I think the HIPE - year 2, week 23 (6/4 - 6/10)
6:45 Publicado por Mario Galarza
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1. Day 520 - The Big Titan?
2. Day 521 - Back in the day..
2.5 Day 522 - Raw Running Diary
4. Day 523 - 2011 Smackdown Six
5. Day 524 - How To Fix A Possible Sinking Ship
Day 520Pro wrestling, and especially World Wrestling Entertainment, loves using celebrity star power to help boost shows, storylines and matches. It's been a serious go-to tactic since the very first WrestleMania made it "cool" to do so.
A particular name has been tossed around for a spot in WWE for a while now. This person is larger than life, both in size and personality. This person has made a few appearances in the world of wrestling, and has been a fan of the business for years. This person also happens to have a lot more free time on his schedule now that he has retired from his "day job". That person?
Shaquille O'Neal.
Shaq.
Shaq Diesel.
The Big Aristotle.
Superman.
The Big Cactus.
The Big Shaqtus.
The Big Leprechaun.
Wilt Chamberneezy.
The Big Baryshnikov.
The Big Shamrock.
Whatever you want to call him, people are already calling for him to join the wrestling world now that he's retired from the NBA. At 7'1" tall and a listed weight of 320 pounds (I say "listed weight", because he's probably a good 340-350, at least), he's definitely got the size for a wrestling stint, but is that what people really want to see?
Let's not forget, ladies and gentlemen.. Shaq is 39 years old and has been suffering from injuries to his Achilles, hip, knee, calf and thumb in the last two seasons. Add that to the fact that he doesn't have much, if any, in-ring training, and the folks that are looking for him to make some sort of full-time future out of wrestling are kidding themselves. One match, probably. A single storyline, perhaps. A match on television and one on pay-per-view, maybe. Full-time, though? I just don't see that happening. I've seen a lot of people toss around the idea of a match between Shaq and Big Show at SummerSlam this year, but there's a couple problems with that particular scenario..
- Yes, Shaq and Show have history, as they got into a bit of a scuffle when Shaq was Raw's Guest Host in the summer of 2009, but Big Show was a clear heel at the time, and is certainly a face now. I'm going to take a wild guess and say Shaq won't be coming in as a heel if he were to wrestle, so there goes that. I've seen some people say that Show still has time to turn heel between now and SummerSlam, and while that's true, it's also cutting things very close. This year's SummerSlam is 10 weeks from tomorrow (today, by the time everyone reads this). Because of Show's current "injury" suffered at the hands of Ricardo Rodriguez "running him over", he'll be out of action for a few weeks, and then, upon his return, you'd think he'd have to get some sort of revenge on Ricardo, as well as Alberto Del Rrrrrio, right? That doesn't leave a whole lot of time left for Show to right the wrongs in his life, then turn heel to set up a match with Shaq at SummerSlam. Even if he were to return and reveal that it was all some sort of plan, and he turns heel that way, he'd have to feud with KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE upon his return, once again not really leaving a bunch of time to get Shaq in there. Unless, of course, Show turns heel by revealing the accident was all a big ruse, begins feuding with KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, who is overcome by the numbers advantage that the heels have, so he brings in Shaq to help him out. However, does that make any fucking sense to you folks? It doesn't make any sense to me.
- While Shaq is certainly capable of flying places, I think it would make more sense for him to appear closer to home. People are calling for SummerSlam because it's in Los Angeles, where Shaq used to play and was a huge star. That's fine and all, but he doesn't live in Los Angeles, or anywhere else in the state of California, for that matter. He lives in Florida. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there some wrestling event taking place in Florida sometime in the earlier half of 2012? If I'm not mistaken, isn't that wrestling event where the stars always come out? It's called.. umm.. WrestlingManiac? Something along those lines, anyway. I think that would be a much better place for Shaq to debut as a wrestler, if that's what he wants to do. It gives him over half a year more to get some training in, and is a much bigger event, which means more eyeballs watching (and more money passed around). That also gives Big Show more than enough time to turn heel, should that be the direction deemed necessary.
Would Shaq have to be a wrestler, though? No, I don't think so. He could be brought in as a manager of some sort and be successful. Hell, it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, storyline-wise, but he could be brought in as the Raw General Manager and be successful, because that entire thing is beyond played-out already and just about anybody could be brought in for it. At this point, people just want to see it go somewhere. Say that he couldn't reveal himself as the GM while he was still under contract in the NBA or something, but now that he's retired, he can make himself "known". Something. Anything.
In the end, do I think Shaquille O'Neal will end up being a wrestler, or even involved in the wrestling business? No, I don't. It would be awesome if it happened, and I'm rooting for it, but I think he's going to find other things to do with his newfound free time.
How would you folks in ReaderLand have his "return" go if you were in charge? I had more planned for this column, but I'll just cut it short here, because we're going through some more thunderstorms in Hawaii. My power has already cut off three times since I started writing this column, but yeah, holla at ya boy and let me know what you'd do with Shaq if you were to bring him to WWE programming? Would he be a wrestler? Full-time or part-time? Would he be a manager? Let me know.
The HiPE Playlist: "Welcome To Hell" by Bad Meets Evil (Eminem & Royce Da 5'9").. "Fast Lane" by Bad Meets Evil.. "The Reunion" by Bad Meets Evil.. "Above The Law" by Bad Meets Evil.. "I'm On Everything" by Bad Meets Evil & Mike Epps.. "A Kiss" by Bad Meets Evil.. "Lighters" by Bad Meets Evil & Bruno Mars.. "Take From Me" by Bad Meets Evil.. "Loud Noises" by Bad Meets Evil & Slaughterhouse.. "Living Proof" by Bad Meets Evil.. "Echo" by Bad Meets Evil & Liz Rodriguez.. "(I Know I Got) Skillz" by Shaquille O'Neal & Def Jef.. "Sailing" by Avant.. "Makin Good Love" by Avant.. "Makin Good Love (Remix)" by Avant & Bone Thugs N Harmony
I was not impressed by your performance. ("I waz nut imprezzed by yurr purformanz.")
Hustle
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-Team Sleep--------------------------Day 521"Back in the days, when I was young.. I'm not a kid anymore, but some days, I sit and wish I was a kid again.."
I was sitting here, watching old school NWA/WCW matches, and it got me thinking back to when I was a kid and just starting out as a pro wrestling fan. Things were so much simpler then, as just about everything else in life happened to be at the time. This column is going to be about those times. It'll cover the time I started watching wrestling in the mid-80s pretty much all the way up until the end of The Attitude Era, so there's a lot of my readers that can reminisce along with me. For those of you that started watching wrestling more than 30 years ago, or that have only started watching in the last half-decade or so.. well, I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to tell you, really. Let's get it started already. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
"Back in the days, when I was young.. I'm not a kid anymore, but some days, I sit and wish I was a kid again.."- Remember "Apter Mags"? When I was young, I loved reading magazines about a variety of topics, but wrestling was always at the forefront of my reading list. I remember going to the store every week, and heading straight to the magazine section to see what was new. I'd always look for the "Apter Mags".. Pro Wrestling Illustrated, The Wrestler, Inside Wrestling, etc.. and I'd gladly spend some of my allowance and/or gift money to purchase each issue. Sure, it would have been smarter and cheaper to just subscribe to each magazine instead of purchasing every issue like that, but a large part of the fun was going to the store and seeing the new issues just sitting there, waiting to be bought. Don't even get me started on the PWI 500, which was highly-anticipated all year along, or the PWI Almanac, which came along later in the years, but was still a must-buy every year. The mags were something special, especially in comparison to the current era, because they were "kayfabe mags". They presented everything as still being "real", and the readers believed it. Imagine if there were magazines and/or websites that did that today, instead of just reporting behind-the-scenes and backstage information? Unless they were marketed towards kids, they'd be laughed right out of business.
- Remember WWF Ice Cream Bars?
They didn't particularly taste that great, at least in comparison to other ice cream bars that were on the market, but they still featured WWF stars on them, which meant we, as wrestling fans, had to buy them. I don't know how widely they were released for the rest of the country, but there weren't too many places to buy them out here in Hawaii. As I mentioned, they weren't tasty enough for me to ever go out of my way to get them, but if I was ever in the area for another reason, I'd make an excuse to stop into whatever store it was and pick one up. I'll be honest, though.. I'm stunned, with WWE catering towards a younger viewing audience now, that they haven't brought the bars back. Maybe they have. I don't know. I just think the company could make a killing on tasty treats like ice cream bars and candies branded with the likes of John Cena, Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, etc.
- Remember when the Free For All actually featured matches? The current Free For All that WWE airs before its pay-per-views are just 30-minute recaps of the matches that are about to happen at the event. Back in the day, though, it used to feature matches on it. Live, exclusive matches, and not just showing old matches from Raw. Sometimes, it was the equivalent of airing a dark match on television, but other times, it was something bigger. The very first Free For All took place before the 1996 Royal Rumble and featured a match between Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Triple H, in case some of you haven't figured it out) and Duke "The Dumpster" Droese. The winner of the match would get the 30th spot in that night's Royal Rumble match, while the loser would get the 1st spot in the match. Throughout the history of the Free For All matches, we saw a title change (The Smoking Gunns defeating The Godwinns to win the WWF Tag Team Titles), a Survivor Series match (Jesse James, Bob Holly, Bart Gunn & Aldo Montoya defeating The Sultan, Salvatore Sincere, Billy Gunn & Justin Bradshaw) and future Hall Of Famers (Triple H, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, The Rock and more). At worst, the Free For All was simply another wrestling match to have the opportunity to watch, and there's no problem with that. I think the company would actually be served well by bringing the matches back. Air those dark matches. Put matches in that are relevant to the pay-per-view itself (such as the HHH/Droese match for the Rumble, or maybe have two guys face each other for the right to get a title shot of some sort later in the night). Put two exciting wrestlers in a match to get the viewers pumped (Evan Bourne and Trent Barreta, for example, since there's no chance of them being on PPV anytime soon). Something. Anything.
- Remember when every wrestler seemed to use wrestling as a "side job"? On the WWF roster alone, you had a circus clown, a garbage man, a plumber, a funeral attendant, models, a barber, a baseball player on strike, fitness trainers, a corrections officer, a porn star, a race car driver, a dentist, a tax man and on and on and on. At one point, it seemed like everyone who wrestled for Vince McMahon had some sort of second job. This is actually something I don't want to come back, but it's still a big part of wrestling back then, so it must be mentioned.
- Remember when Vince McMahon was merely a commentator? Back before Vince was "Mr. McMahon", he was merely known as the lead announcer for Monday Night Raw and the WWF pay-per-views. Most people had no idea he was actually running the entire company. His commentary was known for the fact that, even as a wrestling announcer, he didn't appear to know any actual wrestling moves. Sure, not everyone is going to be a "Professor" like Mike Tenay, able to give you the breakdown of every move wrestling has ever seen, but Vince didn't know anything. Even the simplest moves, he'd just spaz out by yelling "WHAT A MANEUVER". It was so ridiculous that you couldn't help but laugh. That voice of his.. the only accurate description for his yelling during matches that I can think of is if he were trying to pretend that he was really far away from the microphone or something. My favorite Vince commentary moment would have to be the debut of none other than KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, though..
The way he said "That's gotta be.. that's gotta be Kane!" always cracks me up, and makes me think of the movie Beyond The Mat, when Vince first met Darren Drozdov and they were creating the "Puke" gimmick that Droz would use in the WWF..
Damn, that Vince McMahon is incredible. I'd like to meet him one day.
"Back in the days, when I was young.. I'm not a kid anymore, but some days, I sit and wish I was a kid again.."- Remember Big Van Vader's Mastadon helmet/mask thingamajiggy?
How fucking badass is that thing?!? What makes it even cooler is that he would take it off upon getting to the ring, and it would BLOW FUCKING SMOKE!!! Do you realize how cool it is for a child to see shit like that? It's what made Vader the baddest man alive, in my eyes, at one point. He'd walk to the ring in that monstrocity, take it off, let it blow smoke, and then he would proceed to decimate whichever unlucky soul was facing him on that particular night. He did all that while being a 400+ pound behemoth, as well, so it didn't exactly take much for him to look the part of a badass. That helmet/mask thingamabobber, though.. someone should definitely rock something like that in today's wrestling scene. Give a green one to Hornswoggle, and it will make him a badass. Yeah, I said it.
- Remember the WBF? When people discuss Vince McMahon's failures through the years, almost everyone names the XFL at the top of that list, but what they don't realize is that the XFL, for what it was, had success for a while and could have had a second season if Vince himself didn't pull the plug because of how much time it was taking from him. The WBF, on the other hand, was a disaster from the beginning. For those unaware, the WBF is the World Bodybuilding Federation, and it was a promotion of.. yes.. bodybuilding that Vince McMahon started in the early-90s. He couldn't help but try to turn it into somewhat of a pro wrestling-style competition, with the bodybuilders having "gimmicks" and everything, and they actually put these bodybuilding competitions on pay-per-view. Somewhere in the world, a very sad group of people that paid for the WBF events sits in their living room, curling weight in one hand, and taking back a protein shake with the other. They probably also have some tracks in their arms from all the needles, but that's besides the point. The WBF was just a mess. They reached out to Lou Ferrigno to come in and compete, and began promoting his arrival on television. What happened? A contract couldn't be reached, Ferrigno backed out, and nothing happened. Lex Luger was supposed to come in and compete. What happened? Lex had a motorcycle accident before his WBF debut, and that idea was scrapped. It was a disaster. A giant, steroid-riddled disaster.
- Remember the old WWF Royal Rumble video game for Super Nintendo & Sega Genesis?
The addition of the Royal Rumble match made this my absolute favorite wrestling video game to that point. Sure, it was only a 12-man Rumble, and not a 30-man like the real-life version, but it was still fun. I'd always have friends over to play, and it didn't take long for us to master the match, basically turning it into a one-on-one. I'd be the Rumble's first entrant, and whichever friend was playing would be the second entrant. With every new entrant in the match, one of us would immediately Irish Whip the entrant towards the other one, who would then hip toss the entrant out of the Rumble. Mere seconds later, the Rumble would be down to two people.. the original two entrants.. and that's when our knock-down, drag-out brawl would commence. For those wondering, and I know a lot of you are, Razor Ramon or The Undertaker were usually my selection of who to play as, although, if I had a Genesis at the time, I would have picked Papa Shango instead. Damn system-exclusive wrestlers.
- Remember the WWF Shop Zone guy? It was such an obscure reference that I couldn't even remember the guy's name, but he used you appear on episodes of Raw at ringside during a certain wrestler's entrance, and give a shill for that wrestler's merchandise. For example, during a Shawn Michaels entrance, he'd be shilling a HBK set of a hat, t-shirt, and heart-shaped sunglasses. He'd then give the number for the Shop Zone, and that would be that. He was basically Don West, only without the 47 heart attacks and fondness for vagina. I remember that Michaels used to interact with the guy during his sales pitches, sometimes walking to the corner and pulling the glasses off of the guy's face, before putting them on himself. It was just a weird way to sell merchandise for wrestlers, back before someone came up with the idea that if a wrestler has a new shirt out, the wrestler himself should wear it on television to show the folks at home how "cool" the shirt is. Seeing how the shirt looks on some goofy-looking dork is certainly more accurate, yes, but it's not how people want to see things, nor is it a fantastic way to sell anything.
- Remember when the Road Warriors tried to kill Dusty Rhodes? I was six years old at the time, and what I saw was such a blatant act of violence that it would be stuck in my head for years to come. The Road Warriors, using a spike from their famous spiked shoulder pads, tried to blind/kill Dusty by gouging the spike into his eye and rubbing it in. It was a ridiculous level of violence for that time, and the Road Warriors were hated for what they did to the man who could have been the real "People's Champion" at the time. Here's the video..
Adding a different aspect to the entire storyline is what we would find out years later. Dusty himself booked the entire thing, and did it to piss off TBS, who continued to interfere with the booking of WCW. On-screen blood was forbidden at the time, so Dusty made sure to put together a violent scene, in hopes of getting himself fired. It worked. Dusty was fired a month later, and that was that.
"Back in the days, when I was young.. I'm not a kid anymore, but some days, I sit and wish I was a kid again.."The HiPE Playlist: "Back In The Day" by Ahmad.. "False Friends" by Stephen Marley.. "Break Us Apart" by Stephen Marley & Capleton.. "Can't Keep I Down" by Stephen Marley.. "Jah Army" by Stephen Marley, Damian Marley & Buju Banton.. "Pale Moonlight" by Stephen Marley.. "She Knows Now" by Stephen Marley.. "The Chapel" by Stephen Marley & Ziggy Marley.. "Tight Ship" by Stephen Marley & Damian Marley.. "Working Ways" by Stephen Marley & Spragga Benz.. "Now I Know" by Stephen Marley.. "Brothers & Sisters" by SOJA.. "It A Ring" by Tonto Irie.. "Back Shot" by Spragga Benz & Lady Saw.. "Rain" by Ky-Enie
My name is Kunta Kinte 9000, and you can Kunta kiss my ass!
-------------------------Day 5228:55pm: We're a few minutes away from finding out who the winner of Tough Enough is, and right before the commercial break, Vince McMahon made his surprise arrival to the arena. He's on his way to the ring. This should be good.
8:58pm: That is quite the spiffy power blue suit that Vince is rocking tonight.
9:01pm: Vince McMahon and Steve Austin bickering like old times, complete with Austin saying "bullshit" on-air, about which of them will be the one who chooses the Tough Enough winner. Awesome.
9:04pm: Congratulations to Andy Leavine, goofy and awkward as he is, for winning Tough Enough this year. Thank goodness. I hope I never see Luke Robinson on my television again.
9:05pm: As a "welcome", Vince just slapped the taste out of Andy's mouth, knocking him completely off of his feet. As I type that, Austin brings him back to his feet and hits him with a Stone Cold Stunner. Andy hasn't even signed his WWE contract yet, and he's already being buried on WWE programming. That sounds about right. Par for the course with this company.
9:07pm: R-Truth is dressed as a confederate soldier. The crowd is in total silence. They don't even know how to respond to this.
9:09pm: Truth is dressed this way because Richmond, Virginia (home of tonight's Raw) was the "home of the confederacy". I'm going to say this only once tonight.. the #CoonBuffoonery with this idiot is about as strong as anyone on the planet.
9:12pm: LMAO @ Vince McMahon asking if Truth's first name is "R", and then asking if he spells it "Rrrrrrrrrrrrr" like a pirate.
9:13pm: Hey, it's The Miz, making this another.. you guessed it.. clusterfuck show opening.
9:14pm: ..sure enough, now Alex Riley is out to the ring. At least I get to hear A-Ri's swank entrance music, though.
9:15pm: ..and, to add to the clusterfuckery, now John Cena is coming to the ring. There are officially six people standing in the ring right now. This shit is so played out. Can the writers figure out something else to do already?
9:17pm: I'd pay money to see Vince McMahon telling Michael Cole to "shut up" like that for two straight hours. That was great.
9:19pm: Tonight's main event is John Cena & Alex Riley VS R-Truth & The Miz, with Steve Austin as the Special Guest Referee. That's pretty big. Should be interesting to see how A-Ri gets booked in that one.
9:23pm: Santino VS Michael McGillicutty, with both men receiving the dreaded "jobber entrance". Fantastic.
9:24pm: THIS MOTHERFUCKER MCGILLICUTTY JUST GAVE HIMSELF A TURNBUCKLE HEADBUTT!!! Santino rammed his head into the top turnbuckle, then grabbed his head to take him to the next turnbuckle, but McGillicutty mixed the spot up, slipped out of Santino's grip and drove his own head into the turnbuckle. Get this dude the fuck outta here. That's going to be on the next Botchamania in a "Wrestling Is Fake" moment, for sure.
9:27pm: Santino wins. Santino & Vladimir Kozlov are probably right back into the Tag Team Title picture now. Just what everyone was asking for, I'm sure.
9:34pm: Beth Phoenix & Kelly Kelly VS The Bella Twins. I'm not going to give this episode a very high grade. I can already tell. There had better be a fantastic second hour coming up.
9:38pm: Oh, shit.. Beth gets the win for her team. Now Beth and Kelly get a shot at the Divas Tag Team Titles next week, live on Raw. Wait.. what? They don't have Divas Tag Team Titles in this company? Oh, alright then. It meant nothing. Let's move on.
9:42pm: Booker T just removed his coat and told Trish Stratus to get down on her knees. Holy shit, this show is about to get X-rated quickly. Then he makes her put her hand out, and it looks like she's pantomiming cupping a pair of balls. What is happening here?!?
9:44pm: Booker T VS Jack Swagger tonight? If it means he gets as far away from announcing matches as possible, I'm 1000% behind a return to the ring for Booker.
9:51pm: Another match between Rey Mysterio and CM Punk. I'll take it. This show needs something to save it, and this is a definite step in the right direction.
9:56pm: This crowd is dead.
10:02pm: Another disappointment. Mysterio and Punk are capable of so much more when they're in the ring together, but that was merely "alright". They keep talking up that their "series" is tied 1-1 now, though, which means we're probably getting one more match, so maybe they were just holding back for that one. As it is, though, another terrible first hour of Raw.
10:04pm: Another "press conference" with President Obama, this time featuring R-Truth asking questions. Lawdamercy.
10:06pm: You know.. that was actually funny. Well, it was, up until the "Little Jimmy" shit. Props to Truth for being able to entertain me for a minute, though.
10:09pm: A three-hour "All-Star" edition of Raw next week, with the Smackdown roster also in attendance. I wish I could say I was looking forward to that.
10:12pm: Alberto Del Rrrrrio (or, "Albert Del Rio", as Ricky Steamboat called him on Tough Enough tonight) wants Big Show to come out so that he can apologize to him, and Ricardo Rodriguez comes out dressed as Show. The crowd, once again, is in silence. This is a disaster.
10:16pm: Three times, Ricardo Rodriguez yells out in a Big Show impression, and three times, the crowd doesn't even respond. A fourth time takes place as I type that. The crowd isn't booing or anything. They really don't give a fuck about this, and neither do I. Fuck Raw. I'm getting close to not watching this garbage anymore.
10:23pm: ZACK RYDER IS WRESTLING ON RAW?!?!? Sure, he got the "jobber entrance", and is out there with Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero (with Dolph's music), for some reason, but still.. he's wrestling on Raw.
10:24pm: Kofi Kingston VS Zack Ryder? Zack's a jobber, but Kofi loses all the time in non-title matches when he's holding any sort of title, so this could be interesting.
10:28pm: Kofi wins, and we won't see Ryder wrestle on Raw again until approximately 2013. Take care and spike your hair, Zack.
10:33pm: Alex Riley VS The Miz at Capitol Punishment. Nice.
10:35pm: Jack Swagger gets the "jobber entrance" now. My goodness.
10:39pm: A three-minute countout victory for Booker. Joy. The crowd still doesn't care.
10:40pm: The main event is coming up already? Looks like it's going to get a decent amount of time.
10:46pm: Damn, I was hoping that Truth was going to wrestle in the confederate soldier's uniform.
10:48pm: This is about as dead a crowd as Raw has seen in a long, long time. They've been near silent almost all night, for every match, every promo and every segment.
10:49pm: To tell you how dead this crowd is, not even Steve Austin or John Cena could get a huge reaction out of them.
10:50pm: Another commercial break. I guess that means we won't be getting a long main event, after all.
10:55pm: ANOTHER COMMERCIAL BREAK?!?
10:55pm: Miz is ducking Riley, and Truth is ducking Cena. This is turning into a series of singles matches.. Cena VS Miz, and Riley VS Truth. I wonder how long they can keep that up for?
10:59pm: I'm pretty sure Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole have now said "Andy Leavine" at least 100 times tonight. They really want you to remember his name.
11:01pm: Riley crawling to Cena, trying to make the hot tag, was as hot as the crowd has been all night, followed by a loud "Cena" chant. Admittedly, the chant only lasted for two or three seconds, but the point remains.
11:03pm: Very loud reaction when Riley finally makes the tag to Cena. John Cena saved the night for this entire crowd, whether they're cheering him or booing him.
11:05pm: Yet another Special Guest Referee going for some blatant interference in a match. What the hell is the point anymore?
11:06pm: The anonymous Raw General Manager overturns the result of the match, due to Austin's interference, so Truth & Miz win the match by disqualification.
11:07pm: The GM disqualifies a team because Austin interfered on their behalf, and then, two seconds later, he names Austin as next week's special Raw General Manager for a night. That makes perfect sense.
11:08pm: Cole just basically no-sold a Stunner.
#ThankYouRandySavage: R-Truth actually entertaining me, for once.. Zack Ryder actually getting to wrestle
#FuckYouMattHardy: Yet another clusterfuck show opening.. Michael McGillicutty exposing the business.. Santino & Vladimir Kozlov being involved in the Tag Team Title scene again.. The entire segment with Alberto Del Rrrrrio & Ricardo Rodriguez.. A dead crowd throughout the entire show.. More nonsensical storyline twists
Grade: F
The HiPE Playlist: Raw.
You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
-------------------------Day 523Probably not what you'd expect from the Hawaii battle rap scene.
I did a column like this last year, but now that we've had the WWE rosters shaken up and have new workers on each show, as well as conversation about this topic taking place in a thread on LoPForums.com, I think it's time to revisit a new-era "Smackdown Six".
For those of you that are new to the wrestling business, the "Smackdown Six" refers to Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Edge, Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero. Back in 2002, when Paul Heyman was the head writer for the Smackdown brand, he put those six men into a feud for the WWE Tag Team Titles (Los Guerreros VS Edge & Mysterio VS Angle & Benoit) and the matches that took place in the next few months were all fantastic. The six wrestlers were counted on to go out there on a weekly basis and perform at a high rate, both against each other and against different opponents. It was this time that helped to propel Chris Benoit, Edge and Rey Mysterio to future World Title victories. It was this time that helped to propel Eddie Guerrero and Edge to future WWE Title victories. It was this time that helped to propel Chavo Guerrero to a future ECW Title victory. They were just the six workers that the company could always count on to entertain the viewers. They made Paul Heyman's job so much easier. Just put them in a match, and because he knew they'd succeed, he was able to spend time focusing on other workers and other storylines.
If there were to be a 2011 version of the "Smackdown Six", though, who would be in the group? That's where I come in. I'm going to be going with the guys who would/could have the most versatility here, and not just six guys that could/should be in a Tag Team Title feud. I figured I had to say that, just in case people began wondering how I'd book these six names into a feud for the tag straps. Let's get on with the six names, in no particular order..
Daniel Bryan: I'm going to assume that most of you aren't surprised to see his name here. I still say he's the best technical wrestler on the WWE roster today, but due to the fact that he can change styles a bit and work a high-flying match with no problem, as well as brawling when he needs to, he can successfully work with anyone on the roster, putting him here without a doubt. He has the ability to look like a million bucks in the ring, as well as making his opponents look like a million bucks in the process thanks to his selling ability. That's the key to him being listed here, as he is capable of carrying.. yeah, I said it.. people to some of the best work they're able of putting out. Am I a fan of Daniel Bryan? Yes. Am I biased towards Daniel Bryan? Yes. However, you can't convince me that anything I'm saying is wrong. The thing that is against him right now is inconsistent booking. However, as we've seen in recent weeks, that inconsistent booking is leaning towards the positive side right now. Hooray positivity.
Sin Cara: I realize that some people are down on the guy, but there's something you must realize.. as I've said on multiple occasions, it probably wasn't cheap at all to bring him into the company. You don't bring in Mexico's top star and not push him like crazy. He's already getting special treatment with the fancy ring entrance, unique lighting during his matches and the fact that they're looking to bring in other Lucha talents specifically to work with him. With his high-flying style, the company is going to want to put him out there with a variety of opponents, so.. yes.. he belongs on this list. What really works in his favor here is that, just like the original "Smackdown Six", this isn't about mic skills or anything like that. It has 100% to do with their in-ring work, so it doesn't matter how much English Sin Cara knows or can speak.
Christian: Time will only tell where his heel turn takes him, but one thing is for sure.. he's been around long enough to prove that he's more than capable of putting on an entertaining match whenever he's in the ring, and no matter who he's in the ring with. As the most experienced name in this group, he'd be like the Chris Benoit of this group. That comparison fits in more ways than one, actually. One, they're both Canadian. Two, Benoit was a pro wrestler for a little over 18 years before he was given a World Title (the WCW Title he won in 2000 doesn't count because it was basically a bribe by the company to stay with them, and he left the next day), and his fans were calling, for years prior to that World Title victory, that he should be given a shot to be "the man" somewhere. Like I said, it's too early to really judge what will happen now that Christian appears to have turned heel, but even if he never wins another World Title reign, he should comfortably find himself in this type of grouping.
Cody Rhodes: I've said it numerous times to this point, but Cody Rhodes is still my choice for WWE MVP in the first half of 2011, and might be the choice for Most Improved, as well. He gets some of the most consistent air time on Smackdown, basically getting a promo and/or a match every single week. I don't know about you, but I'd say that makes him prime candidate for a list like this. Cody is a prime choice for Randy Orton's next opponent should Orton make his way through Sheamus and/or Christian, so something like this could be pretty close to happening already, which would even tie in the previous names, as well.
Ted DiBiase: This one might surprise a lot of you, based simply on the fact that DiBiase hasn't been taken seriously as a singles wrestler in a long time, but his win/loss record isn't exactly a good representation of his skills, and now that the company has placed him back alongside Cody Rhodes for whatever the hell it is they're doing, things could be looking up for Ted Jr. If Cody's going to have the rocket strapped to his back, placing DiBiase with him again would really help him out, and it's a lot better than having random appearances on Superstars and even having to job there.
Randy Orton: I went back and forth with this one. On one hand, Randy Orton is the World Champion and the undeniable face of the Smackdown brand. On the other hand, even his fans would tell you that he isn't one of the top workers in the company. My own personal opinions about Orton and his in-ring work had to go out the window here. I had to sit and look at the entire Smackdown roster, and just how things are going to be booked moving forward. With Raw in the past, you had a very clear main event scene with a handful of names, and those names were clearly on a different level than the guys in the show's midcard scene. With the current Smackdown, you don't really have that. You have Randy Orton as the World Champion, and then you have pretty much everyone else on the roster competing somewhat equally. That means Orton is in a situation that most of the WWE Champions on Raw would never be in, and he is definitely included in a list like this. We've already seen Christian, Mark Henry and Sheamus involved with him in the title picture, but the rest of the names on this list could easily join them at one point with no real problem at all.
That's three faces and three heels, all of whom could easily intertwine right away without having to do too much work. Orton, Bryan & Sin Cara VS Christian, Rhodes & DiBiase? Having Sin Cara work a main event storyline in any way would really help him to continue getting over and would give him major exposure. It would seriously benefit Daniel Bryan, as well. Hell, it would push Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase to a higher level, as well, so it's something that elevates four names at once, keeps Christian riding strong and gives Orton new challengers. Everyone wins, especially when they branch out a bit and start working with other members of the Smackdown roster and not just always against each other.
Your turn, ReaderLand. Who would be in your "Smackdown Six"? Holla at ya boy and let me know what's on your mind.
The HiPE Playlist: "Return Of The Mack" by Mark Morrison.. "Don't Walk Away" by Jade.. "Come & Talk To Me (Remix)" by Jodeci.. "Lately" by Jodeci.. "Set Adrift On Memory Bliss" by PM Dawn.. "Erotic City" by Prince.. "When Doves Cry" by Prince.. "One More Chance (Remix)" by The Notorious B.I.G. .. "Mo Money Mo Problems" by The Notorious B.I.G., Ma$e & Puff Daddy.. "September" by Earth, Wind & Fire.. "Are You That Somebody" by Aaliyah & Timbaland.. "P.Y.T." by Michael Jackson.. "Don't Stop The Rock" by Freestyle.. "Comforter" by Shai.. "End Of The Road" by Boyz 2 Men
If it doesn't say "Binford", someone else made it.
-------------------------Day 524*By Request*
I guess you could even call this column a bit of a continuation of yesterday's column. Your Pimpin' Polynegro has been receiving requests recently (say that ten times fast) about what is going on with the Smackdown brand, and why it seems to be falling apart. Ratings are bad, reports of house show attendance figures show numbers falling into the toilet, and now we get word that this week's television tapings featured an arena that had "40-45%" of the seats tarped off. Combine falling ratings on television with poor house show ticket sales with poor television taping ticket sales, and you have a recipe for potential disaster with the "Blue Brand".
What would I do to try and help Smackdown if I was in charge? Well, I guess some answers are "obvious". More than others, anyway. Let's take a look. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
First and foremost, above all else, I think Smackdown needs to go live. It doesn't really take a whole lot to figure out that having your show's spoilers on the internet for three whole days before it airs on television can hurt, and often does hurt. When you're able to go online and read what's going to happen on a show before it airs, it takes away a lot of the urgency to take time out of your schedule to watch it. What makes it even worse is that the spoilers are often sent in by people who are either mentally handicapped, or are just incredibly lazy. You'll see sets of spoilers that have no details to them at all. I'm not saying you should give a play-by-play of every single minute that you see, but when you just say Wrestler A beats Wrestler B, it doesn't say much. People don't tune in, and then find out on Saturday morning that Wrestler A won a match that nearly went 20 minutes and came close to four stars. If you're sending in spoiler reports that feature you saying that you don't remember how so-and-so won a match, or that you don't remember the opponent that such-and-such faced.. well, you're pretty much useless, aren't you?
The second step would be going back to yesterday's column and implementing something of a "Smackdown Six" for 2011. Taking Smackdown's best workers and just letting them loose would be a good idea, in my opinion. Let guys like Daniel Bryan and Cody Rhodes perform more often, and in longer matches. I'm not saying that it will solve everything all by itself, but there's a pretty nice sized chunk of wrestling fans out there that are actually missing.. wrestling.. in their wrestling programming. You know the group I'm talking about. The group that TNA is trying to reach out to with their "wrestling matters" campaign, only to push away when the fans realize it's the same old TNA with a different tag line. Those are the fans that are tuning out in droves because they aren't being catered to anymore. The current Smackdown product tries to cater to them, but simply isn't doing enough.
Somewhat related to the previous point.. use your talent. It sounds simple enough, but the company doesn't always take advantage of the talent they have. They're trying to push people that the fans aren't connected to, nor seem to care much about. The fans don't want to see The Great Khali wrestle, and yet, he's still out there wrestling on a regular basis, and now will probably be wrestling more because he's involved in a storyline.. with a rookie that nobody knows or cares about. The only Diva that was getting any sort of crowd reaction (or reaction from the fans at home) was Kharma, and without her around, it's back to putting women on the air that nobody is concerned with. Meanwhile, there are talented workers like Tyson Kidd and Trent Barreta being wasted on Superstars, with nobody watching the show. Get William Regal back in the ring. His in-ring style might not be for everyone, but one thing he's always been superb at doing is drawing a reaction from the crowd.
I know some people think Smackdown should move from Friday nights to another night of the week, but I'm not one of those people. I know some feel the show should be moved back to Thursdays, simply to the competition they'd provide for Impact. Personally, I think those people simply feel Smackdown's arrival would take more viewers from Impact, and in their mind, would send TNA to an early grave. Sure, I bash TNA, but I don't do it blindly. I don't want them to fold, whether some of you TNA fans would like to believe it or not. Besides, Thursday is a much busier night on television than Friday usually is, which means much more competition, in general. If anything, that's only going to hurt the Smackdown ratings even more. As far as ticket sales go, your first instinct would be to say that Friday nights would be easier to attend shows than Thursday nights would be. There's no school the following day, and the "average" person doesn't have work, either. Of course, then you have to remember that Monday night isn't supposed to be a "good" night, either, but we don't hear the same ticket sale problems for Raw every week. It also doesn't explain much of anything about the ticket sales for house shows, which happen to fall on every night of the week. I'd keep the Smackdown show itself on Friday nights.
How to help house show sales.. how to help house show sales.. hmm.. that's an interesting one. To be honest, I think it would behoove the company to follow what TNA has been doing with their house shows and making them much more fan-friendly events. Make it easier for the fans to meet the superstars. Set up time before and after the shows for autographs to be signed and pictures to be taken. Lower ticket prices for the house shows. Give families a reason to come to the shows together, especially in this day and age where movie tickets cost upwards of $15 a piece and you then have to go on and spend $20 on soda, $10-$15 on popcorn, $20 on hot dogs, etc, all to watch a movie that might barely crack the 90 minute mark. That's the kind of thing that can't happen in the world of wrestling. Even a house show that approach the three-hour mark, if not exceed it. Lower ticket prices, longer shows, and more of a fan experience at every event? That's a good combination. I'd also look into finding new cities and new markets to do shows in. Not saying they should be hitting up towns with popluations of 500 people or anything, but just looking for places that don't necessarily get shows all the time. Obviously, the places like New York, Chicago, Boston, etc get shows all the time, whether they're house shows, televised shows or pay-per-views, but what about the markets that are lucky to get one house show in a single calendar year? Now that I think about it more, maybe running smaller venues for house shows wouldn't be such a bad idea in some cases. The smaller, more intimate shows would offer a better vibe that would be more suitable for the fan-friendly atmosphere, I would imagine. Imagine WWE running a house show in something like New York's Hammerstein Ballroom (where they held the first two ECW One Night Stand pay-per-view events) today?
That's the type of venue where you aren't going to get more than a few thousand people crammed into the building, but everyone is closer to the action, can hear everything that is going on, and generally feels more like part of the show. You've got to open the doors to more people, and make the product a lot more accessible to people. With lower ticket prices, more people would have an opportunity to attend events. With shows running in new markets, even more people would have an opportunity to attend events. It's almost like taking the company back to its roots, when it wasn't a billion-dollar monster in the wrestling industry, and was still running all over the place, picking up new fans and hooking new people on the product.
- Make the show live, doing away with spoilers
- Hook fans in with more quality in-ring product
- Take advantage of the talent, and pay attention to who the fans want to see, not who you feel they should see
- Lower ticket prices all around
- Add a "fan experience" to every event, with autographs, picture taking, etc
- Have shows in new markets
- Have shows run in smaller venues (some shows, not all of them)
It's all about making Smackdown worth everyone's time and money. If you're watching it on television, it needs to be two hours that you care about. If you're attending the shows in person, it needs to be a product that you're willing to spend your hard-earned money on. There's such a talented roster on Smackdown, but the company isn't using them to their potential, so I'm not calling for huge roster changes, especially this soon after the WWE Draft, but it might not hurt to get an influx in talent from FCW, with guys like Seth Rollins joining Smackdown to add to the in-ring product.
It's really not that difficult a thing to do. It's just a shame that most of the stuff I've mentioned in this column will never happen, due to idiocy and overinflated egos within the company. Run smaller venues? Lower ticket prices? They'll see that as not making as much money, and they won't allow it. Meanwhile, they're completely oblivious to the fact that they're running the brand into the ground. Sad, really.
The HiPE Playlist: I originally had a playlist, thanks to the LoP room on the turntable.fm beta project, but because that beta is still working out some of the kinks, and I don't have access to it at the moment, my playlist is gone.
Life is cold. Bundle up.
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