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Day 562
This is proof positive that all you need to make a hit rap song these days is a beat that people can dance to in the club, as well as a combination of random gibberish and a second-grade education. The hook to this song is, quite possibly, the most mind-numbingly dumb thing that rap has seen in a long time. He could be breaking down the theory of relativity in the hook, but we'd never know.

"Most anticipated.."

Money In The Bank is only a day away (probably much less than a day by the time anyone else reads this). As I've mentioned, it could very well be the most talked about wrestling pay-per-view in a long, long time. On top of that, it could be one of the hardest pay-per-views to predict, as well. That makes this column just that much more fun for me to put together. As usual, my prediction column will contain what I think will happen, as well as what I'd have happen if I were the one booking things. I have a lot of thinking to do, so let's get on with it. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!

Kelly Kelly VS Brie Bella - Singles Match for the Divas Title
What I'd Do: Can I just cancel this match altogether? No? I guess that's too easy. There really is no "right" selection here. Neither woman can wrestle worth a damn, and do nothing but embarrass women all over the planet whenever they're on television. Some people say that Brie should be the champion when Kharma returns, but that could be upwards of a year away from now, and the wrestling world damn sure isn't ready for a year-long reign from Brie Fucking Bella. She has plenty of time to get the title at some point down the road, so I'd have Kelly Kelly retain here, perhaps getting attacked again by both Bellas after the match. This time, however, I'd have Beth Phoenix make the save because Eve making the save just adds another worthless person to the equation, and we don't need that.

What Will Probably Happen: They seem to be trying to push Kelly as some sort of top babyface Diva, like Trish Stratus in years past, and because of that, I'm looking for Kelly to pick up the victory and get the last laugh in the feud for the time being. Either way, though.. yuck.

Big Show VS Mark Henry
What I'd Do: I've made no secret about the fact that I'm a fan of Mark Henry, but not so much of Big Show, and so it should come as no surprise that I'd have Mark Henry pick up a win that makes him look like an absolute monster. However, my bias has nothing to do with it. There are two reasons I would have Henry win. For one, it would be a symbolic victory, with a Smackdown worker defeating a Raw worker, showing the WWE Universe that Smackdown doesn't always have to be the "inferior" brand. Also, Big Show doesn't need the win anywhere near as much as Henry does. They've even mentioned in the feud itself that Henry hasn't quite accomplished as much during his career as he could/should have. Meanwhile, Show has won a total of 16 titles in his time with the company, with another five wins while in WCW. Henry winning this can elevate him.

What Will Probably Happen: I think Big Show will get pushed and de-pushed from the main event to the upper midcard and back to the main event until the day he decides to retire. We haven't heard a single word about him wanting to retire soon, or even wanting to take a break, and because of that, I'm going with Big Show to win. They really push him for no reason half the time, and this will be no different. I just hope I'm wrong. Mark Henry really deserves the push and the win.

Daniel Bryan VS Sin Cara VS KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE VS Wade Bar-ruh VS Cody Rhodes VS Sheamus VS Justin Gabriel VS Heath Slater - Smackdown Money In The Bank Ladder Match
What I'd Do: Go crazy, probably, because there are seven names here that I could legitimately see winning the match. Some are more ready than others, but that's the beauty of MITB. You don't have to be main event ready the day you win the match, because you have an entire year to cash your title shot in. Even someone like Justin Gabriel, who the company might see as an attractive option to help expand their global popularity, can be booked properly in a year's time. As much as I'd love to place Daniel Bryan in the winner's spot here, I just can't do it, because there's someone who I thinks needs the win more. Wade Bar-ruh climbing the ladder and obtaining the briefcase just works for me. He's proven himself to be a capable main event player when the booking is right. His problem is that the booking hasn't been right for him in a long while. Giving him the win here would catapult him into the World Title picture, where he would be a legit contender to anyone holding the title.

What Will Probably Happen: I know a lot of people think Cody Rhodes is a top pick here, and again, I wouldn't be shocked if he did end up winning, but I think he gets elevated in another way soon, and that would be by taking the Intercontinental Title from Ezekiel Jackson at some point in the not-too-distant future. Sheamus is also a popular choice within the IWC, but take a look at the last few months, and you'll see why he probably isn't going to win this match.. he's been going toe-to-toe with Randy Orton and Christian already, and has done so without needing any type of briefcase. The biggest person in the match is KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, but he's of the "been there, done that" variety and certainly doesn't need anything like this for his career. Heath Slater could very well cause the Chicago crowd to throw chairs in the ring out of anger and frustration. Justin Gabriel needs to prove his worth as a singles worker before being forced into anything, one year of booking or not. Sin Cara still needs to have a legit feud or two, and has to continue working things out. That leaves two people.. Wade Bar-ruh and Daniel Bryan. Honestly, Bryan is closer to this "level", but with the momentum he built up on Smackdown this week, I just like the way things are going for Bar-ruh, and therefore, I'm calling for Wade Bar-ruh to win Money In The Bank.

Alex Riley VS Kofi Kingston VS The Miz VS Evan Bourne VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio VS R-Truth VS Rey Mysterio VS Jack Swagger - Raw Money In The Bank Ladder Match
What I'd Do: For me, this one is easy, and if you've been reading my columns at all through the years, it won't surprise you at all. I'd have Kofi Kingston win the match. Again, it goes back to the point that the company has an entire year to build the MITB winners in any way they want. It's time to try and make a new main event star on the Raw brand, if you ask me.

What Will Probably Happen: If you look at the four names that don't need to win this match to be pushed (like I mentioned for Sheamus earlier), that basically eliminates The Miz, Rey Mysterio, R-Truth and Alberto Del Rrrrrio from consideration here. Money In The Bank matches should really, really be about pushing new people and helping to create new main event stars that otherwise might not be able to reach that level, although there have been some obvious storyline exceptions. Technically, you could even throw Jack Swagger into that group, as well. He hasn't exactly been setting the world on fire recently, but he is a former two-time World Champion (if you want to count the ECW Title), and he's already won a Money In The Bank match before. That leaves us with three names.. Alex Riley, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. If you look at those three names, one name jumps out at you as far as the company trying their best to push him like crazy is concerned. It's for that reason that I'm calling for Alex Riley to get the briefcase and win the match here. I know some people are already sour on the guy, but once again, they have a year to do something with him, if they choose to let him wait until cashing his title shot in.

Randy Orton VS Christian - Singles Match for the World Title - If Orton is Disqualified, or if a "bad call" is made by the referee, Christian wins the title
What I'd Do: This is another thing that will come as no surprise to anyone that has been reading my columns. I'd have Christian win the match and the title in an attempt to see if he could help save the Smackdown brand. I'll say it again, for those that missed it.. the Smackdown ratings have been on an almost weekly decline since Orton won the World Title from Christian, so if Christian gets the title back and helps pull the ratings up, that would be a pretty clear indicator of what the problem is. If it doesn't help get the ratings back up, at least they'll know, for sure, that the title switch to Orton wasn't the problem, and can move on to the next potential cause of the ratings decline. It's a win/win situation, and I will continue to say so until they actually go ahead and give it a shot. Another interesting idea would be to have Edge return and "accidentally" hit Christian, causing Orton to get disqualified and giving Christian the title. That would turn Edge heel, which would normally work out nicely, but with Edge not being able to wrestle at all, is there really a point in having him show up to turn heel like that when he can't be put on the line for any type of revenge from Orton, especially with Orton's RKO being such a dangerous move for a man with Edge's neck problems to take at this point. I just don't see the Edge thing happening, but I wouldn't be surprised to see him show up soon, remaining a face, and trying to figure out why his best friend has changed so much in the last several weeks. Edge does have television appearances on SyFy to plug, after all.

What Will Probably Happen: The company seems pretty hell-bent on letting Orton continue beating Christian in their matches, and unfortunately, I don't see that changing here, so I'll go with Orton retaining the title. This one will be clean, with no extracurricular shenaniganery. No interference. No blind refereeing. No iffy calls. Simply a hard fought, back-and-forth match ended with an RKO and a pin in the center of the ring. Orton moves on from the feud and continues the feud he's already been in with Sheamus, as well as starting a new one with Wade Bar-ruh. Mark Henry can also be thrown into the mix, I guess, but we know Orton isn't exactly a fan of working with Henry, so that could prevent it from happening too much. On another hand, don't be too surprised if the company decides to fuck with the internet fans completely by having Christian win the title here, only to have Smackdown's Money In The Bank winner cash in immediately and take the title from him. If you thought the IWC reaction to Christian having the World Title for five days was bad, wait until you see it for Christian having the World Title for five minutes. I'm sticking with my original prediction, though.

John Cena VS CM Punk - Singles Match for the WWE Title - If Punk leaves Chicago with the title, Cena will be fired
What I'd Do: There's probably several different ideas that I'd throw around in a creative meeting of what I'd do, and just for shits and giggles, let's look at a few of them. First up, would be a simple idea of having CM Punk win the match and the title, and the show ends with him standing tall on the stage with the belt in the air. What this does is build interest in Raw the following night. Will Punk show up? Will Vince McMahon really "fire" Cena? What happens with the Money In The Bank winner (Alex Riley, in my official prediction)? People will tune in and watch Raw with great excitement and wonder, and that's on top of the casual fans who don't browse the internet and will be tuning into Raw to see what happened at Money In The Bank.

Or..

Cena could get the victory and retain the title, only to be attacked after the match. The "easy" idea would be to have David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty come out and make the attack, allowing Punk to compose himself for an eventual three-on-one beatdown, allowing Punk to steal the title and leave with it in his possession. Personally, I'd have an indy stable set up and have Colt Cabana himself lead Seth Rollins (although I'd give him the Tyler Black name back, if they're completely skipping over "Scotty Goldman"), Low Ki and maybe even The Kings Of Wrestling (Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli) out to the ring for a group attack. Sure, cynics will say that the average fan won't know who these people are, but the same thing could have been said about the original Nexus when they formed, but what happened? They caused a huge splash by laying big names the fuck out. A group of CM Punk, Colt Cabana, Low Ki, Tyler Black, Chris Hero and Claudio Castagnoli would make waves in the company on night one. Maybe Luke Gallows could be thrown into the group instead of someone like Low Ki, since Gallows has been name-dropped on WWE television. That way we can get the Tag Team Titles off of Imperfect and Mrs. Hudson and onto The Kings, with the former champs being released. The group wouldn't have to be called Nexus, but it could be the Nexus-like group that Punk should have had from the beginning, instead of the ridiculously watered down group that he was stuck with.

Or..

In an idea that could realistically happen, have Triple H make his return to get involved, either to cost Punk the match or to attack him after he wins the match. If Punk isn't staying with the company, or if he's going to be gone for several months, do we really need Triple H to make a one-night return for something that isn't a match? If Punk has made a deal to stick around, I think a match between he and Triple H is very likely, but there's a big problem. I've seen people complain about how dominant Cena can be, has been and "will be" against Punk. How the hell do you think Triple H will look? Triple H has looked ridiculously strong through the years, especially when he's working as a face. I'd fear for Punk's progress if he were to feud with Triple H, or even have a single match with him. Perhaps Trips will merely be revealed as the Raw General Manager, either having Punk immediately defend his newly-won WWE Title right then and there, or tell him that he's still contractually obligated to make a final appearance on Raw, where he (Triple H) has a surprise in store (a title defense where Punk would drop the title and be on his way). That might actually be more likely than Triple H returning as an in-ring performer, even for one more match.

Or..

In the dreaded "double turn", I'd have John Cena retain the title with the help of Vince McMahon. Cena's already looked at as the "company man", but by aligning him with McMahon and basically making him a "corporate champion", which would be a great way to accept the criticism that some people have about Cena and his character, and then use it to their advantage. I don't know how much I need to say it, but a heel turn for Cena benefits the business overall. Fans will tune in that weren't tuning in otherwise, and yes, there will be a loss in merchandise sales from the younger fans, but that's easily countered by the more "smark" fans buying his shirts and the younger fans moving on to their next "hero", whomever that may be. Then, with Punk, you have a brand new anti-establishment face like we had years ago with "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Punk will definitely become the biggest name in wrestling, if he isn't already, as it can be argued. If Punk is sticking around, then you have the big-time feud to help the Raw brand taking place immediately. If Punk is taking a break, then it might even make things better, as his absence will make the hearts of wrestling fans grow fonder, and when he finally does return down the line, his face pop will be even bigger. As an added bonus, that stable I mentioned earlier can still happen, as you know Punk will need reinforcements to battle a new age Corporation. Punk, Cabana, Black, Hero, Castagnoli, etc going up against the new "Corporation", led by John Cena, is a hot idea for everyone involved.

Personally, if I had all the say in the thing, I'd go with the double turn. I'm the biggest John Cena fan in the entire IWC, but I've said, for a long time, that Cena needs a heel turn to rejuvenate his character and to boost the entire wrestling business. In previous situations where Cena could have/should have turned heel, people were worried because there wouldn't be a legit top face that could counter him and take his place. This is definitely a different deal, with Punk being more than enough to counter him and take his place as Raw's top face if the turn is done correctly. This could be the proverbial perfect storm, setting up a legendary double-turn that started off from scratch, basically happening organically and not through major planning, which.. bringing his name up again.. is just like the double turn that we got with Steve Austin and Bret Hart at WrestleMania 13. That wasn't a planned double turn, but the fans made it happen on their own. This is slightly different, but again, the fans are making it happen, not WWE booking. Fantastic.

What Will Probably Happen: Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but I don't think we're going to get Cena winning clean, and Punk leaving the company just like that. The company has proven to be dumb on numerous occasions, but they can't be that dumb, can they? That's actually a rhetorical question, ladies and gentlemen, so don't answer it. I think we're going to get a mixture of things that will happen. Let's go in order..

- First, I think Punk wins the match and becomes the new WWE Champion. This sets the announcers off about what this means for the company with Punk leaving, even though he just won the title, and what happens to the company's top guy now that he's apparently "crossed the boss".

- Then, you have the Money In The Bank winner (in this case, Alex Riley) come out after the match to cash in his title shot. As would be expected, I'd expect that Cena will be booked to be strong in the match, so even if he loses, it will take a tremendous effort on Punk's behalf to get the win. With Punk down and basically exhausted, it's the perfect opportunity for Riley to make some noise.

- Next, we have Riley officially cashing in his shot. It won't be like what we saw with The Miz, where he'd come down to cash in his shot, but something would happen before the match became official that would throw it all out (he'd be attacked by someone else or the opponent that the champion just beat, etc). In this, I think Riley does get to cash in his shot. No fake-outs.

- Next, the match ends in a No Contest or a Disqualification because of interference. Maybe it's the whole indy group I mentioned earlier. Maybe it's just David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty. Maybe it's Colt Cabana and/or Luke Gallows. Either way, some sort of interference goes down, allowing Punk to escape the event still as the WWE Champion, which brings the aforementioned ratings spike to Raw, with people wanting to see just what goes down.

The HiPE Playlist: "Hennessy Beach" by Dom Kennedy & Curren$y.. "Run Dat Shit" by Curren$y.. "Lay It On Me" by Kelly Rowland & Big Sean.. "Hood Gone Love It (Remix)" by Jay Rock, Rick Ross & Birdman.. "Just A Kid" by Mac Miller.. "Homies & Thuggs (Remix)" by Scarface, 2Pac & Master P.. "New York, New York" by Tha Dogg Pound & Snoop Doggy Dogg.. "Let's Play House" by Tha Dogg Pound, Nate Dogg & Michel'le.. "Grippin On The Wood" by Pimp C, Bun B & Big K.R.I.T. .. "Bread Up" by Pimp C & Paul Wall.. "Fuck Boy" by Pimp C & Too $hort.. "Hand In Hand" by DJ Quik & 2nd II None.. "If I Had No Loot" by Tony Toni Tone.. "Lose My Mind" by Young Jeezy & Plies.. "Po Pimp" by Do Or Die, Twista & Johnny P

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.

Hustle
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Source: lordsofpain.net