon International Film Festival. Cheers, Bro, and keep up the great work!!
Prior to the opening segment, the HHH versus CM Punk saga was reset, including events from last Tuesday’s live Smackdown which featured the contract signing between Punk and HHH, their verbal jabs at each other, and the subsequent interference by Kevin Nash.
Highlights:
HHH fired Kevin Nash.
R-Truth has trouble with the word “epiphany” and made The Miz laugh.
Match stipulation news: HHH makes his match with CM Punk a “No DQ match” and CM Punk makes HHH put his COO job on the line.
John Cena wins the eight-man elimination tag team match and gets one over on Alberto Del Rio.
Match Summaries:
Air Boom defeated Jinder Mahal and the Great Khali by pinfall.
Beth Phoenix defeated Eve Torres by pinfall.
CM Punk defeated R-Truth by infall.
Jerry Lawler and Zack Ryder defeated David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty by pinfall.
Randy Orton defeated Heath Slater.
John Cena won the eight-man elimination tag team match.
Opening Segment:
CM Punk came down to the ring and sat comfortably in the middle. Punk began by telling the crowd that he is different. The drawback to being different is that you become a target. Maybe that’s why R-Truth interfered in his match last week. Tonight Punk fights Truth, but Punk wished he was fighting Kevin Nash instead. Punk said that, while he is different, Nash is painfully the same, including having the same hair-dye since the First Gulf War and the same music since 1996. Punk invited Nash down to the ring, and, after a couple of moments of waiting, Nash’s entrance music hit and he appeared at the top of the entrance ramp. Nash began by saying that he does what he wants when he wants. Punk poked fun at the litany of nicknames that Nash has had over the years. Nash then posited what Punk thinks would happen if Nash came down to the ring. Look at Nash; then look at Punk. Punk then continued with insults about 1994 as Nash slowly came towards the ring and stopped just short of entering the ring. At this point, HHH’s music hit and came down to the ring. Nash said that Punk is a cancer and HHH needs to get rid of him. The universe is not big enough for Nash and Punk. HHH entered the ring. Nash demanded that HHH get rid of Punk. HHH said normally he would do that. But this week is different. HHH then dropped the bombshell and said that he saw the footage from backstage at the Staples Center during SummerSlam. The footage showed that Nash was the one who entered HHH’s office and at the same time that the text was sent from HHH’s phone. Nash then entered the ring and admitted that he had the guts to do what HHH didn’t have the guts to do. Nash didn’t make wrestling cool again just so CM Punk, the cancer, could benefit from it. HHH retorted that, regardless of what he thought of Punk, Punk had never lied to him. Nash then became indignant that HHH might be choosing Punk over him. Nash wondered if it was because of the push last week. Nash said that he thought friends could do that to each other. Nash then goaded HHH by pushing him a couple of times…until HHH cold-cocked him, knocking him down to the canvas. HHH then told Nash that maybe, nah definitely, you’re fired. Nash was left in the ring, incredulous at what happened.
After commercial, Kevin Nash and John Laurinaitis got into a Cadillac together.
Air Boom versus Jinder Mahal and the Great Khali
Bourne and Mahal began the action. Mahal began with a couple of knees to Bourne’s chest. Bourne hit a hurracanrana on Mahal. Mahal hit a knee after bouncing off the ropes, earned a near-fall, and then tagged in Khali. Khali manhandled Bourne and bullied him into the corner, delivering some stomps to Bourne’s chest and punctuating it with a massive chop. Mahal came back into the ring. Mahal delivered a body slam, missed a knee drop, and then hit a series of knee drops on Bourne against the ropes. Bourne made the hot tag to Mahal who delivered a series of knife-edge chops and a standing drop kick. When Kingston bounced off the ropes, Khali pulled down the top rope, sending Kofi out of the ring. Kofi made his way back in, and Mahal held Kofi in place so Khali could deliver an overhead chop. Kofi ducked out of the way, and Khali hit Mahal flush on the top of the head. As he sold this move, he brilliantly fell back and then fell victim to the Air Bourne shooting star press. Bourne covered Mahal for the pin. Winners by pinfall: Air Boom.
Eve Torres versus Beth Phoenix
Kelly Kelly was at ringside to assist in commentary. Natalia joined as well, seated next to Michael Cole, and the two of them greeted each other with a friendly kiss (didn’t he used to make fun of her lisp, back when she was a face accompanying the Hart Dynasty?) The match began with Phoenix ramming Eve’s shoulder into the steel post and earning a near fall. The commentary featured absolutely zero play-by-play and, instead, was just a debate about the WWE.com article saying that Phoenix and Natalya will save the WWE. Phoenix pinned Eve after a glam-slam while Natalya was being informative at ringside. Winner by pinfall: Beth Phoenix.
Post-match, Natalya pulled Kelly Kelly by the hair and slammed her into the floor. Natalya and Phoenix stood on the ring apron over Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres.
Backstage, Christian was talking with Drew McIntyre about how he proved that he deserves one more chance at the World Heavyweight Title. McIntyre was about to say that he deserved one shot at ….., but then Alberto Del Rio came in and asked if he could talk to Christian alone for a moments. McIntyre agreed and left the area. Del Rio said that he was expecting to see him with the World Title tonight, but it was John Cena’s fault that he is not. Christian said that he could see what Del Rio is trying to do, and if he does anything to Cena, it will be on his own terms. Del Rio then reiterated that Cena gave Christian an AA; then the next night Christian had to face Randy Orton in the Steel Cage. Del Rio left Christian pondering a thought.
Truth came out to his remix. Just when he thinks he’s seen it all, CM Punk called himself different. What makes him different? Truth has been telling the truth his entire career. Maybe R-Truth should be a gooood R-Truth and buy a ticket for Night of Champions, sit in the crowd, and stuff his face like all of you little Jimmies. At this point, The Miz came out in an awesomely-patterned light grey plaid suit with a turquoise and white rep tie. Miz said he had an epiphany. Truth responded, “You had a what?” Miz repeated himself, and Truth replied that he had one of those when he was a kid. Miz then rephrased it, and Truth said his grandma told him not to use words like that or else she’d wash his mouth out with soap. Miz: In other words, a manifestation. Truth: That comes after puberty, doesn’t it? Miz then said that the two of them know all about what’s going on. HHH is in over his head as COO, and so Miz is gonna do HHH’s job for him. At Night of Champions, the Awesome Truth will fight for the Tag Team Championships against Air Boom. Miz then poked fun at their name. That was the best they could come up with? Really? Really? (The crowd gave Miz HUGE pops on the reallys). Truth then said that Air Boom was like a sneaky fart. Miz had no idea what Truth meant. Truth then accepted the challenge on behalf of Air Boom. Truth then said that he too had an epiphanme…that CM Punk was gonna get got.
R-Truth versus CM Punk
The two men locked up as the crowd chanted for Punk. Punk worked the lockup into an arm bar and then a single-leg take-down. Punk then stomped Truth’s hamstring, stomped on his stomach and then cinched in a side headlock. Truth made it to his feet and pushed Punk into the corner. Truth feigned a clean break at first but then delivered a sneaky kick to the abdomen. Truth then held Punk in a side headlock as Punk struggled to get free. Punk hit a nice drop-kick on Truth as Truth came off the ropes. Truth dove out of the ring to catch a breather, but Punk launched himself through the ropes and into Truth down on the floor. Truth made it into the ring first and stomped on Punk when Punk came back into the ring. Truth held another headlock and then threw Punk out of the ring over by the Miz. With the referee distracted, the Miz delivered a nice shot to Punk. Truth threw Punk back into the ring and then earned a near-fall. Truth then delivered repeated kicks to Punk’s hamstring. Truth continued to work Punk’s left leg as Miz looked on approvingly. Punk managed a pinning combination and earned a near-fall. Truth then drop-kicked Punk’s knee out from under him and then cinched in a half-Boston Crab. Punk made his way back to his feet, and the two men traded punches. Truth body slammed Punk and then mounted the top rope. Punk headed him off with some punches and then delivered a mighty Superplex. Both men writhed in pain from the impact as the referee began the ten-count. Both men made it to their feet. After kicking Truth several times and loosening up his left leg, Punk delivered a thigh to Truth off the ropes, connected with the high knee to the corner, running Bulldog, and flying Lariat clothesline (Is this series of moves really any different from the Super-Cena series at the end of his matches…even though they’re better moves). Punk then signaled for the GTS. Punk lifted Truth, but Truth wriggled free, kicked Punk in the thigh, and delivered a face buster. Truth earned a very close near fall. Truth then missed with a Booker T-styled leg drop. Punk then bounced off the ropes, but Miz grabbed his ankle. Punk then drop-kicked Miz through the ropes and smiled as an irate Miz was banned from ringside. Punk then turned his attention to Truth, delivered a GTS and earned the pinfall. Winner by pinfall: CM Punk.
Post-match, HHH came to the ring immediately. Punk cut off HHH by saying that he doesn’t believe anything that happened and doesn’t believe that HHH and Nash are not friends. HHH then said that he’s changing their match because it’s personal and he wants to hurt Punk. HHH said their match will be no disqualification. And if HHH doesn’t get it all out of his system, then he just might fire Punk too. Punk then said that he’ll agree to the stipulation if HHH agrees to Punk’s stipulation. If Punk beats HHH, then HHH must step down as the COO. HHH agreed, and he left the ring as Punk’s music hit.
(I see HHH defeating Punk with the help of Nash, and HHH “fires” Punk, giving him the real-life break that he needs)
Backstage, Wade Barrett was standing with Tyler Rex and Curt Hawkins. Barrett was not listening to Morrissey or the Smiths. Hawkins told Barrett that he and Rex had big plans. Hawkins asked Barrett about his own plans and received a “What’s it to ya?” in reply. Alberto Del Rio came over and asked the other two if he could talk to Barrett for a second. Del Rio said that Cena’s been doing it to Barrett from the beginning. Barrett said that Del Rio doesn’t need to say anything to motivate him to go after Cena tonight. The Morrissey fan then stormed off, and Del Rio gave a little smirk.
WWE Network is coming in 2012.
David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty versus Jerry Lawler and Zack Ryder
As Lawler descended the entrance ramp, Lawler said that he didn’t say that the two of them were not good athletes…they just have as much personality as a cadaver. Lawler announced Ryder as his partner, and they aired an AWESOME video package on Ryder.
McGillicutty and Ryder began the action, with McGillicutty being the aggressor. McGillicutty tagged in Otunga, and the two of them double-teamed Ryder. The two heels were out to prove a point, and Otunga went to Lawler outside the ring and punched him. Ryder took advantage to drop Otunga on his face. Lawler was tagged in and dominated Otunga, culminating in Lawler revealing his nipple and then landing his patented fist from the second rope. Lawler was going to go for the cover, but Ryder begged to be tagged in. King relented, tagged in Ryder, and Ryder delivered the Rough Ryder and earned the pinfall. Winners by pinfall: Zack Ryder and Jerry Lawler.
Backstage, Alberto Del Rio was talking with Dolph Ziggler. Del Rio said that he heard a rumor that last week, after losing to Randy Orton, that Vickie Guerrero was thinking of dumping Ziggler. Ziggler retorted that he also heard a rumor, that Del Rio was afraid of John Cena. While Ziggler was busy stealing the show last week (which he did), Del Rio was nowhere to be found. At this point, the Bellas came in and said they missed Del Rio last week. Then, they left. Del Rio said that John Cena is always making fun of Guerrero, and Ziggler does nothing. He doesn’t think that Guerrero is looking to Jack Swagger because she wants more clients…he thinks she went to Jack Swagger because she wants someone to fight for her.
Randy Orton versus Heath Slater
Are you serious? Please punt Slater out of the WWE. Slater’s only offense came mid-match and consisted of a thumb to the eye, some knees to the back, a Spinebuster, and a chinlock. Other than that, it was a crisp Orton hitting all of his favorite moves and closing out the match with a crowd-pleasing RKO. Winner by pinfall: Randy Orton.
Backstage, a jubilant Zack Ryder celebrated with John Cena and gave him a pair of Broski sunglasses while Ryder’s cameramen were filming his Z-True Long Island Story.
John Cena came out to the ring to a big pop from the crowd. Ever the politician, Cena wished the people a Happy Labor Day. After showing the clip from two weeks ago when Del Rio beat up Cena, Cena said that Del Rio has been ducking him for week after week. Cena then predicted what was going to happen tonight. Then, Ricardo Rodriguez began announcing Del Rio. Del Rio then came out in a black Audi worth $125,000. Del Rio said that he wants to give Cena a fighting chance for their match. Last week, he didn’t show up on RAW because he’s trying to protect Cena. Also this week, he’s trying to protect Cena. Unfortunately, he can’t say the same for his amigos. At this point, Wade Barrett and Jack Swagger came out and began double-teaming Cena. They were joined by Ziggler and Christian. After a couple of moments, Alex Riley, Sheamus, and John Morrison came out to even things up. The faces cleared the ring, and the heels recollected themselves outside the ring. At this point, Teddy Long came out and explained that HHH still lets him make some decisions. Long then made the match: an eight-man tag-team elimination match, set to begin now.
John Cena, Alex Riley, John Morrison, and Sheamus
Versus
Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, and Christian
Barrett and A-Ri began, and Barrett gained an early advantage until Riley hit a Spinebuster on Barrett and earned a near-fall. Barrett then hit a swinging sort of Rock Bottom on Riley and earned a near-fall. Barrett whipped A-Ri into the corner, but A-Ri dodged Barrett’s charge. John Morrison and Dolph Ziggler were both tagged in. Morrison had the early momentum and hit his cool standing flip thing on Ziggler and then drop-kicked both Barrett and Swagger. Morrison then mounted Ziggler and began to punch him. Christian tried to come in but was greeted by a Morrison Enziguri. Ziggler then cinched on the sleeper on Morrison. Morrison tried to fight out of it. Swagger tagged himself in and applied the ankle lock to Morrison. Ziggler begrudgingly released the sleeper but was not happy about having to do so. Morrison then tapped out to the ankle lock. At this point, Vickie Guerrero began walking towards the ring. Back from commercial, A-Ri was in the unfriendly corner, with Ziggler working over A-Ri. Ziggler then held the side-headlock on A-Ri as the crowd tried to urge A-Ri back to his feet. A-Ri got to his feet, hit a couple of clotheslines, and then hit a spine-buster. Ziggler then hit a leg drop and earned a close near-fall. Ziggler was then measuring A-Ri when Swagger tagged himself in. Swagger tried to apply the ankle lock but was unable to cinch it in. Swagger hit his running Vader Bomb on A-Ri and then applied the ankle lock, earning the submission from A-Ri. Now it was four versus two, and Sheamus entered the ring. After battling Swagger for a moment, Swagger tagged in Wade Barrett, and the two gladiators battled each other evenly. Barrett delivered a big boot to Sheamus’ head and earned a close near-fall. Sheamus reversed the momentum with a series of double axe-handles, a power slam, and a series of overhead punches to Barrett’s chest. Sheamus then hit a running knee lift and a flying shoulder block on Barrett. Sheamus missed the Brogue kick. Barrett attempted a pump-handle slam but couldn’t get Sheamus up. Sheamus then connected with the Brogue kick and earned the pinfall. Wade Barrett was eliminated. Christian immediately came in and hit a move on Sheamus and was annoyed that he only earned a two-count. Christian then slapped Sheamus, who proceeded to chase Christian all around the arena, leading to the two grapplers being double-counted-out. Sheamus rammed Christian’s head into the hardware at the top of the entrance ramp, and the referees separated the two men. In the ring, it remained John Cena versus Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler. Cena began against Swagger, whipping him into the corner. Cena landed Ziggler on his face. Cena then hit a Fisherman’s suplex on Swagger. The two heels then gained control and worked on Cena as the crowd did it alternating chants of “Let’s go Cena…Cena Sucks!” Cena then began super-Cena-ing on Swagger with his usual set of moves, culminating in a double you-can’t see me and a double five-knuckle shuffle. Cena Clotheslined Ziggler and then was hit by Swagger, who then hit his Vader Bomb on Cena. Ziggler returned the favor on Swagger by tagging himself in. Ziggler was greeted immediately by an AA and was pinned. Swagger opportunistically applied the ankle lock, but Cena fought through it and applied the STF, earning the submission victory. Winner: John Cena.
(The action in this match was pretty good, considering that it involved eight wrestlers. More importantly, it was was well-thought-out and advanced various plots. It set up a Christian-Sheamus feud. It advanced the Swagger-Ziggler-Guerrero uncertanties. It set up Cena with a big win ahead of his title match, and it gave Cena the chance to get the better of Alberto Del Rio post-match.)
Post-match, Alberto Del Rio came in and was greeted immediately by an AA, which sent him careening out of the ring and into the arms of Ricardo Rodriguez. And the credits began to roll.
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