1. Day 443 - Random Thoughts

2. Day 444 - Breaking down the Ring Of Honor main event scene

2.5 Day 445 - Raw Running Diary

4. Day 446 - Good idea, Hot Rod

5. Day 447 - In Memory Of WCW

Nigga, just stop it.. everybody knows Ro's a muh'fuckin monster..Day 443

Sometimes, there are things taking place that deserve to be discussed in my column, but either don't deserve their very own column, or other people have already discussed said things so I don't want to devote an entire column to said things. That's when "current events" style columns come into play. I believe I've done one (maybe two) columns like this in the last three years, but damnit, it's time for another one. Let's get the party started.

The Future Is Now
I know I haven't done an MMA column in a long time, and while I do apologize for that, allow me to say that will be changing soon. I'm going to work on my Pound-for-Pound rankings soon, so look for that in a future edition of The HIPE. Anyway, Jon "Bones" Jones is the brand new UFC Light Heavyweight Champion, and the MMA world is going crazy. At only 23 years old, he was looked at as the future of MMA, rising quickly through the ranks. Tonight, he went up against Mauricio "Shogun" Rua, a grizzled veteran that many people figured would be too much for Jones to deal with at such a point in his career. I kid you not, folks.. damn near everyone I saw that picked Shogun to win tonight said that Bones' time is coming, but it would be coming in the future. Well, like the title of this section says.. the future is now. In an absolutely dominating performance, Jones won the fight with a third-round TKO. He barely took any damage from Rua, and becomes the youngest champion in UFC history. Making it even more amazing is the fact that Jones was a late addition to the fight, taking over as an injury replacement for Rashad Evans a mere six weeks ago. More and more these days, we're seeing a younger generation of fighters putting the hurt on the older generation. People are questioning the future of Fedor Emelianenko (who many believe to be the greatest MMA fighter of all-time), Mirko Cro Cop, Antonio "Minotauro" Nogueira, Vitor Belfort and BJ Penn, amongst others, due to recent fights they've had. We could be looking at a bit of a torch passing in the sport. For now, though, a sincere congratulations to Bones Jones for his title victory. He's the most exciting fighter in the sport, in my opinion, and now he has the gold to prove it.

GLAAD to do business with you
So, John Cena's comments towards The Rock and The Miz over the last few weeks were too much for GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) to handle, eh?

I'm not normally one of those people that complains about the TV-PG product that World Wrestling Entertainment puts on, but in this instance, I'm going to have to complain a little bit. GLAAD's big complaint is that WWE is promoting itself as entertainment geared towards adolescents, and that adolescent boys are the main demographic that deals with homophobic bullying on a daily basis. They said that Cena's remarks about Rock being a "fairy with a tooth" and that his "mountain is brokeback", as well as saying that The Miz and Alex Riley are going to celebrate their success by moving in together and that they needed training on how to be men, amount to "scripted homophobic bullying of other wrestlers on a nationally broadcast show for kids".

First and foremost, if a kid is watching Raw and gets those ideas in his head, whose fault is it? It's not John Cena's fault for saying it. It's not Vince McMahon's fault for allowing it to be on his programs. It's the fault of the child's parents. I don't know about you folks, but where I come from, in the era I grew up in, we had these things called parents. Our parents were responsible for everything we did, right, wrong or indifferent. It was their job to make sure we had the right morals and values to move ahead in life. It was their job to keep track of the music we listened to, television we watched, things we did, etc. It was their job to make sure we knew what it was that we were listening to, watching, etc, to know the differences between right and wrong, fantasy and reality, etc. What happened to parents? Do they not exist anymore? Now every little thing needs to have some fucking media watchguard group all over them to make sure lines aren't crossed and the wrong things aren't said and done.

Look, I understand that it's a TV-PG product, and that kids are watching. Sure, the segments with Cena, as well as segments involving The Rock in recent weeks, have clearly been pushing the envelope, but they haven't been rated as such. I get it. That's fine. I also realize that we're in the middle of a huge bullying epidemic, of sorts, in this country. Again, though, what happened to parents? These bullies are running wild out there, and their parents are blaming everything EXCEPT themselves for the actions of their children. Kiss my fucking ass. If a 14-year-old listens to a 50 Cent track, and then goes out and shoots someone, it's not 50 Cent's fault. It's the fault of the 14-year-old's parents for not teaching Junior that lyrics in a song are just that.. fucking lyrics in a fucking song. They aren't directions for how to live your life. This is no different. If a kid watches Raw, hears John Cena call Rock a "fairy with a tooth", and then goes to school the next day, where he proceeds to call his classmate a "fairy", whose fault is it? Bingo.. Junior's parents are at fault again. Your kids have to understand, even at a very early age, what they see on television isn't always "real", what's just entertainment, and what shouldn't be repeated at home. John Cena calling someone a "bad name" is in the same lane as John Cena punching that person in the face and hitting them with an Attitude Adjustment.. you've got to tell your kids they shouldn't do stuff like that, parents of the world. Come on now. It's not that difficult. It works for MILLIONS of children every single year, so something about that parenting thing must be pretty effective, I'd say.

Pot. Kettle. Black.
You guys remember Chyna, right? The man that had a bunch of plastic surgery and eventually became a woman, where "she" was then pushed in the WWF to lofty heights that "she" didn't deserve, only to fall out of favor with "her" boyfriend at the time, and would eventually leave the business, where "she" would become a disgusting crack whore who did nothing but tarnish "her" legacy more and more with every passing year? That one? Yeah, well, this person is now desperately seeking media attention by going to TMZ.com and saying she wants to have a match with Snooki of The Jersey Shore.

Why, you ask?

Because Snooki is "trying to make a joke out of wrestling".

Alright, Louise Thesz, I'm going to have to call you on your bullshit. The one wrestling move Snooki pulled off on Raw was crisper and cleaner-looking than anything you ever did in the ring, even with your years of training experience. That's not even taking into account the fact that you have a dick and spent a few years competing with women that were half your size. You're a joke. You were a joke. You always will be a joke. Quit trying to suck the dick of popularity and stick to sucking dick for rocks in Hollywood. You make me sick.

Well, there goes actual wrestling
In the span of a few days, both RoH On HDNet and WWE Superstars will be taken off the air. That's a huge blow for people who are fans of actual wrestling taking place on a wrestling program. It's a bad sign for everyone involved, actually. For RoH, it's a loss of the one thing they had to help them promote their product and build their brand. For the WWE roster, it's signaling the beginning of the end for a lot of their lower-card talent.

It's no secret that World Wrestling Entertainment is looking at releasing a number of workers once WrestleMania is over. I even did a column, not that long ago, where I predicted the names of people that would be released. Superstars, even with poor ratings, was a great show on damn near a weekly basis. It was the one and only chance for a lot of workers to actually get on television, and they were given plenty of time to work with. It wasn't uncommon to see matches on the show go 15-20 minutes. There were even multiple instances of Divas matches going 10+ minutes. Think about that. On Raw, you could feature 10+ Divas matches in that 10+ minute time frame. The loss of Superstars is a huge dark cloud over the future of people like JTG, Chris Masters, The Usos, Tyler Reks, etc. They were probably going to lose their jobs, anyway, but this is just another nail in the coffin. The lid is ready to be sealed shut.

As I mentioned, the loss of RoH's only television show is, potentially, huge if they can't find another home. There's always rumors floating around that the company is dealing with financial issues, and I'm sure this news will do nothing but ignite those rumors once again. However, through all of the news, the company kept growing. New talent continued signing with the company. Current talent continued to re-up with them. New markets were visited. I guess they aren't having as many problems as some people think. Their main problem, in my opinion, is that everything is so delayed with the company. Their television shows were recorded several weeks in advance. Their "house show" DVDs were released a month or so after being taped. If we know anything about wrestling, it's that live programming is much better than taped programming, especially in this internet era, where results are readily available mere seconds after a match is over. Hell, even the company's pay-per-views weren't live for a while, and when they were live, they were relegated to iPPV status. You mean I have to give you money so that I can basically watch a strengthened stream on my computer? No, thanks. If they can join the wrestling world in 2011, and find a replacement network to air their show on (preferably one that can be seen in more than 28 homes across the country this time), their legacy will only continue to grow, if you ask me.

For now, though, we have to depend on Raw, NXT, Impact and Smackdown for our televised wrestling fix. Quite the roll of the dice, no?

Writer's Note: There's only a few hours left to get your votes in for the first round of Hustle Madness, ladies and gentlemen. It's approximately 11pm in Hawaii right now, which is 5am EST. In a little over 12 hours, the results will be posted, as well as the matches for the second round, so if you haven't already voted, you need to hurry up and get on that. Here's the link..

Hustle Madness 2011

The HiPE Playlist: "Jump" by Kris Kross.. "Warm It Up" by Kris Kross.. "Feelin Myself" by Pusha T & Kevin Cossom.. "Another One" by Grafh.. "I Refuse" by Trey Songz.. "Red Nation" by The Game & Lil Wayne.. "She Geeked (Remix)" by Sean Garrett, Busta Rhymes, Ludacris & Twista.. "Beast Mode" by B.o.B. .. "Hustle Blood" by Big Boi & Jamie Foxx.. "Winner" by Jamie Foxx, T.I. & Justin Timberlake

Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.

Hustle
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-Team Sleep--------------------------Day 444

Writer's Note: Thanks, Uncle Jeff, for going all Mind Ninja and stealing my column idea for tonight, turning it into your very own blog that you posted today. You rat bastard. To pay you back, I'm going to get your Miami Dolphins to trade Davone Bess to my San Francisco 49ers for a can of Folgers, $35 in Chick-Fil-A coupons, a used Slap Chop and 27 AA batteries. Well, when the lockout bullshit is taken care of, and teams are allowed to make trades, anyway. Damnit.

Ring Of Honor, I have a question for you. It's a simple enough question, but one that I fear you won't be able to come up with a good answer for..

Eddie Edwards?

Eddie Edwards is the brand new Ring Of Honor World Champion, and I, for the life of me, can't figure out why. I'm not, nor have ever been, a fan of the guy, but I've talked to several people who are Edwards fans, and they were even caught off-guard by the title change. The guy is bland, doesn't have a great "look" (No Ricardo Rodriguez), and can't cut a promo. Now, he's the top guy in the entire company.

What makes it even worse is that Edwards defeated Roderick Strong, who, while not as bad as Edwards, suffers from many similar issues. A severe lack of any palpable charisma, no promo skills, and just general blandness. Going back even further, you have Tyler Black, who, without his character, would have been in the same boat. A lot of Black's problem with mic skills had to do with him being a "lackey"-type character for so long, and just blending into the background, before being placed out in the forefront all of a sudden. He actually got better with his promos as time went on and he got more repetition.

If you know anything about RoH, you'd know that, chances are, we're going to have Edwards as the champion for a while. Of the 14 title reigns before Edwards, the average length of a champion's reign is a whopping 225 days. Think about that for a moment. In that amount of time, Edge would have gained himself nine more World Title reigns. That's just the average, too. Eddie Edwards as the RoH World Champion for the next seven-and-a-half months hurts my head, my heart and my soul.

"But, Hustle, who would you have given the title to?"

I'm really glad you asked me that, ReaderLand.

Uncle Jeff made the suggestion of possibly having the current RoH Tag Team Champions, The Kings Of Wrestling (Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli), drop the titles and move on to the singles main event scene. The Kings are less than two weeks away from holding the titles for a full year, so they're at the point where people are almost expecting them to drop the belts whenever they're on the line. Do I think they'd be successful as singles wrestlers? Of course I do. They were successful singles wrestlers before teaming up. I've been calling for them to get signed by World Wrestling Entertainment for a couple years now. I definitely think they'd be successful as singles wrestlers. However, in this instance, I don't think splitting them up, just to immediately place them into the World Title picture would have been the right move. I do think a turn is coming sometime in the not-too-distant future, though, and it will revolve around their manager/valet/associate/friend/travel partner, Sara Del Rey. The seeds may have been planted at this past Friday's show, with reports saying that Del Rey looked much more excited during Castagnoli's singles match than she did during Hero's singles match, leading many to call this a potential Mega Powers-like split in the making, with Del Rey playing Miss Elizabeth, Castagnoli playing Hulk Hogan and Hero playing a jealous Randy Savage. That could definitely work, and it would give them something to do for several months, without having the World Title get involved. The winner of the feud could then go on to challenge for the title at that point in time.

RoH has rewarded their workers for loyalty on multiple occasions in the past. Guys who have stuck around, worked hard for years, been overlooked, etc. There's someone on the current RoH roster that fits that criteria perfectly. He's been with the company for years (minus a brief, unsuccessful run on the "big stage"). He's been a hard worker for years. He's often overlooked by others in his time with the company. As an added bonus, the man has always been one of the most over people on the roster, even going back to the days when Samoa Joe, Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinness, Austin Aries, etc were there. He's got more charisma than he often knows what to do with, and has proven he can cut promos pretty well.

Of course, I'm talking about none other than Scotty Goldman himself, Colt Cabana.

He's been cursed with a sense of humor and a bit of a "comedy character" vibe, so people tend to look beyond the fact that he can really "go" in the ring. One of my favorite RoH feuds of all-time was Colt's feud with Homicide from mid-2005 to mid-2006. It showed a different side to his character, as he was in a major "blood feud", and was able to match the intensity of Homicide very well. It was a crazy feud to watch. 'Cide slowly began to chip away at Colt's happy-go-lucky demeanor by attacking him and commiting heinous acts against him such as pouring Drano down his throat, choking him out with a wire coat hanger, trying to cut his tongue off with a pair of scissors, and pouring rubbing alcohol all over his face after he had been busted open. As time went by, Colt began to get more aggressive and angry on his own, and it culminated in a violent Chicago Street Fight at the Better Than Our Best event on April 1st, 2006. That was the match that let me know Colt should be given a run with the RoH World Title. It's an opinion I still hold, nearly five years later.

I know some people say El Generico should be the next-in-line to hold the title, but I disagree. He's entertaining in the ring, and the RoH fans love him, sure, but that's several steps back if we're talking about champions representing the company without being able to cut really good promos, don't you think?

I've also seen people say Homicide should've been the one to take the title from Roderick Strong. Well, again, if you know RoH, you know they don't exactly hand out World Title reigns all willy-nilly like that. In the history of the company, Austin Aries is the only multiple-time World Champion. Homicide's first run with the title wasn't exactly met with spectacular reviews. I liked it, but I've always been biased towards his character. I just think he was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. He won the title from Bryan Danielson, who many feel had the single greatest title reign in the company's history, and was holding it at a time when everyone knew Takeshi Morishima was mowing through everyone and would soon be the champion. Sure enough, what happened? Not even two months after 'Cide won the title, he dropped it to Morishima. That's a ridiculously tough spot to be in. Coming after the self-proclaimed Best Wrestler In The World, and coming before an absolute monster of a man that laid everyone out flat for several months. If he were put into a better situation, I have no doubt that the result would be better, as well, but, like I said, this is a company that has only given one man multiple title reigns. I don't see Homicide being the second man to get that type of shine.

Really, the person to blame for all of this is Davey Richards. Rumor has it that he's turned down the idea of becoming World Champion on multiple occasions. I'm sure he has his reasons, if that's true, but had he not turned the title down, it's pretty clear that he would have been the one to defeat Tyler Black eventually, or, at the very least, had been the one to defeat Roderick Strong. Davey, for those unaware, is basically the 2011 Bryan Danielson, in that most people see him as the best wrestler on the indy scene. Danielson himself passed the proverbial torch to Richards when he was on his way out of RoH and heading to WWE. Yet, there's Richards, with no title belt, yet continuously going out and regularly putting on Match Of The Night contenders with every show.

There's still a chance for Davey, really. Richards and Edwards have spent the last two-and-a-half years as The American Wolves, a tag team that has been a major part of RoH's tag team renaissance in that time span. They've been heels, and they've been faces, but now that Edwards is the World Champion, it wouldn't take much effort to create a storyline where Richards becomes jealous that he (Edwards) was able to accomplish something that he (Richards) wasn't able to. Richards is best suited when he's playing a pissed-off symphony of destruction, and I think he'd fit that description perfectly should he turn his back on Edwards and go after his title.

I'm just trying to find the positives in the negative that I feel is Eddie Edwards as the Ring Of Honor World Champion, folks. Is that so wrong?

Writer's Note Part Deux: Earlier today, the second round of Hustle Madness was posted, so go ahead and click the following link to see the results of the first round, as well as the matchups of the current round, and don't forget to vote..

Hustle Madness 2011 - Round 2

The HiPE Playlist: "Fall For Your Type" by Jamie Foxx & Drake.. "Gorgeous" by Jamie Foxx.. "15 Minutes" by Jamie Foxx.. "I Need A Girl" by Trey Songz.. "Successful" by Trey Songz & Drake.. "Love Lost" by Trey Songz.. "Yo Side Of The Bed" by Trey Songz.. "Love Faces" by Trey Songz.. "Alone" by Trey Songz.. "Can't Be Friends" by Trey Songz.. "Want You" by Lloyd & Lil Wayne.. "I Need Love" by Lloyd.. "Player's Prayer" by Lloyd.. "Take You Down" by Chris Brown.. "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Tank

In the church, they say to forgive.

Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting.

-------------------------Day 445

9:00pm: Will the company keep the momentum they built up from Smackdown? We'll see.

9:01pm: Off to a bad start with yet another bad Jim Ross impersonation from someone. We've seen too many of them through the years. Michael Cole's wasn't any better. Wasn't quite as offensive as WCW's Oklahoma, but then again, not much is.

9:02pm: The bad start looks to be continuing now, as we're about to get a Triple H promo. Let me guess.. I'm The Game.. I'm different than anyone you've ever faced, Deadman.. Deadman.. The Game.. Deadman.. "The Streak".. WrestleMania.. Deadman.. Die trying.. Deadman.. I'm one of the most overrated promo men of all-time.. 18-1.. Deadman.. WrestleMania.. The Game. I guess that will about sum up what we're about to hear.

9:06pm: I'm pretty close so far.

9:08pm: This is one of the most boring feud build-ups in recent memory. Such a shame, too, because it started off so well. What's the common theme, though? The best moment of the build-up featured Triple H and The Undertaker being totally silent. Everything since then has been all talk, and has made cobwebs begin to grow on my balls.

9:11pm: I pretty much called that entire promo, word-for-word. I'm incredible.

9:11pm: Ted DiBiase comes out, and is mere seconds away from being absolutely, positively destroyed.

9:12pm: ..aaaaand, sure enough..

9:14pm: Damn, Trips, can't you, at least, let them have their announce table for more than 15 minutes? They have a show to do, you know? Selfish, selfish, selfish.

9:15pm: Is DiBiase going to bounce back from this attack and win the United States Title within weeks like Sheamus did? Anyone think so? Yeah, I don't see it happening, either.

9:15pm: John Cena is "live via satellite" tonight? Uh-oh. I highly doubt he's not there, so I guess this is going to be another shot at The Rock. If so, I just hope it isn't corny.

9:18pm: Thanks a lot, movie trailers for Hop. For the last several days now, I've been saying "Coup d'etat" at random points. Even in public. When I'm by myself. That doesn't exactly make me look like the sanest person on the planet.

9:19pm: Evan Bourne VS Sheamus. Interesting, especially considering what happened a few weeks back.

9:20pm: Alright. Umm.. thanks for coming, Evan. Better luck after the WWE Draft, I guess. The booking in this company continues to be mind-boggling, at best.

9:23pm: Daniel Bryan gets beat up again, but hey, he has a singles match at WrestleMania. Indy fans.. think about that for a moment. Bryan Danielson will be wrestling in a one-on-one matchup at the biggest wrestling event of the year. Incredible.

9:27pm: A tour bus just made an appearance on Raw. Going by EVERY SINGLE TIME that a tour bus has appeared on a wrestling program in the past, I'd say something's going down later. CM Punk's going to blow up Randy Orton's family, isn't he?

9:29pm: Eve VS Maryse. Fuck. Why haven't we invented the technology to fast forward through live television yet?

9:31pm: This is awful. How the fuck is anyone supposed to take Divas seriously when all they do is slap each other and pull each other's hair? That doesn't do much of anything for anyone involved.

9:32pm: LMAO @ Michael Cole talking over another match. Thank you, Cole. Get the fucking title off of Eve already, WWE.

9:34pm: Eve reacting to Cole in any way only proves that it's all part of the storyline. Too many of you thought it was legit assholishness on Cole's part when he did it last time. You thought that the women didn't know about it beforehand. Ha. Yeah, right.

9:39pm: ANOTHER FUCKING MATCH BETWEEN THE CORRE AND KOZTINO?!?!?

9:41pm: What a gentle spin kick by Justin Gabriel. It's like he was just practicing the move. I'm telling you, folks.. the guy just doesn't have the "it" factor to be a major force in pro wrestling. He'll be a tag wrestler for a long time, and maybe even for his entire career.

9:42pm: I'll say this again.. can we end this fucking feud already? Some new tag teams, maybe? Dissolve the tag division, maybe? Something. Anything.

9:44pm: Folks, I kid you not.. Big Show, KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, Santino & Vladimir Kozlov VS Wade Bar-ruh, Ezekiel Jackson, Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel will go down as one of the poorest WrestleMania matches in a long while. That's something for an episode of Raw or Smackdown, not for WrestleMania. Son of a bitch. I know, I know.. the match hasn't been booked yet, but come on, it's pretty clear that it's coming.

9:48pm: The Rock will be live on Raw next week. Live live, or live via satellite? If he's via satellite, I'm ending my running diary at that very moment and will just grade the episode on what I've seen, even if it's mere minutes into the show.

9:52pm: That is the poorest fake living room I've ever seen in my entire life. They couldn't make it any more clear that Cena is backstage whatsoever, even if they put "JOHN CENA ISN'T AT HOME. HE'S IN A LOCKER ROOM BACKSTAGE." across the screen in flashing neon letters.

9:56pm: Another "surprise" for Jerry Lawler from Michael Cole? Maybe this will be Jimmy Hart. Probably not. I don't really picture Jimmy Hart as a heel in this type of a storyline.

10:01pm: More talk about Lawler's deceased parents. Storyline or not, that's just not the right direction to be taking this storyline in.

10:04pm: There goes Cole repeating the same fucking line 20 times in 10 seconds again.

10:08pm: Not looking at a very good grade for this episode so far. I hope things really pick up in the second hour.

10:14pm: John Morrison VS Dolph Ziggler. That's a good start in getting business to pick up a bit.

10:18pm: Of course, when the match was starting to pick up nicely, the anonymous General Manager changes it to a handicapped intergender match. Even when the company does something right, they do it wrong.

10:23pm: Surely I can't be the only person who thinks Trish Stratus is the most overrated in-ring performer in Divas history, can I?

10:27pm: Nice thong shot of Trish there. That's been the highlight of the entire match so far.

10:27pm: Vickie Guerrero pins John Morrison. The comment writes itself.

10:27pm: "What a night is has been, and it's only going to get better!" - Well, Cole, it certainly can't get much worse.

10:31pm: Next week's Raw should be better, but I'm telling you, I absolutely cannot wait until WrestleMania is over, as far as my Running Diaries are concerned. Just poor episode of television after poor episode of television.

10:32pm: Another new Sin Cara vignette. Nice.

10:35pm: This is a very nice hype video for The Undertaker VS Triple H. Again, though, what's the common theme? Neither of those two men are talking. When they talk, people begin contemplating suicide.

10:38pm: Randy Orton VS Rey Mysterio is another possible saving grace for this episode. I'm crossing my fingers. I'll say this, though.. it would have been pretty funny if the company made it a true "WrestleMania Rewind" and turned this into a Triple Threat between Orton, Mysterio and Kurt Angle. No hype, no mentions, nothing.. just, BAM, Kurt Angle back with the company.

10:42pm: I totally forgot about Orton's tour bus parked outside. No way this match goes long. Some shenaniganery is coming.

10:46pm: Punk IS going to blow Orton's family up!

10:48pm: Randy Orton is such a pimp. Every single time his "wife" appears on WWE television, it's a different woman. Strangely enough, though, all of them can't act worth a damn. lol @ that dumb bitch closing the bus door all slow when Punk told her to shut up. lol again @ that dumb bitch pressing her hand down on Orton's knee as he was clutching it after Punk attacked him. Dear WWE.. find better actresses for your backstage segments.

10:52pm: It's going to take a really good final segment to save this episode from an "F" grade, ladies and gentlemen.

10:54pm: Alex Riley is back with The Miz. Well, that was pretty pointless.

10:59pm: He flipped the center plate on the WWE Title. Let me guess.. "ZOMG dat tytull iz badazz! fuk da spinnur belt!". Am I right?

11:02pm: ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING! JOHN CENA IS IN THE ARENA, AFTER ALL!

11:04pm: A couple more "via satellite" cracks aimed at The Rock. Gotta get those in when you can.

11:06pm: Alex Riley gets beat up. Alright. Whatever.

F. Simple as that. Just your usual boring pre-Mania episode. Nothing of note in-ring. Boring promos. Weird booking. Poorly acted backstage segments. Yikes.

Writer's Note: You want to vote in the second round of Hustle Madness, do you? Click the following link then, kids..

Hustle Madness 2011 - Round 2

The HiPE Playlist: Raw.

If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

-------------------------Day 446
This basketball announcer makes Gus Johnson seem like nothing more than a decade-old corpse.

I'm not exactly a big fan of a pay-per-view having too many promos and/or backstage segments, but there are definitely exceptions. One exception is always going to be WrestleMania. As a four-hour event, you need some non-wrestling action going on, as a bit of a break, of sorts. We all love wrestling, sure, but four consecutive hours of it would be exhausting on all levels. WrestleMania is exhausting to watch, anyway, as it usually takes a lot of you with all of the major moments and electricity, etc.

Another exception is when an idea is hatched that is too good not to take place. Such an idea was recently hatched, ladies and gentlemen.

WrestleMania 27.

John Cena.

The Rock.

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper.

Piper's Pit.

It just makes sense. Cena and Rock, face-to-face at WrestleMania, where the crowd is going to be ridiculously amped to begin with, with Roddy Piper, arguably the most charismatic performer in the history of the business, interviewing them. As an added bonus, it's on pay-per-view, which means that all of them (Piper, most of all) can let loose a bit more than they would be able to do on Raw. I'm not saying they should go out and drop 78 F-bombs in a single promo or anything (although I wouldn't complain if they did), but it's like being able to loosen your tie a bit after a long day. You're just more comfortable and are able to relax more.

Piper has a bit of a tendency to either go off-script or to just not work with a script altogether. That forces the people he's interviewing on The Pit to remain on their toes. He'd be able to ask the tough questions.. the questions that we, the WWE Universe, want answered. Piper, in The Rock's face, asking Rock why he continued to mention his love for the wrestling fans and the wrestling business, while never finding time to return and say "hello". Piper, in John Cena's face, asking Cena why he's fighting for the fans when they clearly don't love him like he loves them (which would cause the fans to begin booing, furthering his point, but would also be a very nice way to plant the seeds for a Cena heel turn). It would make for some great moments.

There is a big problem, however.

We've received confirmation that The Rock will be appearing live and in the flesh on Raw this week for the company's "go home" show before WrestleMania. It's supposed to be Rock and Cena's big face-to-face confrontation that people have been waiting for over the last month, through all of the via satellite promos, vignettes, one-sided in-ring talk-a-thons, etc. If they have that face-to-face confrontation, there's only so many different ways it could go, you'd have to assume. It could lead to a brawl between the two. It could lead to them shaking hands, showing the world it was a plan all along. It could lead to more of the same promos that we've been seeing, only with both of them in person this time. It could lead to The Miz and Alex Riley coming out and beating them both down. It could lead to The Miz and Alex Riley coming out and attempting to beat both of them down, only for Rock and Cena to get the upper hand. Personally, I like either of the final two options there. Having The Miz beat John Cena down on Raw is one thing, but having him do it to The Rock, as well? That takes him into an entirely different stratosphere altogether. However, to counter that, Miz has come out with the upper hand in damn near everything recently, and I've even seen some Miz fans that are saying it's too much. It sets up a loss at WrestleMania for the guy. Come on, folks, you know the old wrestling rules with storylines leading into pay-per-views.

Of course, now you're wondering where Piper becomes involved. It wouldn't exactly take a whole lot of effort. Say we get something where Miz and Riley try to take Cena and Rock out at the end of the show, only to be thwarted in their plans for testostorynical treachery. As Cena and Rock are standing tall in the ring, the anonymous Raw General Manager could chime in and say that the WWE Universe deserves the face-to-face confrontation that they were supposed to get, and that they will get it.. at WrestleMania.. on Piper's Pit. Then Raw ends with a staredown between Cena and Rock. Problem solved. It's a way to actually give something away at a pay-per-view, instead of on television, which is supposed to be the business model.

Will we end up seeing any of it? No, probably not. Fun to think about it, though.

Writer's Note: You want to vote in the second round of Hustle Madness, do you? Click the following link then, kids..

Hustle Madness 2011 - Round 2

The HiPE Playlist: "Idols & Role Models (Perspective #2)" by Rapper Big Pooh & Chaundon.. "That Candy Paint" by E-40, Bun B & Slim Thug.. "Follow Me" by Common.. "Eyez Closed" by Snoop Dogg, Kanye West & John Legend.. "Live Fast, Die Young" by Crooked I.. "2.0 Boys" by Eminem, Slaughterhouse & Yelawolf.. "I Need A Doctor" by Dr Dre, Eminem & Skylar Grey.. "100 Bars Of Crack" by Ya Boy.. "100 Bars Of Death" by Ya Boy.. "Jazzy Belle" by Outkast

He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.

-------------------------Day 447

Writer's Note: Before I get anything moving tonight, I need to let everyone know that I'm doing some market research for the LoP Magazine that I've been telling you folks about. I know I've asked you this question already, but now I really need you folks to participate in the following poll. It's a simple "Yes" or "No" question. Even if you've already answered me, please participate in this poll. It's incredibly important, folks, and it would mean the world to me. Thank you. Here's the poll..

Ten years ago, today, World Championship Wrestling was purchased by Vince McMahon and the World Wrestling Federation. It was a historic day in the business. We had just been through the most profitable and most-watched era in history. The Monday Night War was something incredible. Fans were almost forced to choose sides, and loyalty ran strong. You all know what happened, though. WCW made their mistakes, and it cost them.

Ten years, though. That's crazy. Time flies. For today's edition of The HIPE, in honor of those ten years, I'd like to look back at ten things I, personally, miss about WCW. No particular order, just listing things as they come to my head, really.

Clash Of The Champions: Based on my Lethal Lottery column, the inclusion of Clash Of The Champions here should come as no big surprise to anyone. As a fan of WCW, it's difficult not to miss CotC, actually. Like I mentioned in the column, it was basically a pay-per-view card aired on free television a few times a year. While the WWF's "supercard" show, Saturday Night's Main Event, was more about storyline advancing and promos, CotC was always about the action. It was a great way to get more people watching the product, and then hooking them with the action they got to see. Great idea, and one that could greatly benefit Vince McMahon here in 2011, if he plays his cards correctly.

Commentary: I know some of you are raising your eyebrows right now, but I'm serious. I miss WCW's commentary. It's no secret that I'm a huge fan of Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, so there's that. Mike Tenay, when he isn't the guy on commentary, works really well as "The Professor" with his knowledge of wrestling and wrestlers across the globe. Tony Schiavone, outside of making every single time WCW programming was on the air "the most important night in the history of this great business", wasn't actually that bad, and was actually quite the capable announcer, despite a lot of the slander you see written about him on the internet these days. Also, Stevie Ray was hilarious to me. Yes, Stevie Ray. Booker T's brother, Stevie Ray. That Stevie Ray. When he called the women of WCW "yaks", it made me laugh. When he called anyone a "fruit booty", it made me laugh, GLAAD be damned. His "Suckas gots ta know" catchphrase made me laugh. Nothing, however, made me laugh more than the fact that he never quite seemed to learn the names of anyone he announced with, except for Tony Schiavone. Perhaps it's just my odd side talking (the side of me that always leaves out the number three, makes up words, etc), but it would always kill me when he'd turn to Mike Tenay and say shit like "Tony, lemme axe you dis..", and then proceed to ask Tenay a question. I believe he did it to Bobby Heenan a few times, and if I recall correctly, he did it to Scott Hudson and/or Mark Madden, as well. It was just an entertaining group of very different personalities coming together, and I liked it.

War Games: I've done a column on this subject, too, so I won't talk to much about it here, but it was always something I really looked forward to with WCW. You've got two groups of workers that are feuding with each other? Take two wrestling rings, and put them side-by-side. Then, cover the entire area with a gigantic cage (Hell In A Cell-style, for you younger readers). Send one member from each team into the cage to start the match. After five minutes, one team (determined by a pre-match coin toss) sends another member into the cage for a two-on-one advantage. Back-and-forth until each member of the two teams are in the ring. Then it's a fight to the finish. No pinfalls. No disqualifications. A team can only win when a member of the opposing team is knocked unconscious, verbally surrenders or taps out. Fun!

Cruiserweights: One of the more frustrating things about WCW misusing their talent and making the mistakes that they made is just how talented their rosters were in those years. One of the main reasons for that is the Cruiserweight division they featured. Guys like Rey Mysterio Jr, Juventud Guerrera, Ultimo Dragon, Dean Malenko, Eddy Guerrero, Chris Jericho, Psychosis, Chavo Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Billy Kidman and Blitzkrieg went out on Nitro, Thunder, WCW Saturday Night and pay-per-views, and they busted their ass every single time. Even going back to the beginning of the Light Heavyweight Title, with names like "Flyin" Brian Pillman and Jushin "Thunder" Liger, the smaller guys were always putting on a show for the company. I would say that World Wrestling Entertainment should bring back a Cruiserweight division, but we all know they'd just blow it.

Venues: The company took chances, that's for sure. Holding a pay-per-view event outdoors at a motorcycle rally in Sturgis, South Dakota? Interesting idea. Holding an episode of Nitro in the middle of a huge shopping mall? Interesting idea. Holding a yearly episode from Panama City, Florida for Spring Break, outdoors and poolside? Interesting idea. Holding episodes of Nitro in huge arenas such as the Georgia Dome (and selling out, no less)? Interesting idea. Things were different. Things were unique. It wasn't just holding a show in what appears to be the same venue every week like we get with WWE these days. Seriously, folks, if they never announced where they were airing Raw and Smackdown from, you'd never be able to guess they were moving around if you watched on television. It's always the same small-to-medium sized arena. That gets boring, after a while. It's another reason why things are so special when they do shows from Madison Square Garden. Sure, MSG isn't exactly a huge venue, but at least it looks different, you know?

Goldberg: Was he the greatest in-ring performer we've ever seen? Of course not. However, there's no denying that he brought a clear excitement to wrestling when he made his appearances. His music, his entrance, his intensity.. all of it came together in a nice package, and the WCW fans ate it up with spoons. They loved Goldberg. He could do no wrong. It didn't matter that the WWF fans called Goldberg a "Steve Austin ripoff". It didn't matter that people felt Goldberg was pushed too far, too soon. They were on Goldberg's side. Speaking of that last point.. WCW didn't push Goldberg too far, too soon. They pushed him, the crowd bought into it 100%, so WCW pushed him more. That's how things work in wrestling. A newcomer makes a splash, and the crowd basically determines his future and whether he'll be a future World Champion or a future curtain jerker. Goldberg was exactly where the WCW fans demanded he be, ladies and gentlemen.

Michael Buffer: I know, I know.. Michael Buffer wasn't a huge part of WCW, but, to me, he was still a very important part. When you heard Michael Buffer's voice (and now, when you hear his brother, Bruce's voice), you know something special is about to pop off. You could just about hear the buzz in the air when Buffer would be giving his pre-match introductions for some WCW main event. He just made an already big match seem even bigger. It's what TNA currently tries to do when they have Jeremy Borash do pre-match introductions for certain matches, but it doesn't work, because Jeremy Borash fucking sucks and can't do anything right.

nWo: I'm sorry, folks. I just can't help but like the original nWo and the idea of it, all the way until the company took things too far and featured 85% of the WCW roster in the group. There's absolutely no reason to hear the nWo entrance music 20 times in a single episode of Nitro. No reason whatsoever. From the beginning, though, the group was great. From the historic moment that Scott Hall made his way down the stairs on Nitro (with Larry Zbyszko looking like an idiot because it took him several minutes to notice anything was going on, even with the rest of the announcers talking about it and the entire crowd going crazy), the nWo was something very special. So dominant. So badass. They made it incredibly cool to be a heel, and were cheered like crazy. Again, things began to go too far eventually. Every match involved the nWo in some way or another, and if a match didn't involve the nWo, they made themselves involved by coming out for a run-in at the end. It was a fine example of taking something great and running it directly into the ground. Damn shame.

Ric Flair, slightly less crazy: Sure, his ranting and raving now is pretty entertaining, for the most part, but at 219 years old, Ric Flair is clearly just a shell of his former self. I miss the emotion that he used to bring to WCW. I miss.. well.. this..

Ric Flair returns to Nitro Pt.1 by Stinger1981
Ric Flair returns to Nitro Pt.2 by Stinger1981

I still get teary-eyed watching that, 13 years later. It's something that only someone like Ric Flair could bring out of a crowd. While still ranting and raving, he had a single purpose, and it was a focused purpose. That's the Ric Flair I miss. Not the guy that has to blade during promos in 2011 because that's all he can really bring to the table anymore. I mean, damn, look at those videos again. Look and listen to the crowd response when Arn Anderson brings Flair out. Those people would have died for Ric Flair. That's how much he meant to them, and to the business. It was a beautiful moment.

Competition: Yes.. competition. Vince McMahon won the war, of course, but even he'd admit that WCW put the fear of God into him for a few years. They had a billionaire's seemingly endless bank account to work with. They had fresh ideas. They had decades worth of history on their side, so they weren't just some new company on the block that nobody knew. Then they began accumulating talent. Big names. Hulk Hogan. Randy Savage. Kevin Nash. People like that, to go along with names like Ric Flair and Sting, who were already in the mix. Not only were they competition for the World Wrestling Federation, they ended up becoming bullies to the WWF, pushing them around in the ratings, live house draws, pay-per-view buyrates, etc. They were Vince's worst nightmare, but to his credit, he never gave up. He weathered the storm, and we all know what happened. However, I still miss that competition. It's a thing that a lot of people are hoping to get out of TNA. They have similar traits, if you think about it. They have very deep pockets funding the company (albeit less deep than Ted Turner, and seemingly less willing to shell out as much dough, too). They have fresh ideas (some, anyway). They've been around for almost a decade and aren't exactly new, either. Hulk Hogan? Randy Savage? Kevin Nash? Ric Flair? Sting? All have been on the TNA roster at one point in time. Their main problem is that they're making all of the same mistakes WCW made in their demise, which is extra bad in this day and age. For one, people have seen the bullshit before, but also, viewership is down to begin with. Companies can't afford to keep pushing their fans away with dumb mistake after dumb mistake. TNA needs someone to take over the company that actually has a sense for business, and isn't just Daddy's Little Girl spending Daddy's money. I would say that someone needs to send Dixie Carter a copy of the Monday Night War DVD so that she can try to learn from history, but at this point, I don't think she's capable of operating a DVD player.

We miss you, WCW. Tonight, before I go to sleep, I'll pour some out for you, homie.

Writer's Note Part Deux: You want to vote in the second round of Hustle Madness, do you? Click the following link then, kids..

Hustle Madness 2011 - Round 2

The HiPE Playlist: "Don't Understand" by Kendrick Lamar.. "Alabama Gotdamn" by Yelawolf.. "All A Dream" by CyHi Da Prynce.. "Now Or Neva (Remix)" by Big K.R.I.T. & Slim Thug.. "Man On Fire" by Big K.R.I.T. .. "Bring You Down" by Jadakiss.. "Time's Up" by Jadakiss & Nate Dogg.. "Shoot Outs" by Jadakiss & Styles P.. "Still Feel Me" by Jadakiss.. "By Your Side" by Jadakiss

I'm Steve-O, and.. oh, God, why do I have to be Steve-O?

Source: lordsofpain.net