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MAY 22, KEYARENA, SEATTLE, WASHINGTON

Tonight’s PPV kicks off with a tribute to Randy Savage, who sadly passed away recently. Coming out of the Keyarena in Seattle, Washington, our commentators are Josh Matthews, who still looks like a twelve-year-old on work experience, Jerry Lawler, Michael “Enough Already” Cole and Booker “oh goodness!” T. With the traditional opening fireworks, we’re straight into our first match:

R-TRUTH VS REY MYSTERIO

OK, I’ve never really got R-Truth’s new entrance ‘music’ (hint, there is none). For some reason the entrance ramp has some flash cars parked on it – perhaps Alberto Del Rio had a few spares… Truth instantly breaks into an in-ring promo about how he didn’t have a car parking space, and how he had to park with the rest of the scum who are watching tonight. Honestly, the way Truth’s going on about ‘a conspiracy’ you’d think he’s about to blame the fact he didn’t have a space on the fact he’s black or something. Saying that, I REALLY hope he kicks Mysterio’s ass tonight – I think I speak for many a WWE fan when I say this. As much as I hate Michael Cole, he does speak sense when he says that nobody respects R-Truth; his heel turn is exactly what he needed though, if only for the fact he now says things like “shut up little Jimmy, R-Truth’s talkin’!” rather than rapping himself silly. Eventually, Mysterio makes his entrance dressed in silver, so much so that he looks like a walking roll of Bacofoil or something. Truth tries to take an early lead over Rey, but Mysterio fights back and punishes Truth with a nice hurricanrana off the ring apron. He’s soon taken out though after he tries a flashy top-rope move, and gets what’s coming to him. I predict now, roughly two minutes into this match that Mysterio will get a sound beating, before pulling out a 619 and picking up a thoroughly predictable win. But not before Truth runs Rey along the apron and slams him into the ring post and follows up with a pin for a two-count. A nice inverted suplex gets another two-count for Truth. I’ve always wondered why Truth only wears one glove – surely that’s not conducive to getting a decent grip. Truth is now on top of Mysterio, but can’t put him away. After hanging him up on the ropes, Truth ascends the turnbuckle, but Rey fights back and nails a beautiful top-rope bulldog and clambers over for a two-count. Rey then gets a nice cross-body off the ropes, before belting Truth in the face with a nice kick which Truth sells very well. Rey builds some steam before Truth counters with a big elbow which stops him in his tracks. At the moment, both men have had a good go at it, before Truth goes for his finisher. Rey reverses it into a 619 situation, but Truth scurries out the ring, before going on the offensive again. Truth does nail his finisher (accompanied by a trademark ‘oh goodness!’ from Booker), which leads to a surprisingly sudden ending to the bout and thankfully, another loss to scratch up for Rey Mysterio. After the match, Truth smacks Mysterio in the face with a water bottle, which apparently knocks Rey out. Who knew water was so lethal?

WINNER BY PIN-FALL: R-TRUTH

After the match, we’re treated to Todd Grisham interviewing The Miz, along with his Director of Corporate and Internal Vice Communications, or whatever it is that Alex Riley is meant to be now. I was never the world’s biggest Miz fan, but he’s grown on me as I’ve come to realise he’s surely the natural successor to Chris Jericho’s distinctive style on the microphone. Miz basically tells us he’s going to kick Cena’s ass later on in their ‘I Quit’ match which personally I can’t see happening. Although I’d quite like to. Back at ringside, Cole gloats about how Lawler will have to kiss his foot later in the evening after he loses their match. We’re next given some background to Ezekiel Jackson leaving The Corre, and his upcoming match against Wade ‘Are you quaking in your boots, Josh?’ Barrett.

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: WADE BARRETT (CHAMPION) VS EZEKIEL JACKSON

Here’s another guy I’m glad the WWE are giving a push – in my eyes, Ezekiel Jackson could well be a decent world championship contender. He reminds me of Ahmed Johnson, who was around in the mid-nineties. Barrett enters minus his Corre cronies (sorry, ‘team mates’). Being a Brit myself, I’m not sure who to get behind in this one. I love Barrett’s in-ring style and the promos he made during his time with the original Nexus, but I think I’ll go with Jackson to win this one. The IC title could be just the springboard he needs to go further in the company. Plus I love that ‘strong man’ pose he does after he body-slams someone larger than him. Jackson laughs at Barrett before they hook up, and I hear someone chanting ‘boring’ in the background – give them a chance! Jackson launches Barrett across the ring (quite a feat seeing as Barrett is quite a big chap himself) but Barrett mounts a comeback with some technical moves. What’s the betting that Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel will make an appearance? In another show of strength, Jackson catches Barrett’s boot and again throws him off, before slinging him into a turnbuckle and getting a close fall. Nice to see some ‘RIP Randy Savage’ signs in the crowd, along with a cryptic one proclaiming ‘BALLARD’ – which I’m hoping isn’t a mis-spelling of ‘BARRETT’. Barrett has taken the upper hand now, and seems to be enjoying himself as he gets a two-count after an elbow drop from the turnbuckles. Barrett hoists Jackson up for his Wasteland finisher, but Jackson fights his way out, only to end up in a nice pump-handle slam for another two-count. Both men seem to be feeling it now, but Jackson still has enough to power Barrett down with some shoulder charges and five body slams in a row! Perhaps this is a new signature move, like Eddie Guerrero’s trio of suplexes. As Jackson goes for a torture rack submission, Slater and Gabriel make their appearance and interfere, breaking up the move. After some initial resistance, The Corre take the upper hand, taking it in turns to deal a beating to Jackson. If I had my way, Slater and Gabriel will be the next ones to get a kicking; I really don’t rate them at all, frankly. Gabriel is good for his high-flying abilities, but I really can’t suggest anything about Heath Slater – bring back Husky Harris, I say.

WINNER BY DISQUALIFICATION: EZEKIEL JACKSON (BARRETT RETAINS TITLE)

Time for a big up for the Wrestlemania 27 DVD! It was a decent event that, and I’d forgotten it was out on DVD soon. One for the collection, methinks. Cut to CM Punk and Mason Ryan discovering Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga writhing about on the dressing room floor. Mason wants to go kick Big Show and Kane’s ass for administering the attack, but Punk is methodical – “we’re under their skin” he says, while paying the men lying on the floor absolutely no heed whatsoever and telling them instead to ‘walk it off’. Fantastic!

SIN CARA VS CHAVO GUERRERO

Ah, here’s a guy I like – Sin Cara. He’s sort of the anti-Rey Mysterio. Which is odd, because he looks practically identical (minus the over the top tattoos) and paves a similar ‘small guy flying about’ style as Mysterio, yet to me he’s in no way annoying. It’s also good to see Chavo in a pay-per-view, in which should be a decent match owing to their wrestling styles. Hopefully he can erase the days of getting his butt handed to him within ten seconds like that Wrestlemania match he had with Kane that time. I also like the lighting Sin Cara has on his matches, sort of a red and blue spotlight on the ring. A nice springboard kick from Sin Cara sends Chavo to the outside, before a gorgeous corkscrew body-flip knocks him down again. Seriously, how does this guy do some of the moves he pulls off? He also nails a hurricanrana which was better than Mysterio’s earlier in the event. While I can’t see a world title shot on the horizon any time soon for Sin Cara, he deserves some sort of championship opportunity – it’s a shame the Cruiserweight division was disbanded, as he would have absolutely owned that. Although he’s up against Chavo Guerrero, who certainly has the experience, you feel Sin Cara should really be facing higher-card opposition if they really want to bring him across. A win over someone like The Miz or Christian would bed him in no end. Chavo is now taking it to Sin Cara with some ground moves, working on the legs to keep the human jumping jack down. Whereas Mysterio has that predictable trick where he’ll be losing, only to pull a move out of nowhere, with Sin Cara it’s whenever his opponent is sent to the outside of the ring; you just know some bizarre gravity defying move is coming… Cara is psyching himself up now, and bombards Chavo with some martial arts style offense. A cute springboard elbow and an acrobatic monkey flip results in him going up top again. A two-count is his reward for another cross body splash, before Chavo comes back at him again. Chavo can’t get any moves going at the moment, before another reversal from Sin Cara ploughs Chavo into the mat rather awkwardly – instead of finishing with that unnamed top-rope signature move, Sin Cara gets the pin from this rather unexpected move. I don’t think Sin Cara has lost yet, has he? Feel free to prove me wrong.

WINNER BY PIN-FALL: SIN CARA

There follows an advert for bullying (not WWE superstars advocating bullying, that would indeed be terribly wrong! I meant anti-bullying) if the WWE really want to end bullying, all they’d have to do is send Vickie Guerrero around the bully’s house and expose them to five minutes of ‘EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!!!!’ – that’d surely end their bullying days for good. Still, visit www.beastaralliance.org if you’re interested. Todd is backstage with FORMER (and how they love rubbing that ‘former’ status in) World Heavyweight Champ, Christian and his opponent Randy Orton. It’s been a bit softly-softly chummy-chummy between these two recently – I hope this is all the ‘calm before the storm’ and they really let rip at each other in the actual match. Nice to see Randy’s beard is coming on nicely; that’ll need a trim soon. I hope he goes really bushy with it – I want to see Jim Duggan style length AT LEAST.

Ah, just when I was thinking he wouldn’t be making an appearance, out comes Ricardo Rodriguez, introducing my personal current favourite, Alberto Del Rio. Entering in a Bentley (how amusing would it be for him to make his entrance on a scooter or something instead of an expensive car?) I don’t think he’s here for a match. His name…his name is Alberto Del Rio, but you already knew that, didn’t you? Oh, and he’s out here talking about destiny. Again. He’s sad that he’s not in the ‘I Quit’ match tonight, but knows he can make Miz or Cena quit with his Armbreaker finisher. So he’s cool with that, and will wait for his chance to be champion. I think we already knew this. I love the fact he says ‘destiny can wait’ – that’s the sort of ultimate cop-out excuse, isn’t it? He’s basically saying ‘I’m probably going to lose a few more matches at future pay-per-views but hopefully I’ll be aiming for the world title sometime next year’. He’s interrupted by Big Show & Kane’s entrance music (it’s still jarring, the way they try to mix the music to make them seem like more of a team). Kane lets us know he’s already angry that the world didn’t end on Saturday, as he was looking forward to it. If Alberto doesn’t get out the ring, he’s going to end up like Otunga and McGillicutty.

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: BIG SHOW & KANE (CHAMPIONS) VS THE NEW NEXUS (CM PUNK & MASON RYAN)

With good grace, Del Rio buggers off, and CM Punk and Mason Ryan make their entrance. Is it just me, or does Punk have one of the best entrance themes of recent times? Punk is still rocking that slicked back hair look, my missus quite likes him with that style. It’s Kane and Punk to start us off here; although Punk tags in Ryan before anything happens. He’s a bloody big lad is Ryan, sort of the natural successor to Batista. He’s nearly as tall as Kane as well. Brute strength is seeing Ryan through at the moment, and he tags in Punk who instantly gets flattened by Kane’s fist. Some judicious double-teaming from Kane and Big Show sees Show get tagged in and start beating the crap out of Punk. He even turns away from one of Show’s trademark chest slaps, only to get slapped across the back instead. Ryan gets in the ring and manages to take Show back down. Punk is tagged in for the pin but is literally thrown off by Show. Caught in a bear-hug, Punk is in big trouble. Kane is putting the pressure on Punk now, throwing some big moves his way. He squares up for a big chokeslam, but Punk gets out of it. I do like Kane and Big Show as a team, even if they’ve made a hash of the entrance music. It just doesn’t work in the same way the Jericho/Show or Miz/Show pairing did. Kane has been hit with some out-of-the-ring attacks here, and Mason and Punk have the upper hand. I wonder if The Corre or New Nexus ever get the tag titles, that they’ll be allowed to defend under the ‘Freebirds Rule’? (i.e. anyone from the team/stable can take part in the title defences) I’m guessing not, although they should bring that ruling back. Nice domination from Mason Ryan on Kane, which earns him a two-count. Now Ryan has a bear-hug on Kane, although Kane frees himself and slams Ryan into the turnbuckles before bringing him down, leaving both men on the floor in desperate need of a tag. This is surely where it’s going to kick off. Punk gets tagged in and prevents Kane from tagging Big Show. With Kane fatigued, Punk is able to go to town a bit more, such as going for a big top rope elbow, which he messes right up. Kane this time gets the tag to Big Show, as Punk tags in Ryan. Big Show punishes Ryan, and indicates he’s ready for the end. Ryan and Punk try and double team Show, only to both get a massive double-clothesline for their troubles. Kane and Show double-choke-slam Ryan, and after Big Show pins him, that’s your lot folks – titles retained. Nice shot of Punk practically in tears on the outside of the ring.

WINNERS BY PIN-FALL: KANE & BIG SHOW (KANE & BIG SHOW RETAIN TITLES)

Michael Cole, still in his Cole-Mine, again chastises Lawler for his ensuing loss which is still to come. Booker T looks very distinguished in his suit and glasses tonight. There then follows a weird comedy sketch where footage of Barack Obama is inserted into a scripted scene where an advert for WWE’s Capitol Punishment event is bandied around. It’s even done in a weird ‘Scooby Doo’ flashback style scene. Anyway, that’s coming up on June 19 if you want a watch.

DIVA’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: BRIE BELLA (CHAMPION) VS KELLY KELLY

Surely the first women’s (sorry, Diva’s) champion to be named after a cheese, I really can’t tell you how this one will turn out. I’ll admit the women’s division isn’t really my strong point. Still, the Bella twins look suitably hot tonight, although I have to be honest and say I’m only really watching this one to see who Awesome Kong (bah, done it again – I mean Kharma) comes out to batter. Actually, why not put Kharma in a match with Michael Cole? I’d pay to see that. Kelly starts off with a nice rope-oriented submission, before a surprisingly good cross-body off the top rope. She then rubs her ass in Bella’s face, which…well, you wouldn’t say no to. Good outside interference from Nikki Bella, that’s the way to do it, love. I’ll refrain from saying they can double-team me anytime they like. Damn, I just did. Close fall for Bella, but no reward. There’s an inordinate amount of screaming going on, it’s like listening to a porn movie. Kelly looks like she’s crying as she’s put into a nice armbar from Bella. I long for the days of Sable and Chyna, you know. They could put on a good match – I only mention that because Bella’s armbar has now entered its nineteenth minute. Ooh, I spoke too soon, Kelly absolutely explodes on Bella, banging her head in the canvas and raining punches down, but it’s not enough for a win. She gives a flurry of kicks down, and in an innovative offence that both Kelly and the referee miss completely, Nikki Bella switches places with her sister and enters the ring to attack Kelly and win the match for her sis. Good going girls, that was pretty decent. How silly does Kelly feel now? No Kharma, however, which is a bit of a let-down.

WINNER BY PIN-FALL: BRIE (NIKKI?) BELLA (BELLA RETAINS TITLE)

Michael Cole makes a big thing about leaving his bubble to go and prepare for his “match” against Lawler. I can’t wait. We get a re-cap of Christian’s title win at ‘Extreme Rules’, before losing the damn thing five days later on Smackdown, all thanks to Teddy Long’s decision-making.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: RANDY ORTON (CHAMPION) VS CHRISTIAN

I’m really not sure where I stand on Christian’s title reign, however short-lived it was. OK, I’m pleased he won the title after so long in the business, but it’s almost like it was a sympathy thing; a way of saying “sorry about that Christian, here, have the belt for a week if it makes you feel better”. If things had been different, I’d have loved to have seen Edge vs. Christian for the title – that could have been an Ultimate Warrior vs. Hulk Hogan for the 21st Century. But instead we have a rematch from Smackdown, which I really can’t see Christian winning. Sorry about that ‘peeps’. Anyway, let’s see how it goes down. They’re still insisting on doing the boxing style intros for the world title bouts, where each man is introduced in the ring rather than as he walks down the ramp, which I think interrupts the flow of things a bit. I guess it lends a bit more gravitas to the occasion, but there you go. Gripe over now, I promise. I wonder if Christian would ever go back to having long hair? Perhaps he can’t really get it that long again, now he’s getting on a bit. There’s some quick covers in this one, and neither man really gets an advantage. Nice middle-turnbuckle dropkick from Christian, followed by ANOTHER cover. Orton gets hoisted over the top rope, before Christian nails him with a baseball slide style dropkick. Time for a head-lock from Christian to try and wear Orton down. Remember when Mick Foley had that match where he did nothing but head-locks? It was some years ago and on WCW as well I think, so I’ll let you off if you don’t. Has anyone ever submitted to a head-lock before, do you reckon? Orton escapes, but Christian keeps the upper hand. Booker T helpfully tells us this is a ‘fight…two men trying to become champion’. Both men are on the top rope now, before Orton absolutely blasts Christian with a super-plex, but can only get a two-count. Matthews nearly had a heart attack just then when Christian kicked out. Nice close up of Orton’s beard – it really is lovely, nearly as much as his series of European uppercuts. Christian gets Orton in a back-slide for a two-count, and then carries off a spine-buster for another near-fall. He’s in need of a bit of crowd participation I think, which he gets to some extent. We enter a period of both men exchanging punches, ending in an inverted DDT on Orton, but again the champion kicks out. Orton counters a dropkick from Christian into a pin-fall, and then goes for an Angle Slam, which Christian reverses into a hip toss. Orton is stretched across the ropes, and then hits a top rope flying head-butt and into a cover, which Orton only just escapes from. I’ve just noticed, Christian has quite a hairy chest, doesn’t he? I’m sure he used to shave it back in the day, but he’s let himself go a little. Perhaps it’s a trend – I note CM Punk doesn’t get the razor out, either. Orton is getting a bit pissed off now, and looks like he might be about to throw his tantrum-style thing that indicates his RKO finisher. Oh, not quite yet – he’s gone for another pin which doesn’t come off. Christian tries for a finishing move, but Orton puts him in a sort of modified Boston Crab, which I don’t see him submitting to, even though he’s roaring like someone has stolen his last biscuit. He makes the ropes, and Orton relents. Orton is looking good for a win here, as he surveys the crowd, before focusing on Christian. Christian isn’t done yet however, and hops onto the ropes before a sunset flip sees yet another near-fall for the challenger! This has actually been quite a good match, it’s surpassed my expectations. Orton gets Christian in position for his DDT through the ring ropes, and gets a two-count for his troubles. The camera shows his face in close up and you can almost see him thinking: ‘right, that’s it – you’re done for now’. OH YEAH!! THERE WE GO! HE’S COILED! HE’S COILED! AND ABOUT TO BREAK HIS HANDS IF HE KEEPS POUNDING THE CANVAS LIKE THAT! Here comes an RKO…but Christian reverses! With Orton down, Christian shamelessly begins calling for a Spear, and crouches in the corner ready to nail Orton with it. Orton, with the reflexes of a cat, turns this into a power-slam and gets another close two-count. The look of annoyance on his face is palpable. Suddenly he freezes and stares dead ahead – that can’t be good. He’s doing that creepy psychotic smile now, and we could be ready for a punt to the head here. YES! He’s backed up in the corner, and goes for it…then stops. No, he’s going to try again, but CHRISTIAN REVERSES INTO A SPEAR! A pin sees yet another two-count, and Christian cannot believe it. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Christian attempt a punt to Orton’s head at this rate. The crowd are getting behind Captain Charisma now, and a series of both men’s finishers are reversed. Then – BAM – RKO out of nowhere, and Orton has retained with true viper-like instincts! A great match, especially towards the end… congrats to both men. While it may have got a bit boring a couple of years back, Orton does look good with the World Heavyweight Championship, and I hope he has a decent run with it. Orton eventually helps Christian up, and after a tense stand-off, the pair share a reluctant hand shake.

WINNER BY PIN-FALL: RANDY ORTON (ORTON RETAINS TITLE)

You know what’s coming now, don’t you? Yup – gimmick match time with Lawler and Cole for about the seven-hundredth time… ah well, it might be better than I expect, the Wrestlemania match was quite amusing at least, and we can only hope Cole gets hospitalised or something.

KISS MY FOOT MATCH: MICHAEL COLE VS JERRY ‘THE KING’ LAWLER

We get a rather over-long recap of the whole build up to this sorry debacle. I can’t be the only one who thinks that this has really gone too far – sure, a comedy match at Wrestlemania as a bit of light relief and a chance for Stone Cold to get a few beers out is fine. But not when it extends into the best part of three months or more. I really can’t tell you how long this has been going on. I hope it ends here. I really do. If it doesn’t, they’re going to have to settle it with a Hell in a Cell match or something. At least there’s a stipulation to the match, and the loser has to kiss the winner’s foot. In addition, Lawler must give up his Hall of Fame ring if he loses (which he’s hardly likely to). Cole makes his entrance in his announcing attire, with a bit of a limp. At least he doesn’t have Jack Swagger as his side-kick. Cole takes the mic and tells Lawler that as much as he’d like to compete, he is medically unable to. He asks Lawler for his understanding (hmm) and also from the crowd. He’d love to stick his foot in Lawler’s mouth, but his doctor has said his athlete’s foot has become infected, thus the match would be unsafe. Lawler is at risk of getting ‘foot and mouth’ disease, so Cole has been banned by his doctor. He shows the referee the note, who rips it up and rings the bell to begin the match. Cole is scurrying away like a naughty dog as Lawler tears into him, pulling his trousers off and hammering him with blows. This one won’t take long, folks. ‘Vintage drop kick’ bellows Matthews. Cole pleads for mercy, before slamming Lawler into the ring steps. Put him through the announcer’s table, Jerry! Cole unlaces his shoe and takes his sock off, proclaiming that “you asked for this, Lawler!” there’s some nice prosthetics on Cole’s foot to emphasise his ‘athlete’s foot’ which Lawler grabs and slings Cole into his crappy little cubicle, which shatters on impact. Cole looks like he’s been in a car crash right now, as Lawler removes the sleeve of his singlet and drops a big fist drop and gets the 1-2-3! Predictable as you like, but my, was that satisfying. Lawler parades his boot to the crowd, who know what’s coming.

WINNER BY PIN-FALL: JERRY ‘THE KING’ LAWLER

Lawler goes to take his boot off, before gesturing to the backstage area. Eve the Diva comes down to the ring and takes a good look at Cole. Perhaps she’s going to fart on his face? If she is, personally I’d have got someone like Big Show to do it. Or Yokozuna, if he wasn’t dead and all. Instead she drops a top rope move on him, before Lawler takes his boot off and approaches his prone form. But no – Lawler gestures to the back again, and JIM ROSS IS IN THE HOUSE! Perhaps Ross is going to fart on Cole instead. Ross has brought some of his own-brand barbeque sauce, which he, well, marinates Cole with. Cole makes his way slowly to the back, humiliated, while Ross, Lawler and Eve look on in amusement. “Not like this” Cole mutters, which hideously raises the question of yet another rematch. Cole calls everyone a loser, and that no matter what Lawler does, he never actually kissed Lawler’s foot. But wait! BRET HART’S MUSIC HITS, AND HE’S BACK! Even though he doesn’t quite cut the dramatic cool of his hey-day, Hart emerges and orders Cole back to the ring, before politely slinging him back in. Will we get a quick sharpshooter as well, I wonder? Of course, it’d be rude for him not to. Lawler says now is the time, and rams his toes right in Cole’s cakehole. Well that was unexpected, and a nice end to the match. I do feel sorry for Cena and The Miz, however, having to battle it out on a barbeque sauce stained canvas. Ew. Maybe we’ll be spared another rematch between these two after all… Nice evening out for The Hitman as well. And it’s looking like we’re getting Jim Ross for commentary on the next match as well after JR goes over to have a word with Booker and Matthews.

Time for a plug for Orton’s movie ‘That’s What I Am’, which apparently Orton is ‘pitch-perfect’ in. I’ll perhaps reserve judgement on that one for now.

Jim Ross narrates some shots of the Seattle skyline, as we get a highlights package for the Cena-Miz rivalry.

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: JOHN CENA (CHAMPION) VS THE MIZ

The Miz is down to ringside with Director of Vice Corporate Doughnut Communication Alex Riley, whereas Cena has decided to wear his red Fruity Pebbles shirt for this evening’s bash. Does anyone know where Cena gets his three-quarter length denim shorts? Before the match, The Miz berates Cena’s decision to choose an ‘I Quit’ match. He lets Cena know that Riley can do whatever he wants as well, effectively making this a handicap match. Miz offers Cena the chance to say ‘I quit’ before the match has even begun, which gets a resounding ‘Hell, no!’ And we’re off on what is now an unofficial 2-on-1 situation. Cena goes straight into an STF, but Riley breaks it up. Presumably The Miz and Riley have remembered that Riley can’t actually make Cena say ‘I quit’… I’d have thought only Miz can do that. Riley is sent over the top rope and Cena goes to town on The Miz. He lands his usual sequence of moves before lining up for the ‘You Can’t See Me’ fist drop, but Miz squirms out of the Attitude Adjustment (or the ‘F.U.’ if you’re old school). Riley batters Cena with the briefcase he inexplicably carries about. The commentators go on about how Cena made this match stipulation, so basically he’s made his bed and has to lie in it. Some more double team moves from Miz/Riley leads to the first request for him to quit. It’s a no. Cena is chucked unceremoniously to the outside, and then rammed into the security barrier. Miz looks quite happy with himself, but Cena refuses to give in again. In my opinion, this match would be better if instead of saying ‘I quit’, the combatants had to repeat a really embarrassing phrase, something like “I really, really suck and am basically a load of cack”. Miz and Riley begin removing the broadcast monitors from the announcement table, and Cena gets a monitor around the face for his troubles. He then fights back momentarily, before getting thrown shoulder first into the ring steps. Miz hauls Cena onto the steps, and goes for a DDT which he lands quite impressively. The Miz asks Cena to “say it”, but Cena cannot even answer. Miz tells Cena that Riley is about to land the steel ring steps on his ribs unless he quits, which of course he doesn’t. Cue quite a nasty blow with the ring steps, and another request to give up. Perhaps Miz should tickle him, that might work. Ooh, Miz has a kendo stick now, which should get a few welts raised. Again, he gives Cena the chance to give up before he commences with his battering. Cena says he hits like a girl, but the stick across the belly doesn’t look like a girl’s effort (sorry, ladies). By now, Cena is running out of ways to refuse to quit, so he resorts to the traditional “no”. There’s an intense flurry of blows with the stick, which must have at least hurt a bit. He’ll be sore tomorrow, that’s for sure. I was keeping count of the number of times people get asked to quit, but I’ve given up now. Cena really is getting the brunt of this one, but somehow I have a feeling he’ll start coming back in a moment. We’re up on the entrance ramp now, with Cena crawling back towards the back. He’s stopped however, and suplexed onto the metal grating. Owch, indeed. Miz is gearing up for something here, and takes a run-up and aims a kick right into his face which sends him off the edge of the stage. Riley now has a camera crane, which he lays Cena over. The Miz borrows some guy’s belt, and in a rather gentlemanly fashion, tells him he is going to dish out some smack with it if he doesn’t do the decent thing. “You’ve got a leather strap but you have no nuts” responds Cena. Cue a nice session of back-whipping. Cena has now taken to grimacing through the attack, but doesn’t quit. Cena is dragged back onto the entrance ramp, but he fights back, taking care of both Miz and Riley, before Miz takes Cena back down with a chair. It looks like an extended chair battering is coming Cena’s way, but he was only playing possum and is back on his feet.

Riley takes out the referee after Cena dodges a shoulder charge, and is once again taken out by The Miz. A chair is wedged in the ring ropes, before Miz takes his time picking Cena up. A Skull-Crushing Finale through the chair is Cena’s reward, but Cena’s answer to the inevitable question is no. Miz taunts some of the younger members of the crowd, including asking a boy if he thinks Cena should quit. Miz blames Cena’s pain on the small boy in the crowd, which seems a little harsh, but then again the lad is probably an actor. It’s still a cool bit of taunting however. The little lad’s mate tells Miz: “you quit first!” which made me chuckle. Cena is now caught up in what’s left of a section of security barrier, and Miz explains that he will do bad things with a chair until Cena admits he’s a bit of a pussy. The RAW general manager laptop is set up, but we’ve not heard anything from it yet, which means it will probably go off during this match. From out of nowhere, we hear the words ‘I quit’, but it’s quite obvious Cena hasn’t said it. The Miz and Riley celebrate, and the announcement is made that The Miz is your new WWE champion. The referee however finds a phone or some similar device, realises he’s been duped and reverses the decision. The Miz has a bit of a hissy fit, but still doesn’t admit he’s been a naughty boy. The match is restarted, but Cena is still pretty knackered. Riley grabs the title belt and goes to nail Cena, but he ducks and Miz gets the full force of it. Riley is sent crashing through the announcer table thanks to an Attitude Adjustment, and Cena is back on his feet. Don’t tell me The Miz is now going to lie there and quit right away. Cena takes his own belt off, and looks for some payback. He goes at Miz like a jockey on a horse, and chases him out the back, before bringing him back and unleashing again. Caught in the STF on the top of the ramp, Miz squeals like a baby that he wants to quit, and Cena retains his title, albeit at the second attempt. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised that Cena won, but hey, it was quite a decent match. Jim Ross liked it as well, by the sound of it.

WINNER BY SUBMISSION/I QUIT: JOHN CENA (CENA RETAINS TITLE)

Well that’s it for Over The Limit guys, we’ll see you for Capitol Punishment in June!

Source: wrestlingtruth.com