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[138] – SkittleZ vs. Pnk

Holy shitcicles. Why does it feel like we haven’t done one of these since September? Please excuse any rustiness on my behalf in the fortune telling department. Judging by the current scoreboard, Sir Fruity’s got some catching up to do! Believe it or not, Rey Ca$h did me dirty and outguessed me in our Elimination Chamber predictions. That negro (4-0) finished the pay per view with a perfect record and The Candyman (3-1) vows to stop picking JoMo in main event caliber contests. Fast forward to now and it’s the beginning of April; meaning ‘Mania is upon us. Initially, I tried contacting DaveyBoy & Pt2 with fingers crossed but failed miserably in both instances. So I settled for the next best thing… Trading fisticuffs with the opposite sex!

SkittleZ: 5.0 / The World: 6.0_____________________________________________

SkitZ: You do realize I invited you here because of gender and an easy victory, right?

Pnk: Fuck you. I am leaving retirement to make you look good because I feel bad for the joke your columns are. If you think you are going to get it easy, you are dead ass wrong, sir.

SkitZ: Whoa there, cunt flap. Bring it down a notch or I'll have no other choice but to declare myself the winner by forfeit. So why the hell did you leave the Main Page back in the day (i.e. 2008)? The first female columnist ever on Lord's Of Pain's MP has a nice ring to it.

Pnk: It's called college, cunt nose. Yeah, don't think I am letting you use my favorite word without resort to my old nickname for you. And work. Actually a big chunk of it is also work. It does have a nice ring to it. That's why I still use it against people. Say what you will, no one can take that from me. Anyhow, not like I have missed much. I can leave, come back, and it is the same story, different time.

SkitZ: Why does that feel like an insult? And c'mon now... Surely, my beautifully sculpted beak doesn't resemble female genitalia!?

Pnk: Really? This again? Step out of denial, sir. Same way we gotta start accepting Biker Undertaker, we gotta start accepting your vaginal nose.

SkitZ: (Runs to the bathroom and sticks face up against mirror) ........ FUCK.

Pnk: Step one, sir.

SkitZ: Alright let’s move this thing along, shall we? Heh.

Pnk: Yeah, please. I'm getting tired of discussing that thing and it's kinda hard to ignore at this point.

SkitZ: You're the rudest person I know.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan for the
United States Championship

SkitZ: Meh. The feud was kinda thrown together rather haphazardly a few weeks ago. Both are too important in the bigger picture to be left off the card. *Insert 'lack of MITB' rant here*

Pnk: Well Mania is always a sucker for these matches. Sometimes deserving people get left out of Mania. And sometimes you get these matches.

SkitZ: Easy there on the hate sauce, woman. Just because the build has been subpar doesn't mean the ginger and the hobbit won't crank out a respectable showing. Their title bout in early March was pimptastic and I don't expect either of them to 'phone it in'. Wrestling on this type of stage means too much for either wrestler to stink up the joint.

Pnk: Never meant these two won't give 100%. I surely hate Carrot Top's love child but I am smart enough to admit the man has talent.

SkitZ: My concern is whether the company is merely using Sheamus' recent slump to trade the belt back and forth between him & Bryan. As in handing the strap right back to The American Bandwagon this Sunday. I strongly oppose such nonsense.

Pnk: I highly approve of Bryan coming out on top in the end. Winning at Mania for Bryan is a big kick in the right direction. The man deserves it. He's worked his ass off to get there. And when he wins I want to see him hold that belt for a LONG time.

SkitZ: Yo how long are we talking here? Because Bryan's fresh off a six months reign. Personally, I say run with Sheamus and his "an Irishman is your U.S. Champion" shtick deep into summer.

Pnk: Ugh. Long enough 'til I hope and pray Sheamus gets injured?! *Wishful thinking* I hate Sheamus. And I find the shtick you speak of annoying. So I can never back a win by his ginger self.

SkitZ: Speak for yourself. The Celtic Warrior will reign supreme, baby! Gotta avenge his loss to H at last year's 'Mania.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Sheamus retains the title
-- Pnk’s Pick: Daniel Bryan wins the titleBig Show, Kane, Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. The Corre
(Wade Barrett, Ezekial Jackson, Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel)

SkitZ: Dear Lord. I don't see this being pretty or lasting very long whatsoever. Reminds me alot of the ECW Originals/New Blood clusterfuck from WM23 actually.

Pnk: This has a hint of "filler match" mixed in the recipe and I don't like it. Not one bit. Kane and Show? I can do that. Even deal with The Corre. But Santino and Kozlov just.... *Vomits*

SkitZ: Mmmmmm I recall reading something the other day about management feeling like Marella's earned his way onto the 'Mania card and it's difficult to argue with that perspective. However Santino would obviously be much better utilized in a comedy segment. Koztino have done alright for themselves over the last several months but damn... WWE could've found more suitable teammates for the seven footers.

Pnk: Well that's kinda my point. Santino deserves a spot at Mania. But not this one. Facing facts, as much as I dig the man, he's better known for being Santino Marella in the show than in the ring. He's pure comedy and that should be his role at a Mania. But not during a match. I am of the firm belief the only filler matches at Mania should be women's matches.

SkitZ: Touché. Given the stable's recent successes (i.e. capturing the Unified Tag Team & IC Titles), I can't imagine management NOT putting over The Corre against inferior competition. Big Show & Kane both have a foot out the door. Victories that don't involve gold are pointless at this stage.

Pnk: Big Show and Kane being on the edge of leaving us might be reason enough to give them a win at Mania though. It'd be a proper "so long" and possible "good bye" for sure. And these two men do deserve their Mania spots.

SkitZ: Interesting. So you're picking the vets over the young bucks? Wade Barrett & Co. had been raping the giant for weeks on SmackDown but the momentums changed drastically as of late and I believe it's a false sense of security. Chalk up another win for the villains.

Pnk: I just think WWE is going to go with the predictable. And I wouldn't really say they don't have a reason to. Mania IS the place where stars are made. WWE, in its infinite wisdom, could be preparing to give The Corre the big brass ring. But I think WWE is going to go with what they know in the back of my mind. And I can't shake that feeling.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: The Corre win
-- Pnk’s Pick: Big Show, Kane & Koztino winJohn Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki
vs. Dolph Ziggler, Michelle McCool & Layla

SkitZ: Are you a card carrying member of the Jersey Shore fanclub? Seems like something you'd fancy...

Pnk:.... No. And for implying I would be I wish 100 years of bad sex on you. Asshole. I do find that Snooki creature funny to watch... in a train wreck sort of way. But I am glad to understand WWE is only doing this for publicity. Trish deserves better though. That, my friend, is a fact.

SkitZ: Oh I don't disagree with you there. Beth Phoenix would certainly provide a formidable opponent for Stratus and awesome Divas match altogether. But LayCool have owned the Women's Division over the last calendar year. I've got faith in McCool holding her own in the ring against Trish.

Pnk: Comparing McCool who has been riding Taker's dick all the way to the top to Trish is like comparing.... well Dick Sucker A to Hard Worker A. Sorry. Phoenix would have been amazing against Trish.

SkitZ: Blasphemy! What the hell do you know about dick sucking? Word on the street is you're a pruuuuuuuuuuuuude ass chick.

Pnk: .... Arguing with you about this puts me at risk for making myself sound like a whore which I am certainly not so I will turn down the chance only to say that I have never had or heard a complaint. At least I don't have a face you have to cover with a paper bag to fuck.... *Cough that's what they say about you cough*

SkitZ: Pffffffff. As the Ludacris song goes, I got ho's in different area codes. But mostly in this one (the 8-6-0). Chances are Abtastic & Dolph carry most of the wrestling which is the wisest booking decision to make. We'll probably witness a few sick spots from both... and Snooki botching the hell out of her minimal offense.

Pnk: Snooki.... Please don't get me started on how wretched watching her in the ring during one of the biggest nights in wrestling will be for me. It's almost enough to make me wanna gouge my eyes out a la Oedipus.

SkitZ: Pretty much. Sadly, we both know that celebrities are treated like fucking royalty at 'Mania and our historically 73-0 in competition. Thus meaning Snookers will fist pump her way to a win. Just saying that out loud makes me wince.

Pnk: Can we please move on? My eye twitch is acting up....

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki win
-- Pnk’s Pick: John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki winRey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

SkitZ: How some people aren't fans of Mr. Dashing is beyond me; especially the 2011 version. Since getting his shnoz busted up courtesy of The Mexican Jumping Bean, Cody's persona has gotten extremely dark and vicious. Rhodes is rocking a Mankind-type character and he's hit a home run in my opinion. Rey Rey better do the job dammit or I'll be pissed somethin' fierce.

Pnk: Honestly, Cody's wanna-be Mankind moment I am not that big a fan of. But I do like him and I am excited to see what he can do with this match. Rey Mysterio is gonna go in a favorite though being face.

SkitZ: Coupled with the fact that he prevails 95% of the time. Mysterio's career is winding down. He should do the noble thing and put Cody over. I'm half hoping it's the reason Rey Rey handpicked Rhodes as his 'Mania opponent months ago. The build and storyline in general has been simply awesome. Arguably one of the strongest feuds this year.

Pnk: Winding down? Eh. Now that you mention it, Cody winning at Mania against someone of the caliber and popularity of Rey would be a WWE stamp of approval. I guess that's just the issue though. Will WWE give that to him? He has been putting in the effort to progress which is pretty noticeable.

SkitZ: Hell yes. The drastic character change has been mucho successful for the third generation superstar. Without exaggerating, this bout will shape the remainder of Cody's year. I can't see how management doesn't book Rhodes to come out on top (whether it be by hook or crook).

Pnk: Well if you want me to say it, I really can't decide who will win. If I was at gun point, I'd say Rey. It is safe. But I think that WWE has a really big choice to make on that one. Cody can be made with this match.

SkitZ: Let's hope you're wearing a bulletproof vest because Mysterio's going down, hobag! Muhahahaha.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Cody Rhodes wins
-- Pnk’s Pick: Rey Mysterio winsRandy Orton vs. CM Punk

SkitZ: Ooh la la. Another feud with tremendous hype. I don't even have an issue with every member of Nexus being punted off television because all they're doing is holding Cookie Monster back. The stable hasn't done shit for Punk except keep him in the spotlight. He's important enough to remain there regardless though.

Pnk: Fuck CM Punk. Randy is looking so dominant lately.... Yum. Anyhow I don't even want CM Punk to imagine winning. It is time for him to take a beating at Mania.

SkitZ: I happen to be a huge Punk mark but logic will prevail this Sunday. For the longest time, I assumed WWE was setting The Straightedge Superstar up for a monster win over The Viper. Unfortunately, I've come back to reality recently. Orton's injured leg gives Punk a distinct advantage but it won't matter in the end. That damn Randall Keith Orton will continue owning everybody in his path. Dude better not even think about booting Cookie Monster.

Pnk: OMG.... I beg the wrestling gods in the sky with Jesus to please let Orton boot Punk's head across the arena.

SkitZ: You've got some violent requests, woman.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Randy Orton wins
-- Pnk’s Pick: Randy Orton winsMichael Cole (w/ Jack Swagger / Trainer) vs.
Jerry “The King” Lawler (Special Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin)

SkitZ: Oh boy. This has the potential to be disastrous; depending on how much freedom M.C.'s given between the ropes. I'm pulling for my boy Cole to accomplish the unthinkable even if it's unfathomable to most dildos. Cole Miner 4 Lyfe.

Pnk: This match has only one way to end. Cole losing. We NEED it as fans. They've been building Heel Cole for a LONG time. This is when we finally get to see him fall on his face.

SkitZ: Bingo. M.C.'s been doing such a masterful job of being an asshole that fans across the globe want his nuts roasted over an open fire. Austin's involved primarily to provide some extra draw and Swagster because... Well... *Insert ‘lack of MITB’ rant here*

Pnk: This whole thing could do without Swagger. I hate him less than I hate Sheamus so I feel bad because out of the two, he's getting this short end of the stick.

SkitZ: For reals. Considering Jack was... Oh I dunno... World Heavyweight Champion at this time last year. It's better than nothing though and the company must care somewhat about the guy if he's involved in such a high profile angle. Lawler's due for some good fortune. Poor fellow's been through the ringer and cheers to King piledriving Cole into oblivion. Oh wait I forgot. WWE's banned that too!

Pnk: I'm just ready to watch Cole get crushed. Of course it will be pretty predictable. At first Cole will make a slow rise with Swagger's help until it looks like he'll win. Do something to cheat, Austin catches and stops. Lawler makes the clean win after a tiny comeback. The. End.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Jerry “The King” Lawler wins
-- Pnk’s Pick: Jerry “The King” Lawler winsEdge vs. Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship

SkitZ: A sizable portion of the IWC have claimed that ADR's momentum has died off recently but I'd tend to disagree. Truthfully, Del Rio's been overshadowed by the returning Christian and I'm still not completely sure why management didn't option for a triple threat. Captain Charisma's involvement has quickly become the hot topic.

Pnk: I think Del Rio's momentum has slowed for sure. Not that I ever jumped on that bandwagon. To me he'll always be that guy who looks like he belongs in a telenovela like Triunfo Del Amor. Which I LOVE for the record. Anyhow, Christian getting in on this would be a three way match I can put my Pnk Stamp of Approval on but alas, no go. Edge, to me, has gotten stale however. Way stale. I don't see the appeal anymore. Can't really decide who will lose....

SkitZ: As everybody knows, I'm highly fond of my Edgykins. But even I must admit that he's lost several steps. If it weren't for the E&C 2011 Reunion Tour, I'd be borderline depressed. WWE booked Del Rio to win the Royal Rumble because they have major plans in store for him in the near future. Christian's been brought back pre-'Mania to screw his old amigo; thus opening the door for ADR to strike big when it counts.

Pnk: I'm such a huge fan of anything that makes Edge less boring and brings me the Edge and Christian antics I know and love but I hate to think ADR will win. But... he will.

SkitZ: Ha! Glad to hear you're a firm(ish) believer in ADR. Don't forget that he's got Brodus Clay in his back pocket as well. Mark it down, folks. We're destined for the run Muhammad Hassan had coming in 2005 before the London bombings occurred. I welcome it with open arms.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Alberto Del Rio wins the title
-- Pnk’s Pick: Alberto Del Rio wins the titleTriple H vs. Undertaker in a No Holds Barred Match

Pnk: Taker. We can't even argue. As much as it would be cool to see Taker lose, he won't.

SkitZ: Lol @ your lack of imagination. Not that I can blame you though. Aside from their promo with HBK last Monday, the entire feud's been sour garbage. One sided promos and absolutely zero physicality. Two things irritate me greatly in terms of this showdown: I'll never agree to a pair of wrestlers being inactive for months and then returning last minute to co-main event WrestleMania. There are so many other individuals who've been busting their asses all year long that deserve those spots. Secondly, Triple H challenging the streak? Again!? Does the company figure everyone suddenly forgot about WM17? Fucking give The Deadman a NEW challenge for crying out loud.

Pnk: I feel like there was no build up. And they aren't even TRYING. It's like they already know we all see through it. Taker winning like clockwork pisses me off. There is really nothing amazing about it. Had there been SOME build up or purpose, I'd be looking forward to it. But one day they were both making silent smootchy faces at one another and suddenly we have a match? Fucking whack. I am not amused. All I can say is maybe Taker should punk us and show up in his biker gear and lose. Or something.

SkitZ: Nonsense. Big Evil needs to stay dead and buried forever. I don't doubt that Trips & The Phenom will give us an outstanding grudge match full of the usual bells and whistles. Why WWE couldn't take the H/Sheamus and Taker/Barrett route still perturbs me but I'm begrudgingly over it. The streak's in no more jeopardy than it was when Mark Henry tried breaking it.

Pnk: Taker vs. Barrett? Ew.

SkitZ: Oh shut up and let me live my pipe dream.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Undertaker wins
-- Pnk’s Pick: Undertaker winsThe Miz vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship

SkitZ: Poor lonely invisible Miz. The man stepped up his game in 2010, has excelled immensely in his role and yet still ends up playing second fiddle to The Rock & Cena. Totally bogus.

Pnk: Second fiddle? If anything, this whole thing has made him up his game. Which I applaud him for. Of course, if he wins it is only because Cena and Rock will be too busy hating each other's guts.

SkitZ: One way or another, The Great One's getting his hands dirty after playing Guest Host for a few hours. You gotta dig an ‘X’ factor for this type of bout. Will Rock be at ringside the whole time? Commentate behind the booth? Show up whilst both Cena & Sir Awesome are down and the referee's unconscious? Ahhhhh the suspense!

Pnk: I really am excited for this. But in no way because the Miz is involved. Miz is winning. I am betting on it. But the clashing of titans which will be Cena and Rock is coming and I can't wait.

SkitZ: Awwww snap, crackle and pop! We got ourselves a gambler! I'm picturing a scenario where Johnson exacts revenge on Cena... then drops Miz too. When it comes to The Grandaddy Of 'Em All, Cenation just doesn't lose. WWE's Poster Boy hasn't sniffed the belt since June which is ages in his case. The show will finish with a happy go-lucky moment full of rainbows and butterflies.

Pnk: Fuck rainbows and butterflies. I want to see them tear each other apart.... *Swoon* Oh wait, that was supposed to be an internal dialogue.... Bah. I am going with Miz regardless.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: John Cena wins the title
-- Pnk’s Pick: Miz retains the title

SkitZ: I've made a mental note... So how you feeling about the PPV overall? Digging the card? Gonna cough up the dough or watch it elsewhere?

Pnk: I'm not paying for it. To be honest, other than the Cena vs. Miz ft. Rock match, everything else could be on something like Summer Slam. It's not my favorite Mania card ever.

SkitZ: That's utterly preposterous. I'm stoked for WM27 and minus a few less-than-stellar undercard bouts, this year's edition has serious promise. If shit like Rhodes/Mysterio & Sheamus/Bryan are allotted more than ten minutes, we're in for epicness. Gonna invite over the homies, supply a bunch of munchies and let it rip.

Pnk: Screw you, SkitZ. And don't expect me back around the stomping grounds because of this. I am still on my never ending quest to boycott.

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