1. Day 492 - Wrestling VS MMA VS Boxing

2. Day 493 - The Case Of The Headless Yoshi

Day 492
Not for the squeamish.

I think I'm going to switch things up just a little bit in tonight's column, but not too bad.

I just finished watching the Manny "Pac-Man" Pacquiao VS "Sugar" Shane Mosley fight, like a lot of red-blooded males were on this fine Saturday evening, and it got me to thinking. At first, I was thinking about how the sport of boxing is going to die a miserable death at some point soon if we don't get the superfight of Pacquiao VS Floyd "Money" Mayweather, but then that thinking turned into pay-per-views, and how boxing's pay-per-views stack up in comparison to MMA's pay-per-views and pro wrestling's pay-per-views.

It's no secret that wrestling has lost a lot of their paying fans to the world of MMA, and to UFC, in particular. UFC puts on quite the show with their events, and they do a fantastic job of promoting themselves, reaching out to everyone. They've come a long, long, long, long, long way since the company's beginning in 1993, that's for damn sure. I can remember watching the first UFC pay-per-view, and several more of the company's early events, but I wasn't a huge fan or anything. It was merely an interesting alternative to the fighting I was used to seeing with wrestling and boxing. It wasn't until the last decade that I really started getting into MMA, but now, they have a fan for life in me. They, more often than not, give us very entertaining events. UFC has been pretty lucky in recent years with their events. There are times when the undercard isn't very exciting, but then the main event is absolutely electrifying. There are other times when the main event doesn't even come close to living up to the hype (again, much different than the HIPE), but then it's usually coming off of a fantastic undercard. It's rare when an entire UFC event is a dud these days. Another positive they have is that their undercard guys are still pretty well known. On the most recent event, UFC 129, we got a fight between Lyoto Machida and Randy Couture. Couture is, perhaps, the most popular fighter in MMA history, and Machida, as recently as a year ago, was the undefeated Light Heavyweight Champion of the world. That's a main event quality fight. UFC President Dana White and head matchmaker Joe Silva do a great job in putting together each event, stacking big names and big fights on the cards.

Boxing doesn't quite have that type of luck. Entire boxing pay-per-views are built around one fight, and one fight only. Quite often, you can come to the day of a fight and have no idea who is fighting on the undercard. Then, when you finally see the undercard, it's full of names that only hardcore boxing fans have even heard of. Then, to get to the main event, you have to sit through so much talking and time-wasting. Trying to stay awake for the main event of a boxing pay-per-view is like an event within an event. You finally get to the main event, and there's far too many boxers these days trying to win fights on points, spending too much time avoiding their opponent than anything else. When you spend your hard-earned money to order a pay-per-view, and someone fights like that, you should be given a free pass to kick them right in the nuts. They did it to you in a figurative sense, so you repay them by doing it in a literal sense. It just makes sense to me.

If I have to explain wrestling pay-per-views, then I honestly don't know why you're reading this column and visiting this site right now. The thing I've always liked about pro wrestling pay-per-views, in comparison to boxing and MMA, is that you're guaranteed a certain amount of action will take place. Never in the history of pro wrestling pay-per-views have they had every match end quickly, and had to spend the last hour or more with replays, video packages and repeated talking from the announcers to fill time. In boxing and MMA, you have a certain amount of fights on a card, and there's the possibility that every single one of them is going to end in a quick knockout (or, in MMA's case, a quick knockout or submission). Are there quick matches on a wrestling pay-per-view? Sure. However, entire shows aren't filled with them. That's the fun in having the scripted environment to work in. In a three-hour block, you know you're going to get in the vicinity of two hours (and hopefully more) of in-ring action. The matches aren't all five-star classics, of course, but your expectations out of life might be a biiiiit too high if that's the type of thing you're looking for. Nothing is guaranteed, as far as match quality goes, but I find myself being able to say that a wrestling pay-per-view was worth my money, or came close to being worth it, far more frequently than when it isn't.

If you look at things a bit deeper, though, that's where UFC gets even more brownie points, so to speak. When it comes to big time "dream fights" or "dream matches", there aren't many left in wrestling or boxing. Mayweather/Pacquiao is pretty much it in boxing, and thanks to a lot of ridiculous politics and posturing, we may never get to see it. Most of wrestling's "dream matches" aren't possible right now unless Vince McMahon is able to purchase TNA, and even then, based on his track record with his purchase of WCW, you'd have a feeling that guys like AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Beer Money, etc wouldn't come out on the winning end of things very often. UFC is able to put on so many "dream fights" because of a few reasons. For one, the current UFC roster is 255 fighters deep. Yes, you read that correctly. 255 fighters, spread out through seven weight classes. They're always reaching out to sign new fighters, and are usually pretty quick to cut the current fighters that don't live up to their "standard". There's an endless amount of fights and never-before-seen matchups they could give us at any time.

Something else UFC does.. very well, I might add.. is listen to their fans. When an up-and-coming fighter wins fights, their popularity picks up, and Dana White, who uses social media like Twitter incredibly, notices it and gives those fighters the right opportunity for success. Such is the case in the meteoric rise of Jon "Bones" Jones. Not that he hasn't been impressive during her fights, but it was his popularity and the social media's demands that really rushed his "push" along. Now, here he is, at 23 years old, the youngest champion in UFC history. Brock Lesnar is another name that fits in this discussion, as well. When he showed up in UFC, he had one fight of experience. That's it. Less than a year later, he was the UFC Heavyweight Champion. It clearly wasn't because he was the most talented fighter in the history of the sport. However, he's the one that brought in all the attention. He's the one that was the subject of discussion with every MMA fan on the planet. The fans basically demanded it, and he was "pushed". It's simple, but it's also something that has helped to make Dana White and the Fertitta brothers (Lorenzo and Frank the Third) very rich men. It would be nice if wrestling promoters did more listening to their fans. It would also be nice if there were some sort of promoters that could make the fucking Mayweather/Pacquiao fight happen already, but that's a different subject altogether.

Right now, pro wrestling pay-per-views still get more of my money, but UFC is closing the gap quickly. Anything short of Mayweather/Pacquiao in boxing isn't going to get a dime from me, though. Not enough action for my liking. I'll say this, though.. if some new stars aren't made soon in the world of wrestling, the future isn't looking too good, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if I was 100% loyal to MMA when it comes to spending my money.

Writer's Note: LoP Magazine is now officially available for purchase. On the site, you're able to preview the articles, and then you can sign up for a subscription, which will then take you to PayPal. Handle your business, and the rest of the mag will be available for your reading enjoyment. LoP writers like myself, Tito, Morpheus, Mazza, Rey Ca$h and many others have all spent a lot of time and effort in contributing to this project, so please support it by clicking the LoP Magazine logo and doing your thing..

The HiPE Playlist: "Don't Turn Around" by Project Pat.. "Best Of Both Hoodz" by Project Pat, Young Jeezy & Juelz Santana.. "Lemme Show You How" by Lil Wayne, Young Jeezy & Juelz Santana.. "East Coast West Coast Killaz" by Group Therapy.. "Shittin On The World" by Mel-Man.. "In My City" by Killer Mike & T.I. .. "At The Top" by Killer Mike.. "Go Out On The Town" by Killer Mike & Young Jeezy.. "I'm Beamin (Remix)" by All City Chess Club.. "Roaches & Rats" by Outkast

This lemonade is insane!

That's because it's a margarita, Paul.

Hustle
E-mail: HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com
Facebook:

Add Me As A Friend

MySpace:

Add Me As A Friend (well, if you still have a MySpace page)

AIM: YaBoyHustle808
Twitter:

@HustleLOP

Formspring:

Ask Me Questions

-Team Sleep--------------------------Day 493

I don't know about any of you out there in ReaderLand, but I love a good mystery. Thanks to the magical world of Twitter, the wrestling world is now in the middle of a big mystery. A murder mystery, if you will. Everyone is trying to figure out who beheaded the Yoshi Tatsu action figure..

I understand that some of you aren't up-to-date on the whole thing because you aren't on Twitter, aren't following Yoshi on Twitter, etc, so let me give you a brief back story on the whole thing. Yoshi has recently been checking in on Twitter from various places in the country.. airports, gas stations, arenas, etc.. and instead of posting pictures of himself, he'd post a picture of a Yoshi Tatsu action figure. For example..

There's Yoshi checking in from an airplane, flying to Pensacola, Florida. The following picture is Yoshi at the airport, before he boarded said airplane..

The next picture is Yoshi checking in at a hotel in Mississippi..

I'll give Yoshi credit.. that's a unique way of checking in. Most wrestlers on Twitter post pictures of their hotel, or the view from their hotel window/balcony. He's taking things in a different direction, so props to him. Anyway, the first picture I posted is one that he tweeted today. It was accompanied by the following message..

"During my match somebody cut my action figure's head off. This is not funny. Seriously I'm very mad. If criminal will admit now and apologize everything is fine. But he does not I will find him and make him pay. When I find the criminal I will beat him up anytime, anywhere, anyplace. I'm serious. I'm a man."

With that, the mystery has begun. Who did it? Someone was sneaky enough to find Yoshi's action figure while he was out in the ring having a match at tonight's Smackdown brand house show in Tupelo, Mississippi. That someone was also dastardly enough to behead the action figure and leave it for Yoshi to find. Was it some sort of message? Who could do such a thing?

I've been talking to my detectives, and we've been following some leads, but there's a lot of information still out there. The first name that came up is, of course, Matt Hardy. Yes, of #FuckYouMattHardy fame. Yes, he's a TNA wrestler, but TNA had the day off today. They had a show in Arkansas yesterday, and after doing a little research, the distance between Fort Smith, Arkansas and Tupelo, Mississippi isn't even 400 miles. Matt could have easily covered that by car in a day, and he damn sure could have made the trip by plane. It also wouldn't surprise anyone, company affiliations be damned, if Matt was allowed backstage. It was only a house show, and he certainly still has a lot of friends (for whatever reason) on the WWE roster. However, the more we thought about it, the more it didn't make any sense to us. Matt Hardy certainly would have finished eating his prey, wouldn't he? I fail to believe that he would start a meal and just leave that much of it to go to waste. It's because of that reason I had to scratch him off my suspects list.

There are only a few people on earth that can't be suspects. One, is Cody Rhodes, who was wrestling Yoshi at the time the action figure was beheaded. The others are pretty much the entire Raw roster. 385 miles away, at about the same time, Raw was having a house show in Spartanburg, South Carolina. If one of the Raw roster members could find a way to be in Spartanburg, South Carolina and Tupelo, Mississippi at the same time, fuck it, they deserve to get away with the murder of Yoshi Tatsu's action figure. Clearing Raw got rid of another prime suspect in Kharma. You've seen her pre-debut vignettes, right? She clearly finds some sort of pleasure with popping the heads off of dolls, so would it be a shock if she enjoyed doing the same to action figures? However, she was with the Raw crew in Spartanburg. I realize that she's a big woman, but there's a difference between "hefty" big and "385 miles wide" big.

Chris Jericho made himself a suspect on Twitter. He confessed to Yoshi that he destroyed the action figure. He then went on to say that he was "effen sick" of Yoshi Tatsu action figures, and said he was "on a mission to execute every motherf#*kin one of them". Those sound like legitimate threats to me. After doing some more research, we went back to Jericho's last stint with World Wrestling Entertainment. Jericho spent a lot of time working up and down the house show circuit with none other than.. Yoshi Tatsu. A history between the suspect and the victim's family? Interesting. Very interesting. We ran some tests, and one of our doctors presented us with some very interesting information. Look at this man, folks..

Does that look like the face of a sane man to you? Upon further review, Chris Jericho is crazy. His admission won't stand up in court. He had to be crossed off the list, as well. That one really hurt, because we thought we were onto something there.

We were really getting frustrated. Detective Stabler began pacing around the room, banging on walls randomly. Detective Benson, between attempts at getting my cell number (which I finally gave her), has developed a permanent concerned look on her face from all the stress. Check it out..

Tragic.

Our next suspect was someone that we certainly didn't think about in the beginning. We looked at Yoshi Tatsu, and how he's the biggest Japanese talent on the WWE payroll. Then we had to backtrack a bit, because there's a man on the company's payroll who has some Japanese in his ethnic makeup, and that man used to be one of the top names in wrestling. I'm talking about none other than Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. We were going to contact Mr. Steamboat for questioning, but we discovered that.. you guessed it.. he was in Spartanburg as the "Guest Host" of the Raw brand house show. We were getting frustrated. It was back to square one for us. However, that's when the phone rang. It was someone calling about the case. He must have seen our ad on Craigslist. He wouldn't give up his name, but he had a tip for us..

"Ricky Junior's in Mississippi."

Just like that, the caller hung up. I shared the tip with Detectives Stabler and Benson, and we didn't know what to make of it at first. That's when it hit me.

"Son of a bitch. Ricky Junior.. Ricky Steamboat's son, Ricky Steamboat Junior. He wrestles for the company's developmental territory!"

A quick internet search provided the information that Florida Championship Wrestling didn't have a show this weekend. Further research revealed that Ricky Jr (or, "Richie", as he goes by these days) requested out of training for the weekend due to a "family emergency". How big of an emergency could it have been if his father was in South Carolina working at a house show? We made some phone calls and pulled a few strings to get some passenger manifests faxed to us, and there it was. Delta Airlines, flight 2177.. departing from Tampa International Airport on Sunday, May 8th.. arriving at Lemons Municipal Airport in Tupelo, Mississippi. It was one ticket. The passenger's name?

Richard Blood, Jr.

What the hell? Why would Ricky Steamboat's son use an excuse to leave training so that he could be in Mississippi? We were frantically trying to find some answers to that question when Detective Benson stumbled upon a blog that Ricky Jr posted a few months back that, at the time, nobody could figure out the source of it. The entry simply said..

"if anybody is going to be the next ricky steamboat, it's going to be ME. i'll make sure of it."

Was he jealous at the attention that Yoshi was getting? Upset that he had yet to be called up to the main WWE roster after all this time? He had been working in FCW for about 15 months now, after all. We were able to finagle his cell phone number from a WWE secretary, so I gave him a call. It went straight to voice mail. I heard his message, shook my head and put my phone down. When Detective Stabler asked what it was, I told him to call the number, but to put it on speakerphone so that Detective Benson could hear it, as well. He called, and sure enough, it went straight to voice mail..

"Nice try, Detectives. However, I've done nothing wrong, and you can't prove otherwise. You'll never catch me."

That was followed by maniacal laughter, and then by a gong, for some reason.

That bastard knew we had figured it out! Well, the search for Ricky Jr is now on, and I have a personal message for him, because I know he's reading this column right now..

I will catch you, even if it's the last thing I do. You have my word on that.

Yoshi Tatsu's action figure didn't die in vain. We will have justice. We can't have Yoshi carrying this around much longer..

Again.. tragic.

Writer's Note: LoP Magazine is now officially available for purchase. On the site, you're able to preview the articles, and then you can sign up for a subscription, which will then take you to PayPal. Handle your business, and the rest of the mag will be available for your reading enjoyment. LoP writers like myself, Tito, Morpheus, Mazza, Rey Ca$h and many others have all spent a lot of time and effort in contributing to this project, so please support it by clicking the LoP Magazine logo and doing your thing..

The HiPE Playlist: Nothing tonight.

Francine, why did you pull a gun on me if you didn't want to have sex?

Source: lordsofpain.net