I think the HIPE - year 2, week 36 (9/3 - 9/9)
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1. Day 611 - Dissecting The Wrestling Revolution Roster (Week 2)
2. Day 612 - Maybe it's time for the Bellas to stop tweeting
Day 611Last week, I looked at the first five members of the new Wrestling Revolution Project. Here we are, a week later, and it's time to look at the second batch of five (like last week, I'll be referring to them by their "popular" names, just to make things easier on myself and all of you reading), and I don't want to waste any more time, so, uh.. shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
To get everyone caught up, let's look at last week's five again..
- Scott Colton, better known to the wrestling world as Colt Cabana
- Len Olson, better known to the wrestling world as Dr. Luther
- Ken Doane, better known to the wrestling world as Kenny Dykstra/Spirit Squad Kenny
- Alex Zikos, better known to the wrestling world as Alex Reynolds
- Tyson Smith, better known to the wrestling world as Kenny Omega
Now, for this week's five..
- Hassan Assad aka Montel Vontavious Porter
- Sam Johnston aka Sami Callihan
- Dara Daivari aka Shawn Daivari/Khosrow Daivari/Sheik Abdul Bashir
- Emil Sitoci
- Drew Hankinson aka Luke Gallows
Before I say anything else, let me just say that, at ten names deep, the WRP roster is already amazing, and we're only about halfway done, so there's plenty of time for that amazingness to grow. Adding MVP to the roster adds a certain level of credibility and "name value". He's a man that many feel WWE dropped the ball on. Those people will say that MVP could've/should've been a World/WWE Champion, especially as a heel. He's definitely not a young talent anymore (he'll be 38 by the time WRP begins airing), but he provides a lot of veteran leadership to a young overall roster. While he isn't a former World Champion, he's still someone that I'm sure a lot of these guys looked up to and were major fans of while he was working for WWE, so I'm sure they're thrilled to get a chance to work with him. Just a solid, solid addition to the roster, in my opinion.
Sami Callihan.. while I know my boy Mizzou is pissed beyond belief to see his name on the WRP roster, I don't really mind it. I'm still not the biggest fan of Sami's work, necessarily, but he helps to bring some more indy buzz to the promotion, and he certainly brings his own style to it, as well. His history with violent matches immediately indicates, to me, that he'll have to cross paths with Dr. Luther eventually. While perhaps not in a deathmatch setting, those two could put on a very entertaining, physical brawl, which would set them apart from the rest of the roster from the very beginning. That's incredibly important when it comes to any type of indy promotion, as the stereotype is all indy wrestlers look and wrestle alike, so if you have something.. anything.. to make yourself stand out, it should be taken advantage of.
I don't think I can properly express how happy I am to see Daivari's name on the WRP roster. If you ask me (and technically, by clicking the link to read my column, you did), I think Daivari is one of the most underrated workers of the last several years. While with WWE, he was basically nothing more than a manager, and with TNA, he was hurt by TNA's fear of the gimmick they gave him, as it seemed like they wanted to push him as the "evil foreigner" that pro wrestling has seen so many times, but they didn't want to attract too much negativity like WWE got with Daivari and Muhammad Hassan. WRP founder Jeff Katz has been vocal about his dislike for the racial stereotype gimmicks that wrestling has seen, so now Daivari will get a chance to actually work instead of just being some sort of quasi-terrorist, which is great for everyone involved.
Emil Sitoci.. hmm.. for the first time since WRP began naming members of the roster, I'm completely stumped. Not only have I never seen an Emil Sitoci match, I'd never even heard of the guy before this week. From what I've gathered, however, he's a young talent that has seen a lot of success in Europe. Two of his trainers are Mike Quackenbush and Chris Hero, though, so that grabs my attention right away. I've heard Sitoci described as "Chris Hero, if Hero were a Southern-style pretty-boy babyface", which not only makes me laugh, but also piques my interest. Best believe that, by the time WRP gets going, I will have watched my fair share of Sitoci's work, but for now, he's mostly a question mark.
We end the second week with Luke Gallows, and I think it's yet another wonderful addition to the WRP roster. Gallows is one of the best "big man" free agents out there. He's a solid worker, and someone who is also very underrated because most of the attention went to the characters he portrayed (and to the people he was stablemates with) instead of what he could do in the ring. At 6'7" and nearly 300 pounds, he's considerably larger than anyone else on the WRP roster to this point, which goes back to the importance of standing out. He's definitely going to stand out here. Without having to play some sort of "special needs" character, and without having to deal with being alongside CM Punk (as well as Serena's large breasticles), Gallows should be able to succeed of his own accord, which is nice.
As I mentioned, I think the WRP roster looks great already, with a variety of in-ring styles and a nice mix of "names" and new talent. With every passing day, I get more and more excited for what could be, and I'm definitely rooting for them. Wrestling fans continue to want something different, and WRP looks to be set to give us just that.. something different. Should be fun.
The HiPE Playlist: "Grind" by Jadakiss.. "Can't Get Enough" by J. Cole & Trey Songz.. "Lost Ones" by Soul Khan.. "I Stand Alone" by Theophilus London.. "Mama Knows" by Termanology.. "Emergency" by Mavado & Ace Hood.. "Pay Day Part 2" by JD Era & Raekwon.. "Lovely" by John West & Pusha T.. "Krooked Montana" by Skeme.. "Tupac Gone" by Skeme
Not so fast, my friend!
Hustle
E-mail: HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com
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-Team Sleep--------------------------Day 612
Bit of a quick column tonight. I have very important things on my calendar for the day (read: multiple Fantasy Football drafts), so I need to get this moving.
If you've been following the latest Twitter "controversy", you'd know that a few of the WWE Divas, and many of the WWE fans, have some very strong opinions of an article that was posted on WWE.com, of all places, where the author (Katie Raymond) basically ripped the current Divas division apart, wondering if the division needs to be saved by Beth Phoenix and Natalya. The article talks about Kelly Kelly and The Bella Twins mostly, and talks about them as "models" and "pretty faces", but doesn't have a whole lot of praise for their in-ring work. Sure, they put their bodies on the line in matches, and sure, Kelly Kelly is one of the more popular Divas, but.. well, that's about it, really.
Well, of course, Kelly and the Bellas weren't going to keep quiet after the article was posted, and now, with Bella family members also becoming involved, it has turned into the "Topic Of The Day" for many wrestling fans on Twitter. Let's look at some things that Nikki Bella tweeted..
"First off.... Um you want me to slap you with all of my awards and championships I have won? I was a #1 athlete... Which other Diva was?
Secondly, Bri & @RealKellyKelly have been the only entertainment that has happened 2 the Diva's Division & have worked harder than anyone!
Thirdly, I've seen 2 girls the past few weeks try as hard as they can to be "models" while us "models" have busted our butts.....
Oh and good luck with the up and coming Divas.... Sure you'll make a lot of money with them.... Um actually NOT!
Lastly, @RealKellyKelly & Us are better than anyone in the past so Katie Raymond check your self and come read this article to my face! NB"
Doesn't that just make you want to die a little inside? There's no way, in her right mind, that Nikki honestly feels that she, along with her sister and Kelly Kelly, have been the "only entertainment that has happened 2 the Diva's division". There's no way, in her right mind, that Nikki honestly feels that she, along with her sister and Kelly Kelly, have "worked harder than anyone". There's just no way.
If Kelly and the Bellas have "worked harder than anyone", what does it say that none of them know how to perform even the most proper of moves correctly? How bad do you need to be to start off when you work your fucking ass off and still aren't coming close to being even an average worker? They don't know how to run the ropes correctly, which is one of the absolute first things you learn how to do when you start training to become a wrestler, so again, if they've worked harder than anyone else, and have only reached the level they're currently at, how piss-poor were they when they began training? That just makes them sound like they had the ability of a corpse when they started.
It's also pretty funny that Nikki, in her infinite wisdom, gets mad at someone for speaking negatively about the Divas division, so her response is to.. speak negatively about every Divas division since the beginning of time? Brilliant. The "only entertainment that has happened 2 the Diva's division".. wow.. women can be douchebags, too, right? I'm legitimately asking. It's weird, because "douche" is obviously something that women use, but "douchebag" is almost exclusively used as a term towards males. No matter what, this is a scenario where I think "douchebag" is the proper term for someone like Nikki Bella. Does nobody think anymore?!?
I know a lot of people are making a big deal that Brie and Nikki's mother and brother have both tweeted in support of the girls, but I don't see why. It's their family members. They're supposed to support them. Sure, maybe you'd like to see some honesty from Mommy Dearest, where she can tell her girls that she loves them and supports them in their careers, but that they aren't quite on the level that they seem to think they are, but that's not something to realistically expect from someone who pushed these two out of her snizz. Other folks can focus on the family members' tweets, but I won't.
Lastly, let's say that Nikki's comments were more "in-character work" than any type of "shoot". Is it going to lead to anything, other than the occasional column and Twitter discussion? Are Trish Stratus and Lita going to return to slap the taste out of Nikkie and Brie's mouths? Does anyone really think this is the type of thing that is going to be mentioned a lot and turned into an on-air storyline? Are we going to hear from this Katie Raymond character on an episode of Raw, followed by a response from Mama Bella and Brother Bella? No, probably not. It probably won't be mentioned, and things will carry on as usual.
Bottom line is that maybe.. just maybe.. Nikki Bella should take the advice of legendary philosopher, Brian Fantana..
"Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while."
The HiPE Playlist: Nothing today.
Baxter! Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee!
I think the HIPE - year 2, week 33 (8/13 - 8/19)
The remote server returned an unexpected response: (400) Bad Request.
1. Day 590 - SummerSlam Predictions (What I'd Do & What Will Probably Happen)
2. Day 591 - SummerSlam Review
2.5 Day 592 - Raw Running Diary
4. Day 593 - Tag Team.. Back Again?
5. Day 594 - Gimmick Match Tomfoolery
6. Day 595 - The Death Of "Heels" & "Faces"?
Day 590SummerSlam is going to be a big pay-per-view, one way or another. Either we move on to a brand new era in the world of pro wrestling, or something will go down that will end up pissing a lot of wrestling fans off. Considering that the NFL is about to return, which means the return of Monday Night Football to go along with it, this is the worst possible time to start driving fans away from the WWE product. No more wasting time. Let's get to the predictions. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
Daniel Bryan VS Wade Bar-ruh
What I'd Do: Let them go out there and have a good old fashioned technical battle. With only five announced matches on the card, that leaves each match with the possibility of having more time than usual to work with. With that extra time, Bryan and Bar-ruh could really have a doozy of a match. Like I said, an old school type of match. Chain wrestling, reversals, submission attempts, etc. This would be a very nice first step in helping to build Daniel Bryan's credibility on his journey towards cashing his Money In The Bank Title shot in at WrestleMania 28, and that's precisely why I'd give Bryan the victory here in a nice, hard fought back-and-forth match.
What Will Probably Happen: I think this one "matches", to be honest. Bar-ruh, at this point, is over enough, and is big enough, to be a very good enhancement talent on the Smackdown brand. Maybe that term is a little harsh, but at this very point in time, it's the truth. With his size advantage, and with his main event history, the average WWE fan sees Bar-ruh as the favorite going into this match, especially after being able to beat Bryan down a bit on Smackdown this week. I know this term is overused, especially within the IWC, but I'd look for Bryan to "overcome the odds" here and pick up the victory. It wouldn't surprise me whatsoever if they got 15 or so minutes to work with, too, which means things could get really fun.
Sheamus VS Mark Henry
What I'd Do: Let them go out and have the match that everyone is expecting.. a brawl, with two big brutes beating the hell out of each other. There's no finesse needed here, that's for damn sure. This one makes for an interesting booking scenario. Mark Henry has certainly been booked in recent months as being the most unstoppable monster on the WWE roster. Sheamus, on the other hand, is coming off of a recent face turn, and is getting himself over. He seems on the verge of really breaking out as a star on Smackdown. Both men could really use a big win here. Both men could also really be hurt by a loss here, depending on how it's booked. That makes this a very important match. With Henry being booked as someone that really doesn't care about things like rules, and is only interested in destroying people and injuring them, I think it makes sense to have Sheamus get the win somehow, but for Henry to get his heat back afterwards. It could go one of two ways.. either Henry gets disqualified, but is able to continue some sort of beatdown after the match, with either Teddy Long or Triple H (the thought of Triple H assisting Sheamus is pretty funny) coming out to stop him before he could snap Sheamus' ankle in a steel chair, or just have Sheamus sneak out a victory and get attacked after the match, with the same stoppage by Long or Triple H. Just for the sake of being different than Super Chrisss' pick, I'll go with a DQ victory for Sheamus, continuing the feud for a little while longer.
What Will Probably Happen: Honestly? The other option in the previous paragraph. It could be argued that Sheamus needs the win more than Henry does, and because of that, I do think that Sheamus will pick up the victory in this match. Henry will be able to dominate the match for a while, but he'll make a mistake that Sheamus will be able to capitalize on for the win. After the match, as Sheamus is celebrating, look for Henry to attack him and get his heat back. I'd be shocked if this was the end of the feud, one way or another.
Kelly Kelly VS Beth Phoenix - Singles Match for the Divas Title
What I'd Do: If you've read any of my columns, the answer to this one should be pretty obvious. Sure, Kelly is feisty and spunky (more so than the usual spunk that she usually has sliding down her throat), and that's fine and dandy, but this is Beth Phoenix we're talking about. She's an absolute animal in the Divas division, and with this new edge to her character, giving her the title just makes sense. I would have Kelly try to put up a fight, but I wouldn't have the match last very long at all. No more than five minutes.
What Will Probably Happen: Just what I said I'd do if I were in charge.. Kelly puts up a good fight for a while, maybe even picking up the respect of many members of the WWE Universe in the process, but Beth gets the win and becomes the new Divas Champion when all is said and done, starting a brand new era in women's wrestling. Only time will tell how long that new era lasts, but it should begin at SummerSlam.
Christian VS Randy Orton - No Holds Barred Match for the World Title
What I'd Do: Ever since Christian dropped the World Title to Randy Orton the first time, and we saw Smackdown ratings continue to drop, you folks have seen me say that Christian should be given another chance to hold the title, just to see how much of the ratings drop was due to fans being upset over him losing the title in the first place. What happened when Christian won the title back? The Smackdown ratings went up. They continued to go up, reaching their highest points since WrestleMania. Yes, the rating went down a bit this past week, but I really don't think it's a coincidence that the ratings have been affected by Christian's booking like that. That places the company in somewhat of a weird situation. Wrestling logic and history would indicate that Orton will win his title back at SummerSlam. You'd have to think that runs the risk of losing more viewers for Smackdown. If it happens again, you'd also have to think that it won't be fixed by simply giving the title back to Christian. If the fans get pissed again, I would assume they'd be done with the show. However, on the other hand, you can't just be a hostage to that forever. Christian has to drop the title eventually. I wouldn't make that time now. He still hasn't had an entire month as the World Champion. He deserves an opportunity to build a strong title reign, as far as the duration goes. I think the next logical step to see about Christian's drawing power is to move him to a different feud.
What Will Probably Happen: All of the speculation surrounds Christian's comments to end this week's episode of Smackdown, where he said he just found something out, and all of a sudden went from being really worried about the match to being really confident about it. He then said that he has the "best thing going", and it sounds like he's talking about some sort of backup that will have his back at SummerSlam. I think, with the recent report that had Edge in town for SummerSlam weekend, that's who Christian is referring to. Christian thinks his best friend is there to help him, blah blah blah.. he is sadly mistaken, blah blah blah.. Randy Orton wins and becomes the World Champion again, blah blah blah. I really hope I'm wrong here, though.
CM Punk VS John Cena - Singles Match for the WWE Title - Triple H is the Special Guest Referee
What I'd Do: Give them another 35-40 minutes to work with. They've more than proved to the world that they have great in-ring chemistry and can handle matches that are longer than the average WWE main event. Is it finally time for that much talked about Cena heel turn? As I've said before, the main thing holding the company back from making Cena heel was the fact that there weren't any faces available to step up as the top guy, and that the company would lose a lot of money on merchandise sales without him. Well, with Punk's rise to meteoric heights, all that has changed. Punk has proven that he can be a top face, and his merchandise is selling better than anything in years. If there was ever a time to pull the trigger on a Cena heel turn, this would be it. I'd have the turn begin at SummerSlam, but not become official until later. Have Triple H screw Punk out of the match and the title, giving Cena the win, and then we can go from there. Have Cena see the Triple H interference, and not do anything about it. You know.. planting seeds. No need for a hug/handshake between Cena and Trips after the match. It adds more intrigue to Raw, and people will want to see what goes down. What will Cena have to say about Triple H's interference? What will the always opinionated Punk have to say about being screwed?
What Will Probably Happen: I'm past the point of predicting heel turns for John Cena. I'll just say that I'd get it started if I was doing the booking, but do I think it actually happens? No. I do think we'll get another lengthy match here, and I do think Triple H gets involved in the match more than just counting the falls. I'll say this, though.. the one outcome that absolutely positively cannot happen is Cena winning the match cleanly. No interference. No screwjobs. Just Cena pinning Punk, clean, to become the new undisputed WWE Champion. That will kill everything that has been built up in the storyline to this point. That might even kill CM Punk as an overall character. Like Cena said on Raw, if Punk loses this, people will view him as an overrated one-hit wonder, and it's going to be difficult to push him anywhere near this point again. Here's how I see it all going down..
- After another back-and-forth match, Punk pins Cena to win the match
- After the match, Punk begins to taunt Triple H with the WWE Title
- Triple H snaps and attacks Punk, laying him out with a Pedigree
- Alberto Del Rrrrrio comes out and cashes his Money In The Bank briefcase in
- ADR pins Punk to become the new WWE Champion
- Cena gets his shit together just in time to see ADR celebrating with the WWE Title in hand
- Trips stands off to the side with a look on his face like "What did I just do?"
- We go off the air with shots of ADR, Punk, Cena and Trips, and their various emotions
The HiPE Playlist: "Acura Integurl" by Frank Ocean.. "Bedtime Story" by Frank Ocean.. "Can't Be The Last Time" by Frank Ocean.. "Got The Keys" by Frank Ocean.. "Hardest Thing" by Frank Ocean.. "If I'm In Love" by Frank Ocean.. "Lonny" by Frank Ocean.. "Lost Angel" by Frank Ocean.. "No Love" by Frank Ocean.. "Open Air" by Frank Ocean.. "Ready" by Frank Ocean.. "Scared Of Beautiful" by Frank Ocean.. "When I'm Done" by Frank Ocean.. "Swim Good" by Frank Ocean.. "Thinking About You" by Frank Ocean
Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone.. but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.
Hustle
E-mail: HIPRNFeedback@gmail.com
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Formspring:
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-Team Sleep--------------------------Day 591
Well, damn.
World Wrestling Entertainment is on such a tremendous roll right now.
SummerSlam, coming off of an epic pay-per-view in Money In The Bank, was another really good event. Sure, there were some booking ideas that made people scratch their heads a bit, but there wasn't a single match on the card that failed to entertain. Even Kelly Kelly VS Beth Phoenix was much better than it should have been.
I went 2-3 on predictions (with an incredible 0-5 on my "What I'd Do" ideas), so that isn't much to brag about, but like I said, every single match delivered, so I'm not exactly complaining much. Everyone is already demanding it, so let's just get right into the recap..
We started the show off with an unannounced six-man tag, with Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston and John Morrison taking on the team of The Miz, R-Truth and Alberto Del Rrrrrio. It wasn't an earth-shattering match or anything like that, but it featured the right amount of athleticism and names that are over to get the crowd excited and to kick things off right. The face team won, with Mysterio getting the pin and the focus at the end of the match. That works perfectly. He has a WWE Title shot on Raw tomorrow, so it makes sense to have him look strong and have some momentum on his side going into the show. The match itself basically turned into what would have been a Match Of The Week on television. I'll go with 2.25 stars here.
A funny backstage segment with John Laurinaitis, CM Punk and the returning Stephanie McMahon was next. It's always great to see Stephanie again, but the highlight of the entire segment was Steph offering Punk a good luck handshake, and Punk refusing, saying that he knows where that hand has been. Again, it wasn't anything that changed the course of the business forever, but it was entertaining nonetheless.
The next match was Sheamus VS Mark Henry, and sure enough, they made sure to beat the hell out of each other. The match ended with Henry winning via countout after he mollywhopped Sheamus on the outside and sent him crashing through the barricade at ringside. Like I figured, they weren't going to give us a clean finish here. It's pretty obvious that the company wants this feud to continue. The booking was solid. Henry continues to look like an absolute beast, while Sheamus looks tough, even in a loss, because of just how much of a beating it took for him to be counted out. Nice work here by both Sheamus and Mizark. Let's call this one 2.75 stars.
Next up, we had the Divas Title match, and this is where the head-scratching began for a lot of people. Kelly Kelly retains the title on a roll-up, reversing a Glam Slam attempt by Beth. Very nice effort from Kelly here. It's pretty much like I predicted it would be.. she was very feisty, and actually got the respect of several of my Twitter followers, based on their tweets about the match. I think this could very well have been Kelly's best match, as a matter of fact. No, that isn't really saying much, but hey, it's a start. Unfortunately for Kelly, though, this will probably do nothing but piss Beth off for their next encounter. For the rating, let's go with 1.5 stars and move on.
Daniel Bryan VS Wade Bar-ruh was next, and this was another match that sent my Twitter followers into a bit of a tizzy. Bar-ruh picked up the clean victory, which is what got everyone worked up, but you know what? This was a well-booked match. Both men looked strong, which means Bryan's loss won't hurt as bad as some people might think it would. It also helps to build Bar-ruh back up to a level where he could/should be. He's one step away from knocking on the main event's door again, which is nice. A really nice match, which was to be expected from these two. It would actually be fun to see them have another match, and I guess that isn't exactly outside the realm of possibility. Should be interesting to see where both men go from here, though, either way. Match Of The Night to this point, coming in at 3.25 stars.
The World Title match was up next, but not before Edge made his surprising-yet-not-surprising return. Christian brought him out, saying Edge was in his corner for the match, but Edge then proceeded to cut a promo on Christian, telling him that he (Christian) has become a disgrace in recent months and has turned into a whining little bitch, hiding behind his lawyers. Edge then left, leaving Christian all alone. This match.. wow.. what a great brawl. We got weapon shots, blood (!!!), a hot crowd, near falls, and both men giving it their all. The ending of the match is where people seem to have a problem, though. I've already seen all of the tweets with people complaining that Orton looked too strong in the last minute or two of the match. In the end, Orton won the match, and the World Title, after hitting Christian with an RKO on top of the ring steps. Incredible match, but the company really must not be concerned with Orton dropping Smackdown's ratings like he has. Either that, or they really don't like Christian. Right now, Christian goes into the record books as one of the all-time worst World Champions. He had Edge's help to win his first World Title, then lost the title back in his first defense. He wins his second World Title as the result of a disqualification, gets his ass kicked after the match, and then goes on to lose the title back in his first defense. Yikes. This match did zero favors for Randy Orton's standing in the IWC, that's for sure, but you absolutely can't deny how good the match was. 4 stars.
Finally, we have the main event, which is probably why all of you are even reading this. Most of you have probably skipped right to this point, and will go back and read everything else later. Anyway.. Punk and Cena, for what seems like the 20th time in a row, brought the fucking goods. Another fantastic match between the two, and it's now to the point where even the people who don't like Cena are laughing at the idiots who continue on with the "Cena can't wrestle" garbage. Cena's also laughing at them, as clearly evidenced by the fact that he continues toying with them. He does his "usual", but as soon as the chants begin, he starts busting out chain wrestling and reversals like a fucking BAWSE, shutting everyone up. It's great. I hope he never stops doing it, because as the IWC continues to prove on a daily basis, there will never be a shortage on those who have the mental capacity of a dump truck out there, and son of a bitch do I love making fun of those people. The only thing about the match that disappointed me was that it didn't go as long as it could/should have. I had it clocked in at just under the 24-minute mark. Normally, that's fine and dandy for a pay-per-view main event, but when Punk and Cena are wrestling, you just don't want the matches to end. Punk won the match, but it was not without controversy. During the fall that won the match, Cena very clearly had his foot on the rope for two entire counts, but Triple H counted, anyway. Punk celebrates, Cena tells Trips that he blew the call, and the show ended on that note.
Wait.. what? It didn't end on that note? Oh, yeah, that's right.
Punk celebrating in the ring, as Triple H stands there. Trips offers a handshake, but Punk denies it. Suddenly, Kevin Fucking Nash shows up and hits Punk with a clothesline, and then nails him with a Jackknife Powerbomb. Nash leaves, and Trips, who by this point had made his way to the entrance ramp, stands there looking shocked. Predictably, Alberto Del Rrrrrio runs out with a new ref. A few seconds later.. and ADR is the brand new WWE Champion, continuing the streak of Money In The Bank winners successfully cashing their briefcases in.
First and foremost, Punk VS Cena was 4.25 stars, and maybe even 4.5 stars. Another epic match between them, although still a step down from their match last month. Now, onto my thoughts on the rest of the shenaniganery..
- Why was Kevin Nash there? Well, my take on it is that this will end with Triple H's heel turn, and ADR being the 2011 version of the "corporate champion". ADR's character fits in pretty nicely with Triple H's heel character, and Nash, as Triple H's friend, makes sense as the "goon" to come in and help make sure that neither Punk nor Cena left the Staples Center as the WWE Champion. Nash makes his return to television, not as a full-time wrestler or anything, but as an "enforcer" of sorts. No, I don't think this means the return of the entire Kliq to WWE programming, although it certainly wouldn't surprise me to see Sean Waltman make some sort of return eventually based on his recent work on the indy scene.
- Will ADR's reign be short-lived? Don't forget.. Rey Mysterio has his title shot tomorrow night, and Raw is coming to us from Rey's hometown of San Diego, where the "619" chants will actually make sense for once. Can you imagine if Rey won the match to become the new WWE Champion? That would mean that, technically, four men held the WWE Title in a 24-hour period. Some old-school wrestling fans just read that sentence and had a stroke.
- I know some people are already complaining that the WWE Title scene is too convoluted now, and while that might be true, those people are forgetting one little thing.. Night Of Champions is the next pay-per-view on the schedule. What type of match has Night Of Champions become known for the last two years? A Six-Pack Challenge. It just makes sense. Alberto Del Rrrrrio, CM Punk, John Cena, and Rey Mysterio should be in the match, without a doubt. Throw in The Miz and someone like R-Truth, and you have yourselves Raw's main event for the show.
Overall, while it wasn't as good a show as Money In The Bank was (then again, very few shows in the history of wrestling can make that claim), I thought that SummerSlam was a very solid event. Every match served a purpose, whether that purpose was immediately clear or not, and every match was at least as good as I was expecting it to be, and in most cases, was even better. That's very difficult to complain about, although a lot of you are already proving that wrong. Be unhappy all you'd like, though. I'm enjoying what WWE has been giving us recently, and I hope their roll continues. If you didn't watch SummerSlam, you have my recommendation to do so. Definitely worth checking out.
The HiPE Playlist: Nothing tonight.
The sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.
-------------------------Day 5928:55pm: We're one day removed from SummerSlam, and damn if those soap opera writers that World Wrestling Entertainment have been hiring recently aren't putting together soap opera-like storylines, with cliffhangers and shows that end with plenty of questions. We have quite the "busy" main event scene on Raw, and that's not even counting Triple H and Kevin Nash, who obviously have played large roles recently. Tonight's episode of Raw comes to us from San Diego, California. Let's see how many answers we get tonight, if any.
9:02pm: The show starts with a Triple H promo. This is.. familiar.
9:04pm: Trips is apologizing to the WWE Universe, and to John Cena himself. He admits that he made a mistake, and says he saw Cena's foot on the bottom rope after going back and watching tape of the WWE Title match last night. Well, that's convenient.
9:05pm: You had nothing to do with Kevin Nash's interference last night, Trips? Sure. We believe you. We all believe you.
9:07pm: Trips brings out the brand new undisputed WWE Champion.. Alberto Del Rrrrrio. ADR gets a normal entrance this week. No car. Not even Ricardo Rodriguez there to repeat his name 28 times. Odd. You'd think they would make his entrances even more grandiose now that he has finally fulfilled his "destiny" and become the top guy in the world of wrestling.
9:10pm: ..you'd also think that ADR's promos would improve because he should have some new material. You'd be wrong, both times. I think I can already hear people in the arena snoring. That's not a good sign.
9:13pm: Holy shit, enough already. Someone.. anyone.. come out and put an end to this promo.
9:14pm: It's over. It felt like a 20-minute promo all by itself. It got nothing accomplished, which makes the entire thing even worse. I know people complain that Triple H keeps starting shows with promos, referring to a time when every episode of Raw was started by Triple H talking for 20-30 minutes, but that would have been a better idea here. With Trips, at least you'd have someone who is over enough to keep talking for that long.
9:18pm: What the hell? They've given R-Truth a new entrance theme? Actually, that's misleading. They've given him a new intro, and then the instrumental to his old "What's Up" music. What's the point of that? The thing that made him stick out was the fact that he didn't have any entrance music, and now, not only does he have music, it's his old face theme from when he was a nobody.
9:20pm: John Morrison VS R-Truth. Falls Count Anywhere. This could be fun.
9:22pm: Putting Morrison in matches like these is an interesting idea. On the positive side, his parkour training allows him to use more of the arena to work with for some big spots. On the negative side, it's a street fight, of sorts, and Morrison still throws punches like a child, which pretty much expose him when he participates in any type of brawl.
9:26pm: Does anyone else absolutely hate the way Scott Armstrong does his counts? I've never seen a major promotion's referee that counted as poorly as Armstrong does. One.. wind arm all the way up and back behind his head.. two.. wind arm all the way up and back behind his head.. and the show is over. On top of that, when he pulls his arm back, his entire body rocks back with it. He looks like an idiot. There's no reason a three count should like six seconds, you know?
9:30pm: A solid strike from Morrison?!? He kneed Truth in the fucking mush and got the win. Dominant performance for Morrison, so maybe his "punishment" is over. Nice match, even though the ending sequence was just a little too orchestrated.
9:36pm: The Miz, snazzily attired, makes his way to the ring, obviously for a promo and not a match.
9:38pm: Miz is out here to talk to the Subway Guy? Eww. Something about that guy creeps me out. I don't know what it is. I just don't like the cut of his jib.
9:39pm: lol @ the "Subway Sucks" chant.
9:39pm: Jared just so happened to have a foot-long sub in his hand. How fucking long has that just been sitting there? The sammich probably doesn't even taste good anymore.
9:40pm: That's it? They just had Miz come out, acknowledge Jared's presence at ringside, take the sub from him, tell the WWE Universe to go to Subway to try the new Oven Crisp Chicken sub (fuck, now even I'm plugging it), and that's the end of the segment? That was quite the little "commercial" there. WWE must be really low on cash these days. They air actual commercials during pay-per-views, and now they have product placement, of sorts, during Raw. Next week, there will be another bucket of chicken on the announce table, and during a match where he's guesting on commentary, CM Punk will ask if the chicken is just for the announcers or if he's free to partake in some of it.
9:46pm: Divas tag action.. Kelly Kelly & Eve VS The Bella Twins. Well, not exactly the opponents for Kelly and Eve that I would have preferred to see, but alright.
9:51pm: The match sucked. Eve sucks. The Bellas suck. The fact that Kelly has the Divas Title proves she sucks.
9:51pm: It's the Divas Of Doom! Aww, man, they don't appear to be dressed for battle. They look like they're going to a nightclub.
9:52pm: They just came out to sarcastically applaud Kelly and Eve for winning the match. I was really looking forward to seeing some bitches get mollywhopped.
9:56pm: Kevin Nash is on his way to the ring.. sans music. They could have at least given him the old Wolfpac music or something.
9:58pm: Nash looks genuinely annoyed with the "What?" chants, and yet, he's changing up the way he speaks to purposely set the chants up. Kooky.
9:58pm: He says he got a text during SummerSlam telling him to go to the ring and "stick" the winner of the Punk/Cena match. He then adds intrigue by mentioning Triple H's earlier comments about not knowing anything about the attack, saying "come on, Triple H" and saying that they need to be on the same page.
10:00pm: Here comes CM Punk. Uh-oh.
10:01pm: "If Triple H asked you to jump off a bridge, would you? Because I think that would be good for business" - Ouch.
10:03pm: "OMG Kevin Nash WTF Thought he was dead LOL" - Punk, reading a text message that he received from his little sister last night. Ouch again. That was great.
10:04pm: Punk's "shooting" again, mentioning that Nash once referred to Eddie Guerrero as a "vanilla midget", in an attempt to prove that Nash doesn't know anything about main event talent.
10:06pm: Oz, Vinnie Vegas and Diesel references by Punk, and damn, Nash doesn't look happy at all.
10:06pm: Punk wants to fight Nash right now, but a line of security guards make their way out and block Punk's path to the ring.
10:07pm: Is this really leading to CM Punk VS The Kliq? He already has beef with Triple H, and now he has beef with Kevin Nash. When are we going to see Scott Hall, Sean Waltman and the rest of those rabble-rousers?
10:12pm: lol @ John Laurinaitis having to mention his name and official title with the company every single time he's on screen. It's corny and it's going to get annoying quickly, but for the time being, it's funny.
10:14pm: Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero have joined the commentary team for the next match. Four people calling this match, which means we're guaranteed a clusterfuck. To make it worse, Dolph and Vickie are bickering. The match? Alex Riley VS Jack Swagger.
10:16pm: Hey, what do you know? Commentary that has nothing to do with the action in the ring, and Jim Ross has to step in to remind everyone else that there's a match taking place. Of course, nobody listened to him, and they all went right back to talking over each other, but at least he's trying.
10:18pm: Vickie takes JR's cowboy hat and parades around the ring with it, before distracting the referee with it during an Alex Riley pinfall attempt. Alright.
10:20pm: I don't know whether that was a botch on Swagger's part, or a lack of participation on Riley's part, but it took three attempts for Swagger to finally get Riley up in a gutwrench powerbomb. I'm leaning towards a lack of participation on Riley's part. Swagger muscled through that, and pretty much deadlifted Riley multiple times. That was impressive. What was not impressive, however, was that entire segment. The match was difficult to pay attention to because the commentary was fucking brutal.
10:25pm: Swagger is talking to Vickie backstage. He tells her that she manages people to the top of the wrestling business. He tells her that she should "expand her roster", pointing out that all of the best managers in history have had multiple clients. That's a good point, actually, and Vickie could really benefit Swagger in a push, as he won't have to focus on cutting promos and getting heat on the mic. He can just focus on what he does best, which is perform in the ring.
10:30pm: Stephanie McMahon (!!!) is in Punk's locker room as he walks in. She apologizes for losing last night, but points out that Cena's foot was on the rope, so Punk shouldn't have won the title in the first place. She then drops a cryptic bomb, saying that people always get what they deserve, and she walks out of the room. Booyakasha.
10:34pm: How many different sets of ring attire does Kofi Kingston have? As Booker T would say.. my goodness. He seems to have a new set every few weeks. He debuted a new all-white Storm Trooper set at SummerSlam, and is debuting a new baby blue set tonight.
10:35pm: The WWE Tag Team Champions.. David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty and their awful entrance music.. are here to face the team of Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. Apparently this is a non-title match.
10:37pm: You know who is over? Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. You know who isn't over? David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. You know how not over Otunga and McGillicutty are? The crowd doesn't give a flying fuck about a match that actually features two guys who are over. Get these two worthless fucks off the main roster already. Curt Hennig is rolling over in his grave, and Moses Otunga is preparing to kill himself just so he can proceed to roll over in his grave.
10:40pm: Kingston and Bourne win. Looks like they're next in line for a shot at the titles. I don't mind that at all. Get the titles off of those two worthless former nXtWo members already. It's almost impossible to devalue a penny, but those two are doing it on a weekly basis.
10:45pm Main event time, and hey, it's Ricardo Rodriguez to handle the introduction.. and ADR has a Ferrari! I guess they were just saving the entrance for the match. Makes sense, I guess. I retract what I said earlier.
10:47pm: ADR and Mysterio have proven, time and time again, that they can put on some entertaining matches. Throw in the fact that this one is for the WWE Title, and the fact that Rey is in his hometown of San Diego, and this one could be really fun.
10:49pm: To nobody's surprise, Rey is rocking the colors of the San Diego Chargers football team. How many sets of ring attire does he have?!?
10:56pm: The match is a little slower than I was expecting it to be. On top of that, the crowd isn't as hot as I was hoping they'd be. They're still into the match, though, so that's nice.
11:00pm: Beautiful step-up enzuigiri from ADR there.
11:03pm: Maybe I was expecting something else, but that was ridiculously anticlimactic. Mysterio hits ADR with a 619, and goes to hit the top rope splash afterwards, but ADR gets his knees up and immediately rolls Mysterio up for the pin and the victory. That's it?
11:05pm: ADR with a post-match attack on Rey, injuring his arm. You'd almost think they're trying to write him out of storylines or something with this attack.
11:05pm: John Cena runs out to make the save.
11:07pm: Cena goes full-on into "intense mode", saying that ADR isn't a true champion because he got "lucky".
11:07pm: From the "looking to much into things" department.. as Cena talks about how he's going to kick ADR's ass if they have a match with each other, ADR does the "I'm so scared" face/hand signal combination. This one..
11:08pm: You know, the one that the Kliq is known for. ADR.. Triple H's "Corporate Champion", with Kevin Nash as a special "enforcer". Remember that.
#ThankYouScarlettJohansson: John Morrison VS R-Truth.. "The Ultimate Warrior" in the crowd.. Teasing that the feud between Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix isn't over.. The verbal interaction between CM Punk and Kevin Nash.. The possibility of Jack Swagger getting another push.. Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne possibly being next in line as the Tag Team Champions.. Alberto Del Rrrrrio VS Rey Mysterio.. "Super Intense" John Cena
#FuckYouSarahJessicaParker: Alberto Del Rrrrrio's opening promo.. R-Truth having actual entrance music again.. The pointless Subway "commercial".. The entire segment with Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero being on commentary, including the Alex Riley VS Jack Swagger match
Grade: Some little things to complain about here and there, but overall, this was a good episode. Two entertaining matches to bookend the show, with more intrigue added to the WWE Title picture and the people involved in it. Sure, some will complain that we still have more questions to be answered, but that's the point. We need a hook to tune in next week, the following week, the week after that, and every week from then on. That's how it works. I'll give this week's episode a B- and call it a night.
The HiPE Playlist: Raw
It's not a tumor!!!
-------------------------Day 593Hobo + Shotgun = Must-See Movie
Check it to wreck it, let's begin..
To say that the WWE Tag Team division needs an upgrade is like saying that I write a column every now and then, and no, I don't care whether or not that made any sense.
For as long as I can remember, I've been calling for WWE to get their shit together and start focusing on the division. It's been an important part of the wrestling business for decades, but in recent years, WWE seems to have shifted away from its focus on the division, much to the IWC's chagrin. It's no secret that I feel the current WWE Tag Team Champions, David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty, are one of the worst teams we've seen in recent memory, especially without the guidance of CM Punk or the dominating physical presence of Mason Ryan at ringside during their matches. However, it's not like the company has a whole lot of options right now. Most teams are just two singles workers randomly thrown together, and that counts the champs themselves. For further proof, look at who just beat them in a non-title match on Raw.. two singles workers.. Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne. We've seen Santino team up with several partners since his team with Vladimir Kozlov (another pairing of two random singles workers) ended. We've seen people like Trent Barreta get multiple tag partners. We've seen Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase thrown back together. The tag scene is just a mess.
Could that be set to change soon?
About a week ago, word got out that Triple H is looking to spearhead a revival of the tag division. It's incredibly strange, but ever since Triple H started getting more actual power (not just the storyline power that he has as "C.O.O." of the company), he's been active in helping to make the product as good as it has been in years. Strengthening the tag division will only help continue making the product better.
The first team on the list so far is Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli, The Kings Of Wrestling. Even if you've never seen either man in action, you've heard their names. Hell, you've probably seen them mentioned in my columns on multiple occasions. Realistically, they could be showing up on WWE programming at any time. When word broke that they had received WWE contracts, they still had some commitments to Ring Of Honor that they had to deal with, and those commitments have now been taken care of. Obviously, the early talk is for them to come into the company as some sort of backup for CM Punk in what will be an "indy stable", of sorts. With Punk seemingly gaining new enemies every single week, it only makes sense for him to have backup, and reuniting the Nexus will single-handedly kill the entire storyline. Just imagine Otunga, McGillicutty and Ryan in the main event scene when they don't even combine to form one competent worker. Hero and Castagnoli, even though a large portion of the WWE Universe won't know who they are, come in and will immediately pass the "eyeball test". They're both big (both men are 6'5" and about 230 pounds) guys with a relatively unique and intimidating look.
The second team mentioned was James Storm & Bobby Roode, better known as Beer Money. TNA fans are clutching their chests just reading that. The mere thought of Beer Money leaving TNA for WWE makes those fans sick. It might be a bit of an exaggeration, but losing Beer Money could very well cripple TNA. It's one thing to lose a random Knockout, or even to have a former WWE name leave and make a return to WWE. It's another thing altogether to have a team of people that TNA fans look at as "originals" leave. It would be the same type of reaction if AJ Styles signed with WWE. Both men have the combination of mic skills and in-ring ability to shine as members of the WWE roster, without a doubt. Of course, there are conflicting reports about Bobby Roode and his contract status with TNA. I've seen reports that say Roode recently signed a multi-year contract extension with the company. I've seen reports that say no extension was signed. I've seen reports that say no extension was even offered yet. Obviously, if Roode is locked up with TNA for the next several years, that puts juuuuust a bit of a crimp in the plans of bringing Beer Money to WWE, so this one definitely stays as a "remains to be seen" team.
The final team that was mentioned in the initial report is Jay & Mark, The Briscoes. For years, they were looked at as the best tag team in the world of indy wrestling. They've accumulated a total of 15 Tag Team Title reigns in various promotions, including six in Ring Of Honor (where no other team in company history has had more than two). That means they've really accomplished all that there is for them to accomplish in RoH, and on the indy scene, as a whole. It's time for them to make a move, and if they can get a WWE contract, they should sign it without even thinking twice. They aren't the biggest guys on the block (both are about 6' tall, and Jay is about 215 pounds, while Mark is about 200), but they're a fantastic tag team, not just two singles wrestlers teaming up. Fluid double-team moves and solid chemistry (as would be expected with siblings) mean they're relatively "different" to viewers that are only used to WWE's tag team scene through the years.
Now we get word that the Young Bucks (or, Generation Me, to TNA fans) received a tryout match this week. If you've never seen them work, let me put it this way.. from their look to their in-ring work and charisma/mic skills (or lack thereof), they are almost an exact replica of early years Matt & Jeff Hardy. Again, that's early years, when Matt & Jeff were actually a tag team, and before anyone thought anything of either guy's chances as a singles wrestler. I'm not a fan of the Bucks, personally, but there's no doubt that their high-flying would immediately win over a lot of the WWE Universe.. just like Matt & Jeff did at one point. Oh, and the Bucks' opponents for their tryout match? Joey Ryan & Scorpio Sky, two of California's top indy wrestlers, also having their WWE tryout. Yes, another tag team.
I know that a lot of CM Punk fans won't be happy to read anything about Punk being "demoted", but if Colt Cabana is brought in, as rumored, I wouldn't be against teaming him with Punk and letting them reform the Second City Saints tag team. Punk is reaching a point where he can make anything he participates in important, and being in the tag division would be an example of that. He's still a big enough name where his matches and promos would get enough time on television, even as part of a tag team. For example, what happens when someone like John Cena teams with another wrestler? Do they get treated like any other tag team and just get pushed to the side? Of course not. They get plenty of time. Why? Because of the star power. Punk would add star power to the division. That's star power that the division really needs, mind you.
If they want to continue looking at the indy scene, and Ring Of Honor, in general, the company could look at the current RoH Tag Team Champions. That just makes sense, doesn't it? As an added bonus, WWE Officials already know what they have to offer because Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas used to work for WWE. Honestly, I think both men have improved their in-ring work since being released, but of course, it wasn't their in-ring work that was a problem in the first place. There are less charismatic people on the WWE roster right now, anyway, so that means there's still a place for them.
I went through this entire column without making a single mention of The Usos. They can still add a lot to a revamped WWE tag division, especially now that they've changed characters just a little bit. When they first showed up, I made a comment that they were coming across as the Samoan versions of The Briscoes, from their ring work to the way they did their promos. I know I wasn't the only person who felt that way. Now that they've actually added some Samoan to their Samoan-ness, they stand out on their own.
- Kings Of Wrestling
- Beer Money
- The Briscoes
- Young Bucks
- Joey Ryan & Scorpio Sky
- Second City Saints
- World's/Wrestling's Greatest Tag Team
- The Usos
That's a fantastic division right there, and that's not even counting the teams that will inevitably consist of random singles wrestlers put together, or other teams that would eventually be brought in. Even if all of the additions I've listed don't get brought in, it's still great news that there's someone backstage with some major "stroke" (pause) that isn't happy with the way the current tag division looks and wants to improve it.
Seriously, though, look at that list.. you have high-fliers, brawlers, technical wrestlers, double-team specialists.. the only thing really and truly missing is a team of giants, but those types of teams should be special, anyway, and not a permanent thing. Big Show & KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, for example, worked really well together, but if they teamed regularly for years, the novelty certainly would have worn off. Other than that, though, the list is magnificent, if I may say so myself, which I just did.
The HiPE Playlist: "The City" by The Game & Kendrick Lamar.. "Martians VS Goblins" by The Game, Lil Wayne & Tyler The Creator.. "Red Nation" by The Game & Lil Wayne.. "Speakers On Blast" by The Game, Big Boi & E-40.. "Born In The Trap" by The Game.. "Bop Gun" by Ice Cube & George Clinton.. "It Was A Good Day" by Ice Cube.. "You Know How We Do It" by Ice Cube.. "Wicked" by Ice Cube.. "Check Yo Self" by Ice Cube & Das EFX
Sword Of Omens, give me sight beyond sight!
-------------------------Day 594*By Request*
A long-time reader of mine recently sent me a message asking me about various types of gimmick matches, my thoughts on them, whether or not I think they're overused, etc. Instead of using hundreds/thousands of words to reply, I figured I'd use those hundreds/thousands of words and turn it into a column. Seemed like a good idea at the time. I'll be looking at two types of gimmick matches that would be the most "popular" in most people's eyes, as well as one type that is a favorite of mine. It's time.. shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
Ladder Match: When a particular type of gimmick match has two multi-disc DVD sets dedicated to it, you'd think that the particular type of gimmick match would be overused, and in a way, you'd be right. In the WWF/WWE alone, there have been a grand total of 60 Ladder Matches (when you add up the Ladder Matches, TLC Matches and Money In The Bank matches) through the years. Far more often than not, the matches are entertaining spotfests and good showcases for the more athletic members of the roster. There's not a lot to complain about, as far as that goes.
TNA has really gone out of their way to run Ladder Matches into the ground, though. To further my point, I give you these numbers..
- Removing TLC & Money In The Bank, WWF/WWE has had 40 true-blue Ladder Matches throughout history
- TNA has already had 35 true-blue Ladder Matches throughout history
40 in 19 years. 35 in 9 years. Making it worse for TNA is the fact that a lot of those matches were completely unannounced, and ended up being throwaway matches on television that didn't even last ten minutes. If you're going to put on gimmick matches, they should be something special. Of course, we're talking about a promotion that has an entire pay-per-view that takes place inside of a cage, no matter how bad the matches are, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
My main problem with Ladder Matches, other than the obvious concerns about injuries and taking months/years off of careers, is that, after a while, you run the risk of running out of ideas. Everyone does. Both the wrestlers in the match and the announcers calling the match. Go ahead and watch the first Ladder Match DVD set.. watch several matches, back-to-back, and you'll hear the same lines of commentary in each match (stuff about "train wrecks", etc), and you'll see a lot of the same exact spots in each match, as well. That becomes dangerous for the wrestlers, because the first thing you'd think of to stand out is to up the level of danger somehow. Selfishly, bigger risks and bigger spots can make for more entertaining matches, but it's not worth it when you're talking about wrestlers having to miss extra time with injury, having to retire early, or even passing away at an early age.
I like Ladder Matches. I really do. However, they're certainly a case of "less is more", in my opinion. We don't need to have a half-dozen Ladder Matches every year, in every promotion. Even one a year is pushing it, depending on the feud. With Edge's retirement, and with Christian's character being the kind of person that wouldn't want to be in difficult matches like that, I can't imagine we'll see many Ladder Matches in the near future, as far as WWE is concerned. Two Money In The Bank matches a year seems like a good number.
Hell In A Cell: This is an interesting one. When WWE used to book HIAC matches, you knew what you were going to get, for the most part.. the end of a heated feud, and a match that would turn into a vicious bloodbath. When they book HIAC matches now, in the TV-PG era, you know you're still going to get a heated feud, but that bloodbath thing? Yeah, it's not going to happen anymore. The word "pointless" has been thrown around in regards to HIAC matches that don't feature blood, and while I don't know if I'd necessarily go that far, I will say that a large part of the HIAC "mystique" is gone these days.
You know who I blame for a lot of HIAC's problems? Mick Foley. No, it isn't his fault that the WWE product has switched to TV-PG, and is more shifted towards marketing at a younger audience. What is his fault, however, is pushing the level of danger in HIAC matches to ridiculous levels, making it pretty much next to impossible to "top" him. The legendary Undertaker VS Mankind HIAC was the third HIAC match, and the level of violence set the bar pretty high right away. There have been 18 HIAC matches since Taker/Mankind, with Foley participating in two of them (although one of those, his match on Raw in 1998 against KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, didn't really turn out to be much of a match at all, and instead, was more like furthering an angle), but where was everyone supposed to go? Foley was THROWN FROM THE ROOF OF THE CELL, for fuck's sake. That's not even counting everything else that happened during the match. How do wrestlers go ahead and top being thrown from the roof like that? Get thrown off twice? Get thrown off on the opposite side, so they crash down onto the concrete floor instead of letting a table "pad" their fall? It's just not going to happen, folks. While there were other entertaining HIAC matches after Taker/Mankind (Taker/Lesnar, Taker/Edge, etc), there was also a level of disappointment because Foley's fall made fans expect things like that in every HIAC match. They become bloodthirsty, and they want someone to be thrown from the roof of the Cell.. and then to be thrown through the roof of the Cell.. and then to be slammed onto thumbtacks.. and then for something extra to happen to top what Foley did. That's not fair to any of the wrestlers who participated in HIAC matches after Foley. Thanks a lot, Mick.
When it comes to whether or not we should see more HIAC matches, my answer is similar to what I just gave for Ladder Matches. When we have a specific pay-per-view that features a type of Ladder Match, it's enough for a year. We also have a specific pay-per-view that features Hell In A Cell.. the pay-per-view is conveniently called Hell In A Cell, of course.. and we get a couple of them during that event. I think that's enough. It settles a couple feuds, and then we all move on from there.
Last Man Standing: One of my all-time favorite gimmick matches, and one that I feel is criminally underrated by many wrestling fans. It's a match that is going to guarantee you a level of aggression and physicality that you don't see in "normal" matches, but it's also a match that isn't necessarily pigeonholed by weapons (ladders, cages, etc) and features open-ended booking options. You can have a good LMS match that basically is a "normal" match.. no weapons, no rules broken, stays in the ring, etc.. and nobody would think twice about it. That means the gimmick can be used repeatedly without people thinking it's overused. You can have ten LMS matches, and you might end up with ten matches that look different. You can't really say that for matches involving cages or ladders. I think the IWC's main problem with this particular gimmick match is that it seems like John Cena is in every single one of them, and I don't think it's a secret that the average IWC member isn't exactly a fan of Cena and/or his work. That's their loss, really, because the LMS environment allows for Cena to do what really accentuates his positives and shield his negatives. The "You Can't Wrestle" chants don't matter in LMS matches, because you're not supposed to wrestle in them. You're supposed to brawl. You're supposed to beat the hell out of your opponent, to the point where they are unable to reach their feet. That's what Cena does. He brawls. He uses his freakish strength to beat the hell out of his opponents. When you look at his career, a lot of his best work has come in LMS matches, and matches of that general nature. That's only going to lead to a tangent, though.
I think we need more LMS matches, to be honest. It's a match that can be used on television and pay-per-view with equal success. It's a match that can be the end of a feud, but can also be used in the middle of a feud. There's a lot of versatility with it, which is great. Sheamus VS Mark Henry is something that would be perfect for that type of match. Who's tougher? Who's badder? Who's meaner? Just let them beat the hell out of each other until one of them isn't able to make it to their feet. Like I said, it's something that can be used on television, which means you can end the feud on Smackdown, since you can't have the match take place at Night Of Champions unless one of them wins a title between now and then. Maybe it's just my personal bias, but yeah, I'm all for seeing more Last Man Standing matches in the world of wrestling. All. For. It.
The HiPE Playlist: "A Million" by Marcus Manchild, Big K.R.I.T. & Travis Porter.. "Trouble On My Mind" by Lloyd Banks.. "4 Loko" by Smoke DZA & ASAP Rocky.. "N.I.C.E." by Chino XL.. "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ray Dalton.. "Hello Sunshine" by STS & Yelawolf.. "Mass Appeal" by Wale.. "Feelin It" by CyHi Da Prynce.. "Harsh" by Styles P, Busta Rhymes & Rick Ross.. "The Kumate" by Consequence
Excuse me, brother.. what we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church, we call the sin of sin sins!
Well, round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen-twen!
Riiight!
Nig-ga!
-------------------------Day 595#FuckYouPrairieDogs
John Cena's Twitter account has been subject to endless conversation, and he recently said something that has started yet another conversation. It has been taking place at LoPForums.com, but now, I'm taking it to my column. First and foremost, let's look at what he said..
"Yawn..stop looking at this bizz in black and white. I am not a "heel" or a "face", I am me. I find it comical that u truly believe That archaic ideology still exists. Today, wwe fans cheer for who they please, which is why I love this company. I should mail u a pair Of my shorts, because your stuck in 1993."
That brings up the logical question..
Do "faces" and "heels" exist anymore?
My answer? It's very quickly becoming a "no".
Hear me out. In the context of "good guys" and "bad guys", that just doesn't really exist anymore in today's era of wrestling. As Cena said, you cheer for who you want, and in turn, you also boo who you want. Are there guys who get cheered more often than booed? Of course. Are there guys who get booed more often than cheered? Of course. At the end of the day, though, it's still up to YOU to root for and against who YOU want. Let's examine this a little further..
CM Punk is the most talked-about person in the world of wrestling today, and for good reason. He's helped to make wrestling exciting again. He gets reactions that range from very loud cheers to mixed reactions these days, but if you asked most folks, they'd tell you that Punk is a "face" these days. The problem with that is the whole "good guy" thing. Look at Punk's personality traits, though.. he's cocky, he's arrogant, he talks a lot of shit, he comes across as being very disrespectful to people.. those aren't "good guy" traits. In fact, Punk himself has said, during multiple promos, that he isn't a "good guy" and that he doesn't wear the proverbial white hat. Some will say that makes him a "tweener", and just for the time being, I'll go with that. Let's go with another example..
Randy Orton is supposed to be a "face" these days. That means he's supposed to be a "good guy". Sure, he gets some loud pops, and is one of the most popular WWE Superstars out there, but as a "face", he said the following during a promo against Sheamus..
"I am not an honorable man. I have hospitalized many people. Some deserved it, some didn't. Some were just in my way. I would RKO my own Grandmother if it meant keeping this title! Then I'd RKO your Grandmother just to see the look on her face!"
Does that sound like something a "good guy" would/should say? No. That's something a "bad guy" would/should say. What it means is that Orton isn't a "face" or a "heel". He's someone that goes out there, week in and week out, and he does his thing, both in the ring and on the mic. If you like it, you cheer. If you don't like it, you boo. Oh, and by the way, in that particular promo, he sneak attacked Sheamus and laid him out with an RKO to close things out. If Punk doesn't have "face" traits, which makes him a "tweener", shouldn't you say the same thing about Randy Orton? Sure, Orton smiles more these days (Hi, C) than he used to, but other than that, he's still almost the exact same "Viper" character. He said it in that promo.. he's not "honorable", and I'm sure he'd also say that he isn't a "good guy" wearing a "white hat". Of course, if you actually called Orton a "tweener", a lot of people would laugh at you.
In this day and age, a large percentage of fans have smartened up to the wrestling business. Those fans no longer feel the need to cheer for who they are "supposed to", nor do they feel the need to boo who they are "supposed to". We all view wrestling in a different way than wrestling fans 20 years ago viewed the business. On top of that, all of us view wrestling now differently. By that, I mean that I like different things than Reader A likes, while Reader A likes different things than Reader B, while Reader B likes different things than Reader C, etc, and we all use different reasoning behind our points of view. Maybe you like guys based on their charisma and their ability to cut a promo. Maybe you don't give a damn if someone is mute, as long as they know how to chain together wrestling moves in their sleep. This difference in the way we view wrestling is changing all the time. Every single era, things have changed more and more, to the point where we are now. Think back a year.. two years.. five years.. you never would have read a column, from anyone, asking whether or not "heels" and "faces" still existed. Let's continue to look a little deeper, though..
In the LoPForums discussion, a CM Punk magazine interview was brought up in a debate against me. In the interview, Punk made mention of WWE's tour in Australia, where the Superstars traveled on a "heel bus" and a "face bus". This was "proof" that the "face" and "heel" labels still exist. That's fine and all, but notice where the buses are? Australia. When you look at it, you'll notice that the company occasionally travels that way when they do tours overseas, but not in all countries/continents. Just the ones that are more "mark" than "smark". Now, before some of you Aussies get all offended, thinking that I referred to all of you as "marks", that's clearly not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that the level of "smark" in Australia is nowhere near what it is in the United States, Canada, etc. In places where the "mark" level is higher, it makes more sense to try and keep some sort of kayfabe by having like characters travel together. You know where they don't do that at? Places like the United States and Canada, where "smark" levels are through the roof. John Cena and Michael Cole are very different characters on television, and yet, they've also become really good friends and are travel buddies. People in North America can see them riding in the same car and not even think twice about it, but if they tried something like that in a "mark" country, people would have a fit. Don't even get me started on if they tried something like that in Mexico, where kayfabe is so strong that masked luchadores wear their masks out in public to avoid showing their face.. pumping gas with a mask on, grocery shopping with a mask on, etc. The Mexican people would be looking to start a riot if they saw Cena and Cole in the same car, riding around like it was nothing.
That's the thing, though.. with the exception of Mexico, where they purposely go out of their way to keep kayfabe alive and well, every other country on every continent that receives WWE programming on television is slowly building their "smark" levels, and eventually, all of them will be strong "smark" places. What happens then? Will "heels" and "faces" officially be dead? It seems like it. Like I said earlier, every era changes, and this current era is pushing much more of the "gray area". Not only will we start seeing more of what used to be considered "tweeners", but we're going to start seeing more mixed reactions when more and more people begin realizing that their cheers and boos aren't to be determined by some old-school mentality that doesn't work anymore. You can continue to walk old ladies across the street and do the "say your prayers and take your vitamins" routine, and we'll still boo you. You can continue to talk shit to just about everyone you meet and violently beating people down, and we'll continue cheering you.
The times. They are a-changin.
The HiPE Playlist: "Let's Do It Again" by J Boog.. "Come Over Love" by Anuhea.. "You Baby" by Nesian N.I.N.E. .. "No One" by Maoli.. "So Incredible" by Maoli.. "Brothers & Sisters" by SOJA.. "I Wanna" by Kaipo Kapua.. "All For You" by Micah G.. "Drop Baby Drop" by Mana'o Company.. "Moloka'i Slide" by Ehukai
You're gonna eat lightning and you're gonna crap thunder!
I think the HIPE - year 2, week 33 (8/13 - 8/19)
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Day 590"Bright Lights, Big City.."
SummerSlam is going to be a big pay-per-view, one way or another. Either we move on to a brand new era in the world of pro wrestling, or something will go down that will end up pissing a lot of wrestling fans off. Considering that the NFL is about to return, which means the return of Monday Night Football to go along with it, this is the worst possible time to start driving fans away from the WWE product. No more wasting time. Let's get to the predictions. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
Daniel Bryan VS Wade Bar-ruh
What I'd Do: Let them go out there and have a good old fashioned technical battle. With only five announced matches on the card, that leaves each match with the possibility of having more time than usual to work with. With that extra time, Bryan and Bar-ruh could really have a doozy of a match. Like I said, an old school type of match. Chain wrestling, reversals, submission attempts, etc. This would be a very nice first step in helping to build Daniel Bryan's credibility on his journey towards cashing his Money In The Bank Title shot in at WrestleMania 28, and that's precisely why I'd give Bryan the victory here in a nice, hard fought back-and-forth match.
What Will Probably Happen: I think this one "matches", to be honest. Bar-ruh, at this point, is over enough, and is big enough, to be a very good enhancement talent on the Smackdown brand. Maybe that term is a little harsh, but at this very point in time, it's the truth. With his size advantage, and with his main event history, the average WWE fan sees Bar-ruh as the favorite going into this match, especially after being able to beat Bryan down a bit on Smackdown this week. I know this term is overused, especially within the IWC, but I'd look for Bryan to "overcome the odds" here and pick up the victory. It wouldn't surprise me whatsoever if they got 15 or so minutes to work with, too, which means things could get really fun.
Sheamus VS Mark Henry
What I'd Do: Let them go out and have the match that everyone is expecting.. a brawl, with two big brutes beating the hell out of each other. There's no finesse needed here, that's for damn sure. This one makes for an interesting booking scenario. Mark Henry has certainly been booked in recent months as being the most unstoppable monster on the WWE roster. Sheamus, on the other hand, is coming off of a recent face turn, and is getting himself over. He seems on the verge of really breaking out as a star on Smackdown. Both men could really use a big win here. Both men could also really be hurt by a loss here, depending on how it's booked. That makes this a very important match. With Henry being booked as someone that really doesn't care about things like rules, and is only interested in destroying people and injuring them, I think it makes sense to have Sheamus get the win somehow, but for Henry to get his heat back afterwards. It could go one of two ways.. either Henry gets disqualified, but is able to continue some sort of beatdown after the match, with either Teddy Long or Triple H (the thought of Triple H assisting Sheamus is pretty funny) coming out to stop him before he could snap Sheamus' ankle in a steel chair, or just have Sheamus sneak out a victory and get attacked after the match, with the same stoppage by Long or Triple H. Just for the sake of being different than Super Chrisss' pick, I'll go with a DQ victory for Sheamus, continuing the feud for a little while longer.
What Will Probably Happen: Honestly? The other option in the previous paragraph. It could be argued that Sheamus needs the win more than Henry does, and because of that, I do think that Sheamus will pick up the victory in this match. Henry will be able to dominate the match for a while, but he'll make a mistake that Sheamus will be able to capitalize on for the win. After the match, as Sheamus is celebrating, look for Henry to attack him and get his heat back. I'd be shocked if this was the end of the feud, one way or another.
Kelly Kelly VS Beth Phoenix - Singles Match for the Divas Title
What I'd Do: If you've read any of my columns, the answer to this one should be pretty obvious. Sure, Kelly is feisty and spunky (more so than the usual spunk that she usually has sliding down her throat), and that's fine and dandy, but this is Beth Phoenix we're talking about. She's an absolute animal in the Divas division, and with this new edge to her character, giving her the title just makes sense. I would have Kelly try to put up a fight, but I wouldn't have the match last very long at all. No more than five minutes.
What Will Probably Happen: Just what I said I'd do if I were in charge.. Kelly puts up a good fight for a while, maybe even picking up the respect of many members of the WWE Universe in the process, but Beth gets the win and becomes the new Divas Champion when all is said and done, starting a brand new era in women's wrestling. Only time will tell how long that new era lasts, but it should begin at SummerSlam.
Christian VS Randy Orton - No Holds Barred Match for the World Title
What I'd Do: Ever since Christian dropped the World Title to Randy Orton the first time, and we saw Smackdown ratings continue to drop, you folks have seen me say that Christian should be given another chance to hold the title, just to see how much of the ratings drop was due to fans being upset over him losing the title in the first place. What happened when Christian won the title back? The Smackdown ratings went up. They continued to go up, reaching their highest points since WrestleMania. Yes, the rating went down a bit this past week, but I really don't think it's a coincidence that the ratings have been affected by Christian's booking like that. That places the company in somewhat of a weird situation. Wrestling logic and history would indicate that Orton will win his title back at SummerSlam. You'd have to think that runs the risk of losing more viewers for Smackdown. If it happens again, you'd also have to think that it won't be fixed by simply giving the title back to Christian. If the fans get pissed again, I would assume they'd be done with the show. However, on the other hand, you can't just be a hostage to that forever. Christian has to drop the title eventually. I wouldn't make that time now. He still hasn't had an entire month as the World Champion. He deserves an opportunity to build a strong title reign, as far as the duration goes. I think the next logical step to see about Christian's drawing power is to move him to a different feud.
What Will Probably Happen: All of the speculation surrounds Christian's comments to end this week's episode of Smackdown, where he said he just found something out, and all of a sudden went from being really worried about the match to being really confident about it. He then said that he has the "best thing going", and it sounds like he's talking about some sort of backup that will have his back at SummerSlam. I think, with the recent report that had Edge in town for SummerSlam weekend, that's who Christian is referring to. Christian thinks his best friend is there to help him, blah blah blah.. he is sadly mistaken, blah blah blah.. Randy Orton wins and becomes the World Champion again, blah blah blah. I really hope I'm wrong here, though.
CM Punk VS John Cena - Singles Match for the WWE Title - Triple H is the Special Guest Referee
What I'd Do: Give them another 35-40 minutes to work with. They've more than proved to the world that they have great in-ring chemistry and can handle matches that are longer than the average WWE main event. Is it finally time for that much talked about Cena heel turn? As I've said before, the main thing holding the company back from making Cena heel was the fact that there weren't any faces available to step up as the top guy, and that the company would lose a lot of money on merchandise sales without him. Well, with Punk's rise to meteoric heights, all that has changed. Punk has proven that he can be a top face, and his merchandise is selling better than anything in years. If there was ever a time to pull the trigger on a Cena heel turn, this would be it. I'd have the turn begin at SummerSlam, but not become official until later. Have Triple H screw Punk out of the match and the title, giving Cena the win, and then we can go from there. Have Cena see the Triple H interference, and not do anything about it. You know.. planting seeds. No need for a hug/handshake between Cena and Trips after the match. It adds more intrigue to Raw, and people will want to see what goes down. What will Cena have to say about Triple H's interference? What will the always opinionated Punk have to say about being screwed?
What Will Probably Happen: I'm past the point of predicting heel turns for John Cena. I'll just say that I'd get it started if I was doing the booking, but do I think it actually happens? No. I do think we'll get another lengthy match here, and I do think Triple H gets involved in the match more than just counting the falls. I'll say this, though.. the one outcome that absolutely positively cannot happen is Cena winning the match cleanly. No interference. No screwjobs. Just Cena pinning Punk, clean, to become the new undisputed WWE Champion. That will kill everything that has been built up in the storyline to this point. That might even kill CM Punk as an overall character. Like Cena said on Raw, if Punk loses this, people will view him as an overrated one-hit wonder, and it's going to be difficult to push him anywhere near this point again. Here's how I see it all going down..
- After another back-and-forth match, Punk pins Cena to win the match
- After the match, Punk begins to taunt Triple H with the WWE Title
- Triple H snaps and attacks Punk, laying him out with a Pedigree
- Alberto Del Rrrrrio comes out and cashes his Money In The Bank briefcase in
- ADR pins Punk to become the new WWE Champion
- Cena gets his shit together just in time to see ADR celebrating with the WWE Title in hand
- Trips stands off to the side with a look on his face like "What did I just do?"
- We go off the air with shots of ADR, Punk, Cena and Trips, and their various emotions
The HiPE Playlist: "Acura Integurl" by Frank Ocean.. "Bedtime Story" by Frank Ocean.. "Can't Be The Last Time" by Frank Ocean.. "Got The Keys" by Frank Ocean.. "Hardest Thing" by Frank Ocean.. "If I'm In Love" by Frank Ocean.. "Lonny" by Frank Ocean.. "Lost Angel" by Frank Ocean.. "No Love" by Frank Ocean.. "Open Air" by Frank Ocean.. "Ready" by Frank Ocean.. "Scared Of Beautiful" by Frank Ocean.. "When I'm Done" by Frank Ocean.. "Swim Good" by Frank Ocean.. "Thinking About You" by Frank Ocean
Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone.. but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.
Hustle
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I think the HIPE - year 2, week 32 (8/6 - 8/12)
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1. Day 583 - Hardcore Justice Predictions (What I'd Do & What Will Probably Happen)
2. Day 584 - New Music
2.5 Day 585 - Raw Running Diary
4. Day 586 - Na-Na-Na-Na.. Na-Na-Na-Na.. Hey-Hey-Hey.. Goodbye
Day 583LOL
Honestly, I think TNA's Hardcore Justice pay-per-view looks to have one of the worst match lineups in recent memory, but because I'm a soldier, I'm going to go ahead and preview the event, anyway. Seriously, though, I know some big-time TNA fans that will tell you the card for Hardcore Justice is a weak one overall. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if this ended up coming close to some all-time low buyrate numbers for the TNA. It just doesn't seem like they care much about the show, outside of the main event. Let's not waste any more time, though. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
Devon VS D'Angelo Dinero - Bound For Glory Series Match
What I'd Do: First and foremost, if you look at the current standings in the Bound For Glory Series, you'll see that Devon is currently tied for fourth place with 28 points, while Dinero is sitting in tenth place with 10 points. Clearly, this is a match that Dinero needs to win if he has any hope of placing himself in position to win the entire shebangabang and getting the World Title shot at Bound For Glory. To this day, I still don't buy Devon as a singles guy, and I probably never will. He's a solid enough worker and all, but there just isn't anywhere near the type of connection with crowds that is needed to work singles matches, especially when you compare him to his former tag team partner, Bully Ray. Because of that, I'd have to give the win to The Pope here, moving him up in the rankings.
What Will Probably Happen: TNA is playing out a storyline between these two where Devon's two sons look up to Dinero, but because Devon doesn't trust Dinero, he's been instructing his sons to stay away from The Pope, and vice versa. Of course, nobody is listening to him, and it's driving him further and further into losing his shit in anger. This could be going in a few different directions, so it's good that things aren't 100% predictable. We could be leading to a heel turn for Devon, which basically makes a face turn for Dinero. We could be leading to Dinero showing his true colors and solidifying his heel status. We could be leading to Devon's sons turning heel on him and aligning with Dinero. Whatever happens, I think Dinero gets the victory here, which will only further frustrate Devon in whatever road he's going down at the moment.
Rob Van Dam VS Crimson - Bound For Glory Series Match
What I'd Do: Another look at the standings in the series show you that Crimson is in first place with 38 points, but Van Dam is right behind him in second place with 35 points. That makes this match pretty big in the grand scheme of things, I guess. On one hand, because I think Crimson isn't anywhere near as good as TNA would like you to believe, and because his undefeated streak is a crock of shit, I'd have him lose here, just to show some vulnerability, as well as a change in the overall standings. On the other hand, though, if they've spent all this time building him up and having him defeat some big names, having his undefeated streak end to RVD in a random match at a random pay-per-view really doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and makes the wins he's had seem pretty shallow. Because of that, I'd have Crimson win. His undefeated streak will end eventually, of course, but I wouldn't do it here.
What Will Probably Happen: I'm pretty sure TNA sees this one the way I do. If they're going to spend the time and effort in getting his undefeated streak going, his first loss has to be something major. They can't blow it like WCW did with Goldberg, and I don't think they will. Not here, anyway. Crimson is victorious.
Tara & Ms. Tessmacher VS Rosita & Sarita - Knockout Tag Team Title Match
What I'd Do: The same thing I always say when it comes to the Knockout Tag Team Titles.. scrap the fucking things until you have more than a dozen Knockouts on the roster. With Gail Kim and Melina being free agents, TNA should look to bring them in, but even then, that's 90 days away from taking place. Bring the titles back then, and sign some more Knockouts between now and that particular point in time. Either that, or give up the idea of having the titles, period. If I have to pick a team to have win the match, I guess I'd go with Tara & Ms. Tessmacher, simply for the fact that they just won the titles a couple weeks ago. Might as well see what they can do with them, right?
What Will Probably Happen: I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not going to get what I "want" here. For some reason, even though they haven't proven that they deserve it, it seems like the company wants to push the Mexican America stable, and when you combine that with the fact that they're probably happy with Sarita for working through her bout with facial paralysis, I think it adds up to new champions here.
Mr. Anderson VS Bully Ray
What I'd Do: Stab Anderson in the head with a trident. If that wasn't possible, I guess I'd have.. well, I don't know yet. For one, I don't know what the hell the company is doing with Anderson. He hasn't been a full-fledged face or hell in what seems like his entire tenure with TNA. He's always a face that is doing heel-ish things, or a heel that is acting "cool" and getting pops from the crowd, and because of that, it's almost impossible to book him and predict what will happen. As much as I think he sucks, the TNA faithful want to cheer Anderson, and because of that, I'd work on making him a face. None of this "tweener" bullshit. For that to be set in motion, I'd give Anderson the win here, but then have him attacked after the match by Bully Ray, who would brutally beat him down.
What Will Probably Happen: I bet you TNA doesn't even know the answer to this one just yet. I'm not even going to try and wrap my head around this one, so let's just go with my "What I'd Do" scenario, for shits and giggles.. Anderson wins, but gets attacked after the match and ends up being laid out, possibly with some blood. Something. Anything.
Mickie James VS Winter - Knockouts Title Match
What I'd Do: End the insipid storyline between Winter and Angelina Love. It was dumb when it started, and the fact that it has gone on for this long is a testament to the half-wit minds that book TNA. I like Winter. I think she's a fine performer, and she's also attractive if you're into that 1920's swimsuit model style of hers. However, she should be moved on to other things. I'd have Angelina get involved, "accidentally" costing Winter the match, and having Mickie retain the title. Then, depending on how froggy I felt, I'd either have Angelina's turn happen after the match, or I'd use this to plant the seeds for an upcoming turn. Either way, let's just end the storyline.
What Will Probably Happen: I think it's pretty clear that the company is building towards an eventual Mickie James VS Velvet Sky title match, and because of that simple fact, look for Mickie to win here. Why anyone would think Mickie VS Velvet would be a match that would sell is beyond me, but it's definitely what they're aiming for. I also don't think Angelina will turn face here, nor will any seeds be planted for an eventual turn. I think that comes further down the road.
Fortune (AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels & Kazarian) VS Immortal (Abyss, Scott Steiner & Gunner) - Six Man Tag Match
What I'd Do: Well, let's see.. I think Abyss sucks, I think Gunner sucks, and I think Scott Steiner should only be entertaining folks with promos these days. Should that answer things for you folks? AJ Styles shouldn't be continuing to lose to the likes of Gunner. I think it's pretty clear that Christopher Daniels is on the verge of turning heel, and that's fine, but I'd still have Fortune get the win here, probably with AJ getting the pin, maybe making Daniels jealous, or whatever it is that he's feeling that is leading to the heel turn.
What Will Probably Happen: The opposite of what I'd do, more than likely. TNA can't book AJ Styles consistently to save their lives, and this will probably be no different. I think we do get the Daniels heel turn here, and he'll end up walking out on AJ after slapping him in the face or something because of some in-match miscommunication. In the aftermath, with AJ and Kazarian wondering what happened.. BOOM.. Black Hole Slam.. Immortal wins, and people continue shaking their heads.
Brian Kendrick VS Austin Aries VS Alex Shelley - Three Way Match for the X-Division Title
What I'd Do: Let these men do what they do in the ring. While I'm still not the biggest fan of Kendrick, I won't deny that he can "go", and when you throw in two of my favorites in Aries and Shelley, you have the makings of a match I'm really looking forward to. It's a weird situation, though, but TNA only has themselves to blame for it. Kendrick just won the title, finally defeating Abyss and "righting the wrong" that was Eric Bischoff trying to destroy the X-Division. That should have made Kendrick a hero to the TNA fans. What does TNA do next, after making Kendrick defeat Abyss again? They place him in a match with two guys that are not only better than he is, but considerably more over with the crowd, essentially making him an afterthought. That's why I said, last month, that Kendrick should not have been the one to defeat Abyss. Oh well. I'll be nice to Kendrick here. I think they owe it to him to see if they can make his title reign something special, so that's what I'd do here. It seems the feud is more between Shelley and Aries, anyway, so I'd let them beat each other down, and let Kendrick pick his spot to come in and get the win.
What Will Probably Happen: I don't think it's exactly a stretch to say that the company seems like they want to push Austin Aries. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, mind you. I'm simply pointing out what I see. As much as I like Alex Shelley, I think he makes for a much better "hunter" than he does "hunted", and I think the company sees that, too, so I'm picking Aries to win the title by pulling some sort of shenaniganery on Shelley, setting up another match between them down the road. Everyone wins that way. Well, except for Brian Kendrick, but as long as he has his weed, he'll be fine.
Beer Money VS Hernandez & Anarquia - TNA Tag Team Title Match
What I'd Do: Have Beer Money win the match in dominating fashion. Hernandez fucking sucks, and Anarquia isn't even considered a wrestler, in my opinion. There's no reason for them to be getting any sort of push whatsoever, so fuck em. Beer Money wins.
What Will Probably Happen: Remember earlier, when I said that it seems the company wants to push Mexican America, even though none of them deserve it? Yeah, about that.. having the stable consist of the Tag Team Champions and the Knockouts Tag Team Champions would be a good way to continue pushing them, because they can talk about how dominant they are, how they have so much gold (and not just on the Dayton rims on their lowriders, for once), etc. As much as it pains me to say (you know what I mean) it.. as much as it will pain me to see it.. I think Hernandez and Anarquia win the titles here. I'm already shaking my head.
Sting VS Kurt Angle - TNA World Title Match
What I'd Do: The average TNA fan is absolutely in love with the new "Joker" character of Sting. The average TNA fan is in love with Sting, period, but this new phase in his career has them praising how he's been able to have such a character change at this advanced stage in his career. They're eternally thankful for everything they feel Sting has done for the company since making his debut, and if it were up to him, he'd probably wrestle there for another 20 years. Unfortunately for them, and for Sting, I'm not the average TNA fan. Sure, Sting has accomplished a lot in his career, and is a definite legend of the pro wrestling industry, but at 52 years of age, he's nowhere near the performer he used to be, and he should be thinking about riding off into the sunset soon. Kurt Angle's nearly 43, which says something about the current main event scene in TNA, but he's the "young" guy in this match, and is also the one that is still capable of putting on lengthy and/or entertaining matches, so he has to be my choice of who I'd have win the match.
What Will Probably Happen: I think TNA is building the stage for Kurt to finally "overcome the odds" and defeat Sting (even though he has apparently forgotten the fact that he's defeated Sting twice in the past). I also think, as I've said in previous columns, that TNA is building the stage for Sting VS Hulk Hogan at Bound For Glory. I'm hoping and praying that we get a clean pay-per-view main event finish, but that just isn't TNA's M.O. now, is it? Look for Immortal to become involved in the match somehow, and look for Hogan himself to get involved, further planting the seeds for Sting VS Hogan down the road. With all of that gobbledygoo, Angle should be able to catch Sting off-guard and get the win to become the new TNA World Champion.
Writer's Note: Special Happy Birthday shout-out to the homie, Steak Sauce (that's his real name, and it says so right there on his birth certificate). Don't know how you keep doing what you do at 75 years of age, but you're doing it, so all the power to you.
The HiPE Playlist: UFC 133.
You know, Spider, you're a fuckin mumbling stuttering little fuck, you know that?
Hustle
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-Team Sleep-------------------------Day 584
*By Request*
I was having a conversation with a few people the other day, and the subject of entrance music came up. Specifically, wrestlers that need new entrance music, and it was requested that I do a column on the subject. There are a few wrestlers that I feel could really use a new entrance theme, but I'm not really going to get into what I think their new song should be. When people talk about this topic, it usually ends up with "so-and-so should use such-and-such song by Metallica" or "this particular person should use this particular song by Jay-Z", etc. We all know "real" songs being used for entrance music is definitely more the exception than it is the rule, so I'm not going that route. It's just not realistic. Alright, enough jibba jabba. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!
Daniel Bryan: I know, I know.. he just got new entrance music, and it's music that I've praised, but this one comes with a bit of an asterisk, especially considering what I said in my column intro about "real" songs. At this point, many of you can already see where I'm going with this one, but for everyone else, I truly and honestly believe that, if Bryan is going to be pushed to the main event scene, and if he's going to build more of a connection with live crowds all over the planet, the company needs to spend the money to acquire the rights to "The Final Countdown" by Europe. For those unaware, that was Bryan Danielson's entrance music on the independent scene for years, and was one of the things he was "known" for. Not only is the song catchy, but the older fans already know the song and can respond to it immediately. If he used the song like he did on the indy scene, when he'd use his entrance, get in the ring, and then stall for a bit until ascending to the middle turnbuckle as the crowd all sings along with the song's hook.. well, that would be great. Not only would it sound cool to have thousands of people singing "IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWWNNNNN!!!" in unison, but that's definitely something simple enough for the younger fans to sing along with, even though they've probably never heard the song before. Everyone knows how much kids like to participate in things like that, so it helps Bryan get over with a new demographic. Honestly, though, I don't think he should get to use the song until the Road To WrestleMania officially gets underway, if not at WrestleMania itself. WrestleMania is when they like to spend the extra dough on music and entrances, anyway, so it makes sense.
David Otungs & Michael McGillicutty: I'd prefer it if they were out of a job, but my luck isn't that good, so I'll just focus on getting them a new song, because their current entrance music, as I've mentioned, might be the worst entrance theme going today, and maybe in recent memory. It's just awful. There isn't a single redeeming quality about it. Don't believe me? Check it out..
Would anyone like to explain why they're using Justin Gabriel's music? I get that he used to be stablemates with them and all, but the "used to be" is the key part of that. The song still would be awful if it brought Gabriel to the ring, but at least it would fit and make sense. As it is, the song does nothing, and certainly isn't helping to get Otunga and McGillicutty over with crowds, as evidenced by all those crickets you hear during their entrances. Of course, the fact that they both suck has a lot to do with that, but still, a better song would be a nice start in trying to help them out a bit.
TNA, in general: Let me make one thing clear.. this isn't "TNA bashing" or anything along those lines. I have plenty of major TNA fans that agree with me on this point.. a lot of the songs in TNA are just generic-sounding songs that don't stand out at all. There are a few exceptions, of course. I think Abyss' music fits him pretty well. Sting's music stands out and really works, although people will question it's worth with his new character direction. Rob Van Dam's music gets made fun of for its repetitive lyrics, but it does stand out, and it goes back to that point about people loving to chant along. Winter has very distinctive music, and it definitely fits the vibe that her character has. Everyone else, short of a catchphrase to start the song ("Hard-Core Coun-try!" for Mickie James, "MIIIIIIIIIISTERRRRRRRR!" for Mr Anderson, "Get ready to fly!" for AJ Styles, etc), should probably have something done to help them stand out a bit more. Off the top of my head, I don't know who the person is that handles all of TNA's in-house entrance music, but they should probably be replaced. I think people overlook just how important entrance music is, as a whole, for wrestling promotions. If TNA had someone like Jim Johnston on their payroll, it would go a long way in getting people to see them as something of a credible threat to WWE's proverbial throne.
Natalya: This one comes with another asterisk. She turned heel on Smackdown, but after actually getting to watch Smackdown, instead of just reading the spoiler report, she still acted as a face after her attack on AJ. Also, she and Beth Phoenix will be walking a fine line between heel and face, in my opinion. They've both attacked face Divas, yes, but like we've seen with CM Punk, a large portion of the WWE Universe will agree with what they have to say, and because of that, will cheer them. That's where the asterisk kicks in. If Natalya actually goes full-fledged heel, then she remains included here, but if she stays a face, or if she ends up as some sort of tweener, then I would no longer include her here. That intro from Bret Hart's old entrance music is pretty much guaranteed to get a face pop from crowds, which is somewhat counterproductive when you're trying to build a heel up. It might not even be a case of changing her music overall. If she's going to be a heel, it would work if they just changed the beginning of the song instead, dropping the familiar guitar sound, because her song itself fits her.
John Cena: I'll bet you weren't expecting this one, were you? Guess what, though? Yup.. this one comes with an asterisk, as well. You already know what it is if you've paid any attention to my columns in the last year or so. If/when Cena turns heel, he can't keep the same entrance music. He just can't. It's far too ingrained in our heads as a face song. As the song of the man who fought for all the "rights" in the world, and who stood for Hustle (whoo!), Loyalty and Respect. As the song of the man that had children all over the world look up to him as a hero. It would be like Hulk Hogan becoming "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan with the nWo, but still coming to the ring to his "Real American"-ripoff, "American Made". It just wouldn't make any sense. It wouldn't take a whole lot of effort to have Cena get back into a studio somewhere to record a new song for a heel turn, if that's the direction they want to go in. With his character having gone in a different direction a couple years ago, maybe they'd want to have someone else handle his entrance music this time around, instead of having him try to go back to being a "rapper". Unless, of course, that becomes part of his heel character again. Obviously, "The Time Is Now" is the king of entrance themes in this day and age, as far as immediately grabbing your attention and eliciting a response is concerned. That's fine and all, but like I said, it just won't work at all if it's used for him after he turns heel. It just won't.
The HiPE Playlist: "No Church In The Wild" by Jay-Z, Kanye West & Frank Ocean.. "Niggas In Paris" by Jay-Z & Kanye West.. "That's My Bitch" by Jay-Z, Kanye West & Uncle Charlie Wilson.. "Who Gon Stop Me" by Jay-Z & Kanye West.. "Made In America" by Jay-Z, Kanye West & Frank Ocean.. "Why I Love You" by Jay-Z, Kanye West & Mr Hudson (no, not David Otunga).. "Illest Motherfucker Alive" by Jay-Z & Kanye West.. "Primetime" by Jay-Z & Kanye West.. "Memory Lane" by Ace Hood & Kevin Cossum.. "Lord Knows" by Ace Hood
I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. Okay? I'm not gonna apologize. I'm a cocksman!
-------------------------Day 5859:00pm: Here we go with the go-home show, leading up to an incredibly important pay-per-view for WWE. They've built up a whole lot of momentum with this CM Punk storyline, and there's a good chance that momentum could multiply, depending on what happens in the SummerSlam main event. On the other hand, there's also a good chance that the momentum will come to a screeching halt, depending on what happens in the SummerSlam main event. We shall see.
9:01pm: Triple H is out to start the show this week. Anyone having flashbacks?
9:04pm: Trips just made himself the Special Guest Referee for CM Punk VS John Cena at SummerSlam. The crowd's reaction? Well, it sounded like six people cheered, and the rest were silent. I can already hear people complaining about Triple H "stealing the spotlight" here. It was such a poorly executed announcement, with no hype (again, different than HIPE) and no crowd reaction.
9:06pm: Both Punk and Cena will be in-action tonight, apparently, with Cena's match taking place.. right now.. which brings out one of the WWE Champions (that's just funny to type).
9:07pm: "Whatever happens in that match, it'll be because it's what I want to happen." - Triple H, said off-mic, to Cena. Uh-oh. Someone's getting screwed this Sunday.
9:11pm: Jack Swagger is out as Cena's opponent here. These two have had some entertaining matches in the past, so this could be fun, if they want to make it happen.
9:15pm: This might be one of the worst Cena matches in a long time, as far as crowd reaction is concerned. The haters aren't as vocal as they usually are, and the fans don't appear to be around that much.
9:17pm: ..which means, of course, that the crowd heat picks up as I type all that. Nice heat for the last minute or so of the match, but Cena picks up the victory, as would be expected. Definitely not the best Cena VS Swagger match we've ever seen, though.
9:23pm: This week's SummerSlam Rewind is from 1991, with Mr Perfect defending the Intercontinental Title against Bret Hart in what was an absolutely fantastic technical masterpiece. RIP, Curt Hennig.
9:25pm: They've chosen Alberto Del Rrrrrio to face CM Punk tonight? Interesting choice, and one that will definitely make sure Punk gets the face reaction during the match.
9:28pm: Another R-Truth promo about his dislike for spiders, and then he mentions that his Grandmama used to make "Spider Stew". WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BIG FUCKING SPIDERS ARE FROM HIS NECK OF THE WOODS, WHERE THEY CAN BE COOKED AND TURNED INTO A FUCKING STEW?!? I'm going to make a mental note not to ever vacation there.
9:32pm: The Miz attacks Rey Mysterio during Rey's entrance for their match. I guess this is to play up the injury he suffered during the house show circuit this weekend.
9:34pm: Miz attacked Mysterio because he's upset at not being booked for a match at SummerSlam. He said he did it to get a little bit of "attention" for himself, and now he wants to be declared the winner of the match by forfeit.
9:37pm: A Referee is out, but not to give Miz a forfeit victory. He has an announcement from Triple H, and that is that Miz now has himself a new opponent tonight.. and that brings Kofi Kingston out. Kofi VS Miz works for me.
9:39pm: Michael Cole going on about how "great" Miz looked at the Teen Choice Awards is really creepy. The fuck, man?
9:44pm: Miz seems to have stepped his level of aggression up tonight. It really works for him and his offense.
9:49pm: Miz wins. Nice back-and-forth match. Again, Miz stepping up his level of aggression was nice. It's something I feel has been missing from his in-ring work in recent weeks. Good to see it back.
9:51pm: "Triple H needs that spotlight. It's like he's solar powered or something." - CM Punk. That's going to be a line that gets quoted a lot by the IWC. Good stuff.
9:56pm: Punk VS ADR at the top of the second hour. Here we go.
9:57pm: That Audi that ADR brought out is a nice car. Consider that a blatant understatement.
9:58pm: It's still insanely cool to hear "Cult Of Personality" on a weekly basis. Great song.
10:02pm: Punk is getting a more consistent crowd reaction than Cena did earlier. That's something important to think about and to remember. Punk isn't getting the usual "Cena" pops, as far as overall volume is concerned, but there haven't been many quiet spots in this match.
10:04pm: Punk wins. ADR loses in less than five minutes. That doesn't exactly do much for him, now does it?
10:11pm: Beth Phoenix and that smile of hers.. awesome. I want to see her rip someone apart, limb from limb.
10:12pm: ..right on cue, Eve comes out as Beth's opponent, and has some new entrance music that I still don't care about.
10:13pm: Jerry Lawler is now blatantly stealing jokes from Larry The Cable Guy. Think about that for a moment.
10:15pm: Eve, botching moves since.. well.. since she started wrestling.
10:15pm: Michael Cole goes from dissing faces for liking comic books to discussing which member of the X-Men he would be. That makes perfect sense.
10:16pm: Beth wins. Good.
10:16pm: Beth says she's tired of people like Eve and Kelly Kelly making a mockery of the Divas division, and it gets a pop from the crowd. I told you folks that it would get her and Natalya some face reactions.
10:17pm: lol @ Kelly making a sneak attack on Beth, and then, instead of continuing the beatdown like would make sense, she bails to check on Eve in the ring. Beth, snap that worthless heifer in half at SummerSlam, please?
10:21pm: ZOMG BIEBER FEVER~!
10:23pm: The band members of Downstrait continue to gnaw on their fingernails as we get Alex Riley VS Dolph Ziggler here.
10:24pm: Apparently, Vickie Guerrero's breath smells like Death took a dump in her mouth..
10:26pm: In the time it took me to type out the HTML coding for that picture, the match is over, with Vickie slapping Riley, causing a DQ. Dolph and Vickie are fighting to absolutely zero crowd reaction. I guess it makes sense. Neither Ziggler nor Vickie has been portrayed as any type of character that the fans can cheer, so they're just sitting back and watching them fight, not knowing how to respond. Good job, WWE.
10:31pm: Using NFL Films music to help narrate a CM Punk VS John Cena video package, complete with John Facenda-style voice work? Awesome.
10:36pm: Holy shit, R-Truth is walking to the ring to the exact amount of crowd noise that I would get if I were the one walking to the ring. This crowd is dead.
10:39pm: When they came back from commercial, Truth was standing in the ring, jawing at the crowd, and there was actually some heel heat being heard. He must have really pissed them off during the break to raise them from the dead like that.
10:40pm: John Morrison VS Truth. The crowd is back to being silent.
10:44pm: Morrison throws punches like a child. It looks so bad when he tries to brawl.
10:45pm: Truth wins. Morrison loses yet again. He's looked pretty bad since making his return, but this time, you have to wonder if he's being punished for his public comments about his girlfriend, Melina, after her release from the company. Melina's head game had better be off the chain, because she's really costing Morrison a lot in his professional career. I hope she's worth it, John.
10:51pm: Christian, appearing live via satellite, on Raw. You know, the show he isn't on. The entire point of his appearance was to say that he has something to say on Smackdown this week, and that it would behoove Triple H to be there in person to hear it. They couldn't just have Cole or Jim Ross make that announcement for him?
10:52pm: Here we go with tonight's "main event".. the contract signing for CM Punk VS John Cena at SummerSlam. Triple H and John Laurinaitis are both in the ring.
10:53pm: A "Hire Kings Of Wrestling" sign gets TV time. Nice.
10:56pm: The Rock makes an appearance. Well, kind of. It's the "promo" he cut on Cena via Facebook a few weeks ago. I bring it.. via Facebook. Also, it's the same jokes he's been making about Cena since WrestleMania. What happened to the originality? What happened to how clever he used to be? What happened to all of that?
10:58pm: lol @ the camera cutting to John Cena's face after Rock's "promo" aired, and he's clearly blushing and embarrassed by the entire thing.
10:59pm: lol x2 @ Punk now making fun of the voice Rock uses to mock Cena.
11:02pm: LMAO @ Cena referencing the "Five Moves Of Doom". He pays attention to the IWC!
11:05pm: Wait.. Punk is now referencing the recent firings of Vladimir Kozlov, David Hart Smith (who Punk referred to by his real name of Harry Smith) and Chris Masters (who Punk correctly stated has worked his ass off in the last year). Let the "shoot" begin.
11:08pm: Cena looks like he's legitimately having a blast here, listening to Punk cut this promo. Every time Punk says something scathing against him, he breaks out into a big smile and is clearly holding back laughter.
11:11pm: Damn you, John.. Milli Vanilli had more than one hit. Take the slander back!
11:12pm: Punk and Cena come face-to-face, ready to fight.. Laurinaitis gets in between them, and gets kicked in the back of the head by Punk for his troubles.. Triple H goes to hold Punk back, but Cena charges and strikes Punk, knocking Triple H down in the process.. Triple H gets back up and shoves Cena. THE PLOT. IT THICKENS. Really good final segment to sell the upcoming match.
#ThankYouColtCabana: Kofi Kingston VS The Miz.. The Miz finding the extra aggression that he's been missing in recent weeks.. Beth Phoenix's smile.. The "NFL Films" video package.. The entire final segment, setting up the main event of SummerSlam
#FuckYouScottyGoldman: Piss-poor execution of Triple H's announcement to start the show.. Alberto Del Rrrrrio's strange booking.. Kelly Kelly being a phony "tough girl".. Poor booking of a potential breakup between Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero
Grade: C+
The HiPE Playlist: Raw.
Do that funky dance, Uncle Kel Kel!
-------------------------Day 586*By Request*
I've been asked, repeatedly, about my thoughts on the recent round of cuts that WWE has made. It's not like some legit main eventers were given their proverbial pink slips or anything, but it's still newsworthy, and therefore, worth talking about.
To be perfectly honest, the only release that could eventually hurt (and even then, it won't hurt much) is that of Chris Masters. Of course, most everyone reading this right now has just thrown up in their mouths a bit after reading that. The reason for that is because they don't watch Superstars and/or NXT. Masters has been one of the most used workers on Superstars, seemingly appearing on a weekly basis, and on top of that, he was a "Pro" on the previous season of NXT. With all of that work on the shows where wrestlers have a lot more freedom to work with, as far as putting their matches together goes, I'd argue that nobody has improved more in the last year or two than Masters had. That isn't to say he's a five-star worker right now, but he has come a long, long way from his early days as "The Masterpiece". Even with all of those improvements, though, he hasn't been on television much. His last appearance on television was the April 25th episode of Raw, and even then, that was in a Battle Royal. During the previous week's Smackdown taping, he lost a one-on-one match to Drew McIntyre. Think about that, folks. Masters hasn't even appeared on television since Drew Fucking McIntyre was winning matches. That's a long time. If you aren't going to be on television for that long, it's pretty clear that the Creative Team doesn't really have anything for you (we've heard that one before), and a release is coming in only a matter of time. He's already playing it up, mentioning that he feels it's time for him to go and make an "impact" somewhere else. While most would scoff at the idea of TNA adding yet another WWE castaway, I think it works. When you look at the people in Masters' general size range (6'4", 260 pounds) or larger on the TNA roster, Masters is a better worker than most of them are. Abyss, Bully Ray, Crimson, Devon, Hernandez, Rob Terry, Scott Steiner, Sting.. based on pure in-ring work alone, Masters is better than all of them. He also has something of a "name" value with his time in WWE, so that's got to count for something, right?
Melina is a very interesting case. She's not a bad worker. She never really has been. However, trouble just seems to follow her everywhere, from her days beefing with Mickie James when they were both working in developmental together all the way to now, when she still seems to be getting into trouble (and possibly getting John Morrison in trouble in the process) by showing up backstage at events after being released. When you have a worker like that, there's almost no excuse to keep them around. They're not worth the trouble. You could almost make a case for someone like that if they're selling a bunch of merchandise and main eventing pay-per-views, bringing in millions of dollars a year for the company. Melina isn't one of those people. She isn't selling a whole lot of merchandise, and she damn sure wasn't main eventing any pay-per-views. Like I said.. simply not worth the trouble. She had to go, and while we're on the topic, Morrison has to go, as well, if he's going to continue letting his dick do his thinking for him. I get that it's your girlfriend and all, but there's not a smart person alive that would feel it's a good idea to bring her to events with you when she was just released from the company. If they wanted her there, they wouldn't have released her in the first place! Just a dumb move, but he's shown that he doesn't do any of the decision-making in that relationship, so I'd be willing to bet that it was Melina's idea. Again, the first direction everyone looks at is TNA, and if so, it would be a great move for TNA. Adding Melina to their Knockouts roster would be a big move. She's one of the biggest "names" in women's wrestling today, and her entrance that focuses more on sexuality than anything else fits right in with TNA's general direction for their Knockouts.
With someone like David Hart Smith, you have someone that should have been a much better performer than they were. Just on the "eyeball exam", you'd think he could've/should've/would've been a huge star. 6'5" tall, 250 pounds, jacked.. then you throw in his second-generation status, as well as all of the training he's received in his brief time on the planet.. all the pieces were there. Unfortunately, the guy seemed to have the personality of the average cantaloupe, and that basically destroyed his chances from the day he debuted for World Wrestling Entertainment. I've already seen some people talk about how he could be a star for TNA, and while that might be true, it doesn't look like that's going to happen, at least not anytime soon. If you believe his mother, he's headed to the MMA promotion Strikeforce. That's something we should have seen coming, as he's been doing heavy MMA training for a while now, even while still being employed by WWE. With his size, power and submission training, I think he could be successful as a Mixed Martial Artist one day. As an added bonus, he doesn't need to have much of a personality at all to succeed in MMA. Score!
Vladimir Kozlov.. oh, Vladimir Kozlov.. what a fall from grace. It wasn't all that long ago that he was primed for a main event push, and looked like he was going to be a monster heel. Then came the main event of Survivor Series 2008, with Triple H and Kozlov plodding along to what many felt was the absolute worst match of the year. If not for the surprise return of Edge during the match, it might have been viewed as being an even worse match. The entire thing didn't even last 15 minutes, but it felt like it went on for 60 minutes. I think Kozlov received far too much of the blame over the match tanking the way it did. At the time, he barely had three years of experience in the pro wrestling business, and Triple H, as the obvious "ring general" should have done a better job in carrying the match and finding ways to ad-lib when things weren't going as planned. Of course, it's Triple H, though, so who exactly is going to come to him backstage and tell him that it was his fault? Of course Kozlov was going to take the blame for just about everything, and from there, it was a steady decline down the rankings until he wasn't even being used on television anymore. The release didn't come as a surprise to me, and it shouldn't have come as a surprise to anyone else. As far as TNA goes, the interesting thing about Kozlov is that, despite his relatively brief time in pro wrestling, he's still 39 years old. How much time could he possibly have left? Of course, this is TNA we're talking about. They have numerous people on the roster over the age of 40, so Kozlov might fit right in.
I know there's some buzz that the releases are something of a work because of CM Punk name-dropping Masters and Smith on Raw this week, but what would be the point in that exactly? Is Punk going to threaten to leave the company again, and as an added "perk" to his new contract, he has the company bring these people back? Are they going to return as "outsiders" and be Punk's new stable? People won't care anywhere near enough if those things happen. I think Punk's comments were just to get people talking, and they won't lead to much of anything.
Oh, and if you're wondering why I'm not talking about Gail Kim, it's for two reasons..
1. She didn't get released. She asked for her release, and it wasn't granted to her.
2. If you've signed a contract, and in said contract, it says that you're required to do certain things, you'd better fucking do those required things when it is asked of you. She quit. She quit on the company. She quit on her co-workers. She quit on the fans. She deserves no sympathy from anyone, and I hope they force her to do all kinds of dumb shit on television to humiliate her on the way out the door.
Your turn, ReaderLand. What do you think of the releases? Do you even care? Think any of them can find success without "The E"? Holla at ya boy and let me know what's on your mind.
The HiPE Playlist: "Between The Sheets" by The Isley Brothers.. "Footsteps In The Dark" by The Isley Brothers.. "What You Won't Do For Love" by Bobby Caldwell.. "Open Your Eyes" by Bobby Caldwell.. "As Long As I've Got You" by The Charmels.. "It's Too Late" by Otis Redding.. "Before I Let Go" by Maze & Frankie Beverly.. "Home Is Where The Hatred Is" by Gil Scott-Heron.. "I'll Be Around" by The Spinners.. "Don't Disturb This Groove" by The System
UNDERPANTS!
