1. Day 450 - Best Of WrestleMania

2. Day 451 - Worst Of WrestleMania

Nigga, just stop it.. everybody knows Ro's a muh'fuckin monster..Day 450
The entire thing is a brutal beatdown, but pay close attention to the chairshot at around the 4:15 mark. Ho. Ly. Shit.

Well, it's about to be WrestleMania Week, but because this is the beginning of my week on The HIPE Train, I'll just kick it off with a WrestleMania-related column. Today, I'll be looking at one side of the coin.. the "Best Of" side of the coin. Tomorrow, the other side of that coin.. the "Worst Of" side. Ready? Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!

Best Match: This is the type of thing that people go back and forth on, between "Best" and "Favorite". "Favorite" doesn't necessarily mean "Best". As a matter of fact, "Favorite" rarely ever means "Best". John Cena is my favorite wrestler, but he damn sure isn't the best wrestler. See what I'm saying? Anyway, my favorite match at WrestleMania is Bret "The Hitman" Hart VS "Stone Cold" Steve Austin at WrestleMania 13, but for this particular topic, I'll say the best match is Shawn Michaels VS The Undertaker from WrestleMania 25. That match had just about everything you need for a classic match. It had a tremendous buildup, with Taker's streak facing off against "Mr. WrestleMania". It had two veterans who wouldn't be bothered whatsoever by the spotlight. It had in-match drama, with the false finishers and wondering just what it would take for Taker to put HBK away. I've told the story on several occasions, but it's worth telling again.. when Michaels kicked out of a Tombstone, I literally yelled out "OH SHIT!" and jumped up off of my couch. That never happens. If you're in a match that gets that type of reaction out of me.. someone who has been watching the business for 25+ years, and has seen hundreds of thousands of matches at this point.. you're doing something correctly.

Best Performer: I'm going to go ahead and argue with LoP's own Mazza on this one. He's been counting down a list of who the Kings Of WrestleMania are. His choice for #1? "Macho Man" Randy Savage. LoP legend Mr. Tito agrees with him. I don't. The best performer in WrestleMania history, in my opinion, is definitely Shawn Michaels. Does he have the best win/loss record at the event? No. However, is this "Best Win/Loss Record"? No. His matches speak for themselves. His two matches against The Undertaker were fantastic. His Ladder Match with Razor Ramon at WrestleMania 10 stands the test of time, and helped pave the way for things like TLC Matches, Money In The Bank, etc. His Ironman Match with Bret Hart at WrestleMania 12 continues to catch shit from people for being "boring", but it was a back-and-forth technical classic and proved that Michaels would be a force as a main event star in the business. His match with Steve Austin at WrestleMania 14 was one of the gutsiest performances wrestling has ever seen, with Shawn working through what was basically a destroyed back. WrestleMania 19, against Chris Jericho, stole the show and made Jericho himself into a legit WWE star (yes, even after the success that Jericho had already had with the company). WrestleMania 20, against Chris Benoit and Triple, remains, to this day, arguably the best Triple Threat of all-time. WrestleMania 21, against Kurt Angle, is my honorable mention for the previous category, which says a lot. He was even able to pull Ric Flair along to Flair's last great match, at WrestleMania 24. Even the matches he's participated in over recent years that weren't classics were still good matches. Like I said, his matches speak for themselves, whether he wins or not. Sorry, Maz.

Best WrestleMania: Honestly, there's only a small handful of choices for this one. There are WrestleManias that have great matches, but not enough to make the entire show memorable. Remember how I said Hart VS Austin from WrestleMania 13 was my favorite match in WrestleMania history? Yeah, well, the rest of WrestleMania 13 pretty much sucks the giant cack of worthlessness. Not just a giant cack, but a cack of worthlessness. Think about that for a minute. The worthlessness part, not the cack part. Anyway, I thought about going in a different direction, but the more I thought about other WrestleManias, I kept coming back to my choice, WrestleMania 17. Here's my own personal star rating for the show..

- Chris Jericho VS William Regal: 3.25 stars
- Tazz & The APA VS Right To Censor: 2.25 stars
- Raven VS Kane VS Big Show: 3.5 stars
- Test VS Eddie Guerrero: 2.5 stars
- Chris Benoit VS Kurt Angle: 4 stars
- Chyna VS Ivory: 0 stars, but in its defense, it was a two-minute squash match
- Shane McMahon VS Vince McMahon: 3.5 stars
- The Hardy Boyz VS The Dudley Boyz VS Edge & Christian: 4.75 stars
- Gimmick Battle Royal: 0 stars, but nobody really considers it a match, as it was more an entertaining segment featuring old-time stars
- The Undertaker VS Triple H: 4 stars
- The Rock VS Steve Austin: 4.75 stars

Two matches with a near-perfect rating in a single show should be enough for consideration here, but then you throw in Taker/HHH and Benoit/Angle, and it becomes a lot clearer. The overbooked-yet-stunningly-entertaining McMahon/McMahon match sends it over the top, as well as a Triple Threat for the Hardcore Title that was 20 times better than it had any right to be. Even the bad on the card wasn't that bad. The Chyna squash was what you'd expect from a squash (as well as from a Chyna match), but the crowd went banana for it. Yeah, it's going to take something in the vicinity of a religious experience for anything to top WrestleMania 17 in my mind.

Best Moment: It's sad and very unfortunate that the "Best Moment" is something I can't even watch anymore because it legitimately brings sadness to my heart and soul. Of course, I'm talking about Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit celebrating at the end of WrestleMania 20. At the time, it was a fantastic moment. Two of the greatest to ever do it.. guys who have been all over the world, and been through so many ups and downs in their lives, both in and out of the ring.. reached the pinnacle of the wrestling world, and they did it together. As best friends. As brothers. The emotion you saw on your televisions was real. Chris Benoit had won his first real World Title, because nobody counts the "please don't be pissed at us" WCW Title reign he had in 2000, and his tears were real. Eddie Guerrero was happy for his best friend, and was proud of him. His tears were real. When they embraced, our tears were real. Just one of those moments that bring out such raw emotion in people. It's why I love the business. Regardless of what would then happen to Eddie Guerrero, and especially to Chris Benoit, I can't hate on this moment, and I still have a very special place in my heart for it.

Writer's Note: The second round of Hustle Madness is quickly coming to an end. Tomorrow afternoon, Hawaii time, I will be posting the results, as well as the Sweet 16 matchups that you, ReaderLand, have created. If you haven't already voted, click the following link to go ahead and get your last-minute votes in..

Hustle Madness 2011 - Round 2

Writer's Note Part Deux: Also, don't forget to check the bottom of the LoP main page to vote in the LoP Magazine poll if you haven't already done it. For those that continue to ask, remember.. it's for an e-magazine, not a print magazine. Thank you for your time.

The HiPE Playlist: Nothing tonight.

Why can't she walk a step? You know why she can't walk a step? Because she's a fat, hairy bitch.

Hustle
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-Team Sleep--------------------------Day 451
This is a continuation of yesterday's video. Brock was a monster of a heel.

In yesterday's edition of The HIPE Train, I looked at my choices for the "Best Of WrestleMania" through the years. That was fun. Today, however, I'll be looking at the "Worst Of WrestleMania", which means I have to relive some horrific moments and memories that I didn't think I'd have to think about again. The things I do for you folks.. sheesh. Let's get this over with.

Worst Match: I stayed away from things that weren't actual matches, so things like the Sumo Match between Big Show and Akebono weren't eligible. Let me clarify, actually.. the match I chose here is barely an actual match itself, but at least it was billed as one, and not as some sort of wacky "special attraction" of sorts. The match I chose featured hardly any action. Well, if you consider stumbling around, using both arms to awkwardly "feel" your way around the ring and almost getting your hands on your opponent as "action", then this match was a five-star classic. Of course, I'm referring to Jake "The Snake" Roberts VS Rick "The Model" Martel in a Blindfold Match at WrestleMania 7. The backstory is that Roberts was "blinded" after a shot of Martel's "Arrogance" cologne was sprayed into his eyes, so, to make things "fair", both men wrestled this match with a hood over their faces. Tell me that doesn't sound exciting as all hell.

"That doesn't sound exciting as all hell."

Oh. Fuck. You're right. That doesn't sound exciting at all. The match wasn't exciting at all, either. They barely touched each other for the entire match, and then it just ended, pretty much out of nowhere. Just terrible.

Worst Performer: Like I did with Best Performer, I didn't focus too much on win/loss records, although that was part of my criteria. I just tried to focus on who, through all of the WrestleManias, put on the worst matches, suffered the most, etc. That's why I went with Bart Gunn here. At WrestleMania 11, he teamed with Billy Gunn to lose the WWF Tag Team Titles to Owen Hart and The British Bulldog. The match wasn't all that good, and the result of it was anti-climatic. Everyone knew the titles were going to change hands, and sure enough, they did. At WrestleMania 14, he teamed with "Bombastic" Bob Holly (when he was known as "Bodacious" Bart Gunn) and lost in a terrible tag team battle royal. Once again, it was a situation where everyone knew who'd win (the newly-named L.O.D. 2000) as soon as they came out. However, the main reason Bart is here is because of what he did at WrestleMania 15. In the final match of the Brawl For All, Bart went up against professional toughman Eric "Butterbean" Esch. Butterbean then proceeded to turn Bart into a living, breathing bobblehead doll, knocking him clean unconscious less than 20 seconds into the fight. I guess you could say that everyone knew what the result of this one would be, as well. Bart never really lived this one down. He went from "legit tough guy" to "well, he's tough for his own realm, but when he steps outside of that realm, he's actually a bit of nothing with a side order of nothing, washed down by a nice, tall glass of nothing" pretty quickly. Poor guy. Actually, no, I take that back. He sucked, anyway.

Worst WrestleMania: This came down to two choices for me.. WrestleMania 1 and WrestleMania 9. On one hand, you have a show that featured the worst overall matches as far as star ratings go, but the historical value is off the charts (WM 1). On the other hand, you have a show that did have a good match or two, but didn't really rank on the historical value scale (WM 9). Back and forth I went. In the end, I had to go with WrestleMania 1. Just to look at the star ratings..

- Tito Santana VS The Executioner: 0.75 stars
- S.D. Jones VS King Kong Bundy: 0 stars
- Ricky Steamboat VS Matt Borne: 0.50 stars
- Brutus Beefcake VS David Sammartino: 0.50 stars
- Junkyard Dog VS Greg Valentine: 0.50 stars
- Barry Windham & Mike Rotundo VS Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff: 1.25 stars
- Andre The Giant VS Big John Studd in a Bodyslam Challenge: 0 stars
- Leilani Kai VS Wendi Richter: 0 stars
- Hulk Hogan & Mr. T VS Roddy Piper & Paul Orndorff: 1.5 stars

Look at that. That's a total of five stars. For the entire pay-per-view. We've seen five-star matches plenty of times, but an entire pay-per-view getting just five total stars? I couldn't look beyond that, even if it was the first WrestleMania, was a huge financial success and paved the way for WrestleManias in the future. Just.. awful. Yuck.

Worst Moment: There haven't been a whole lot of really bad moments in WrestleMania history. There was Hulk Hogan completely destroying all of Yokozuna's credibility in about a minute at WrestleMania 9. There was Kid Rock performing at WrestleMania 25. There was Roddy Piper painted half of his body black for his match against Bad News Brown at WrestleMania 6, although that was pretty funny. There was the crowd absolutely turning their backs on Rocky Maivia at WrestleMania 13, although that led to several years worth of fantastic television, so it's alright. Instead, I chose The Undertaker VS Big Bossman at WrestleMania 15 in a Hell In A Cell match. For one, the match was terrible. A lot of people discuss The Undertaker's WrestleMania streak like every single match was a five-star classic, when that's actually far from the case. Like I said, this was a terrible match, but the shenaniganery that took place once the match was over is why it wins here. Taker hung Bossman from the roof of the cell. Look..

Yes, I know, a harness was involved, blah blah blah, but they HUNG A MAN ON PAY-PER-VIEW! Sitting there, watching it live, you were forced to think that you just watched a man get murdered. It wasn't an attempted murder like wrestling had seen before, where a heel tries to do something dastardly, only for a face to make the save just in the nick of time. No, Bossman had a noose tied around his neck, and the Cell was raised, leaving him there. Then, like nothing happened, Bossman was back, wrestling for the Hardcore Title soon thereafter. Who writes this shit?!?

Writer's Note: Earlier today, the Sweet Sixteen of Hustle Madness was posted. Click the following link to check everything out and to vote. Things are starting to get really good. Here it is..

Hustle Madness 2011 - Sweet Sixteen

The HiPE Playlist: Nothing tonight.

Why did all the dinosaurs die out?

Because you touch yourself at night.

Source: lordsofpain.net