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1. Day 639 - No, I'VE "Cena nuff" from YOU

2. Day 640 - Hell In A Cell Positives & Negatives

Day 639
I don't really know why, but this always used to crack me up when I was a kid, and even now, after all these years, it still gets a chuckle out of me.

If you know me at all, you just knew I'd be mentioning this in a column at some point. Let's take a look at a quote, first..

“When I look at that company right now, John Cena is the guy who anchors it all. Some people get mad because they feel like WWE shove it down your throat, but he’s the main guy! Whether you love to hate him or you love to love him - you gotta respect him. I have a lot of respect for John - he’s been carrying the company for several years and he comes into work every day with a smile on his face and does all the promotional work and never complains. I tell you John Cena has had some great matches with some great guys - sometimes his body of work gets overlooked, the guy has proven himself over and over again. I call a spade a spade and John has done a tremendous job and he’s got a few years left yet. He’ll keep riding that lightening bolt."

Some of you will recognize that from a recent news article, and some of you won't. Those are the words of none other than "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, in an interview with the United Kingdom's Daily Star.

Now, for the sheer entertainment value of it all, and because I can, let's take a look at what some of you out there in the IWC have said about Austin's comments. These are taken directly from the Facebook comment option under that very news article, and I'll be quoting them verbatim, leaving nothing out. Off the top of my head, I don't know exactly how many quotes I'll be using, but there will be a few. Let's see..

"If someone drinks too much beer he makes stupid comments. Drink less Austin""hahahahhaa couldn't agree more...austin was drunk as hell..""It's Probably The Beer Talking. xD.""Most polished performer and he's had some great matches?..... That coffee was really strong Mr. Austin.""*makes drinky drinky gesture with right hand*."

Don't ever let anyone tell you that creativity and the ability to stand out and be unique is something that you idiots don't possess.

"Steve, give me one John Cena match that you've watched 2-3 times for "Cena's Performance"?
John Cena vs. Shawn Micheals, HBK did all.
John Cena vs. Umaga, Umaga carried.
John Cena vs. CM Punk, he did 3 "more" moves and people started sayin' he is GOD, still I watched it twice for Punk's performance.
seriously, this is a bad list for a 12 or 13 time (God I lost track of this thing) World Champion!

You know.. something tell me that Steve Austin isn't reading your Facebook comments, so there's really no need to address him like this is some sort of interactive Q&A session. Also, it would behoove you to understand what being "carried" means or what "doing all" in a match is all about. It would really behoove you to understand that if you're a bad wrestler, you aren't going to be "carried" to an entertaining match. Ever. By anyone. At all. Period. That's just entertaining matches, and not good-to-great matches. Those would be absolute pipe dreams if you're a bad wrestler. If John Cena was anywhere near as bad a worker as some of you tards make him out to be, you wouldn't even be coming close to having conversations like "such-and-such match was good, but so-and-so carried Cena". Your staggering lack of any sort of intelligence and the ability to drop personal bias means your vision is clouded, but the saddest part about it is that a large percentage of you are still, even after all these years, pretending to dislike someone on the internet to be viewed as "cool" in the eyes of total strangers on the internet. That's pathetic, and is precisely the type of blatant faggotry that causes your parents to stop loving you. Enjoy your miserable lives sucking dick in a back alley somewhere for some spare change.

"The fans chose Austin ..cena was chosen by management."

Ho. Ly. Shit. I understand that today's society often has problems with their memory, whether it be selective or genuine issues thinking further back than a week or two, but seriously? The fans didn't choose Cena? I guess that means he's never been over, right? Not now, not last week, not last month, not last year, not five years ago.. ever. How the fuck did some of you mongoloids gain access to the internet like that?!? I guess this is proof that LordsOfPain.net isn't affected by internet filters in care homes across the planet. Technically, that statement is wrong on both counts, because if the fans chose Austin, we never would have had "Stone Cold", because the fucking Ringmaster would have set the world on fire. He didn't, though. The company put him back out there again, and that is what got him over. Cena, on the other hand, was over from the beginning. Not "over" to the point where he should have won a World Title in his first month of being on television, but "over" to the point where it justified his spot and his time on television every week. His fan reactions only grew as time went on, and to this very day, continues to be the most over name in the entire company. You brain surgeons conveniently try to twist the meaning of "over" to fit your arguments, saying that if he was so "over", he wouldn't be receiving any sort of heel heat. That's not how it works. To be "over" is to get a reaction from crowds, period. If you're getting cheered, you're "over". If you're getting booed, you're "over". If you're getting both, because everyone in the fucking arena has something to say about you, you're really "over". John Cena is "over". Michael McGillicutty is not "over". The fans continue to show why Cena received his initial push, and is still receiving a push.

"THANK YOU. i called him out on twitter numerous times (and btw, he's responded to atleast 70% of my questions on twitter) about his suddenly 'adopted' boston accent, and all he did was duck it. There's no doubt in my mind he saw me ask the question, after our track record on twitter, and what did he do? he ignored it. AND BY ALL FUCKING MEANS, NEVER, and i repeat, NEVER, compare him to Stone Cold. that's as big a travesty in wrestling history as there ever will be. So what dude above is saying, is what hes going by, trust me, Cena would never be over. It was us few attitude era fans that stuck around the piss poor product that made him a star. His edgy "battle raps" (which in all reality were piss poor), his anti-establishment views (rUCK fULES), and so on, are what made him what he is today. All that support he garnered, went instantly down the drain the second he literally sold out. He was never WWE's power ranger... but he sure is now. GO GO YOU CANT SEEE MEEEEE... fuck that. he's the biggest joke in pro-wrestling since arquette's run"

I've said it time and time again, but it's worth repeating.. hyperbole in the hands of the mentally deficient is a very, very dangerous thing. Anyway, let's look at the hilariously dumb idea that Cena is purposely ducking some random dipshit on Twitter because of their "track record". Even some of you anti-Cena fans should get a laugh at that. With all of the people that a celebrity meets in their day-to-day life, and then all of the people they "meet" on the internet while being on Twitter/Facebook/MySpace/Google+.. they're supposed to remember Random Twitter Asshat #178578428012246 to the point where there's some sort of "fear", so they purposely duck them? Don't just get some of the way out of here.. get ALL the fucking way out of here with that bullshit. Nobody outside of your family knows who you are, and most of them wish they didn't. Clown.

"blah blah blah... FUCK CENA"

Why would you go to read an article about someone if that's going to be your only opinion of it? His name was in the title, so it's not like you could be caught off-guard by his presence. That's the thing that amazes me about haters these days. If we're discussing John Cena, go ahead and make a trip to YouTube and do a search for Cena. Any video of Cena. Any match, any promo, any television appearance. Anything. Then go ahead and look at the comments.. they'll be full of anti-Cena people, with some of the most atrocious spelling and grammar you've ever seen. Why would you spend time out of your day to purposely go to view things you dislike? What's next? Are you going to go to iTunes and purchase Justin Bieber's album, load it onto your iPod, take your iPod to your car and blast the Bieber album on full-volume, all while telling anyone who'll listen that Bieber's music sucks? That would be like me going to watch Bucky Larson in theaters after I spent weeks slandering the movie, its cast and its creators all over Twitter and Facebook. Did you fools eat paint chips as children? Hell, do you eat paint chips now? It sure seems like it.

"of course Cena is polished he sticks to a strict regime of the same moves over and over.""I don't care if Jesus put him over. I've cena nuff"

Hey, there's more of that creativity again. You see, he's taking Cena's name, and turning it around to show how much they dislike him! They've seen enough! GET IT?!?!? CENA NUFF?!?!? It continues to be the irony of all ironies that the anti-Cena crowd continue to use the same lines over and over and over again.. to bash someone who they feel is saying/doing the same things over and over and over again, and yet, they aren't smart enough to figure it out and continue to wonder why everyone is laughing at them even more than usual. It's sad, really.

"I really don't think that people go see wwe because of cena or orton, I am a teenager and I think that I go for the atmosphere and to enjoy the show, one man cant sell tickets, cena sells as many tix as santino as vince said, no one is bigger than the wwe."

Go ahead and read that one again, folks. Cena sells as many "tix" as Santino. To all of my female readers out there, I want you to pay very close attention to that comment, and to what I'm about to say.. that's the result you get when you drink, smoke and do drugs while pregnant. Your children grow up without the ability to put simple sentences together correctly, and what they do put together borderlines on the insane. Do you realize how much this guy has had to suffer through in his life? At this point, he would have been better off if his mother threw herself down a flight of stairs in the first trimester of the pregnancy and gotten rid of him altogether. Life is tough, but it isn't supposed to be that tough. I weep for humanity.

"I'm sorry is disagree austin....yes I respest him only because he is in wwe.....come on, he has the same 5 moves....over and over.....and they are still trying to put him over a a modern day hulk hogan.....give guys like ryder and morrison a chance they desreve it......

Once again, the first thing you'll notice is the piss-poor spelling and grammar. It's a theme. It's also ironic, going back to the previous point, that the anti-Cena group are always making jokes about how Cena's fans are all elementary school students, when, in actuality, they're the ones spelling like the same people they're making fun of. I know, I know.. "DIS IZ INTURNETTZ, NOT SKOOL, SO I NO HAV TOO SPELL GOOD".. however, you know what is an amazing thing to have, no matter how old you are, what you do for a living or what your background is? Some self-respect. If you have any sort of self-respect, you wouldn't allow yourself to type like that on the internet, whether it's a random post about John Cena on an internet news site or a job application. Make your teachers feel good about their jobs. Make your parents proud to say they raised you. Make yourself proud that people can't question your intelligence.

The point I was originally going to make in this column, before I got sidetracked by the absolute idiocy that I see on a daily basis, is that Steve Austin didn't say anything wrong in the quotes I listed. People are flipping out as if Austin declared Cena the greatest ring technician that the business had ever seen and that he should go on to win 50 World Titles to put the record out of reach for the rest of eternity. They act as though Austin said Cena was the biggest star in the history of the entertainment world and that he put names like his own, Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, The Rock and The Undertaker to shame. Half of the fucking quote didn't even have anything to do with in-ring work, for fuck's sake! That goes back to what I said about Cena videos on YouTube. You can find a video of him that has nothing to do with wrestling.. a video of him working for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, for example, and you'll find comments that are putting down his in-ring ability. What does that have to do with anything?!? People look for any chance they can to talk shit about the guy, even if it doesn't make any sense. Even if it isn't relevant to the current conversation taking place. That can't be healthy. That's the type of thing that leads to ulcers, folks. All Austin said was that Cena works tremendously hard as a representative of the company, that he does so without complaints, and that he has a catalog of matches with a variety of opponents that doesn't get the credit it deserves. You know, the same matches that some of you admit were really good, but that Cena had nothing to do with because he was "carried". Those matches.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some wrestling to watch. First up on the agenda.. John Cena VS Triple H from WrestleMania 22. Holla.

Writer's Note: Keep your peepers peepin for a link to the Hell In A Cell predictions podcast that was recorded today. By the time most of you read this, the link will be posted on the LoP main page. Remember, it will be on YouTube, so everyone will be able to listen in. Again, though, if you'd still like to download it, I only have one word for you.. Zamzar.

The HiPE Playlist: "Save Room" by John Legend.. "Heaven" by John Legend.. "Stereo" by John Legend.. "Show Me" by John Legend.. "Each Day Gets Better" by John Legend.. "P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care)" by John Legend.. "Slow Dance" by John Legend.. "Again" by John Legend.. "Maxine" by John Legend.. "Where Did My Baby Go" by John Legend.. "Another Again" by John Legend.. "Coming Home" by John Legend.. "Ordinary People" by John Legend.. "Stay With You" by John Legend.. "Refuge (When It's Cold Outside)" by John Legend

You are no good! You are worse than Michael Jackson! I will never respect you again!

Hustle
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-Team Sleep--------------------------Day 640

Raise your hand if you watched Hell In A Cell tonight.

*makes a quick count of all the raised hands*

That's a lot of you. I'm sure most of you watched it on a stream, but hey, at least you watched it. That's what counts here.

I don't know if I have a whole lot of time right now, but let's look at what happened. Again, we'll go match-by-match and look at the positives and the negatives for each one. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!

Sheamus VS Christian
Positive: The right man won. Sheamus had more to lose here, in my opinion. He's still building his face character, and although he's over with crowds on a weekly basis, he was still in need of a big singles victory, and I think he got it here. This is somewhat out of order, but with Mark Henry retaining the World Title (more on that later, of course), this positions Sheamus as perhaps the next-in-line for a shot at Henry, especially because their feud from earlier in the year was never finished.

Positive: As expected, it was a solid back-and-forth match. Sheamus' in-ring work continues to get better, and Christian remains one of the most dependable workers in the wrestling world today. Their styles go well together, with Christian using a stiffer in-ring style than a lot of people give him credit for, and the ability to bump for stronger workers and make them look like a champ. They were given nearly 14 minutes to work with, and they both looked to be motivated to put on a good match, which they did. Nice way to open the show.

Negative: Nothing.

Match Rating: 2.75 stars

Sin Cara VS "Sin Cara"
Positive: Some nice athleticism, as would be expected. Whether you love the Lucha style or you hate the Lucha style, you knew, going into this match, that we'd get a healthy dose of it here, and that's exactly what we got.

Negative: Weird booking decision, in my opinion. Where does "Sin Cara" go now? When he revealed a new color scheme for his in-ring attire, most people assumed he was here to stay, but now, it appears that it was done simply for people to be able to tell the two apart during the match, and nothing more. The storyline can't really continue on now, can it? We've already seen the original Sin Cara get the win, so what would be the point if the imposter stuck around? He can't stick around with the name and look, only to go on and feud with other people while the original was still there feuding with people on his own. People have said he could just go back to his FCW name (Hunico) and gimmick, but then what? Unless they put Hunico on Raw, it wouldn't make much sense. They don't need two incredibly similar workers on Smackdown. If they pretend that Hunico and "Sin Cara" are two different people, it would be natural to place Hunico and Sin Cara into a feud, but we don't need that right now. If they say that Hunico and "Sin Cara" are the same person, it's pretty much the same thing, and as I said, they can't just be on the same show, pretending the other one doesn't exist.

Negative: The New Orleans crowd just didn't care. Maybe it was a sign that the WWE Universe is tired of either Sin Cara or the current storyline. Maybe it was a sign that New Orleans isn't a Lucha-friendly city. Whatever it is, the crowd was pretty much dead from beginning to end here. If it is a sign that the fans are tired, and it isn't just a New Orleans thing, then maybe the company made the right decision to put the original Sin Cara over and presumably put an end to the feud already.

Match Rating: 1.5 stars

Air Boom VS Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger for the WWE Tag Team Titles
Positive: A solid title reign seems to be in motion. When Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne first formed their team, a lot of people (myself included) figured it was another lazily put together team with two relatively random singles wrestlers. Now, they go into Raw in their 42nd day of holding the titles. That isn't necessarily a long time, but in today's wrestling scene, with title belts being passed around like drunk girls at frat parties (more on that later, too.. the passing around of titles, not the drunk girls at frat parties), it's still impressive. Now that I've said this, though, look for Air Boom to drop the titles on Raw, making all of this pointless.

Negative: The storyline is a mess. An absolute mess. When you see the combination of Kingston, Bourne, Ziggler, Swagger and Vickie Guerrero on your screen, you know that either something overbooked is about to go down or that something pointless is about to go down. This one falls in line with the "pointless" category. I was just talking to someone about the pay-per-view, and she had already forgotten the match even took place. What makes it worse is that she's an admitted mark for both Kingston and Bourne. When even their fans can't be bothered to remember a pay-per-view match a mere two-ish hours after the event is over, why would anyone else? They've pretty much been running in circles since the storyline began, but hey, at least Air Boom are building a title reign. Yay.

Match Rating: 1.75 stars

Mark Henry VS Randy Orton in Hell In A Cell for the World Title
Positive: The right man won. The company has put in a lot of time and effort to build Mark Henry up as this unstoppable monster, and anything short of another win here could have rendered all of that useless. It was done in a way to accentuate that monster status, too.. kicking out of an RKO, and then turning an RKOP attempt into a World's Strongest Slam attempt for the win. Very nice.

Negative: Wrestling announcers continue to think fans are stupid. Look, announcers.. even the more markish fans know this already.. when someone is going for a pin, and any of you morons declare the match to be over before the referee slaps the mat for the third time, THE MATCH ISN'T GOING TO END. When Orton hit the RKO, what did we hear? That the match is over, and that Randy Orton was the new World Champion. What happened? Henry kicked out. When Henry hit the WSS, what did we hear? Nothing. What happened? Henry got the pin. It's not fucking difficult to call a match without ruining the match endings every single fucking time. It's been going on for as long as I've been watching wrestling, so it's not like it's some new thing that they just recently started doing. Again, it's another example of a wrestling promotion thinking the fans watching are completely retarded.

Negative: Orton's post-match attack on Henry. I'm not as down on this as a lot of people seem to be. Orton's done a lot to help get Henry over, and has now jobbed back-to-back singles matches to him. The last time Orton was pinned in back-to-back singles matches to the same opponent was to Batista in 2009 (he did get pinned by The Miz multiple times to end 2010 and in the beginning of 2011, but in between the matches, there were disqualification victories and wins in tag matches), but even then, those two matches were a little over three months apart. He has now been pinned by Mark Henry twice in two weeks. However, the main complaint is that this is also two shows in a row that Orton didn't stay down after being hit with Henry's finisher. It made sense in this instance, though. They weren't just going to have Orton "injured" and write him off of television for the next few months. It leaves the door open for another match between the two, and other than major Orton fans, I don't know how many people would really look forward to that.

Match Rating: 2.25 stars

Cody Rhodes VS John Morrison for the Intercontinental Title
Positive: The classic Intercontinental Title is back. Seeing Cody dispose of the new title design and bring back the classic design was a weird segment. It was something a face would do, and sure enough, he got face pops for doing so, and that was before he name dropped Hall Of Famers like Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat, Bret "The Hitman" Hart and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and then "Macho Man" Randy Savage (which got a very nice pop). Sure, he said he was going to wear the title with more pride and dignity than any of them did, but it was still something that got a face reaction. It's good to see the old design back, either way. I didn't hate the design we had, but the old design, complete with the white leather strap, is gorgeous.

Negative: John Morrison's credibility. I guess this could be a "positive", depending on your personal opinion of Morrison, but for now, I'll just list it here. Morrison had a little more time to prepare for the match (in kayfabe), and Cody wrestled the entire match in his street clothes, consisting of slacks and dress shoes. Morrison's stock is just about at an all-time low right now, and we have no idea what the hell the company is doing with him.

Match Rating: 0.75 stars

Kelly Kelly VS Beth Phoenix for the Divas Title
Positive: The right woman won. Thank Joe Pesci for that.

Positive: Career highlight for Kelly Kelly. That might have been one of her best in-ring performances. Sure, that isn't saying a whole lot, but at least it's something positive that can possibly be built upon.

Negative: Beth Phoenix's credibility. Three matches with Kelly Kelly got her two losses and it took outside interference from Natalya to get her only win. There's no reason that Beth should have that much difficulty in defeating Kelly. At least it would make some sort of sense if it were Eve, based on Eve's win/loss record in the past and the fact that she matches up a lot better as far as size and strength goes. Kelly, though? No. Beth shouldn't have taken this much to beat her.

Match Rating: 0.75 stars

John Cena VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio VS CM Punk in Hell In A Cell for the WWE Title
Positive: Hard-hitting. It won't go down in history as one of the great Hell In A Cell matches we've ever seen (nor will Henry VS Orton), but all three men really brought some physicality to the proceedings, which was nice.

Negative: The match wasn't anything particularly special. I'm not going to sit here and say that the lack of blood makes these Cell matches seem lackluster these days, but in a match like this, there just wasn't enough of a "blood feud" vibe for the Cell to be warranted. It made perfect sense for the Cell to be added to the World Title bout, but this seemed to be a random WWE Title match that just so happened to be taking place in a Cell. There just wasn't the right buzz.. the right atmosphere.. for the match to be remembered as anything special.

Negative: I still hate when the company plays hot potato with their titles. What was the point of ADR dropping the title to Cena if he was only going to win it back two weeks later, other than to give both men an extra title reign? At this rate, the people complaining that John Cena is going to break Ric Flair's mark of most World Title reigns won't have to worry because Flair will end up being 30th on the all-time list. With the way the company passes titles around, there's plenty of time for someone like, say, Alex Riley to win 20 World Titles before he retires. Cena and Orton will easily crack the 40 reign mark. Triple H will remain an in-ring competitor long enough to reach 20. Edge will make a miraculous return from his neck injuries to reach the 30 reign mark. Hell, even JTG will hang around long enough to be rewarded with a half-dozen or so reigns. I just think the move was stupid. Either the title should have been kept on Cena, or the title shouldn't have been taken from ADR in the first place. I would have been fine with either one. Now, with Monday Night Football around for the next few months to continue putting pressure on Raw's rating, would anyone be surprised to see ADR drop the title again at Vengeance in three weeks? Yes, folks.. we have yet another WWE pay-per-view in three weeks. Prepare yourselves.

Match Rating: 2.5 stars

All of the post-match stuff was interesting. I liked it a lot more after watching it a second time around. It was a great visual to see most of the WWE locker room at ringside shaking and pounding on the Cell wall as The Miz and R-Truth were inside, attacking everyone from the competitors in the WWE Title match to the referees to the cameramen. When WWE officials finally got bolt cutters to open the locked Cell door, it looked a little funny for Miz and Truth to immediately give up and place their hands behind their head, waiting for the police to step in and arrest them. With all of the people at ringside looking like they were ready to kick toddlers down a flight of stairs if it meant getting a chance to enter the Cell, you would have expected more of a rush to get in once the door was open.

I'm also surprised that we haven't heard anything about The Miz suffering a concussion. When he was being walked out in handcuffs, Triple H ran full-speed at him and just mollywhopped him, knocking him on his ass. That looked like it hurt. A lot.

Right now, though, and this is my main problem.. we're left with more questions yet again. The company is using their pay-per-views to set up things on television, instead of the other way around, which is an insult to the people who are actually spending money on pay-per-views. That's the type of thing that makes more and more people turn to streams and torrents to watch these events, even if a card looks stacked going into a show. Nothing really seemed to be answered on this show, from top to bottom. Kelly Kelly has her rematch clause, so that feud isn't over yet. Randy Orton got his heat back after his match, so that feud might not be over yet. "Sin Cara" has quite the interesting future now. We don't know who was responsible for having the Cell lowered at the end, allowing for Miz and Truth to go through with their attacks. John Cena has his rematch clause, so he remains in the WWE Title picture. It was basically the equivalent of a commercial-free three-hour episode of the Raw Supershow tonight, which isn't what you want your pay-per-events to look like, and that's why their buyrates will continue to drop, even if ratings go up. There is one thing we do know, for sure, however, coming out of this event..

CM Punk has been buried.

Writer's Note: The Hell In A Cell predictions podcast has been posted here on the LoP main page. Sure, the predictions part is a little dated right now, but we talked about other things, and I still think it's worth a listen if you haven't already done so. One of us even had to be put on time out towards the end of the show. The episode is receiving some nice reviews so far, so yeah, go and listen. Be on the lookout for not one, but two, podcasts coming your way this week. On Wednesday, another MMA one will be recorded with the same crew from last time, and on Thursday, another wrestling one will be recorded with a cast yet-to-be-determined. Busy times for ya boy.

The HiPE Playlist: Hell In A Cell.

BETHUNE-COOKMAN!

Source: lordsofpain.net