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[150] – SkittleZ vs. Fenixx

Damn we’re practically strangers these days, folks. What happened to that intense unbreakable bond we formed so many moons ago? Honestly, it isn’t worth explaining now. That’s a separate column for a different day. We’ve got business to handle but hopefully, I’ll be getting back on track with the Varied Reasons To Abandon Scripted Combat relatively soon. In the meantime, another one of WWE’s makeshift pay per views is upon us and I assume you penis wrinkles recall how this song and dance goes. Judging by the final tally marks from Over The Limit, Current Big Thing (5-2) & Sir Fruity (5-2) finished dead even; meaning I still trail by a point in the overall standings. Semi recent CotM winner and Aussie writer Fenixx has haphazardly stepped forth to accept my advances. Non-sexual of course.

SkittleZ: 18.0 / The World: 19.0_____________________________________________

SkitZ: Hmmmmmm I feel compelled to mention something about Father's Day... Or maybe not. Seeing how he just goes out and buys whatever he wants at any waking moment, there's nothing of value I could ever buy my Pops. And cards are teh suck. Perhaps some fine dining on me?

Fenixx: You treat it as an actual event? Us Aussies don't go too crazy I guess. I doubt even my old man remembers that it's Father's Day today. You can't go wrong with a good steak though, I guess Skitz.

SkitZ: Exactly. Even at 24, my Pops still picks up the tab wherever we go - no questions asked. Not sure if I should be happy about that or embarrassed for being such a cheap bastard... Oh well. Yo have you been watching any wrestling lately? Because I've been struggling mightily doing so for ages now.

Fenixx: You drink with your dad? Gotta admit, that's pretty cool, dude, mine's convinced I'll become an alcoholic if I have anything more than beer with him. And free drinks are always better than no drinks, dude! Anyway, I've been watching what I can and I'm actually liking a lot of what I'm seeing. You Main Page writers are all so negative. Cheer up, emo kids!

SkitZ: It's kinda like masturbating to really shitty porn. Just bringing myself to write about wrestling right now seems like an achievement in itself. Since day one, TNA's never been an option but who's to say I can't turn into Oni? Or the individual I swore never to become like and the indy shit he follows (i.e. CoLD). But alas, I may be closer to treading that line than ever before. Can you blame me though? Fuuuuuuuck.

Fenixx: Are you on shrooms or is the porn you're watching really that bad? Porn is porn, no matter how bad it is and it still does the job like how WWE still does it for me. Plus, with all the bullshit that's being written about TNA, I'd rather stick with an organisation that doesn't have Hulk Hogan in it. Vinnie Mac might be losing his marbles, but it's still better than watching senior citizens struggle through matches in a promotion where "wrestling matters". Stay with the cool kids, Skitz, the alternative's much worse.

SkitZ: Bah we shall see in due time. So did you come prepared to plow through some predictions like sports athletes do pussy at a major university?

Fenixx: I brought rubbers and copious amounts of lube, I'm good to go.

SkitZ: Works for me. And what an awful name for a wrestling PPV by the way. Jesus Christ. Who thought Capitol Punishment sounded good in any capacity? Even with all of its' generic feel and blandness, Fatal 4 Way did more for me from a fan's perspective. But I digress…

Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler for the United States Championship

SkitZ: Most out there would probably chime in right here about how we should be happy that RAW's actually doing something with their expansive midcard which is very true. In some aspects at least. But must we recycle an extended feud that took place less than a year ago on the other brand? This is August 2010 all fucking over again except the scenery has slightly changed.

Fenixx: Why are they feuding? Seriously. I know they'll put on a semi-decent match, but it would be nice to know why exactly they're fighting for the belt. And how has the scenery changed, dude? It's not like Kofi and Dolph have changed at all. Just shows how much love the midcard gets from the Creative Team.

SkitZ: I meant in terms of the rivalry moving from SmackDown to RAW, cunt stain. Jeez... back off my nuts for a second. Does management plan long term when it comes to Kofi as champ? Absolutely not. Kingston's solid for a few months here and there but c'mon now. I'd opt for Dolph as the titleholder throughout summer in a heartbeat. Ziggler has far fewer reigns to his credit and consistently puts forth better performances. I guess what The Candyman's saying is that he doesn't give a shit... and would be fine with a title switch in this instance.

Fenixx: Real creative with the insults, dick breath, but for all the brain you give, you've still got something that's working alright up there. Kofi's been pushed and stalled for a few years now, but it just shows that he's a midcard dude in the eyes of the suits backstage. Dolph would be a better champion, but now that his hair is gone, it's almost like his personality's been castrated. All I know is that I don't really give a shit either, but the WWE doesn't seem to give a shit too so it's hard to tell just what the fuck is going to happen in this match.

SkitZ: On the bright side, Dolph's dyed his hair back to blonde which is definitely a step in the right direction. The blonde perm shall return in the near future. Personally, I would've told management to clean my asshole with their tongues if they ordered me to cut and return my locks to their original color. Ziggler is powerless otherwise!

Fenixx: That would be a welcomed change to Dolph cleaning out management's asses with his own tongue. He seems too compliant and it's ruined what made him unique. When Dolph grabbed at his locks in the ring, you knew shit was gonna go down. He puts on a nice show in the ring of being crazy and desperate, but it still seems like he's lacking a pair. I mean he's gone from doing spirit fingers to fingering Vickie Guerrero, he really needs to get out from under that shadow and do his own thing.

SkitZ: Touché. Does that mean you're suggesting the belt switches owners tonight? Because as much as I'm pulling for Dolph winning, WWE might just ride out Kofi's stint for a little while longer. My inner mark's telling me to play it safe and not gamble against the energetic negro.

Fenixx: My gut tells me that the WWE will go against doing what I want them to do. Hell, Kofi will probably retain just so he can lose it on this upcoming episode of RAW! I'm gonna go with the dude from Ghana, it seems like the safe pick. By the way, is it Ghanese? Ghanan? Whatever he is, the darker dude should retain.

SkitZ: Yeah I failed World Geography so don't ask me. Just pick one... I'm sure it won't offend the black people.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Kofi Kingston retains the title
-- Fenixx’ Pick: Kofi Kingston retains the titleCM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Fenixx: Is this a 2010 pay-per-view or are we actually in 2011? Damn. For a guy who's supposed to be handing in his notice of resignation, Punk's been looking pretty damn decent on RAW and everyone knows that these two usually put on an above average match. Their styles are damn different, but with all the experience they have in the ring together, they always seem to gel together really smoothly. At least the scenery has kinda changed this time too, Punk clearly has less hair than last time.

SkitZ: You can basically apply the same argument from the above section which irritates me somethin' fierce. What's with all the rehashing!? As you touched on, here's another program 13-14 months removed from its' predecessor. WWE appears to be taking the trilogy route but based on the last few RAW reports, these newer batch of bouts have been nowhere as awesome as Punk & Rey's collective work in '10. Which begs the question: what's really drawing the anticipation of fans?

Fenixx: Based on the last few RAW reports? Do you even watch RAW these days, jizz face? I don't know what's up with the rehashing either, but it's almost as if the booking team is just trying to go with what works. Only problem is that there's no real reason for seeing CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio this time, it's pointless. I guess all the little kiddies just want to bump heads with Rey-Rey as he's bouncing down the aisle and all the grownups want to see CM Punk be CM Punk, so they're knocking down a few stones with a single match. It sucks, but I guess it does the job.

SkitZ: To clarify, I don't waste my time watching RAW nor SmackDown nowadays. At least not in the last month or so. Am I missing anything worthwhile? Fuck no. And if I were in Cookie Monster's shoes, his booking thus far in 2011 certainly wouldn't be pushing me towards a contract extension that's for damn sure. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised one bit if we end up witnessing the same scenario that played out with Chris Jericho last year happen to Punk this fall.

Fenixx: It's not an absolute waste, dude, Punk's been doing some decent shit on RAW lately and Smackdown isn't the clusterfuck that it appears to be. I kinda agree with you on the Punk-Jericho comparison. It seems like the WWE's trying to change the dude's mind when he seems fixed in his ways. If you weren't reading the dirt sheets, you'd never know though. He hasn't stopped working hard and hopefully he brings that same mentality into this match. God knows that this pay-per-view needs a decent match to keep it afloat.

SkitZ: No doubt. I just can't help but believe Mr. Sobriety's getting the short end of the stick. Punk's in his prime, performed wonderfully as World Champion on SmackDown and breathed new life into the blue brand's main event picture. Yet here we are two full years later and Cookie Monster's still meddling with shmucks such as The Mexican Jumping Bean. What gives!? And which dildo backstage hates this guy so intently?

Fenixx: I wouldn't call Mysterio a schmuck, mainly because that's a really gay word that us Aussies don't use, but the dude's a solid worker. Even though Punk's working with a Mysterio who's nearing his expiration date in the ring, you can't really call it punishment for Punk. Sure, it's a step down from where he probably deserves to be, but if he really is leaving, I doubt we're gonna see him touching a World Title until his contract is extended, which sucks big time. He's kinda dug his own grave with this one.

SkitZ: From that perspective, I guess you make a valid point... That doesn't mean I've gotta like or even agree with it however. Despite The Straightedge Superstar's dwindling stock value, I'm actually expecting him to walk away from the pay per view victorious by hook or crook. Mysterio won the rubber match the first time around. Give the honor to Punk if you pricks have any decency.

Fenixx: I don't know, dude. Punk pinned Cena despite the interference that helped him, but it's almost a lock for Punk to lose at pay-per-views because casual fans pay good money to watch him fail. I reckon the *ahem* Mexican Jumping Bean should pick up the win here, although I definitely wouldn't be surprised if it's a DQ victory because of a Nexus beatdown.

SkitZ: Yayyyyy for differing opinions. I should've copyrighted that alias years ago but meh. I probably stole it from someone wiser and sexier.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: CM Punk wins
-- Fenixx’ Pick: Rey Mysterio winsAlberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

SkitZ: Speaking of talented studs teetering in the wrong direction, what exactly is happening here? Are we feeding ADR to the giant for running him over a couple weeks ago? How fair is that!? I mean accidents happen all the time in this line of work, correct?

Fenixx: I don't know, dude, this seems more like a match to boost Del Rio's stock before he competes in the heavily rumoured main event at SummerSlam against Cena. It's probably why Big Show's looking like a mean son-of-a-bitch these days. Did you see what he did to Mark Henry and Ricardo Rodriguez? Oh wait, you don't watch Smackdown! Dipshit. And I wish Rodriguez hit Show with the car a bit harder so we could get a real reaction, he sounded like a beached whale afterwards. Accidents do happen in wrestling though, I mean, look how many times Melina's slipped and landed on a wrestler's dick.

SkitZ: Lovely example my foreign foe. I too expect ADR to have a strong summer but there's always this lingering fear of another incident like Punk's burial at the hands of Big Show; signaling the sudden demise of the Straightedge Society and whatnot. Imagine the match quality here though... I don't care how revitalized the seven footer may seem. This bout still has minimal chance of succeeding on many levels. Unless Ricardo impersonates Big Show again (actually giggled after seeing said visual).

Fenixx: Dude, look up the video of Big Show returning and sprinting to the ring, the guy's crazy quick. Ahh yes, Punkgate. Bad times, indeed, although I can't see it happening to Del Rio. After Capitol Punishment, there's only one other pay-per-view before SummerSlam so unless they want Big Show vs. Del Rio as a blowoff match at SummerSlam, I can't see the feud lasting any longer than the next pay-per-view. Hopefully this energetic Big Show can bring it, I've always been a fan of his matches against smaller guys and he can still pull off a decent match.

SkitZ: Mmmmm I'm still not convinced. The only think that shocks me is that Big Show managed to shuffle his lard ass to the ring without tripping which is an accomplishment in itself. Losses of this magnitude aren't in Del Rio's best interest at this stage so I'm siding with ADR to pull off the upset. A disqualification finish makes sense too.

Fenixx: Yeah, I'm with you on this one. Del Rio needs this win and the WWE needs it too. I'd love to see an injured Ricardo Rodriguez somehow introduce Del Rio, the dude's hilarious. But if Ricardo's there, he'll probably be eating one of Big Show's fists by the end of the match. I'm thinking there's going to be a DQ finish with this match too, but maybe the other way around. I can't see Big Show beating the shit out of Del Rio on pay-per-view. It makes more sense for Del Rio to take to Big Show with a steel chair when he realises he can't stop the giant. Both men come off looking good and it sets up another match at the next poorly named pay-per-view.

SkitZ: Ooooh going out on a limb, eh? Sir Fruity approves of such daring nature... even though it'll be your inevitable downfall. What's life without risks involved, right?

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Alberto Del Rio wins
-- Fenixx’ Pick: Big Show wins by DQWade Barrett vs. Ezekial Jackson
for the Intercontinental Championship

Fenixx: Now here's a feud that I'm loving. This almost has to be the blowoff match to their feud, but I definitely wouldn't complain if this feud stretched out until SummerSlam. Barrett's deceptively large size lets him work really well with a big dude like Zeke and it's providing for some awesome matches and encounters on Friday nights. I really can't wait to see this match and it could really boost the quality of this pay-per-view if they're clicking on the night.

SkitZ: Seriously? This is, in my mind, the weakest link on this entire card. Considering I haven't caught any of the recent developments, there's a small chance I could be wrong. But if it's more of the same from The Corre pre-June, I want absolutely nothing to do with it. Yeah there's dissension in the ranks, the odds finally appear to be even, yada yada yada. The underlying issue here is that I hate everything Big Zeke does. His big man offense between the ropes bores me to tears and I can't say much else in Barrett's defense.

Fenixx: Okay, so maybe I'm just biased because in a couple of their matches, Barrett does that awesome swinging side-slam on Zeke that Umaga used to do back in the day, but I still think this will be a solid bout. Zeke is getting better and better at getting the crowd on their feet and his power is just incredible to watch. Any match with Zeke is a must see purely because of the raw strength that he produces, but he and Barrett seem to mesh really well, and they're making each other look pretty damn decent on Friday nights. You'd know if you watched, douche.

SkitZ: Well the NBA Playoffs are finished now and baseball does little to tickle my fancy so perhaps I'm closer to jumping back on the bandwagon than it appears. Initially, I suspected Gabriel & Slater ditching Wade to be nothing more than a ruse perpetrated by the remaining Corre members. Jackson goes into the match thinking it's a fair fight, only for the Venture Bros. to show up and aid Barrett; thus screwing over Big Zeke yet again. But then after some mild deliberation, I figure that's giving management too much credit. In all likelihood, Chocolate Thunder will storm into D.C., demolish the Brit and rape the gold right off his waist.

Fenixx: How do you rape gold off someone's waist? Actually, don't answer that. The break-up of The Corre seems real though, or maybe I'm just being too hopeful. I really hope the dastardly duo don't ruin this match, because it would just add to the mass of confusing booking that's occurred over the past few months, and my head says it won't happen. Look for Zeke to break through and win his first REAL singles title (take that ECW) at the expense of the smooth talking Brit. God, it feels good seeing Brits lose.

SkitZ: Couldn't agree more. Almost as gratifying as watching Aussies lose (see Heath Ledger).

Fenixx: Pfft, diss Heath Ledger all you want, but you Yanks were all jizzing in your pants after you saw him in The Dark Knight. Jeff Hardy even tried to pull off The Joker on Smackdown way back when he was working for a respectable company.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Ezekial Jackson wins the title
-- Fenixx’ Pick: Ezekial Jackson wins the titleThe Miz vs. Alex Riley

SkitZ: Ahhhhhh leave it up to the 'E to ruin a good thing. I'm torn here because as much confidence as I've built in A-Ri to carve out a successful solo career, I wouldn't have pulled the plug so prematurely. While Riley was more of a protégé than anything, this is precisely why we don't have any great managers left in wrestling. Companies (especially World W******** Entertainment) split up couples when they're working together seamlessly and I refuse to understand why. I don't expect Miz to lead A-Ri around on a leash forever but fuck... they've been a duo for less than a year.

Fenixx: Feels like a lot longer than a year though. Weren't they paired together because Miz was his Pro on NXT or something? Meh, I think it's not really the fact that the plug was pulled prematurely, I think that it's more that these two are facing each other way too soon. I remember seeing old man Tito write something along the lines of having A-Ri fight through a bunch of dudes just to get his hands on Miz, which would've been awesome. We would get to see who Alex Riley actually is outside of the lackey role that he's been playing for the last however many months and the feud would build up to an awesome climax. Alas, this is the WWE filled with feuds that end as prematurely as your sexual experiences, Skitz.

SkitZ: Yikes. Painful to hear but sadly, pretty accurate. I just feel like it's totally obvious to veteran marks that Riley's not anywhere near Sir Awesome's level yet and thus doesn't pose much of a legitimate threat to the former WWE Champion. I understand the decision to kick start A-Ri's face push with a strong opponent but this is just setting up the poor fellow for failure. Remember when they turned Morrison in 2009? Who did JoMo begin with? Shelton fucking Benjamin. I rest my case.

Fenixx: I remember those days. Shelton Benjamin was pretty cool when he was the Gold Standard though, kinda miss seeing him around the midcard. You're right about A-Ri though, it's hard seeing a guy who was another man's bitch for several months suddenly being a credible threat to a former World Champ. It's not just setting up Riley for failure, but it also doesn't do Miz any favours right now either. There's no real winners in this match. If Riley wins, Miz loses even more credibility that he spent months building up. If Miz wins then it just completely derails Riley's face turn and exposes him as the chump that he is. It's a bit hard to pick a winner when no one really benefits from this match. There has to be a DQ finish here and I'm expecting Miz to snap and either walk out or slam Riley with a weapon of some sort to vent his frustrations. Your thoughts?

SkitZ: First off, you already chose a match to conclude via disqualification (almost two) so I'd be weary there since we're extremely unlikely to see a pair of non-finishes at the same PPV. Secondly, the most appropriate action on management's behalf would be booking Riley as the aggressor in this contest. A-Ri brings his ‘A’ game, has Miz on the brink of defeat time and time again, picks up 8-12 nearfalls before ultimately falling victim to his superior. That's my best bet anyway.

Fenixx: To be honest, your scenario actually sounds more likely than mine. Maybe because it's how the majority of Miz's matches are like when he actually ends up winning in them, I don't know. I might jump ship and jump on your bandwagon. I don't like the idea of A-Ri being the aggressor for the match and falling short, mainly because it makes Miz look weak, to me, but if it works, might as well go with it. You've converted me Skitz, I'm going for Miz to pick up the win.

SkitZ: Awwwww shucks... what can I say? My concepts are simply genius. Not that any of them every fucking come to fruition but that blame falls more on WWE's shoulders than mine. Not only is A-Ri not prepared for this type of competition but Miz can't suffer another consecutive pay per view loss; especially one of this lowly standard. I'm assuming the companies' game plan is to book Riley like a major player in defeat and then ship him off to SmackDown for a fresh start. What that entails is beyond me.

Fenixx: Hopefully he does get some good exposure on Smackdown, but the pops he's been getting on RAW have been pretty piss-weak after his initial face turn. The crowd's more like "Hey look, it's that guy that's going against Miz," instead of being more like, "ZOMG! IT'S ALEX RILEY! HE DA BOMBZ!" He'll need to lift his game in order to look like an actual threat to Miz. His mentor could use the win, but he could also use a decent match to make him look more like a million bucks instead of the assortment of change that he's looking like right now.

SkitZ: Yeah here we are hyping A-Ri's credibility and he's probably gonna job to Miz in a five minute squash match. Don't rule it out ladies and gentlemen.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: The Miz wins
-- Fenixx’ Pick: The Miz wins
Better villain, yeah?Randy Orton vs. Christian for
the World Heavyweight Championship

Fenixx: Is there really any chance for Christian to win this one? The only thing that's changed about him since his heel turn is that he's lost his Peeps and he conducts polls of the audience at random times. That kinda shit doesn't get you a championship. On the plus side, he works well with Orton. I rewatched their match from Over The Limit and they stole the show and hopefully they can tear the roof off this time. As predictable as this match might be, this might just be Match of the Night.

SkitZ: I'm sure they'll present the crowd and television audience with one of their usual performances. Orton & Christian work quite well together in the ring which is a definite when you're thinking extended program. You can thank Captain Charisma for that mostly. Nonetheless, I love the Canuck's odds of upending The Viper. Now that the heel turn is in full swing, the training wheels have officially come off.

Fenixx: You mean the training wheels he was wearing for seventeen years? Bit late if you ask me, but better late than never right? But Orton is doing a very underrated job in the ring in terms of this feud. On the mic, he's atrocious, but he can back up every shitty sentence that he speaks with a really entertaining performance in the ring. Pair that up with Christian who always produces a decent match and this is a match that'll set up the Main Event very nicely. You've gotta wonder where they both go from here though. As much as I like seeing them face each other, it'd be nice to see them both move their separate ways after Capitol Punishment.

SkitZ: I certainly expect both to have different opponents by the time SummerSlam rolls around. But as far as the rivalry's current state, I'm envisioning Christian exacting revenge tonight, regaining the strap and then a blowoff match scheduled for Money In The Bank. You know Randall's gonna want his rematch.

Fenixx: Seriously? I guess it fits, but that's just taking the ridiculous Smackdown booking to a new level. I can't see that happening though, Orton's just too dominant these days and someone's riding his dick backstage. Just by looking at the quality of his push, they're loving it too. I can't see that being derailed and I'm not sure who can really stop Orton these days. One thing's for sure and Christian is nowhere near at the top of that list. Heel turn or not, it takes more than a Cinderella story to win a title and title inflation aside, I can't see it happening. Orton's going to take this one, but it should be a great contest.

SkitZ: You motherfucker. So there's no greener pastures for Captain Charisma (heel character aside)? All the Canuck gets is a measly five day title reign out of the deal!? That would be all kinds of bogus.

Fenixx: I just can't see it happening. Captain Charisma's worked his ass off for sure over those seventeen years, but he's fighting a dude who can't be stopped right now. It's like trying to knock down Cena in 2007, just can't be done. If the times were different, then maybe the result would be different too, but I just can't see Christian walking out of D.C with the World Title draped around his waist.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Christian wins the title
-- Fenixx’ Pick: Randy Orton retains the titleJohn Cena vs. R-Truth for the WWE Championship

SkitZ: Stare at me with a straight face and say this isn't the most underwhelming PPV main event in recent history? Please try. I'll reward you handsomely if I'm convinced even the slightest that it isn't.

Fenixx: You know what? I'm damn excited about this Main Event because R-Truth has taken a character who probably looked ridiculous on paper and turned it into... hell, I don't know how to do it justice. Whatever it is, he's hitting the right spots and I'm loving his work as of late. I'm genuinely intrigued with how this match could go, even though R-Truth's chances of winning the title are slimmer than Christian's chances of winning the World Heavyweight Championship. You're telling me you're not excited at all? You'd rather see The Miz vs. John Cena for the billionth time?

SkitZ: Nah not really. Internally, I feel as if management didn't build Truth up enough. It's been hardly two months since Killings turned heel... WWE could've prolonged this match an extra month if they weren't so fucking spastic. I'm nothing but happy for K-Kwik and this sizable push he's received. But I can't help but feel the whole character transformation has solely been set up so Cena has fresh meat to devour during the middle of summer. The company probably isn't even concerned with what happens to Truth following tonight's pay per view.

Fenixx: The thing is that I think that R-Truth has created enough momentum to keep himself afloat for the tough aftermath of Capitol Punishment if he doesn't get another shot at the coveted gold. His heel turn was quick, but to be honest, I love the evolution of his character more than anything. He went from the dude who smoked to a crazy, black dude who almost has split personalities. He's unpredictable and getting the fans into it, which is always a plus. True, he'll probably be devoured by Cena, but at least it's something fresh and entertaining. Your last point is pretty shit though. Not that I think it's terrible, it's more shit because I agree with you. In a WWE where younger is better, you can't help but wonder what's going to happen to Truth after this bout. The severe drought in credible faces is really starting to look noticeable now.

SkitZ: Also, why didn't they flesh out Truth's beef with Mysterio? You're telling me they couldn't have gotten more out of that shit than a singles bout at OTL? Sheer blasphemy. Without question, this is the biggest match of Killings' WWE career and I'm praying he fares well under the spotlight because his performance will go a looooooooooooooooooong way in determining if he remains near the top of the card. K-Kwik's creeping up there in age and I'd love to see him finish off strong with a few solid years under this new gimmick.

Fenixx: Beats me, dude. They had a pretty decent match at Over The Limit too and it would've been cool to see them go at it again. I guess Mr. Killings has to stay around in the spotlight on RAW despite what happens in this match mainly because it doesn't make sense for anyone else to face Cena at the next pay-per-view. I've always thought that Truth and Cena's interactions were interesting, even when they were both faces so I'm not really complaining, but it would be nice for Truth to show his haters just what he can do in the ring. Despite his age, the dude works hard and I'd love to see a suit in the back take notice of this.

SkitZ: As would I. Part of me can't help but feel Truth's character over the last three years hurts him now. Killings has been portrayed as this fun quirky black dude who raps and smiles like a jackass. He routinely jobbed, occupied the bottom half of the card for a long stretch and then BLAMO! R-Truth's contending for the WWE Championship? I'm sensing more people wondering when the experiment will end rather than just accepting K-Kwik in his new role.

Fenixx: You know what, I'm pretty sure I remember Booker T saying something along the same lines. I'm not sure if sharing the same thought process as that blubbering joke of a commentator is a good thing or not, but you're both kinda right in a way. I wouldn't say he's routinely jobbed, but he has portrayed himself as a dude who doesn't take winning seriously and now all of a sudden he loves winning more than Charlie Sheen. I wouldn't say his heel turn is forced, more that his character has shifted gear and has changed at a thousand miles an hour, if that makes sense. Maybe a slower turn could have benefited him more, but the WWE don't seem to deal with the long term anymore. I hope the experiment doesn't end though, he's tons more entertaining as a heel than what he was as a face. We wouldn't have heard about all the Little Jimmy’s and Jenny’s if it wasn't for that great, wondrous man.

SkitZ: Indeed. There's no uncertainty when it comes to who's walking out of the nation's capital with the gold though. I'd jump for joy if the unthinkable occurred but Sir Fruity's still somewhat of a realist.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: John Cena retains the title
-- Fenixx’ Pick: John Cena retains the title

SkitZ: So looking past the severe lack of appeal to this event in general, are you gonna make time to catch Capitol Punishment?

Fenixx: To be honest dude, it's 4:30 in the morning right now and the show starts in another five and a half hours. I'm damn well tempted to sleep in and just 'stumble' across the good bits on the Internet a few hours after the event. What about you? You seem pretty damn negative about the whole thing, I can't see you making time for it.

SkitZ: Uhhhhhh yeah you can mark me down for one big fat NO. From where I'm sitting, this shit isn't worth my money, my time or my patience. At this rate, Vince will be lucky if I drop $60 on WrestleMania 28... let alone $50 on SummerSlam. Unfortunately, I couldn't be any less aroused by wrestling. Fingers crossed that I come to my senses shortly.

Fenixx: Well... you're not supposed to be aroused when you're watching wrestling. You're clearly doing something wrong, man. Hit me up for some freaky porn or something, I've got a stash that's like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

SkitZ: Sweetness. We'll be in touch then. Catch you later, homie.

SkitzLOP@aol.com

Source: lordsofpain.net

[144] – SkittleZ vs. Super Chrisss

BA BA BOOM! Judging by the virtual calendar in the bottom right corner of my computer screen, it’s about time to crank up the competitiveness. Guess that means I should remove the tampon from my nether regions now that my cat fight with Pnk is officially history. Speaking of The Candyman’s female foe, can you believe that hobag out-predicted me in our WrestleMania 27 picks!? Dear lord I’m losing my winning touch all of a sudden. Pnk (6-2) finished one better than SkitZ (5-3) and pushed my overall deficit to dos. WWE management cost me a point by relegating Sheamus/Bryan to dark match duty. The Celtic Warrior would’ve retained the U.S. Title by hook or crook. Woo woo woo… You know it. As does fellow Main Pager Super Chrisss who stupidly accepted my challenge for Extreme Rules.

SkittleZ: 10.0 / The World: 12.0_____________________________________________

SkitZ: Please tell these fools that this collab isn't a payoff for me titling the Zack Ryder column in dedication of you....
..... I SAID FUCKING DO IT!

Chrissstopher: Oh we both know that's exactly what it is, Candyman! You've joined the Zack-Pack and are trying to make amends. How does it feel?

SkitZ: Dammit you've caught me red handed. Initially, I was cautious about publicly stating my fondness for the Long Island Iced Z but those YouTube videos were/are pure gold. I couldn't keep silent any longer.

Chrissstopher: Aren't they contagious? How John Morrison got his own talk show on WWE's website while Ryder’s confined to YouTube is something I'll never understand. #WWWYKI

SkitZ: Touché. But don't think I’m not aware of what you're trying to do. Butter me up like a hot biscuit so I take it easy on your mudhole during the ensuing predictions. Ha! Feeble attempt, pal.

Chrissstopher: Well, if I recall correctly, I went 10-2 for my Draft predictions last week. Now are we going to get this party started, or is there something you have to admit to the readers and Simone?

SkitZ: Very well, foreigner. Two can play that game.

Chrissstopher: Who you calling a "foreigner"? Isn't your favourite superstar - or should I say retired superstar - Canadian?

SkitZ: Oh we're gonna go that route, are we? Don't even get me going on your irrelevant fantasy boy toy. I may dig that New Yorker's personality and charisma but remember who's ass he whiped a few years back, bitch.

Chrissstopher: Learn how to spell, douchebag. How did you ever make it to the Main Page before me?

SkitZ: By schmoozing people... Duh. Now stop wasting space and start analyzing.

Chrissstopher: You're the boss. What's up first?

Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes in a Falls Count Anywhere Match

Chrissstopher: For some reason, I'm not feeling this match as much as their Wrestlemania bout. Cody already got the win, and doesn't have much to prove. If anything, a loss against Mysterio will only derail his momentum. Thoughts?

SkitZ: Naturally, the buzz and allure of the program's died off a tad since WM27 but Rhodes has continued his awesomeness. With Rey Rey recently moving to RAW in the Draft, their feud's obviously set to conclude this Sunday. Logic would suggest that management puts The Dashing One over again at Extreme Rules but how often does WWE book competently? I'm worried they'll wanna send Mysterio to the red brand with an impressive PPV victory.

Chrissstopher: As much as it pains me to say it, I agree with you. Cody SHOULD win this feud, but since I doubt there will be a final encounter at Over The Limit, I have a bad feeling Rey will do his gay little Superman act and emerge victorious this Sunday. Even though it's been done to death, I wouldn't have minded a Mask vs. Mask stipulation added on. I kind of miss the "Dashing" one.

SkitZ: And you gotta remember that this type of stipulation favors The Mexican Jumping Bean somethin' fierce. He'll likely do the usual flippy spinny jumpy nonsense to score the three count. The mark in me will certainly be rooting for Rhodes but let’s be honest here... Senor 619 hardly ever loses a singles contest at consecutive pay per views.

Chrissstopher: And people wonder why I hate him so much. So in conclusion, Over-Rey-ted for the win?

SkitZ: Mmmm I begrudgingly agree. On a brighter note, I'd love to see Cody carry on with the mask shtick and enter a feud with SmackDown newcomer Sin Cara. Use the same strategy as the company did with Rhodes/Mysterio and just tweak it slightly. That shit would be money, son!

Chrissstopher: Nice to see you using your head for a change! But can we please speak about something other than Sin Cara? You know how I feel about him.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Rey Mysterio wins
-- Super Chrisss’ Pick: Rey Mysterio winsMichelle McCool vs. Layla in a
No DQ, No Count-out, Loser Leaves SmackDown Match

Chrissstopher: On one hand, it’s sad to see the greatest thing going for women's wrestling in the WWE come to an end. On the other hand, I think Layla will finally have the chance to succeed on her own as a face, even if it means losing on Sunday.

SkitZ: You summed up my thoughts exactly. Management's clearly turning Layla face and hitting the reset button on her character. Team LayCool was entertaining while it lasted, kept us sane and filled the void up to Kharma's debut nicely. Odds are McCool maintains her position on the blue brand because of hubby and the company feeds poor Layla to Kong in the near future.

Chrissstopher: Even though you're probably right, at least that means Layla will probably defeat The Bellas for the Divas Championship before WWE debuts Awesome Kharma. As for Michelle, maybe she'll renew her old friendship with a recently drafted Alicia Fox?

SkitZ: I'd beg to differ. McCool seems to have up/downgraded into full blown bitch mode which means alliances will be few and far between. Layla's been booked like a total pussy (keep it clean, folks) and that leads me to believe the Diva is doomed to fail. In regards to this Sunday of course.

Chrissstopher: Oh, there's no doubt McTaker is winning at Extreme Rules. Unless the rumors about Undertaker joining Raw are true and the Mrs. comes along for the ride? Aw fuck it I'll play it safe.

SkitZ: Atta boy. The Phenom shouldn’t even be exclusive to one brand if we’re getting technical. Same goes for Trips.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Michelle McCool wins
-- Super Chrisss’ Pick: Michelle McCool winsRandy Orton vs. CM Punk in a Last Man Standing Match

SkitZ: I was hoping like hell management would grow enough testicular fortitude in time for' 'Mania to have Randall do the job but no such luck. You've gotta figure this Sunday is when Cookie Monster exacts revenge and leaves Orton a bloody unconscious mess, right?

Chrissstopher: Uhhh, wrong. The Punk mark in me wants to see him get a decisive victory over Orton on Sunday, but I don't see it happening. Like Mysterio, I'm sure management wants Orton to debut on his new brand looking super-dominant. Unless of course Punk gets some unexpected assistance. Am I crazy for thinking we might see a Mark Henry run-in at Extreme Rules?

SkitZ: Yes. If the companies' planning a Henry/Orton program, we have far greater concerns. With all of these fresh new faces for The Viper to dominate on SyFy, there's no fucking need for him to bother with SkidMark. Nobody wants to see that. I don't in any aspect.

Chrissstopher: Well, when you think about it, Orton doesn't have many heels he can immediately feud with. He's faced Sheamus numerous times in 2010, and Rhodes isn't ready...yet. We might get Henry vs. Orton sooner than you think. Anyways, getting back on track, I'm going out on a limb here and picking Punk to be the last man standing on Sunday.

SkitZ: I assumed you were playing it safe and siding with The Viper... Stop reading my cue cards! You better believe Nexus' presence will be felt at ringside at some point during the contest. Orton can withstand superhuman amounts of punishment but fortunately, Punk can just keep throwing bodies at him until the method proves successful. WWE will toss Mr. Sobriety a bone to strengthen the stable's morale.

Chrissstopher: Damnit, looks like we agree again! Stop living in my shadow, you wannabe.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: CM Punk wins
-- Super Chrisss’ Pick: CM Punk winsJerry “The King” Lawler & Jim Ross vs. Michael Cole &
Jack Swagger in a Tag Team Country Whipping Match

Chrissstopher: Every year, I spend a good portion of my paycheck ordering Wrestlemania, so it's rare I purchase Backlash/Extreme Rules. However, I was going to make an exception to the rule until I remembered about this match taking place. Tell me, when has a feud died such a horrible death? Even Bret vs. Vince concluded at last year's WrestleMania.

SkitZ: Lol @ your lack of faith. However I can't bring myself to speak otherwise. Being a Cole Miner doesn't make this storyline disaster any less painful to endure. I've had my fill and can't stand much more. Every time I convince myself that the worst has occurred, I'm proven wrong the following Monday night. Just let it end and quick.

Chrissstopher: The way I see it, there’s only two outcomes. Best case scenario: Swagger turns on Cole (turning face in the process), Lawler wins, Cole becomes exclusive to Smackdown!, and Swagger becomes a big babyface on RAW. Worst case scenario: Cole & Swagger win, and the angle continues into the next Pay-Per-View.

SkitZ: Why does Option B seem so much more plausible? I'm praying The All-American American finally blows up and assaults M.C. but it's mainly a pipe dream for yours truly. Like you mentioned previously, this impending botchfest is a major reason why I won't be coughing up fifty bucks for Extreme Rules. Especially since this bullshit will probably be as lengthy as the main event. Complete blasphemy.

Chrissstopher: Screw that. If Vince has any sense left in him, he'll pull the plug to this trainwreck on Sunday and let the "good" commentators get their long-awaited win. I hate to beat a dead dog, but how does Cole have a match at Extreme Rules while Ryder is forced to main-event Superstars?

SkitZ: Life is cruel like that I'm afraid. But if the sole purpose for the feud was to give Lawler his big moment, the program would've finished at WM27. The continuation nearly guarantees a different outcome this time around. Sir Fruity's backing Swagster & Co. Gool ol' JR will get his comeuppance for busting open Cole's mouth on RAW. You know there was some legitimacy behind JR's punch.

Chrissstopher: That fool damn near broke his hand! It looks like JBL has been teaching him how to shoot, I mean fight. Anyways, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for a fairytale ending on Sunday.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Michael Cole & Jack Swagger win
-- Super Chrisss’ Pick: Jerry “The King” Lawler & Jim Ross winChristian vs. Alberto Del Rio in a Ladder Match for
the vacant World Heavyweight Championship

SkitZ: Early MOTN candidate? It's no secret that Captain Charisma excels in this type of environment. Almost as much as my Edgykins (insert frown face). Nonetheless, I'm psyched for the high percentage chance of Christian finally getting his due. We both know the quality will be top notch but as for the result? I dunno, homie. Management could shaft the Canuck again and pull the trigger on ADR's crowning achievement instead.

Chrissstopher: See, that's the thing. With Del Rio being drafted to RAW and all three participants of the Steel Cage match being Monday Nighters, logic dictates Christian will win the title on Sunday. However, it seems almost too good to be true. Edge retires as the face world champion, and Christian immediately takes his place. One way or another, someone's getting screwed.

SkitZ: Watch your mouth. But yeah that seems to be the case. If WWE were so gun-ho on pushing Del Rio to the moon and beyond, the title switch would've happened at 'Mania earlier this month. I'm figuring Copeland's sudden retirement will force the companies' hand and they'll throw the belt on Captain Charisma. It's apparent that Edge wasn't going to drop the strap anytime soon. And he & Christian are basically one in the same. Therefore, where's the harm in rewarding blondie?

Chrissstopher: Simple: WWE likes swerving the fans for no reason. But there's a problem. Does management have enough confidence to let these two men main-event a PPV? Because a Christian win would definitely send the fans home happy. Ugh why can’t they BOTH be world champion?

SkitZ: Hey you're preaching to the choir, pal. I'm just not envisioning ADR bringing the World Title along with him to RAW next week. Nor am I confident about WWE featuring both champions on the same show. Besides, they just did so two(ish) years ago. Despite whether Miz retains or loses his respective belt, it makes sense for Christian to walk out of Tampa with the gold. I suspect he will convincingly.

Chrissstopher: True that. This may be Captain Charisma's last chance at winning the big one. So what if Del Rio was supposed to win the title at the last few PPVs or so? He can wait a little bit longer. #Christian4Champ

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Christian wins the title
-- Super Chrisss’ Pick: Christian wins the titleThe Miz vs. John Cena vs. John Morrison in a
Triple Threat Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship

Chrissstopher: Thank God R-Truth was removed from this match less than a week after he qualified. Face or heel, Truth does not deserve to tangle with the big boys. I know you've been pulling for a JoMo title push for months now. Think his time has come on Sunday?

SkitZ: Nada. After he cost me at the Rumble and EC, I vowed to never choose Abtastic in a pivotal bout ever again. And I'm sticking to my promise (for now at least). Compound that with all of this Melina/Trish drama and I sincerely doubt Morrison leaves the PPV satisfied. He'll probably steal the spotlight as per usual but that's about it.

Chrissstopher: Can't disagree with you there. It really comes down to Cena or Miz leaving with the gold on Sunday. Considering that WWE is heavily debating having Del Rio vs. Cena main-event SummerSlam, it would make sense for Cena to win the title at Extreme Rules. That being said, is it wise to take the belt off Miz weeks after his big Wrestlemania victory?

SkitZ: Nope. Plus, they don't wanna take away from Christian's career defining moment. Sir Awesome's put together a terrific rookie reign in my opinion. Why sell it short? Give Mizanin a few additional weeks to brag and showboat. Cenation's already donned the title what? Nine times? I'm sure he can manage without #10 until late May.

Chrissstopher: Amen, brother. I would rather see someone besides Cena dethrone The Awesome One but I suppose a Cena win is inevitable - just not yet. I expect The Miz to escape the cage and leave with the WWE Championship still intact.

SkitZ: Seconded. JoMo might've weaseled his way into this bout but that doesn't mean he's free of any lingering consequences from his unprofessional actions at WM27. Abtastic's there to give Miz an escape route so the champ can avoid a loss. Don't be surprised either if Truth (aka Chrissstopher's favorite person) pops up towards the matches' closing sequence.

Chrissstopher: In a Steel Cage? So he's going to pull a Kurt Angle and randomly scale the walls? Truth would probably fall off and break his back - not like that would be a bad thing, mind you.

Miz will retain, plain and simple.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Miz retains the title
-- Super Chrisss’ Pick: Miz retains the title

SkitZ: Ah you don't gotta be such a Negative Nancy, dude. The Artist Formerly Known As K-Kwik showed off some mild comedy this past Monday. Surely, you chuckled at the little Johnny segment?

Chrissstopher: Not really. It started off decent but like his attack on Morrison the week before, went on and on. Truth needs to start hanging out with Punk to learn how to be a good heel.

SkitZ: Bingo. Cookie Monster's Twitter account is a solid starting point.

Stroke And Bust

Bloodline kills it with a dialog fantasy type piece. Extremely creative and something WWE’s writing staff would be wise to take notes on…
>>> XLV: Fur Cue

Do I even need to offer an explanation? Pretty much everything Johnny Boomerang posts nowadays tickles your sensitive spots. Click for instant euphoria…
>>> The Boomerang Prophecies LXIX: Obligated to Talk About Sex

Don’t look now but Jonah Rivera’s sounding more and more like a closet Batista mark. Who the fuck you ask? Uncle Joe and don’t forget it, twat waffles…
>>> Love part deux

Columns Forum regular, Watcher, makes his debut on my plug list. No idea whether that’s something to be proud of but yeah. Check out his series…
>>> Watcher’s Series of Unfortunate Events: Volume Two

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[138] – SkittleZ vs. Pnk

Holy shitcicles. Why does it feel like we haven’t done one of these since September? Please excuse any rustiness on my behalf in the fortune telling department. Judging by the current scoreboard, Sir Fruity’s got some catching up to do! Believe it or not, Rey Ca$h did me dirty and outguessed me in our Elimination Chamber predictions. That negro (4-0) finished the pay per view with a perfect record and The Candyman (3-1) vows to stop picking JoMo in main event caliber contests. Fast forward to now and it’s the beginning of April; meaning ‘Mania is upon us. Initially, I tried contacting DaveyBoy & Pt2 with fingers crossed but failed miserably in both instances. So I settled for the next best thing… Trading fisticuffs with the opposite sex!

SkittleZ: 5.0 / The World: 6.0_____________________________________________

SkitZ: You do realize I invited you here because of gender and an easy victory, right?

Pnk: Fuck you. I am leaving retirement to make you look good because I feel bad for the joke your columns are. If you think you are going to get it easy, you are dead ass wrong, sir.

SkitZ: Whoa there, cunt flap. Bring it down a notch or I'll have no other choice but to declare myself the winner by forfeit. So why the hell did you leave the Main Page back in the day (i.e. 2008)? The first female columnist ever on Lord's Of Pain's MP has a nice ring to it.

Pnk: It's called college, cunt nose. Yeah, don't think I am letting you use my favorite word without resort to my old nickname for you. And work. Actually a big chunk of it is also work. It does have a nice ring to it. That's why I still use it against people. Say what you will, no one can take that from me. Anyhow, not like I have missed much. I can leave, come back, and it is the same story, different time.

SkitZ: Why does that feel like an insult? And c'mon now... Surely, my beautifully sculpted beak doesn't resemble female genitalia!?

Pnk: Really? This again? Step out of denial, sir. Same way we gotta start accepting Biker Undertaker, we gotta start accepting your vaginal nose.

SkitZ: (Runs to the bathroom and sticks face up against mirror) ........ FUCK.

Pnk: Step one, sir.

SkitZ: Alright let’s move this thing along, shall we? Heh.

Pnk: Yeah, please. I'm getting tired of discussing that thing and it's kinda hard to ignore at this point.

SkitZ: You're the rudest person I know.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan for the
United States Championship

SkitZ: Meh. The feud was kinda thrown together rather haphazardly a few weeks ago. Both are too important in the bigger picture to be left off the card. *Insert 'lack of MITB' rant here*

Pnk: Well Mania is always a sucker for these matches. Sometimes deserving people get left out of Mania. And sometimes you get these matches.

SkitZ: Easy there on the hate sauce, woman. Just because the build has been subpar doesn't mean the ginger and the hobbit won't crank out a respectable showing. Their title bout in early March was pimptastic and I don't expect either of them to 'phone it in'. Wrestling on this type of stage means too much for either wrestler to stink up the joint.

Pnk: Never meant these two won't give 100%. I surely hate Carrot Top's love child but I am smart enough to admit the man has talent.

SkitZ: My concern is whether the company is merely using Sheamus' recent slump to trade the belt back and forth between him & Bryan. As in handing the strap right back to The American Bandwagon this Sunday. I strongly oppose such nonsense.

Pnk: I highly approve of Bryan coming out on top in the end. Winning at Mania for Bryan is a big kick in the right direction. The man deserves it. He's worked his ass off to get there. And when he wins I want to see him hold that belt for a LONG time.

SkitZ: Yo how long are we talking here? Because Bryan's fresh off a six months reign. Personally, I say run with Sheamus and his "an Irishman is your U.S. Champion" shtick deep into summer.

Pnk: Ugh. Long enough 'til I hope and pray Sheamus gets injured?! *Wishful thinking* I hate Sheamus. And I find the shtick you speak of annoying. So I can never back a win by his ginger self.

SkitZ: Speak for yourself. The Celtic Warrior will reign supreme, baby! Gotta avenge his loss to H at last year's 'Mania.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Sheamus retains the title
-- Pnk’s Pick: Daniel Bryan wins the titleBig Show, Kane, Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. The Corre
(Wade Barrett, Ezekial Jackson, Heath Slater & Justin Gabriel)

SkitZ: Dear Lord. I don't see this being pretty or lasting very long whatsoever. Reminds me alot of the ECW Originals/New Blood clusterfuck from WM23 actually.

Pnk: This has a hint of "filler match" mixed in the recipe and I don't like it. Not one bit. Kane and Show? I can do that. Even deal with The Corre. But Santino and Kozlov just.... *Vomits*

SkitZ: Mmmmmm I recall reading something the other day about management feeling like Marella's earned his way onto the 'Mania card and it's difficult to argue with that perspective. However Santino would obviously be much better utilized in a comedy segment. Koztino have done alright for themselves over the last several months but damn... WWE could've found more suitable teammates for the seven footers.

Pnk: Well that's kinda my point. Santino deserves a spot at Mania. But not this one. Facing facts, as much as I dig the man, he's better known for being Santino Marella in the show than in the ring. He's pure comedy and that should be his role at a Mania. But not during a match. I am of the firm belief the only filler matches at Mania should be women's matches.

SkitZ: Touché. Given the stable's recent successes (i.e. capturing the Unified Tag Team & IC Titles), I can't imagine management NOT putting over The Corre against inferior competition. Big Show & Kane both have a foot out the door. Victories that don't involve gold are pointless at this stage.

Pnk: Big Show and Kane being on the edge of leaving us might be reason enough to give them a win at Mania though. It'd be a proper "so long" and possible "good bye" for sure. And these two men do deserve their Mania spots.

SkitZ: Interesting. So you're picking the vets over the young bucks? Wade Barrett & Co. had been raping the giant for weeks on SmackDown but the momentums changed drastically as of late and I believe it's a false sense of security. Chalk up another win for the villains.

Pnk: I just think WWE is going to go with the predictable. And I wouldn't really say they don't have a reason to. Mania IS the place where stars are made. WWE, in its infinite wisdom, could be preparing to give The Corre the big brass ring. But I think WWE is going to go with what they know in the back of my mind. And I can't shake that feeling.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: The Corre win
-- Pnk’s Pick: Big Show, Kane & Koztino winJohn Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki
vs. Dolph Ziggler, Michelle McCool & Layla

SkitZ: Are you a card carrying member of the Jersey Shore fanclub? Seems like something you'd fancy...

Pnk:.... No. And for implying I would be I wish 100 years of bad sex on you. Asshole. I do find that Snooki creature funny to watch... in a train wreck sort of way. But I am glad to understand WWE is only doing this for publicity. Trish deserves better though. That, my friend, is a fact.

SkitZ: Oh I don't disagree with you there. Beth Phoenix would certainly provide a formidable opponent for Stratus and awesome Divas match altogether. But LayCool have owned the Women's Division over the last calendar year. I've got faith in McCool holding her own in the ring against Trish.

Pnk: Comparing McCool who has been riding Taker's dick all the way to the top to Trish is like comparing.... well Dick Sucker A to Hard Worker A. Sorry. Phoenix would have been amazing against Trish.

SkitZ: Blasphemy! What the hell do you know about dick sucking? Word on the street is you're a pruuuuuuuuuuuuude ass chick.

Pnk: .... Arguing with you about this puts me at risk for making myself sound like a whore which I am certainly not so I will turn down the chance only to say that I have never had or heard a complaint. At least I don't have a face you have to cover with a paper bag to fuck.... *Cough that's what they say about you cough*

SkitZ: Pffffffff. As the Ludacris song goes, I got ho's in different area codes. But mostly in this one (the 8-6-0). Chances are Abtastic & Dolph carry most of the wrestling which is the wisest booking decision to make. We'll probably witness a few sick spots from both... and Snooki botching the hell out of her minimal offense.

Pnk: Snooki.... Please don't get me started on how wretched watching her in the ring during one of the biggest nights in wrestling will be for me. It's almost enough to make me wanna gouge my eyes out a la Oedipus.

SkitZ: Pretty much. Sadly, we both know that celebrities are treated like fucking royalty at 'Mania and our historically 73-0 in competition. Thus meaning Snookers will fist pump her way to a win. Just saying that out loud makes me wince.

Pnk: Can we please move on? My eye twitch is acting up....

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki win
-- Pnk’s Pick: John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki winRey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

SkitZ: How some people aren't fans of Mr. Dashing is beyond me; especially the 2011 version. Since getting his shnoz busted up courtesy of The Mexican Jumping Bean, Cody's persona has gotten extremely dark and vicious. Rhodes is rocking a Mankind-type character and he's hit a home run in my opinion. Rey Rey better do the job dammit or I'll be pissed somethin' fierce.

Pnk: Honestly, Cody's wanna-be Mankind moment I am not that big a fan of. But I do like him and I am excited to see what he can do with this match. Rey Mysterio is gonna go in a favorite though being face.

SkitZ: Coupled with the fact that he prevails 95% of the time. Mysterio's career is winding down. He should do the noble thing and put Cody over. I'm half hoping it's the reason Rey Rey handpicked Rhodes as his 'Mania opponent months ago. The build and storyline in general has been simply awesome. Arguably one of the strongest feuds this year.

Pnk: Winding down? Eh. Now that you mention it, Cody winning at Mania against someone of the caliber and popularity of Rey would be a WWE stamp of approval. I guess that's just the issue though. Will WWE give that to him? He has been putting in the effort to progress which is pretty noticeable.

SkitZ: Hell yes. The drastic character change has been mucho successful for the third generation superstar. Without exaggerating, this bout will shape the remainder of Cody's year. I can't see how management doesn't book Rhodes to come out on top (whether it be by hook or crook).

Pnk: Well if you want me to say it, I really can't decide who will win. If I was at gun point, I'd say Rey. It is safe. But I think that WWE has a really big choice to make on that one. Cody can be made with this match.

SkitZ: Let's hope you're wearing a bulletproof vest because Mysterio's going down, hobag! Muhahahaha.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Cody Rhodes wins
-- Pnk’s Pick: Rey Mysterio winsRandy Orton vs. CM Punk

SkitZ: Ooh la la. Another feud with tremendous hype. I don't even have an issue with every member of Nexus being punted off television because all they're doing is holding Cookie Monster back. The stable hasn't done shit for Punk except keep him in the spotlight. He's important enough to remain there regardless though.

Pnk: Fuck CM Punk. Randy is looking so dominant lately.... Yum. Anyhow I don't even want CM Punk to imagine winning. It is time for him to take a beating at Mania.

SkitZ: I happen to be a huge Punk mark but logic will prevail this Sunday. For the longest time, I assumed WWE was setting The Straightedge Superstar up for a monster win over The Viper. Unfortunately, I've come back to reality recently. Orton's injured leg gives Punk a distinct advantage but it won't matter in the end. That damn Randall Keith Orton will continue owning everybody in his path. Dude better not even think about booting Cookie Monster.

Pnk: OMG.... I beg the wrestling gods in the sky with Jesus to please let Orton boot Punk's head across the arena.

SkitZ: You've got some violent requests, woman.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Randy Orton wins
-- Pnk’s Pick: Randy Orton winsMichael Cole (w/ Jack Swagger / Trainer) vs.
Jerry “The King” Lawler (Special Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin)

SkitZ: Oh boy. This has the potential to be disastrous; depending on how much freedom M.C.'s given between the ropes. I'm pulling for my boy Cole to accomplish the unthinkable even if it's unfathomable to most dildos. Cole Miner 4 Lyfe.

Pnk: This match has only one way to end. Cole losing. We NEED it as fans. They've been building Heel Cole for a LONG time. This is when we finally get to see him fall on his face.

SkitZ: Bingo. M.C.'s been doing such a masterful job of being an asshole that fans across the globe want his nuts roasted over an open fire. Austin's involved primarily to provide some extra draw and Swagster because... Well... *Insert ‘lack of MITB’ rant here*

Pnk: This whole thing could do without Swagger. I hate him less than I hate Sheamus so I feel bad because out of the two, he's getting this short end of the stick.

SkitZ: For reals. Considering Jack was... Oh I dunno... World Heavyweight Champion at this time last year. It's better than nothing though and the company must care somewhat about the guy if he's involved in such a high profile angle. Lawler's due for some good fortune. Poor fellow's been through the ringer and cheers to King piledriving Cole into oblivion. Oh wait I forgot. WWE's banned that too!

Pnk: I'm just ready to watch Cole get crushed. Of course it will be pretty predictable. At first Cole will make a slow rise with Swagger's help until it looks like he'll win. Do something to cheat, Austin catches and stops. Lawler makes the clean win after a tiny comeback. The. End.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Jerry “The King” Lawler wins
-- Pnk’s Pick: Jerry “The King” Lawler winsEdge vs. Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship

SkitZ: A sizable portion of the IWC have claimed that ADR's momentum has died off recently but I'd tend to disagree. Truthfully, Del Rio's been overshadowed by the returning Christian and I'm still not completely sure why management didn't option for a triple threat. Captain Charisma's involvement has quickly become the hot topic.

Pnk: I think Del Rio's momentum has slowed for sure. Not that I ever jumped on that bandwagon. To me he'll always be that guy who looks like he belongs in a telenovela like Triunfo Del Amor. Which I LOVE for the record. Anyhow, Christian getting in on this would be a three way match I can put my Pnk Stamp of Approval on but alas, no go. Edge, to me, has gotten stale however. Way stale. I don't see the appeal anymore. Can't really decide who will lose....

SkitZ: As everybody knows, I'm highly fond of my Edgykins. But even I must admit that he's lost several steps. If it weren't for the E&C 2011 Reunion Tour, I'd be borderline depressed. WWE booked Del Rio to win the Royal Rumble because they have major plans in store for him in the near future. Christian's been brought back pre-'Mania to screw his old amigo; thus opening the door for ADR to strike big when it counts.

Pnk: I'm such a huge fan of anything that makes Edge less boring and brings me the Edge and Christian antics I know and love but I hate to think ADR will win. But... he will.

SkitZ: Ha! Glad to hear you're a firm(ish) believer in ADR. Don't forget that he's got Brodus Clay in his back pocket as well. Mark it down, folks. We're destined for the run Muhammad Hassan had coming in 2005 before the London bombings occurred. I welcome it with open arms.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Alberto Del Rio wins the title
-- Pnk’s Pick: Alberto Del Rio wins the titleTriple H vs. Undertaker in a No Holds Barred Match

Pnk: Taker. We can't even argue. As much as it would be cool to see Taker lose, he won't.

SkitZ: Lol @ your lack of imagination. Not that I can blame you though. Aside from their promo with HBK last Monday, the entire feud's been sour garbage. One sided promos and absolutely zero physicality. Two things irritate me greatly in terms of this showdown: I'll never agree to a pair of wrestlers being inactive for months and then returning last minute to co-main event WrestleMania. There are so many other individuals who've been busting their asses all year long that deserve those spots. Secondly, Triple H challenging the streak? Again!? Does the company figure everyone suddenly forgot about WM17? Fucking give The Deadman a NEW challenge for crying out loud.

Pnk: I feel like there was no build up. And they aren't even TRYING. It's like they already know we all see through it. Taker winning like clockwork pisses me off. There is really nothing amazing about it. Had there been SOME build up or purpose, I'd be looking forward to it. But one day they were both making silent smootchy faces at one another and suddenly we have a match? Fucking whack. I am not amused. All I can say is maybe Taker should punk us and show up in his biker gear and lose. Or something.

SkitZ: Nonsense. Big Evil needs to stay dead and buried forever. I don't doubt that Trips & The Phenom will give us an outstanding grudge match full of the usual bells and whistles. Why WWE couldn't take the H/Sheamus and Taker/Barrett route still perturbs me but I'm begrudgingly over it. The streak's in no more jeopardy than it was when Mark Henry tried breaking it.

Pnk: Taker vs. Barrett? Ew.

SkitZ: Oh shut up and let me live my pipe dream.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: Undertaker wins
-- Pnk’s Pick: Undertaker winsThe Miz vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship

SkitZ: Poor lonely invisible Miz. The man stepped up his game in 2010, has excelled immensely in his role and yet still ends up playing second fiddle to The Rock & Cena. Totally bogus.

Pnk: Second fiddle? If anything, this whole thing has made him up his game. Which I applaud him for. Of course, if he wins it is only because Cena and Rock will be too busy hating each other's guts.

SkitZ: One way or another, The Great One's getting his hands dirty after playing Guest Host for a few hours. You gotta dig an ‘X’ factor for this type of bout. Will Rock be at ringside the whole time? Commentate behind the booth? Show up whilst both Cena & Sir Awesome are down and the referee's unconscious? Ahhhhh the suspense!

Pnk: I really am excited for this. But in no way because the Miz is involved. Miz is winning. I am betting on it. But the clashing of titans which will be Cena and Rock is coming and I can't wait.

SkitZ: Awwww snap, crackle and pop! We got ourselves a gambler! I'm picturing a scenario where Johnson exacts revenge on Cena... then drops Miz too. When it comes to The Grandaddy Of 'Em All, Cenation just doesn't lose. WWE's Poster Boy hasn't sniffed the belt since June which is ages in his case. The show will finish with a happy go-lucky moment full of rainbows and butterflies.

Pnk: Fuck rainbows and butterflies. I want to see them tear each other apart.... *Swoon* Oh wait, that was supposed to be an internal dialogue.... Bah. I am going with Miz regardless.

-- SkittleZ’ Pick: John Cena wins the title
-- Pnk’s Pick: Miz retains the title

SkitZ: I've made a mental note... So how you feeling about the PPV overall? Digging the card? Gonna cough up the dough or watch it elsewhere?

Pnk: I'm not paying for it. To be honest, other than the Cena vs. Miz ft. Rock match, everything else could be on something like Summer Slam. It's not my favorite Mania card ever.

SkitZ: That's utterly preposterous. I'm stoked for WM27 and minus a few less-than-stellar undercard bouts, this year's edition has serious promise. If shit like Rhodes/Mysterio & Sheamus/Bryan are allotted more than ten minutes, we're in for epicness. Gonna invite over the homies, supply a bunch of munchies and let it rip.

Pnk: Screw you, SkitZ. And don't expect me back around the stomping grounds because of this. I am still on my never ending quest to boycott.

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