Chapter 34 - In Which We Make Our Triumphant Return, No Game Actually Gets Played and Joe Takes a Swing at CM Punk
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Chapter 34 - In Which We Make Our Triumphant Return, No Game Actually Gets Played and Joe Takes a Swing at CM Punk
(It's back! Yay! A preface before we go on, and I promise to keep it short and disappointing. I'm gonna start doing ITTPTG after this regularly again. So rejoice. It will however be cut down to one day a week. Sorry, I just can't keep up with quality output when I'm pushing it out in a two day period. I'm a slow writer, sue me. I have yet to decide on a day. Monday or Friday. Probably Monday. So there's that.
For myself, I will also be doing occasional other columns that aren't ITTPTG like some of the work I posted before. Maybe even some relatively normal one. Dunno,I need some variety so I don't burn out again. So get ready for that shit.
That's all friends. Enjoy what I have for you today and look forward for the next part where we will, assumedly, get back into actually playing the game.)
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The scene, the crusty white wall of a local Wal-mart. Somewhere in the teeming mass of unwashed mouth breathers, amidst sweat-drenched shirts sporting slogans such as “Best in the World” or “Summer of Punk” and slightly to the left of a man who may have confused this for the place where McDonald’s siphons off its grease trap, are five figures we know well by now.
MissouriDragon: How in the live-long fuck’d you convince me to surround myself with manchildren long enough to meet someone I don’t even like? It’s like I’m in a forest of parent’s disappointments. I’m almost certain that dude in front of us is posting online right now giving this line a star rating.
Cold: Shouldn’t talk about Oni like that. He got feelings too.
OniBarubary: Don’t worry, most of them aren’t real. And to answer your question, Missou, because I willed it so. I’m like that kid from that Twilight Zone episode, except I’m dragging you to CM Punk fan gatherings and not putting you inside TVs or turning you into jack-in-the-boxes.
Missou: I’d prefer the latter.
Hustle: Explains why I’m here.
Oni: But you like Punk.
Hustle: I’m not devoted enough to fly 10,000 miles to New York just to tell him “I like you about 70% as much as Cena” Plus I’d rather stay in beautiful Hawaii than roast in a parking lot that smells like civilization dying. Is that woman wearing two pairs of overalls?
Uncle Joe: I could cram an apple in your mouth, shove a pen up your ass and burn you with a lighter if it’ll help.
Hustle: Appreciated, but you can save shoving shit up guys asses for later tonight when I ain’t around.
Joe: Just trying to make you feel at home. And while on the subject, why the fuck am I here and not at home?
Cold: Cause you live in New York.
Joe: Not good enough.
Cold: Cause this Wal-mart is across the street from your apartment.
Joe: No it isn’t.
Oni: Yes, it really is.
Oni extends a solitary finger to indicate a small brick building that lies a stones throw away from them
Joe: That’s not across the street. There’s a whole parking lot between us. A big one.
Cold: It’s still Wal-mart property. It counts.
Joe: No it doesn’t. Besides, it’s not across the street, it’s on a diagonal.
Oni: There’s a street between us and your apartment. If we soldiered across it, we’d reach your apartment. If we made the return voyage back, we’d wind up where we started. At this Wal-mart. Why am I arguing this with you? Why do you make me infinitely sad?
Joe: Still don’t answer why I’m here. I don’t even like Punk.
Missou: Thank you.
Cold: Cause after you masturbate you got 3 hours to kill before you do it again and ain’t got anything else planned.
Joe: I could not be here. Fluffing every couple minutes to check if I’m ready for another round seems like a better use of my time.
Oni: And miss all this bomb-ass pussy?
Hustle: Please never say that again.
Joe: This is a fucking line for Punk outside a Wal-mart, ain’t any pussy here that don’t have a Hatchet tattoo over it. This ain’t the fucking line for Cena. Now that line’d have some smoking tail.
Oni: You’re right, there would be a lot more children.
Cold: Ima turn you both in right now. Gotta be a cop around here somewhere.
Hustle: It’s a gathering for people who watch a television program where white dudes regularly beat up black guys. I’m sure the policeman demographic of the WWE Universe is nothing to scoff at.
Oni: Nigga please.
Missou: We’re in public. You probably shouldn’t say that.
Cold: We’re at a Wal-mart. He’ll just get applause.
Oni: That’s no fair. Cold can say it. Why’s he get a free pass?
Missou: You ever looked at him?
Oni: Longingly, every so often.
Hustle: Cold’s got some blood in him and is poor.
Oni: Us white people don’t have it so easy either.
Hustle: You are the worst person I know. And I don’t mean “know” as in “know personally” but I mean “know” as in “am aware of the existence of.” That includes fake people and Nazis. And to turn the question back on you, why the fuck are you and Cold here? All you motherfuckers have been doing for the past couple months is whine about Punk.
Oni: These colors don’t run.
Hustle: English motherfucker, do you speak it?
Missou: That’s as English as it gets. Er, American. Whatever.
Cold: We don’t hate the guy now or nothin’. He’s still great. His angle just took a turd nap a bit too quick.
Hustle: Fuck outta here with that. You’re both just pissed he lost to Haitch.
Oni: Or it could be, y’know, the complete decimation of my interest due to an HHH Injection right into my left asscheek. I don’t even care if it’s on purpose or not, I just know that as soon as Trips felt the need to put himself in the hottest storyline they’ve done in a fucking coon’s age-
Hustle: Oh c’mon, you just cribbed that from Wild Wild West.
Oni: Joke’s on you, you’ve seen it too.
Hustle: Ugh. Yes. It is.
Missou: I’m sticking around after we meet him; that dude behind us is wearin’ an Attack Attack t-shirt. Punk might smash his Pepsi bottle and shiv the dude.
Oni: Meanwhile, I don’t care the cause; all I know is that Punk’s promos have gotten held back and stale, sometimes childish, and have lost any sort of burn to them or truth or anything that made his original turn so interesting. And it’s not a matter of repeating the same shit, cause I’d be ecstatic if he was. Or if he was giving anything other than stunted and often lackluster promos. There’s something to be said for being unable to keep that level of promo, which would be an understandable reason, and the tangible feel that something is preventing him from running away and being amazing. Which is all the more frustrating, cause it’s not like his promos are abhorrent or anything. They’re just…okay. It’s like Against Me!. They’re first couple albums are all throaty proclamations about political discord and all punky and whatever, and they don’t even have an electric guitar. And then they signed to Fat Wreck and all of a sudden you can literally HEAR the conviction completely gone from his voice. He doesn’t believe a fucking thing he’s singing any more and it breaks my goddam musical heart to hear someone I enjoyed so much just give up.
Missou: So you’re saying Punk sold out?
Oni: Ugh, no. I hate that term. I’m using it as a measure of comparison; before a certain point, let’s call it point A, Punk and Against Me! were passionate and interesting. And after Point A, they were not. I don’t care what caused Point A, I only care about the result after. To sum up, the angle has gone downhill. I don’t know what reason it is, though I could certainly create a fucking pie chart if you asked me to-
Hustle: I won’t. This column keeps pretty visual free and I don’t want you taking a week to complain how doing a graphic for it drained the life out of you and you have to take a sabbatical to the mountains, leaving behind creative excrement, like sweat that dripped off you from not trying so damn hard.
Oni: Harsh. I could go on and on about it, but I won’t. Suffice to say, whatever the cause, Punk has lost any sort of fire and Haitch made this shit uninteresting. The angle’s about everything else than what it should be about and I just can’t keep my interest piqued.
Hustle: Or maybe you could give it some time to let the story build and have some patience for once instead of needing instant gratification.
Cold: You’re right, I should let that dude rape me for a bit longer before I decide whether I like it or not.
Oni: Cold has a very decent point.
Hustle: Please tell me this is going somewhere else.
Oni: It’s not about rape.
Hustle: Phew.
Joe: Drat.
Hustle: I’m still keepin’ an eye out for boys in blue, yo.
Joe: Whatever, I listened to NWA, I ain’t afraid of pigs.
Cold: I meant, yo, that I shouldn’t have to wait for something to get good. It ain’t impatience. A good angle should just be good. If it turns good then cool, but if it starts out shit don’t be surprised when I lose interest in it. Shouldn’t have to wait for something to get good when there are perfectly good angles out there that are like that the whole way through. Why focus on the one that kills your interest because of potential down the road? It’s still gonna have a shit intro no matter how great it gets. Don’t make any sense.
Missou: Line’s moving. They got a gun aisle, right? Feel the need to Wyatt Earp someone right now.
The crowd begins to shuffle along, leaving a trail of discarded Cheetos bags and crushed cigarettes behind like some kind of white trash slug
Hustle: You may have a point there.
Missou: Can’t fault someone for their personal tastes if it’s heading South after moving North the whole time.
Hustle: You can’t just say it’s a bad angle because it’s changed directions from what you wanted. That’s down to taste and not whether the angle is good or bad or whatever.
Oni: I dunno about that. The whole point of an angle is to get people interested and if it’s turning some off…well, I can’t say it’s really a good or interesting angle anymore. If it fails to garner interest or loses the interest of some of the audience then it’s pretty much failed right there.
Hustle: And if WWE isn’t aiming for the audience that is getting turned off?
Oni: Hrm. Harder to say.
Cold: Not really. Think of kid’s movies like Disney or Pixar or whatever. They’re aimed at kids but are good enough that adults can enjoy them too. That’s why they’re good movies and not just flashing colors on the screen to hypnotize brats.
Joe: You’re just trying to defend your love of cartoons.
Cold: Actually I was trying to help Oni out so less people would move to call an employee when we pass the toy aisle.
Oni: Appreciated.
Missou: Lemme help you out for a sec, Hus.
Oni: Huss huss!
Missou: Quit that. I can still grab a knife from the cutlery section. Anyways, look at it like this man; a good angle is a good angle. How many of y’all ever had an interest in Henry before his ECW run?
Cold: Got an interest in this AC. Think I lost ten pounds somewhere in front of the store.
Oni: Hell no.
Hustle: I guess not much.
Joe: Every day and twice on weekends.
Missou: And yet he showed something great that could even make guys like you stand up and take notice. Or sit up straighter and take notice. Or put down the ham sandwich and stop chewing for a bit.
Hustle: I’m not that fucking fat you enormous chode wranglers.
Missou: Anyways, Henry’s got this ballin’ run he’s built up to and even Oni and Joe, racist motherfuckers though they are-
Oni: I’m not racist, I’m just ignant.
Missou: Noted. With these two saps being who they are, they still are loving Henry.
Joe: Cause Henry is fucking amazing. Best thing on Smackdown right now.
In front of them by the sporting goods, a skinny and pale tween with white scotch tape wrapped about his wrists has been listening intermittently and turns at this moment to address the collective
Random CM Punk Aficianado: Henry blows big time. How can you say he’s the best thing on Smackdown when Bryan Danielson is still there? And Mistico brings real lucha to WWE, thank god, unlike Rey Mysterio.
Missou: Excuse me, sunshine, who the fuck said “I wonder what the greasy, no-pubed, plucked chicken in front of us thinks” eh? Did you hear us mutter “Well, with all this intelligent discussion going on twixt like-minded individuals, perhaps we should ask the king of us all, his Holy Royal Eminence Sir Wouldn’t Know Lucha If Black Terry Stomped His Face Into a Fucking Gutter” ? No, you didn’t? Then turn the fuck around and let the adults talk. Soon as you watch some Dr. Death matches you can stick your big toe in the grown-ups pool.
The child-boy turns back around, face red from either embarassment, anger or a troubling skin rash from an allergic reaction to shame
Hustle: Harsh.
Joe: Fuck that kid. If he thinks Mistico is real lucha I got a Puerto-Rican with a knife for him to meet.
Oni: You?
Joe: Yeah, me.
Missou: Shit, did we pass the cutlery aisle without me noticing? Dammit.
Hustle: This seems like the kind of elitist attitude people complain about smarks having.
Joe: People confuse elitism with standards or taste. It’s easier to say someone’s just snobby then it is to admit they know more than you fucking do.
Oni: I can’t really support the championing of ignorance either. It’s fine to be uninformed on something, but don’t think that gives you ground to stand on in a discussion you have no place being in.
Hustle: Fine fine. I won’t get into it. I know you guys get huffy about flexing your wrestling boners.
Oni: To get back to the original point, before we were so rudely interrupted, let’s try another example.
Hustle: Sure, not like I have anything better to do, trapped here.
Oni: You listen and you like it! Let’s take an anecdotal example about yours truly. I think we can all agree that Orton and Christian had some pretty stellar matches as of late. Or at least good to great.
Joe: When he’s not making an awful orgasm face before dislocating his shoulder punching the mat.
Oni: See? Even Joe, in his own way, agrees. But at the same time, I’ve had next to no interest in the angle. Because Christian isn’t face.
Missou: You’re hanging yourself on this one, boyo. I’m out of it.
Cold: Same. We’re gettin’ forward in line and I don’t wanna be discussin’ this shit in front of Punk and sound like a fuckin’ smark.
Oni: But you are a smark.
Cold: He don’t need to know that shit.
Oni: Lemme continue and then we can all preen and present our willing asses to Punk, alright?
Hustle: Why does it always come back to this with you guys?
Oni: So we get this feel good moment and Christian becomes champ! Yay! Good feelings for Oni! Everything is coming up Milhouse! One of my favorite wrestlers can now be involved in lengthy storylines, get decent promo time and have matches that last longer than the amount of time it takes Missou to trash any music that isn’t sung in a gruff voice by a guy with a beard.
Missou: Unfair. I also hate guys with bears who sing music too gruffly. Trying too hard.
Oni: I’ll keep it in mind. So Christian wins, I am filled to the brim with outpouring emotions. I am the frothy head on your favorite beer, tipping over the lip of the glass. And what happens not five days later? My feet are literally swept out from under me. Now normally I would not be entirely against this, as it’s a very oft used device to evoke emotion from people. But it has to be done right. It has to be done to create interest. And this did not for reasons I will get into in a moment. If I like apples and you give me the most delicious red apple I’ve ever seen, then right before I bite into it you go “Whoa, waitaminute. Can’t let you do that” and pull it away to replace it with a juicy peach, won’t I be disappointed? It’s still a nice and tasty peach, I’d imagine but I don’t want a fucking peach, I want an apple.
Hustle: This still sounds like “They didn’t book how I wanted them to, thus it is bad booking” which is really fucking whiny.
Oni: Then maybe I’m not explaining myself well. The execution failed. They could’ve kept me going on if they didn’t let things play out how they did. And I don’t see a particularly good reason why they didn’t. Have the ratings been sky-rocketing through the roof with Orton as champ? Did Christian’s involvement in the main event kill buys or merch sales? Is there anything that can actually be linked to this from a business or fan standpoint?
Cold: That kinda shit’s hard to prove dude.
Oni: I’m just saying, that like our Pixar movies above and whatever they could’ve handled it in a way that made it approachable for all walks of life. You’ll always get the side-men who will complain about it, but they’re outliers. There was a pretty large contingent (relatively speaking) that was displeased with this and the direction the storyline went in. And as we stated above, if you lose someone because of an angle than it’s not really doing it’s job, is it? Sure you kept the people who will watch regardless, the Orton likers, the Christian haters, the people who (in their eyes) found the sudden loss an interesting direction to take or whatever else I can make up. But you lost some people who were looking for a Christian face run, not a cowardly heel “can never match up to Orton” run. Good though his work may be, it’s not what we want. So can you really consider it a great angle if it curtails a group of people from it? It’s not like…a Toy Story or The Incredibles. It’s Cars.
Hustle: Let’s not say things we can’t take back. I kinda get your point though.
Joe: Still a whiny bitch.
Hustle: Well yes, that was never up for discussion. You still whine like a rich white kid finding out he’s going to Vermont instead of the Hamptons.
Missou: But father, it is ever so dreadful in the 2nd vacation home we have. My room doesn’t have it’s own butler. A bloo bloo bloo.
Oni: Hilarity. Whatever. I still think it’s a valid point. If WWE alters a storyline and make it go off in a direction that loses you, it’s failed for all intents and purposes. You can only judge yourself, you can’t judge what others perceive, so it’s stupid to think about it like others from their point of view. You don’t watch for them, you watch for you.
Missou: Yeah yeah, you’ve already used enough big words and cried your share. I think I see our savior in front of us. Your savior.
Joe: Savior from what, exactly? Bad angles? Cause he certainly isn’t doing that right now.
Hustle: What about Joe? You’ve been suspiciously, and disconcertingly, quiet. Let’s hear what you have to say.
Joe: The Punk angle blows and did since day uno. Miz and Truth got the hook up now.
Hustle: Let’s ignore what Joe has to say.
Joe: Hater. Every Miz and Truth interaction is like a flowery lady fart in the noxious swamp ass of Haitch’s mouth opening.
Within a few more feet sits the man they’re here to meet at a folded table, rife with WWE logos and memorabilia. Only a few bodies (including one now hunched shouldered, brooding teen) stand betwixt them
Hustle: It’s not that bad.
Cold: It’s pretty bad.
Missou: Moxley and Regal got an FCW feud brewing that is about 20 times more interesting with about 40x better wrestling to come.
Oni: I’d rather let Chyna clit-slap me than follow this angle.
Joe: I’d rather watch Chyna clit-slap Oni than ever watch Punk wrestle again.
Hustle: Sometimes I think you guys are just fucking with me. And then I come to my senses and realize you always are.
Oni: We’ll continue this later after I pretend you guys aren’t with me. Got two more people to go.
And indeed, with two more to go they soon will arrive in front of CM Punk. The young kid immediately before them whispers something to Punk that sounds suspiciously like “Careful, those guys are assholes” before it is Oni’s turn to stand in front of the Punker. He places a DVD case in front of Punk, who looks at it with some mild amusement, seeing his own face and Samoa Joe’s on the cover. On an unrelated note, a number of cops and guards flank Punk on either side
Oni: Hey Punk, it’s real great to meet you. It’s just awesome seeing someone wrestle in front of dank gyms with 15 people and then see them years later wrestle in front of thousands. I can remember-
Joe: That table got a front? Cause you could all save us some time and blow him under it right now while everyone else gets their turn.
Missou: Stuff the sucking up, I could be watching old Terry Gordy matches.
CM Punk: Great friends you have.
Oni: I mostly stick around them to make myself seem handsomer by comparison.
CM Punk: Does it work?
Oni: You see me here with any girls?
CM Punk: Well, keep watching, man. Nice to see fans who have stuck around through all my days. Thanks for coming.
Oni and Punk shake hands before he is almost barreled out of the way by a rampaging Joe, who has edge past Missou, Cold and Hustle somewhere along the way
Joe: One side, Doogie, this ain’t a Dan Severn signing, you ain’t got anything important to say.
Joe slams his hands down on the table in front of Punk
Joe: Motherfucker, stop shitting up the main event scene! I blame you, personally, for taking the focus off of Miz and playing this bullshit whiny faggot character! Maybe if you were as good as Cena or Henry you’d get a title and not some gay storyline where Haitch presses you slowly down with his thumb!
Punk raises his hands and chuckles a little
CM Punk: Ha ha, hey now. Miz is-
Hustle: Joe, pretend to be a decent human for like, one second.
Missou: Minor Threat sucks!
Hustle: Well shit.
Oni: Goddammit guys!
CM Punk: Alright, can we get these guys outta here-
Joe: Give it a couple months and I’ll bet your entire moveset becomes borrowed moves. Any other dead wrestlers you wanna absord the souls of?
CM Punk: Get the fuck outta here, you little shit, before I roll your chubby ass through the glass doors!
Joe: You fuckin’ try it, I’m related to Invader #1!
In one slow and over-done motion, Joe swings for the fences and misses; his fist breezes past Punk’s nose within inches. That’s all he gets though as in a second guards and pigs are on him and dragging him from the table. Though four is more than enough for him, the other guards advance on the rest of our party. Missou eyes them as if to say “Try me” before Hustle raises his hands in defeat and sighs the deep sigh of a man who has lost all hope. He grabs Missou’s arm and pulls him alongside towards the exit as Oni struggles with a guard, trying to get a word in edge-wise at Punk
Oni: Punk, ignore them! You’re still awesome! Even though this storyline does kinda blow and your promos haven’t really-
CM Punk: Out! Get them out!
Oni: It was great meeting you!
Outside, Hustle sits on the curb with his head in his hands while Joe talks shit at the retreating guards. Missou seems non-plussed, looking around aimlessly
Oni: Dammit Joe, what the fuck. Like, seriously, what the fuck.
Joe: Meh. Got bored.
Oni: You don’t even hate Punk, do you?
Joe: I don’t recall ever saying I did.
Oni: You thunderous waffle-cunt. I swear to God.
Hustle: (muffled) You sound surprised.
Missou: Sorry you couldn’t meet him, Hus.
Hustle: You guys could’ve waited to be yourselves until after he signed my shirt, you know.
Joe: I’ll keep it in mind for next time.
Cold emerges from the front of the store, carrying a shirt and picture to the eyes of those with dawning realization
Missou: The fuck? How’d you avoid getting the boot?
Cold: Bout the time Joe took his first step I took three back. Didn’t know I was with you guys. Got a shirt and Polaroid with him.
Hustle: Wish I was quicker on the draw like that.
Oni: Well, this was an unmitigated disaster. Which seems to happen any time I go anywhere with you guys.
Missou: You can’t blame us for this one.
Oni: Yes I can. I can specifically blame you, in fact. I can implicate you explicitly for ruining this shit.
Missou: Well next field trip, let’s meet someone I give a fuck about. Like Lawler. And by meet him, I mean get three sheets and talk about his matches in some dive bar.
Hustle: Ugh. I feel like I need a drink after this.
Cold: I know a place. We can get some greasy bar food and watch Hustle drown his sorrows in light beer.
Hustle rises from his perch and surrenders to the idea
Hustle: Why not. Just don’t slip me a roofie, I don’t trust any of y’all after this day.
Missou: Probably for the better.
E-mail me at: OniBarubary@gmail.com
WWE Confirms Rock Wrestling At SS, ROH Star To WWE, WWE Takes Out Loan, Karen Corrects Hogan
AppId is over the quota
- Adverts promoting The Rock’s early return to the ring have surprisingly rung true. WWE have confirmed that The Rock and John Cena will be a part of a Traditional 5-on-5 Survivor Series Tag Team Match at the PPV.
- Ring of Honor star Claudio Castagnoli has signed a WWE developmental deal. He will go by the name Antonio Cesaro in FCW.
- In quite a rare move WWE have taken out a $200 million line of credit with JP Morgan Chase, in order to help fund the upcoming WWE TV Network.
- In a recent interview with Busted Open radio Hulk Hogan was asked about Kurt Angle’s DUI arrest. He said “You know I talked to his wife and she said he’s a horrible driver. The whole time they were married she wouldn’t even let him drive the kids.”
According to Karen, who is his ex-wife, this is totally untrue and they never had a conversation. She wrote on Twitter:
“People should never make false statements and say they had conversations with people they didn’t!!!!”
“One thing EVERYONE needs to know about myself…DON’T mess with my family!!!! If you do..GOD help you!!!!”
Roddy Piper Has Emergency Neck Surgery, Joey Styles Takes Shot At Raw, Hogan’s Return?
AppId is over the quota
- WWE Hall of Famer Roddy Piper is currently undergoing emergency neck surgery after an MRI scan revealed he’d been wrestling with a broken neck. He wrote on Twitter:
In 5 hours I’m being taken on a hard battle. I’ll be 10 days in hospital, Doctors told me. So I figure give me a day!”
I’ll try to explain. At he time I was doing Fantasy Factory And WWE Access, I BROKE MY NECK! But I didn’t know it! I knew I was Hurt, I [am] hurt all the time. I just thought the neck injury will go away. But after couple months my neck is hurting worse. No sleep from pain. So I go to best Doctors in Country. When Doc saw the MRI’s he went into the 911 attitude fast. So now at 10 am. there cutting me open!
So just for the record, I beat, The Miz, Terry Funk, and 2 others guys with a brokrn neck!! All the Raws and WM where I broke it!
Some say I’m crazy! Doctors are telling me that there could be problems! Ya, if they give me ugly nurses!
There going to shave my hair, slash neck open, and take a chisel and hammer to my neck bones. That’s in 5 hrs.Waiting 4 God to send Locusts
There’s a bright side of geeting neck cut off. You get to wear bumless house coats. Great jello….help me out here!
- Joey Styles had this to say about Raw on Twitter:
“I’m watching Raw in disbelief as a Mexican Millionaire is wearing a $5 necklace and a Hall of Famer is in $5 Old Navy cargo shorts.”
- Hulk Hogan discussed a possible in-ring return while on Sirius XM’s Busted Open radio. He said:
“I want to help. But then when I see myself in the ring, and I see myself on a good day, and I say okay, passable. But when I see myself on a bad day, and I’m trying to swing a chair and my body hurts so bad I can’t even swing it I go man, you shouldn’t be in there. I don’t feel pressure, but I want to help. But I want to help without destroying the product, I want to help without going oh my God, Hogan really sucks. You know, I would really like to do something, you know I don’t know how to find that sweet spot because I do all my vitamins, and drink all the fish oil and do all the stuff that you do when your trying to stay as healthy as you can. And then everything is fine and I feel great today, but tomorrow I can come in here and barely be able to get out of the chair and go well what did I do different? So I don’t know what’s going on, I guess its old age, I’m 58 years old, but that’s what’s got me. I can’t determine if I say okay today I’m like to get in the ring and hit you over the head with a baseball bat, or pull your leg, or hit you with a pair of knucks, you know. It’s a great thought, but I just don’t actually know until that moment how I’m gonna feel. It’s the weirdest feeling. So I want to help, I don’t feel pressured to get in the ring but sometimes I get a little sketchy thinking okay is this going to be a good day or a bad day.”
Masters reacts to being cut by the WWE, takes notes on Star Raw, future TNA?
The voice of wrestling returned last night from 7-8 EST with hosts, Chris Cash and Nick Paglino live. He joined Chris Masters - which was only released this past WWE - Chris and Nick Friday to discuss his recent departure, their future and much more. Other topics include SummerSlam this weekend, payment of Hard Justice TNA pay-per-view, Gail Kim quit smoking and much more.
Chris Masters interview highlights
In being caught on his WWE release: "If someone in the outside looked at me, are not because I used the real life stories or anything." To me it had only dittering in superstars. But the thing is, for the past year and half of superstars, really gave me time to develop my craft and actually put some time in games and through the I really started taking a passion in the art of wrestling and over time it began really to translate. "I came over much."
On rumors of Chris in line to get a boost: "You know, reports on the internet were really a surprise for me, because I really told anyone." I don't know if came from one of the writers to the leaves of dirt, but the extent of what I said was... back in January of this year after Hunter [Vince] had seen some of my games, Hunterme pulled out of one side and told me ' Hey, we have seen has come really well and we are trying to find now exactly what to do with you. Perhaps we should take off tv for a few months and give you a fresh coat of paint or a new presentation ", by what left of that." It had definitely emerged and given pushes me a couple of times.
You know, I was kind of the impression that they are going to find out something for me and was also trying to think of some suggestions for me and know, that's probably why it was a surprise the fact I feel I had good things coming in. "I felt that it was going to be my year."
On his reaction to the news: "Yes, I am angry." I will not deny that at all. This is what... the first time I launched, brought me myself, so accepted. There are many things that I didn't do well the first time. I also led it is upsetting to return to the company and resulting in this way because it's not like he failed a drug test. I did things well, and I was getting really good in the ring, making it the second time upsetting much more than what is the first time. "
Go to TNA: "Well, it's funny because I sat in my car about two weeks ago and really think to myself, ' they need Faces now and if they are not going to do something with me or invest in me now, is not ever going to do it." By what was already thinking to myself, maybe I need start to reach out and see what else is there - we are only francs. But I didn't. And it's funny because then we fast forward to weeks later and then this happened. Obviously, I am taking reservations, but yes, I have come some people on TNA and just see what happens with. "Of course it is the thing in 90 days with the WWE, but now I am not going to rule anything out."
Chris Masters also spoke about the changes reported in the WWE, his two strikes against him in terms of the welfare policy and if you think that potentially harm their plans for him, what he was doing the time got the dreaded call from Johnny Ace, the influx of talent in the WWE, and it is something good or bad for the company, and Chris responds to his critics.
Teachers also feels that a number of wrestlers does not belong in the WWE and specifically names David Otunga. "Do you think ready David Otunga TV?" asks to hosts. When asked why the Raw superstar should have been dismissed before him, teachers responds: "well, has two left feet." "We will only see him walking around the ring for five minutes".
Teachers, however, then says in defense of Otunga who the champion is a product of the system of the WWE wrestlers being prematurely called television.
Accessing the interview audio here.
More than 20 names for a full list of releases from the WWE in 2011->
Source: www.vowlive.com
Sin face expresses his frustration, Chavo takes heat for PPV Match & more
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Published in: WWE
Sin face expresses his frustration, Chavo takes heat for PPV Match & more
By Marc Middleton
The 16 June 2011 - 6: 41: 00 AM - face of sin has been brought to friends how much help Triple H has been with him and he talked about the frustration felt having to learn a new style of wrestling, all while the focus is on it. Face it says that it is fully aware of his situation of being in the right place at the time and the first type of Triple H before as an international star.
As noted earlier, there was heat after officials they were disappointed with the face and Chavo Guerrero agree on the boundary. With respect to that party, Guerrero took all the warmth of the party officials is not good.
In a note, when expensive signed with WWE, he was owner of CMLL Paco Alonso and thank him for giving him his break, face said that he would request the WWE recently a year working for CMLL's loyalty. Paco said to face is with him or against him and had no interest in work in the face for CMLL dates while he signed with the WWE. As noted earlier this week, CMLL had registered the name Sin face for use in Mexico already forgot to WWE.
Great feud of revealed future in the face of sin, revealing the WWE Diva rear shots and more! >>>
Source: Wrestling Observer Newsletter Alex Riley explains Capitol punishment, by what ama WWE and Bill more DeMott discusses TE winner Andy Leavine, this cast compared to others & more of Batista's interview: why left WWE, his future in wrestling, MMA & more new Zack Ryder Video, update of the studies of the WWE, Jr. and former NXT news couples ROH Champs to receive WWE testCover commercial SummerSlam released for "Randy Orton: the evolution of a predator" DVD dinner comments on Gay Slur, comments from Jericho in Vancouver riots & more raw breakdown: Austin as General Manager, Punk-Cena main event & more HOF'er WWE write a book, Video of great show with the title of CI of the WWE, more news on WWE doesn't use Zack Ryder, crude delay hearing record and more ""
Hogan Responds To People Who Say He Never Jobs, Anderson Takes Shot At WWE
-- Hulk Hogan refuted criticism that he "never jobs." He wrote last Friday on Twitter in response to a fan alleging he would not agree to job to wrestlers below his level of stardom: "You mean like Billy Kidman, who beat me 3 weeks in a row. HH."
When asked about not jobbing to Shawn Michaels at SummerSlam 2005, he responded: "Vince is the only man that makes those decisions, that came from him. hbk didn't want to job, not me. Bye, over it. HH."
-- Mr. Anderson took a shot at WWE while cutting a pre-match promo at yesterday's TNA live event in Hot Springs, Arkansas.
As Anderson yelled "Mr.," an audience member yelled, "Kennedy!" He stopped and said, "No, he died in a horrible train wreck — a train wreck that can be seen on USA every Monday night!"
Anderson beat Jeff Jarrett via pinfall in the main event.
Photos of Gregory Helms following motorcycle accident ->
source: Pro Wrestling Torch
Backstage News On Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio, SmackDown Rating Takes A Hit
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Posted in: WWE
Backstage News On Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio, SmackDown Rating Takes A Hit
By Daniel Pena
Apr 25, 2011 - 7:46:56 PM -- The April 22 episode of WWE SmackDown on Syfy scored a 1.87 cable rating, down nine percent from 2.05 the previous week.
The two-hour program averaged 2.8 million viewers, which is down six percent from April 15 and down fifteen percent from April 8.
The overall rating was the lowest since February 11 and the second-lowest of 2011.
-- The Smackdown live event on September 10 in Halifax, Nova Scotia will be held at the Halifax Forum. A Raw live event taking place the same day in London, Ontario will be held at the John Labatt Centre.
-- WWE officials are strongly considering awarding Christian the World Heavyweight Championship next Sunday at Extreme Rules.
Multiple sources expect his opponent, Alberto Del Rio, to be transferred to Raw during tonight's WWE Draft.
*PHOTO* of Batista & Mike Knox handling Melina ->
sources: Pro Wrestling Torch, PWInsider.com
Bryan Takes a Chair to the Head, WWE Writing Hall of Fame Speeches, DDP
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Posted in: WWE
Bryan Takes a Chair to the Head, WWE Writing Hall of Fame Speeches, DDP
By Marc Middleton
Apr 1, 2011 - 10:53:26 AM - Diamond Dallas Page noted on Twitter that he will be attending the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony on Saturday night in Atlanta.
- There was a rare moment at the WWE live event in Champaign, IL last weekend when Sheamus defeated Daniel Bryan after a chairshot to the head.
- Road Warrior Animal noted in a recent interview that WWE writers will be writing the Hall of Fame speeches this year and that the inductees have guidelines they have to follow.
WWE Releases Planned, Several WWE Roster Changes Coming?, More Backstage News
Partial source: F4Wonline.com WWE AXXESS Live Report: Match Results & Live Notes Awesome Kong Spotted At Atlanta Airport, The Rock Giving Away WrestleMania Tickets New Theme for Triple H at WrestleMania, Alberto Del Rio Speaks, Superstars Dyrdek's WM Axxess Match with Piper, Update on WWE's Offer to Sting and More Sting Discusses Turning Down WWE's Offer for WrestleMania, Lesnar Speaks WWE THQ Challenge Tonight, HHH vs. Undertaker Update, Serena, The Fink Trish Promotes WWE, Snooki at WrestleMania Axxess, Jericho Joke, More Ricky Steamboat Discusses His Son Richie, Talents at FCW and Taker-HHH Match Results from WrestleMania Axxess, Update on Finlay-WWE, Lawler's Son Edge Talks About When He'll Retire, Life After Wrestling & More
Video Of The Miz On Conan, Bret Hart Takes Another Shot At Hogan
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Posted in: News
Video Of The Miz On Conan, Bret Hart Takes Another Shot At Hogan
By Michael Bluth
Mar 24, 2011 - 10:33:50 AM -- WWE Champion The Miz appeared on Conan O'Brian's late night TBS show on Wednesday night to hype WrestleMania 27 .. Check it out:
-- The back and forth trading of insults between WWE Hall of Famers Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan continues. After things appeared to have died down, Bret Hart is back with another jab at Hogan, this time posting a cartoon he drew depicting "Hulk Hogan: Roid King" .. The picture, which you can see here, shows a skinny old Hulk Hogan with a cane and a needle with a crown on it ("steroid king").
* Picture of BRET HART With His NEW Wife (She's 27)
(Sources: Youtube.com, Twitter.com/BretHart) Details On Tough Enough, Former Raw Guest Host To Appear John Cena Says He'll Do Anything To Wrestle The Rock The Rock Open To Wrestling Again & Excited About His WWE Future Matt Hardy Engaged To Be Married, TNA Star Glad To Not Be With WWE, Ric Flair Shawn Michaels Recalls The Toughest Day Of His Career, Wrestling Vince McMahon TNA Celeb Training To Be A Wrestler, Sarita & Rosita Gain Press, New Live Events Sin Cara Scheduled for Monday's RAW, Trish on TV, New Maria Movie Teaser The Rock Explains Why He Returned To WWE & Talks Post WM27 Plans Video Of The Miz On Conan, Bret Hart Takes Another Shot At Hogan Mark Henry Retiring Soon, Miss USA Discusses Training on WWE Tough Enough
Sunny's Appearance At WWE House Show, Animal - HOF, Rock Takes Shot At Cena
-- The Rock took another jab at John Cena on his Twitter, writing, "Ha! Thank u! I understand though.If I were a 5 yr old, I would love John Cena and not The Rock..too brash, loud and scary.." -- Tammy "Sunny" Sytch made a surprise appearance at last night's WWE house show at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Sytch was the special referee for a match between Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres vs. The Bella Twins, and ended up getting into it with one of the Bellas. For full results of last night's MSG show, click here.
-- FightLine.com has an article about Rashad Evans leaving Jackson's MMA, his long-time training camp. Evans will face former training partner and new UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones next. You can check the article out by clicking here.
-- Joe "Animal" Laurinaitis was on Monday Night Mayhem radio earlier this week and discussed his reaction to the recent rumors of him and Hawk being inducted together into the WWE Hall of Fame. "I don't know man. Have I envisioned it? Yeah. You always want to be in there, and you want to be recognized for your trade. I thought I was going in last year. I thought I was going in the year before that and the year before that. I thought 'What are they waiting for here?' But who knows man. Most of the time, the wrestlers are the last ones to find out anything. The thing I know for sure is that I'm going in the Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame in (Amsterdam) New York in May." You can check out more at MondayNightMayhem.com.
Thanks to Julz2 for contributing to this article. Got a news tip? Send it to us by clicking here.
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TNA's Brooklyn Return Set, WWE Takes Shot At Hogan
-- TNA will return to the MCU Park in Brooklyn, New York on July 1st, 2011. This was the site of their biggest house show to date. -- USA took the #1 spot for the cable ratings last week with a 2.2 primetime average rating. Disney was #2 with a 1.8. Syfy placed at #19 with a 0.9 while Spike did not make the top 25. RAW was ranked #2 behind the Jersey Shore.
-- WWE's is doing a March Mania tournament for WWE Classics on Demand, consisting of a thirty-two man bracket. They used different matches from classic shows and aired them as if they were from a tournament. Hulk Hogan was eliminated in the first round, as they aired a 1989 match where he was DQ'd against Big Bossman. Ouch.
-- Former TNA talent Jenna Morasca made a brief appearance on the Celebrity Apprentice this past Sunday.
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RAW Crew Takes Off, JR At WrestleMania?, Trish-WWE
-- Jim Ross recently commented on WrestleMania, and if he will be appearing on the show or not. Here is what he had to say: "I have not been informed that I will have any role @ WM27 other than my 3 Axxess appearances."
-- The February 17th edition of WWE Superstars scored a 0.49 (0.5) rating, with 436,000 viewers. The replay later that night scored a 0.19 (0.2) rating, with 142,000 viewers.
-- For Sports Illustrated's " Lovely Lady of the Day", they mentioned Trish Stratus' return to WWE. You can check that out at this link.
-- The RAW crew left California earlier this morning for a tour of South America. There is no break for them this week. The next time most of them will be able to go home for two days is next Wednesday. That's a crazy schedule to say the least. The tour includes the following cites and dates?
* 2.23: Santiago, Chile
* 2.24: Guayaquil, Ecuador
* 2.25: Quito, Ecuador
* 2.26: San Jose, Costa Rica
Thanks to Nick Gilby for contributing to this article. Got a news tip? Send it to us by clicking here.
