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1. Day 632 - Somebody Should Keep On Getting They Ass Kicked

2. Day 633 - My Favorite Match & Why

2.5 Day 634 - Raw Running Diary

4. Day 635 - The World's Strongest Title Reign

5. Day 636 - This is news?

Day 632

*By Request*

Mark Henry is the new World Champion, and if you've paid any attention to my columns through the years, you'd know that I'm pretty happy about it. I've been a Mizark fan for a while now. I've been writing nice things about him ever since I began this column thing. It never fails, though.. whenever I say anything positive about Mark Henry, someone gives me their opinion on how much Henry sucks. This time, I was basically asked why I think Henry is anything special, so that's what today's column is going to be about. No more jibba-jabba. Let's get it poppin.

When you look at Mark Henry's in-ring work, you'd be a fool if you looked at anything other than his power game right away. His sheer size (pause) and strength make him almost impossible to truly dominate in a match, and it also means there isn't a single more believable worker on the roster. When he beats the hell out of someone, or when he's wowing us with impressive feats of strength, you believe it, because he's a mountain of a man and you know his legit history as a strongman. I know people complain that his matches are "slow" or "one-dimensional", but I don't really understand those people at all. He's a big, badass 400-pound guy.. he's supposed to wrestle like one. His entrance music doesn't say "Somebody gon' get they ass kicked" because he's going to be a mat technician. Big-man wrestlers wrestle like big men. High-fliers wrestle like high-fliers. That's how wrestling works. Henry doesn't have to use other styles, because his power game works so well for him. These are the same people that complain about how Rey Mysterio has to rely on the "underdog role" too much. What the hell else do you expect him to do? He's barely over five-feet-tall and is always smaller and nowhere near as strong as his opponents. When he gets caught, he's going to take an ass whooping. That's just how it works.

If you ask me, part of Henry receiving this current push after all these years is that he actually has improved in the ring. He's still not going to carry anyone to five-star classics, but he doesn't have to. His main improvement is his lack of wasted motion. The problem with a lot of wrestlers his size is that they often tend to rumble and bumble around the ring in between moves. Even the best are guilty of it from time-to-time, whether it's The Undertaker, KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE, Vader or anyone else. Henry used to be guilty of that. He used to be guilty of that a lot, actually. Even when he wasn't a rookie anymore, there would be times when he's appear to be somewhat lost in the ring. While it wasn't quite as bad, it's similar to what you see with The Great Khali in his matches. There's just no fluidity to his work and his movements. He hits a move, and there's an awkward few seconds until he tries another move. We're not getting that with Mark Henry anymore. It's pretty fitting with his new character, because he approaches his matches like a horror movie monster these days. He just keeps coming after his opponents, with one move after another, and it doesn't let up until he lays them out with a World's Strongest Slam to finish things off. Just an unstoppable force in the ring, like Jason Voorhies always ends up being in the Friday The 13th movies. He wasn't the fastest guy alive, but he was big and crazy, and he just kept coming at people until he destroyed them.

Where does the company go from here, though?

Well, in my opinion, and in the opinion of several people I talk to, Mark Henry is the greatest heel character the company has given us in years. If they play their cards right, there's big money to be made with him, and the potential to create a brand new "made man" down the road when someone beats him for the title. For example.. and this isn't my bias speaking, because I had someone who isn't a fan of either person agree with me that this is a great idea.. Daniel Bryan is still in possession of the Money In The Bank briefcase. He still has about six months to continue building himself up.. or, to be more accurate, to be built up at all.. and the "David VS Goliath" storyline could be great at WrestleMania 28, with Bryan cashing in against Mark Henry, who has gone through the entire Smackdown roster by that point. Bryan beats Henry, and like I said, he becomes "made" overnight.

Of course, there's a problem with that scenario. As the company has proven recently (just as I predicted, despite what everyone else had to say), they have no problem in making panic decisions when ratings drop. If you're a new champion and the ratings begin to fall, you can expect your title reign to be a short one, as the company will look at more tried-and-true workers to be "the man". If the Smackdown ratings decline again, I can pretty much guarantee you that Randy Orton will win the World Title back right away. No, Orton hasn't proven to be the type of draw on Smackdown that John Cena is on Raw (ratings go down after Cena drops the WWE Title, ratings go up after he wins the WWE Title back), but he's as close as it gets for the backwards-thinking Creative Team. Honestly, having people like Orton, Sheamus, etc find defeat at the hands of someone being pushed as a monster isn't that big of a blow to their "spot", especially if it's part of a larger storyline and not just some random losses. That's putting a lot of faith in the Creative Team putting a lot of faith in Mark Henry, though. For example, if Henry holds the World Title until WrestleMania 28, that would be the longest World Title reign since Batista won the title at WrestleMania 21 and had to vacate it over nine months later due to a triceps injury. Kurt Angle, The Undertaker, Edge, CM Punk, Chris Jericho, John Cena, Jeff Hardy, Randy Orton.. those are just some of the people who have been World Champion since that Batista reign, and none of them can claim to have held the title for as long as Mizark will if he walks into Miami with the belt over his shoulder. As well as he's been booked recently, and as much as I'm enjoying his work, I'd have to say I would be really shocked if it ended up happening. I think the more likely scenario, if we do get Mark Henry VS Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania, is that Henry will drop the title and then win it back at some point, where he will then head into WrestleMania to defend the belt.

If Daniel Bryan isn't the designated person to become "made", you've got to think that role could go to Sheamus. He's already been at the top of the company, but not only has he turned since then, his character has actually come a long way. I could easily see him as someone the company would like to help carry a brand moving forward. He didn't have a lot of success, as far as ratings and pay-per-view buyrates are concerned, when he was the WWE Champion, but again, a lot has changed with him since then, which would lead me to believe the company would love to try him out again, only this time with the World Title on Smackdown. That's a different story for a different day, though.

Smackdown receiving piss-poor attendance for their tapings recently is a bad sign for Mizark already. Again, no matter what internet-savvy fans will say about how certain things don't matter, they really do. If you combine poor attendance with sinking ratings, the company will automatically look to the new champion and proclaim his title reign to be a bit of a failure, and they'll move to taking the title off of him in short measure. With Henry defending the title against Orton at Hell In A Cell next Sunday, that opens the door for the Henry experiment to come to a sudden, crashing halt. How much backlash will the company then face if John Cena retains the WWE Title on the same night, and we move forward, yet again, with John Cena and Randy Orton atop the wrestling world? We might be on the verge of finding out, but I think it would really behoove the company not to panic so much with Mark Henry just yet, especially with no real viable draws on Smackdown to run with yet. An argument can be made that Christian has proven to be a ratings draw, but his character has been damaged a lot since he last held the World Title, and he was just beaten somewhat easily by Henry on Smackdown this week.

Stay the course, WWE. Think long-term instead of short-term. You can do this.

Writer's Note:

Lords Of Podcast Roundtable

The HiPE Playlist: "Epic" by B.o.B., Playboy Tre & Meek Mill.. "The Way You Move" by Ne-Yo, Trey Songz & T-Pain.. "Zodiac Sign" by J Marsh.. "Mission Statement" by Domo Genesis.. "Shine" by Domo Genesis.. "Smokemon" by Domo Genesis.. "Dollar & A Dream 3" by J Cole.. "Lights Please" by J Cole.. "Lost Ones" by J Cole.. "Nobody's Perfect" by J Cole & Missy Elliot

You fucked me! You fucked me! You might as well kiss me, cause you're fucking me!

Hustle
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-Team Sleep--------------------------Day 633

*By Request*

I was having a conversation with a friend earlier today, and the subject of favorite wrestling matches came up. When I told him what my favorite match of all-time is, he told me that he hadn't seen it yet, so he asked me to tell him why I liked it and why I hold it in such high regard. I was looking for something to write about today, anyway, so I figured I might as well turn his question into a column, even though I've written about this before. As usual, I'm freestyling the entire column, but I can't imagine it will end up being that long. We'll see, I guess. Shall I proceed? (Yes, indeed.) Less dew eet!!

The match? Bret "The Hitman" Hart VS "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in a Submission Match at WrestleMania 13, with Ken Shamrock as the Special Guest Referee.

The date? March 23rd, 1997.

I was a relatively young 14-year-old Hustle at the time, but I was still excited for the match. I had been a Steve Austin fan going back to his days as "Stunning" Steve Austin in World Class Championship Wrestling, and remained a fan when he went to World Championship Wrestling. When he made his World Wrestling Federation debut as The Ringmaster, I was happy, but he gimmick just seemed lame. Just as everyone else, I became a true believer of his WWF career on the night of the 1996 King Of The Ring pay-per-view, when he debuted the "Austin 3:16" catchphrase and began to demand the attention of the wrestling world.

I'll also admit to being a fan of Bret Hart, going back to his tag team days with Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart as The Hart Foundation, but leading up to WrestleMania 13, I had started to see him in a different way. The company was doing a good job in slowly setting Bret's heel turn in motion, although, looking back on it, it was more of how Bret really is, and not some made-up storyline.

As a bit of added intrigue on my part, Ken Shamrock was involved in the match. Back in early-1997, Mixed Martial Arts, in general, was like a freakshow to me. I don't mean that in a bad way, either. It was something that was difficult to find, as the sport hadn't blown up in the mainstream yet, but was always fascinating to me, especially being a fan of a "fake" fighting sport. Bringing in a UFC fighter just seemed like an interesting idea, and I wanted to know how it would translate. Would he get physically involved in the match? If so, would he hurt someone?

So, yeah, I was pretty excited even before WrestleMania 13 started. It was a big stage, and I knew both men could deliver entertaining matches. Hell, they had an entertaining match against each other a few months prior, at the 1996 Survivor Series, so I knew there was in-ring chemistry between them.

The match itself was just a fantastic brawl. In my pre-IWC days, you couldn't have said anything to me that would have convinced me that Hart and Austin didn't legitimately hate each others guts. They were out to punish each other that night, and that's exactly what they did. There wasn't a "feeling out" (pause) process, either. From the opening bell, they were trying to hurt each other.

My favorite part of the match, though, was the crowd. This was back in the day before the company would find a huge arena for WrestleMania every year. The announced attendance for that night was 18,197 people, but all you need to know about the crowd is this.. the event took place in Chicago, Illinois. You know they were wild. The mood had been set before the event began. Hart was a face, but had been slowly receiving more of a mixed reaction leading up to the show because of his constant complaints about his "place" and potentially being screwed. Austin was a heel, but had been slowly receiving a mixed reaction, as well, because it was the era of the "cool heel", and his act was winning more people over by the week. Combine that with the Chicago crowd that was starting to become known as a "smark" town, and you knew the reaction would be something different. It didn't take very long for both Hart and Austin to play right into that "different" reaction, with Hart working a more aggressive, heel-like style. While Austin wasn't necessarily trying to do so, he was pretty much coming across as someone to feel bad for, as Hart continued working him over.

Sometimes, even the best thought-out plans require some sort of luck to really succeed. During this match, we saw proof of that. Everything was going fine all by itself, but during a spot on the outside of the ring, Austin slipped and ended up busting his head wide open on the guardrail. This was back before there was a whole bunch of thick padding on it. Instead, Austin's head smacked directly against the steel guardrail, and he began bleeding like then proverbial stuck pig. That seemed to take the match to a different level entirely, and of course, everyone remembers the iconic shots at the end of the match, with Austin screaming in pain while being locked in the Sharpshooter, all while blood poured down his face, into his mouth and onto the mat below him. It just wrapped the match up into a nice, bloody bow, and it helped to cement the double-turn in a fantastic manner.

Bret Hart won the match when Shamrock declared the match over after Austin passed out without submitting. The funny thing about it is that, if the same scenario took place today, people would be complaining about how Austin, the up-and-coming rising star, was being.. you guessed it.. buried by Hart, the more established talent. Amazingly enough, even though he lost the match, it obviously sent Austin into the stratosphere as a superstar, and Hart.. well.. Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler's commentary during this very match foretold what would become of Bret's career, said as Austin had a Sharpshooter attempt locked in..

Lawler: "Wouldn't that have been incredible, to have to submit to the Sharpshooter?"

McMahon: "Hey, it could happen."

Before the year was over, we had a Survivor Series event taking place in Montreal, and the rest is history.

Your turn, ReaderLand. You don't need to go into great detail or anything, but why is your favorite match your favorite match? Holla at your boy and let me know what's on your mind.

Writer's Note:

Lords Of Podcast Roundtable

The HiPE Playlist: "Sleepwalk" by Santo & Johnny.. "Oh Donna" by Ritchie Valens.. "Come On, Let's Go" by Ritchie Valens.. "La Bamba" by Los Lobos.. "Chantilly Lace" by The Big Bopper.. "That'll Be The Day" by Buddy Holly.. "Peggy Sue" by Buddy Holly.. "Oh Boy" by Buddy Holly.. "It Doesn't Matter Anymore" by Buddy Holly.. "Maybe Baby" by Buddy Holly

Wooooo! Put on your wigs and have fun in your canoooooe!

-------------------------Day 634
I'm going to sue this guy.

8:55pm: It's ridiculous that this is already another "go home" episode of Raw, but it is. As usual, that means I'm not expecting a whole lot as far as in-ring work is concerned, but we'll see. I'm just hoping for a show that doesn't make me want to punch a kindergartener in the face. Speaking of people that punch kindergarteners in the face, Happy Birthday to my homie, Willie Veltkamp. I saw you posting on Facebook a little while ago, so I'm glad you didn't get yourself thrown in jail today. Congrats.

9:01pm: Kansas City, Missouri is the site of Raw tonight, but you wouldn't know it based on the fact that, for the 117th consecutive episode of Raw, Triple H is starting off the show with a promo. Next week, I'd be thrilled if they switched things up a bit. Start the show off with a match, and have Trips come out for a promo at some other point during the first hour.

9:03pm: For two people that have been fired, The Miz and R-Truth sure are getting a lot of time on-air. It's shit like that which turns people off to the "line blurring" the company tries to do. If you want to do a storyline where you fire someone, fucking keep them away from television. Don't mention their names. Don't show footage of them. Nothing.

9:07pm: Trips has decided to fine Mark Henry $250,000 for his actions last week, where he put his hands on Jim Ross and attacked Jerry Lawler. The company must really think we feel the wrestlers make a ridiculous amount of money. Pro athletes make eight figures a year in many cases, and their fines for their douchebaggery don't come anywhere near the $250,000 mark. Apparently, Mark Henry makes $500 million a year.

9:08pm: Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler are out to interrupt Trips during his speech. Probably not a good idea. Dolph is upset about being punched in the face by Brutus Magnus last week.

9:10pm: Trips mentions that he'll get some security for Dolph next month when the Muppets are the guest hosts of Raw, and as soon as he says it, Cody Rhodes is out to interrupt him. Say it with me, ladies and gentlemen.. CLUSTERFUCK~! Cody's here to complain about the attack he received from Randy Orton on Smackdown. Lots of complaints here.

9:12pm: Trips tells Cody to man up and to stop complaining, and that brings Christian out. You guessed it.. he has some complaints, as well.

9:13pm: Christian asks Cody and Dolph if they'd like to join him in filing the biggest lawsuit against WWE in the history of ever, but before they can even answer, Christian says he'll change his mind if Trips gives him "one more match".

9:14pm: Trips agrees.. at Hell In A Cell, Christian gets "one more match" with Sheamus. This week, on Smackdown, Christian gets "one more match" against Randy Orton. Tonight, Christian gets "one more match" against John Cena. Upon finding out the match isn't for the WWE Title, Christian flips out. Poor guy.

9:15pm: Trips isn't done booking matches for tonight. Dolph Ziggler will be defending the United States Title against Zack Ryder, which gets a nice pop from the crowd.

9:17pm: Cody couldn't stop running his mouth, so his reward is a Battle Royal.. right now.. where he puts his Intercontinental Title on the line. Trips says he's going backstage, and the first nine guys he finds will be in the match, as well.

9:18pm: Five people came out to speak during the opening promo. If you want to be technical, we also heard two more people speaking in a video package during the opening promo. That's insanity.

9:20pm: The nine people Triple H found.. Daniel Bryan, Justin Gabriel, Alex Riley, Sin Cara (the original one), John Morrison, Ted DiBiase, Ezekiel Jackson, Drew McIntyre (!!!!!) and Sheamus, so, yes.. it's a shameful thing, Lobster Head! Too many limes! We could be looking at a new champion coming in the next few minutes.

9:22pm: Drew has already been eliminated, and the evil Sin Cara comes out to replace the original.. but gets eliminated immediately, and now the two Sin Caras are fighting at ringside.

9:24pm: Sheamus eliminates Riley and Gabriel within seconds of each other, and Zeke follows that up by eliminating Bryan and Morrison. Man, this isn't going to be a long match at all.

9:25pm: Cody eliminates Ted. Zeke is eliminated by a low-bridge from Cody. We're down to Cody and Sheamus. The crowd is pretty hot for Lobster Head.

9:26pm: Christian runs down to distract Sheamus, and his distraction is enough, as Cody hits Sheamus with his mask to eliminate him, win the match, and retain his title. Holy shit, that was a clusterfuck of a match, even for Battle Royal standards. The first half-hour of this show have been a bit of a mess. It's like they want to give 400 people time on television this week. Triple H really is losing control, isn't he? ZOMG~!

9:33pm: DID MICHAEL COLE JUST SAY JERRY LAWLER IS SUFFERING FROM ANAL BLEEDING AFTER HIS ATTACK AT THE HANDS OF MARK HENRY LAST WEEK?!?!?

9:34pm: Dear David Otunga.. you fucking failed again, missing your cue to start speaking, and you look like you're wearing a Halloween costume, dressed up like a buff Steve Urkel. You clown. You suck. I hate you.

9:36pm: Kelly Kelly & Eve VS Beth Phoenix & Natalya is up next. Eve got her hurr did recently, but unless she got a DNA makeover to go with it, she's still going to be an awful wrestler.

9:40pm: In a moment that should make everyone proud to be a wrestling fan, Michael Cole just announced that "anal bleeding" has been trending on Twitter. Even if their ratings go down, at least they have that.

9:42pm: Natalya just locked a confusing submission hold on Eve. It was unique, though. Had her twisted like the proverbial pretzel.

9:43pm: Has anyone in the history of wrestling ran the ropes worse than Kelly Kelly? Whomever is putting the Divas matches together needs to stop the Irish Whip spots, because that heifer is exposing the fucking business with each attempt. Darren Drozdov can run the ropes better than Kelly Kelly can. I'm 150% sure of that.

9:45pm: Apparently, we're immediately moving into our next match, as the World Champion, Mark Henry, is coming out to face.. The Great Khali. Oy vey.

9:50pm: Big Mizark attacks Khali before the match can even begin, and he delivers a World's Strongest Slam to him. Goodness gracious. With the way Khali's spine is built, that probably turned it to dust. I continue to be afraid of Mark Henry.

9:56pm: The actual Hell In A Cell is in Kansas City tonight, and it has been lowered a bit for the WWE Champion, John Cena, who is on his way to the ring. It's promo time.

10:00pm: lol @ Cena's mention of his ten WWE Title reigns getting twice as much heel heat as his entrance got.

10:02pm: How polite of Alberto Del Rrrrrio to wait until Cena's promo was done before he made his way out to the ring. What a gentleman that guy is.

10:03pm: CM Punk is also out, as well, complete with his "announcer jacket", as he and ADR will be joining the commentary team for Cena's match against Christian. That means, for the third time on the show, we're getting a clusterfuck, as we have five men doing commentary, two of which barely speak English and one of which only speaks English out of one side of his face.

10:05pm: "I'm going to kick your butt." - Them's be tough words, ADR. Careful, or your language will get WWE taken off the air.

10:07pm: Cena sends Christian crashing onto the announce table, allowing Punk to utter his epic "MY DIET SODA!" line again. That was awesome.

10:08pm: ADR runs into the ring and attacks Cena, bringing a disqualification on. Oh, and he says it's his destiny to beat the hell out of Cena, so clearly, they haven't figured out any new material for the guy yet.

10:13pm: It's time for the United States Title match. I certainly don't expect it to happen, but I'm really curious as to the type of crowd reaction a title victory for Zack Ryder would get.

10:17pm: Thanks to some interference from Jack Swagger, Dolph retains his title. Another match that was short and that didn't amount to much of anything.

10:20pm: Air Boom charge to the ring to save Ryder from any further attack from Vickie's "clients", and that brings Teddy Long out to book a six-man tag after the commercial break. Zack Ryder, Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne VS Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger and anyone that Vickie Guerrero can find during the break. If she is unable to find anyone, it will be three-on-two. Alright then. Good ol' Peanuthead.. only good for randomly booking matches.

10:24pm: We're back from break, and Vickie is nowhere to be seen. The match is underway, but she hasn't found a partner for Team ZigSwag yet.

10:25pm: Evan Bourne wants to live to be 150 years old? Why the fuck did he become a pro wrestler then? Shouldn't you do everything in your power to avoid this type of physicality and the wear-and-tear on your body if you want to live that long?

10:28pm: Vickie just walked out with Brutus Magnus' brother, the returning Mason Ryan. Not much of a crowd reaction for Batistwo.

10:29pm: I think Swagger just decapitated Ryder with a clothesline. Holy shit.

10:30pm: Ryan gets tagged in.. and immediately attacks his own tag partners. WUT DA HALE.[/Booker T]

10:30pm: Ryder takes advantage of Mason Ryan's beatdown and gets the pin on Ziggler for the second week in a row. Hmm.. maybe I'll be getting to find out about that crowd reaction for a Ryder title win sooner than I think.

10:38pm: Beth Phoenix gets another Divas Title shot at Hell In A Cell. If Kelly wins that, I hope and I pray that Beth gets on the phone with Triple H and says "TRADE ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" and gets herself removed from things.

10:39pm: David Otunga, using his law background, is apparently going to be in charge of this lawsuit, or whatever happens, that Christian, Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero are looking at. If everything else is any indication, Otunga will fucking fail at that, too.

10:45pm: Main event time. John Cena is back out, this time to join the commentary team. It's basically up to CM Punk VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio to save this show.

10:51pm: Whenever I see Punk take a solid strike from anyone, it blows my mind to think of how much wrestling he's gotten through in his life without having to take a whole bunch of pills to numb the pain. He must have some really bad days from time-to-time. Days where he has a difficult time getting out of bed. Days where he probably just wants to cry.

10:56pm: The spot where ADR runs towards the ropes, but his opponent moves and he goes sliding between the top and middle rope to the outside never fails to make me laugh.

10:57pm: It must have hurt Cena's heart to mention that his Boston Red Sox are about to lose their way right out of a postseason bid.

11:00pm: Wait.. what? Punk won the match, out of nowhere, with a kick to the back of ADR's head. Since Punk has obviously been buried, imagine how far ADR just got buried.

11:00pm: The Cell has lowered, for some reason, and Ricardo Rodriguez has been locked in with both Cena and Punk. Punk hits Ricardo with Go To Sleep, and then Cena hits Ricardo with an Attitude Adjustment. Cena and Punk try to hit each other with their finisher, but then ADR gets in and just mollywhops both of them with a chair. Damn.

11:03pm: Raw ends with ADR standing tall, and with both of his opponents at Hell In A Cell crumpled and mangled on the mat.

#ThankYouGracePark: Drew McIntyre getting television time, even if it was for approximately 20 seconds.. Booker T's reaction to Michael Cole revealing that Jerry Lawler is dealing with anal bleeding.. Mark Henry continuing to be booked strong.. CM Punk's "announcer jacket", which he apparently got from "a bum" earlier in the day.. "MY DIET SODA!".. CM Punk VS Alberto Del Rrrrrio.. Even though he lost the match, ADR finally got to look strong going into his match at Hell In A Cell

#FuckYouAllySheedy: Clusterfuck after clusterfuck.. The company not even trying to make it seem believable that The Miz & R-Truth have been fired.. David Otunga still not being able to do anything right.. Kelly Kelly still not being able to do one of the absolute first things you learn in wrestling school.. Not a lot of good in-ring action (it was to be expected, but it was extra disappointing tonight)

Grade: D+ for "disappointing.. plus"

Writer's Note:

Lords Of Podcast Roundtable

The HiPE Playlist: Raw.

I'm gonna get a penis butler! Butle my penis! Butle it!

-------------------------Day 635
Is this some sort of new thing they're allowing in hockey this year?

*By Request*

Hell In A Cell: October 2nd
Vengeance: October 23rd
Survivor Series: November 20th
Tables, Ladders & Chairs: December 18th
Royal Rumble: January 29th, 2012 (I've also seen the date as January 22nd, which is strange)
Elimination Chamber: February 19th, 2012
WrestleMania 28: April 1st, 2012

That, as you should have been able to figure out by now, is World Wrestling Entertainment's pay-per-view schedule between now and WrestleMania 28. After I wrote my column on Mark Henry the other day, I noticed that most of my feedback wasn't necessarily comments, ridicule or praise. My inbox was full of people asking questions about various things I said or mentioned. The main thing people seemed to ask was just how I think Mark Henry and Daniel Bryan can get to WrestleMania for a possible World Title match at the event, but more specifically, how Henry is going to get there. People kept pointing out that Smackdown was either low on overall talent, or just extremely shallow, so they want to know how I'd handle things.

Obviously, Hell In A Cell has already been taken care of, as far as opponents go. We know Henry will be defending the World Title against Randy Orton there. I've said the more likely long-term outcome for the Mark Henry/Daniel Bryan scenario is that Henry eventually loses the World Title but wins it back before Mania, and then goes into the event as champion. However, for this scenario, because we're going with what I'd do if I were in charge, let's say Henry goes on that reign that appears to be unstoppable and lasts all the way until April. Therefore, step one is clearly to have Henry defeat Orton at Hell In A Cell.

That takes us to Vengeance. I thought about it for a moment, and then I looked at the name of the event.. Vengeance. That actually brought a few options to mind, all with the theme of "vengeance". Mark Henry has put both Big Show and KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE on the shelf with injuries in recent months. They're guaranteed to get nice pops upon their return, and obviously, it would make sense for them to go after the man who injured them. If I recall correctly, WWE.com reported that KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE would be out of action for about three months. That report was towards the end of July. Let's see if my math is correct..

..one month.. August..

..two months.. September..

..*gasp*.. the end of October is when KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE is scheduled to return. It just makes sense to me. Big Show has been rumored to be making his return relatively soon, as well, but I feel Henry/KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE would be a better match than Henry/Show, and therefore, it's more "worthy" of a spot on pay-per-view, in my opinion. Again, Henry has to win, to keep his momentum going. I do have a third option, instead of KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE or Show, but I'll save that one for an upcoming event.

Hey, I can cheat a little now. The next event is Survivor Series, and that allows Mark to participate in a match where he doesn't have to put the World Title on the line. Honestly, with as many people that are connected to each other in feuds these days, I wouldn't be surprised if neither the WWE Title or the World Title is defended at Survivor Series. If you make the matches big enough, it won't hurt the event very much. We've already seen the news that John Cena will be teaming up with The Rock as part of a traditional Survivor Series-style elimination match, and you'd have to assume that if Cena isn't the WWE Champion at that point, that the champion will be involved in the match. If we do get Mark Henry in an elimination match at the event, I think this would be a very interesting time to hand him a defeat. The person I think should hand him this defeat is the third person I was thinking about including as an opponent for Mizark at Vengeance.. none other than Sheamus. It will show just enough vulnerability for Henry, and will give a nice boost to Sheamus. Of course, Sheamus being able to say that he pinned the World Champion leads us perfectly to..

Tables, Ladders & Chairs. Mark Henry defending the World Title against Sheamus. I'd guess, with Henry's penchant for using chairs on his victims, it would be some sort of Chairs Match that will make everyone say "What the hell is a Chairs Match?" even though they have one at this event every year. This event is a really good place to put a stamp on a feud, in a way, and this is a feud that needs one of those stamps. We've seen Mark Henry and Sheamus go to war with each other in recent months, and they each have a countout victory in the feud. Put them in a match, with Sheamus having some momentum behind him, and with a stipulation that allows for them to beat the hell out of each other, and you have a mighty fine way to end the year. Of course, Henry will get the win, but I'd have it be the closest anyone has come to taking the title from him, because Sheamus needs to be "protected" in a way, and kept to look strong moving forward into 2012.

Time for the Royal Rumble. As I've mentioned in my columns before, the Royal Rumble, in recent years, is a time that the company often likes to "experiment" a bit by having new people get shots at the World/WWE Title. The line of thinking is that the Rumble match itself is what's going to sell the event, so they're able to give "lesser" names a chance in the title matches. Dolph Ziggler competed for the World Title this year. Umaga and Mr Kennedy had shots at the WWE Title and World Title, respectively, in 2007. Mark Henry himself had a World Title shot in 2006. Hardcore Holly went after the WWE Title in 2004. Chris Benoit had a WWE Title shot in 2003. I actually like that idea. The Rumble match is the main sell for the event, so you can have "lesser" names get title shots at the event. Someone who has never had a shot at the WWE/World Title before, or someone that is mostly viewed as a midcard-type of worker. Looking at the Smackdown roster, there's only two names that could realistically fill that role in this scenario.. Sin Cara or Justin Gabriel. I've said, time and time again, that Sin Cara is eventually going to be pushed to the main event scene, whether his detractors like it or not. Justin Gabriel is someone that has really come a long way in recent months, to the point that many people can realistically see him main eventing in the next year or so, which is perfect for a "test run" at the Royal Rumble. Just to be different, I'll go with Gabriel here. He gets a shot at the World Title, and the company can gauge the crowd interest in him as a main event guy. If the crowd reaction is positive, you have yourself a new main event name. If the crowd reaction is negative or indifferent, you don't lose anything, and Gabriel goes right back to where he was before. Once again, though, Henry wins here, no matter what.

Ahh, good ol' Elimination Chamber. There's two options for this event. Henry could either put the World Title on the line against five other people inside of the Chamber, or he could put the title on the line in a regular match while six others compete in the Chamber for a World Title shot at WrestleMania. Actually, allow me to clarify.. in a normal situation, there would be two options. In this scenario, with Daniel Bryan having a Money In The Bank title shot to cash in, and with him saying he's going to cash it in for a legit World Title shot at WrestleMania, that pretty much means Henry will be defending the title in the Chamber. A Triple Threat wouldn't work anywhere near as well, if you ask me. So let's go with Mark Henry in the Chamber. If the crowd response for Justin Gabriel at the Royal Rumble was positive, I'd put him in this match, too. As you can see, I haven't given Christian a pay-per-view title shot at all during this stretch, which would make it six months since the last time he was in Smackdown's top match on a pay-per-view. That's a long time. We'll put him in the match, too. You'll also notice that Randy Orton hasn't been involved in this scenario since Hell In A Cell. He's too big a name to keep away from the scene for any longer, so let's put him in the match, too. At some point, Cody Rhodes is going to have to legitimately move up to becoming a main eventer, and in a match that features six people, that could be a good way to transition him, so let's include him in the match. For the final spot, to even out the face/heel ratio, let's go with a face. That face could be Sheamus. It could be Sin Cara. It could be Ted DiBiase (shut up). It could be KAAAAANNNNNEEEEE. It could be Big Show. Honestly, it doesn't really matter, especially considering that Mark Henry is going to win the match, no matter who the final competitor is. Just for my own personal shits and giggles, let's make Sin Cara the final person in the Chamber. So, to wrap that up, the match would be..

Mark Henry VS Justin Gabriel VS Christian VS Randy Orton VS Cody Rhodes VS Sin Cara

You know what would be a good way to give Mizark one final boost of momentum here? Not just having him win the match, but having him dominate. Have him pin multiple people. Hell, have him pin all five. The ideal situation for this particular scenario is to have Mark Henry looking as unstoppable as possible going into WrestleMania. Having him defeat five people in a single match would be a great way to do that, especially when there are people in the match he's already beaten in the past. He needs to be at legendary status when the company rolls into Miami in late-March for WrestleMania week. That brings us to the "David VS Goliath" scenario, which is one of the bigger money-making storyline types in the history of pro wrestling. In one corner, you have Mark Henry, who is a 400-pound monster that has beaten and destroyed everyone in his path. In the other corner, you have Daniel Bryan, who is literally half Henry's size, but doesn't back down from anyone or anything. If done right, it's fucking money. Trust me.

As for Bryan himself, you'll notice that I did keep him away from having any World Title shots between now and WrestleMania. It would take away from how special his WrestleMania title shot is if he's had shots before. I think that he'll remain in the same general spot that he's been in. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one to take the Intercontinental Title from Cody Rhodes at some point down the road. To add to the overall level of the WrestleMania match, you could even have Daniel Bryan as the Intercontinental Champion, who is also on a tremendous roll, giving us a big Champion VS Champion match. Bryan wins, becomes the World Champion, and the Intercontinental Title gets put up for grabs in a tournament after WrestleMania, preferably after the rosters are shuffled again in a WWE Draft that takes place earlier in the year than this year's edition did.

What does everyone think? Could it happen? If it did happen, how much would it interest you? Is there anything you'd change, in any of the months? Holla at ya boy and let me know what's on your mind.

Writer's Note:

Lords Of Podcast Roundtable

The HiPE Playlist: "Do What I Gotta Do" by Ralph Tresvant.. "Sensitivity" by Ralph Tresvant.. "My, My, My" by Johnny Gill.. "Rub You The Right Way" by Johnny Gill.. "Every Little Step I Take" by Bobby Brown.. "On Our Own" by Bobby Brown.. "Rock Witcha" by Bobby Brown.. "If It Isn't Love" by New Edition.. "Poison" by Bell Biv DeVoe.. "Iesha" by Another Bad Creation.. "Playground" by Another Bad Creation.. "Ready Or Not" by After 7.. "Til You Do Me Right" by After 7.. "Sara Smile" by After 7.. "Kissing You" by Keith Washington

This is my family. I found it.. all on my own. Is little.. and broken.. but still good. Yeah. Still good.

-------------------------Day 636
Mr Taylor, I will happily pay you the sum of five American dollars if you use this music on Slipknot's next album. I mean it. I'll mail it to you all in pennies, if you want. It's your money. Dew eet.

This is probably going to be a short column. It's just a mini-rant, of sorts. Just some things I've been wanting to say. Again, though, I'm freestyling everything, so what I think will be a 750-word column could very well end up being five times that when all is said and done.

You know what we don't need, but are going to get on a near-daily basis now?

Reports on what mood Vince McMahon is in at every WWE show he attends.

Does anyone care? No, really.. does anyone care? If you're a WWE mark, a TNA mark, an indy elitist, a Puro supporter, a Lucha lover.. anything.. do you really care about news like that? I mean, I get that the wrestling news/rumors "business" involved a lot of rumors and gossip, but damn, isn't that only a step or two away from articles discussing the fashion sense of various wrestlers and what they chose to wear to the arena on a certain night? Like every Hollywood event seems to have a red carpet pre-show, with shows like Entertainment Tonight there to document the fashion, we'll probably get a pre-show on the WWE Network with someone like Matt Striker hosting, along with random Divas of the past and present, where cameras show various Superstars and Divas arriving to the arena. I know I can't wait to hear Striker breaking down who made the button-up shirt that Kofi Kingston is or who designed the hand bag that Brie Bella is carrying. That sounds exciting, doesn't it?

I know a lot of you have these same complaints, but sometimes, I really wonder why people like Dave Meltzer bother to print shit like that. It doesn't even really matter if Vince throwing a temper tantrum last week is 100% true or 100% untrue. We aren't going to know, which means it's nothing but hearsay. It's playing on the rumors of Vince's personality, and what it does is causes idiots to form opinions that they feel are facts. That never works in a positive way. You never hear about how so-and-so is a nice guy. It's always how such-and-such is an asshole, so-and-so has anger problems, such-and-such is a politician, etc. That's what leads people to look like fools because they're unable to differentiate between a character being played on television and a real person.

I get that different people prefer different types of news stories. That's fine and dandy. However, it isn't just that near-daily report on Vince McMahon's mood that makes me scratch my head..

- The selling price of Hulk Hogan's mansion?
- Bull Nakano retiring after not doing anything for the last 15 years?
- Someone being lame enough to count every second of in-ring action on every episode of every show on television?
- What's trending on Twitter?
- Chyna training Joey Buttafuoco for a celebrity boxing match?

- None of us can even come close to affording Hogan's mansion, whether it's at $25 million, $13.9 million, $10.9 million or at the appraised market value of $5.4 million. That isn't wrestling news. It's news that involves someone who wrestles/wrestled. There's a huge difference.

- I'm going to guess that in the vicinity of 70-80% of you don't even know who Bull Nakano is, or anything Bull Nakano has done during Bull Nakano's career. You don't know if it's a man or a woman, what he or she looks like, where he or she has wrestled, etc. You'll read that Bull Nakano is retiring, shrug your shoulders and move on to reading something else.

- Stan.. if that's you're real name.. you need to give it a rest, man. You need to find yourself a life of some sort. When the guy who writes a wrestling column every single day for nearly two years is saying that, you know your situation is extra bad. Look, it's one thing when you keep track of match times because you're doing a review for a site. Then it would be great if people who missed the show could read your review and know how long it took for Justin Gabriel to defeat Heath Slater. If you're just sitting on your couch and keeping track of the match times for no reason.. well.. you might as well give up on any attempt to get married and have a family. If you already do have a family of your own, and are still doing that stuff, Child Protective Services are watching you, Stan. They are watching you like a hawk. A hawk with the ability to take your kids away.

- If you are concerned about what's trending on Twitter in any way, shape or form, chances are you are the owner of your very own Twitter account. If you're the owner of your very own Twitter account, chances are you already know what is or isn't trending. With that said, who the fuck are these news stories for? Is there any point to them at all?

- Remember earlier, when I said that there's a huge difference between wrestling news and news that involves someone who wrestles/wrestled? Yeah.. if any of you give a rat's ass that Joey Buttafuoco is training for a celebrity boxing match, and that Chyna is helping him do so, I'm requesting that you immediately mail my BFF bracelet back to me, as I want nothing to do with being friends with you anymore.

Honestly, I think this all comes down to integrity. That goes for pretty much every wrestling news site out there, no matter how big or small, no matter who is posting articles, etc. The math of things makes sense.. the more articles you post, the more potential there is for people to click the links, which means more potential for ad revenue and all of that gobbledygoo. That's fantastic. At the end of the day, though, when a lot of the things you post aren't really newsworthy in the slightest, what's the point?

Don't even get me started on the weird arguments that people make about "copy & paste sites". On one hand, you have the people who say those sites aren't credible at all because they aren't coming up with any news of their own, and are "stealing" it from other sites (whether credit is given or not). On the other hand, if a news report is copied from another site and contains anything incorrect or a spelling error, etc, who gets the blame? The original site that made the mistake? No. The "copy & paste site" that passed it on. How the hell is that fair? Either give the site credit for doing things on their own, or don't. Stop trying to have it both ways. It's like a bad game of Telephone, when you're at the very end, and the thing you heard is nowhere near what was originally said. You didn't do anything wrong, but who gets the blame? You do, because you're the one that is out there in the open as making the "mistake".

Fuck. I'm rambling. Quick, someone report on how my anger and frustration took over and that I made the lives of everyone around me a living hell.

Writer's Note: The Hell In A Cell predictions podcast is coming soon, so keep your peepers peepin (and your listeners listenin) for that. In the meantime, here's the link to find all the podcasts, just because..

Lords Of Podcast Roundtable

The HiPE Playlist: Nothing tonight.

YOU'RE MAKING ME UPSET IN WAYS I CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND, YOU CRAZY CHILDREN!!!

Source: lordsofpain.net